Feisty, Fabulous Forty somethings

[galwaygal]

This is a continuation of the "More ongoing and continuing conceptions and follicling ahead of Feisty, Fabulous Forty somethings"

I thought I would keep the title short as there are so many long ones out there.

I thought I would start the new thread so that you don't forget me

ps. fish pedicure???? Is that where the fish nibble at your toes??

Thanks Lia its just a horrible process.Soo many qustions or "what ifs" .What if Georgie had been born at term? what if i hadn t had the 2 sweeps? after mulling things over and trailing the good old "internet" heres how i see the situation: As Georgie was over date i had 2 sweeps , i think , the first sweep somehow created a tiny chink in the membranes [armour] somehow or other and i had e -coli in my vagina that then made it to the membranes.They diagnosed Georgie's death from chorioamnionitis , which is inflammation of the fetal membranes due to infection.

I then had my 2 nd sweep, heard Georgies HB and within 18 hours she had died.I think the sweeps excerbated the infection leading to Georgies demise.

IF ONLY she d come on time none of this would have happened.I don t blame the MW [and i certainely wouldn t be able to prove it anyhow] but , not that i ll need it next time, would never have a sweep.

But what do you do for the best? As i was all ready late.

So very sad should have been so different.Again so UNFAIR.

Christmas doesn t exsist this year.We re not putting the decorations up and not buying gifts .Just all seems so pointless , heads down and get it over and done with asap.Looking foreward to the new year when its all over and done with.Lots of concidences that came toghther with the worst possible outcome and of course has to be us.Fed up of it always being us.

It sounds like you're getting your head around what happened - which of course is part of the healing process and I'm sure that you would rather know what happened.

God, so many women have sweeps and I am joining you in banging my fists on the desk asking "why louise?" as yous say, it's so bloody unfair.

What are the plans for her little bro or sis. Induction at 38 weeks???

I have no clue how awful you're feeling but can only say that i sincerely hope you and your lovely hubbie are rewarded next year. XXX

Thanks Hippy oh yes much banging of my hands , even some stamping of my feet!!!!

With Georgie's brother or sister plan of care is; contact epu asap

scan at 7 weeks
pregnanyl injections twice weekly [as with Georgie]
scans every 2 weeks
hvs [high vaginal swabs] weekly
growth scans from 28 weeks every 2 weeks
section from 37/38 weeks.

I will also be asking for group b strep testing at 35 weeks ,as recommended.I can also get hvs's weekly at work.Oh , and aspirin 75mg daily , again, as i did with Georgie.

Sometimes i feel ok , sometimes its unbearable.All i can hope is that i get pregnant as soon as possible and this time next year we will be celebrating xmas with Georgie's brother or sister here and Georgie in our life.

Thanks Hippy oh yes much banging of my hands , even some stamping of my feet!!!!

With Georgie's brother or sister plan of care is; contact epu asap

scan at 7 weeks
pregnanyl injections twice weekly [as with Georgie]
scans every 2 weeks
hvs [high vaginal swabs] weekly
growth scans from 28 weeks every 2 weeks
section from 37/38 weeks.

I will also be asking for group b strep testing at 35 weeks ,as recommended.I can also get hvs's weekly at work.Oh , and aspirin 75mg daily , again, as i did with Georgie.

Sometimes i feel ok , sometimes its unbearable.All i can hope is that i get pregnant as soon as possible and this time next year we will be celebrating xmas with Georgie's brother or sister here and Georgie in our life.

Louise I just had to pop in to offer more virtual hugs. You are being so incredibly positive and (even if maybe you don't feel it) very strong through this. I've always found this such a lovely thread and I do hope the support and hand holding is helping you, we'll all be so incredibly happy for you when you get that bfp for Georgie's little sibling.

It is all so unbelievably unfair after all you'd gone through to get this far. I'm wishing for some really good luck to be coming your way now.

Thanks very much alba I totally agree with you we need good luck NOW in the form of Georgie's brother or sister.

Hope you re well and your pregnancy is not too stressful . This thread is lovely .I did start posting on another thread after Georgie but not many people "spoke" to me !!! So i took my bat and ball home!!!!

Hello everyone.

Louise, I know that your pain won't go away just because you now know what happened, but I do hope it helps you to understand, and it sounds like you have a great plan of action for when you fall pregnant - and I'm sure it is just a matter of time. Sending hugs from way down under.

My friend whose little girl was born sleeping was also overdue, so with her next baby she was induced on her due date and her lovely little girl was born a year after Genevieve, almost to the day, with no problems at all.

hippy, what's your usual luteal phase?I hope the symptoms mean something.

Hubby told our 17 year old that we are having another baby. I didn't want to yet, but after I had a bit of a melt-down last night he thought it better if our oldest knew why. I'll have to tell the others soon, but will wait til I've had the scan.

I hope everyone's doing okay, it's been a bit quiet in here.

Thanks Gum . I hear a lot of stories where post stillbirth siblings seem to be born around the year annivarsary.Odd. Reading this helps me keep my pecker up.Hope x million is all we ve got now.Just keep repeating to myself "this time next year we ll have our baby and i m going to celebrate xmas in a massive way then." We re definately swi this month.Hope you re keepimg well /? when is your scan?

Hippy FX for you.Crossed post yesterday fish pedicure is where you stick your feet in a glass tank and yes the fish "nibble" at the dead skin.Was really nice , a bit ticklish at times but my feet felt/feel lovely now.

Hi to everyone hope you re all well?

louise Not sure i would like the fish nibbling at me - I think it's something you need to try before you can comment though. Glad you liked it. Blimey, i have sooo much hard skin on my heels they'd be bloody full up - yuck

gum what does your 17 year old think of the fact that mum and dad still have sex????

Day 24 here. I hate getting to this stage - so close yet so far. One touch of pink on the tissue this morning so am assuming all is over and auntie flo is on her way. If she comes soon i'll be ovulating over xmas - SWI whilst staying with family .

Still i know you'll all say it aint over till she gets here etc. So i'll just keep quiet for now.

remember i told you about the girl on the charting thread whose baby died in the womb due to tomoplasma (you know what i mean but i can't spell it). Well she's preggers again. She wasn't meant to get pregnant immediately and she wasn't trying but she is now preggers again. I'm keeping fingers crossed that the toxo-whatsit has left her body.

tank thinking of you, 12 week scan soon my dear. This must be such a hard time for you.

diege hello matey, hurry up and break up for xmas so we can chat more.

jolly I think we have now 'known' each other for a whole year. i was defo on this thread last december - where you??

love to all. XXX

louise love hearing your optimism
moaning here so wont linger - moan moan weep. Miserable.

Normally happy me, honest !

Louise Glad you are feeling better. I know it does not take away the pain but maybe it makes it easier to live with, thinking of you.

Incgnitoorwhateveryouarecalled thinking of you.

Gum all the bes.

Hippy Hope the wait is OK

Dige, Alba, Jolly, Spotty, Muchlove, Frustrated and all - love and hugs

Had my scan, not pregnant, no tiny embie there! Knew it really but got it confirmed.

Oh and I have a 4 centimeter fibroid but no biggie!

Not sure how I feel, just waiting.

Love to all

(Feeling Christmassy but masses still to do!)

[fbear]

Italian a big squeeze for you. Hope you're doing ok. I have a fibroid too, they are VERY on trend this year .

hippy happy one year anniversary darling .

louise glad you got your feet nibbled. My best mate runs day spas and has installed these at a few; they are proving very popular. Not sure how I feel about it, being a Pisces and all .

Am slowly getting things sorted for Christmas. Having spent so many years running around around like a lunatic (was in retail mostly at the operations end) at this time of year, it does still feel strange to be so much more leisurely!

My NHS tests came back all "normal" (got a voicemail, mentioning a follow up appointment at the clinic for the New Year), and I go back to the private clinic on Friday to get those results. Am on CD17 today, and have been talking loads of cough medicine as we are all so blocked up, and have got lots of confusing EWCM!!! Stopped SWI a few days ago, though knowing my luck being ill delayed ovulation and I've missed it again. Either way will know next week, so will either be celebrating with a BFP or grumpy that 2010 has truly been a shite SHITE year.

Hope everyone doing ok and just mad busy festively.

Love to you all; bumped, bumped-to-be, and cheerleading xx

Hi all.

Thanks Jolls and Italian you ok with your scan results?.

Hope everyone else is ok.

Come om for a moan...my Dh has just rung me up and asked do i want to go to his xmas "do" tonight???
He started a new job on monday 25 miles wawy from home so is currently getting in at night 1 hr later than used to and leaving in the morning an hour earlier.Wouldn t normally bother me , obviously , i m normally at work.But was very down yesterday and very bored,I feel out of synch as i m lonely and bored at home but not ready to go back to work.

Don t know what to do with myself each day seems a million hours long.I see friends when they can [they are at work] and my family live away [they are at work too],am a member at the gym but can t get there without the car.So , he asks about xmas "do" no way am i going to have to socialise with people i don t know ,as i explained to dh, i didn t even go to my works xmas "do" then he proceeds to nag me as to why i don t want to go!!! I explained as our daughter died only 9 weeks ago i m not in the mood for this .

How can men be so insensitive? We had a big row last night where he said to me "you re stuck in a rut!!!" 9 sodding weeks later.

He later apologised to me and said he feels lost and powerless how to help me,As i explained to him i don t know what else to do i m having counselling, attending support groups etc....

Its ok for him hes got this new job whereas my life is a mere exsistence at the moment its shit.I ve no structure,no enjoyment,nothing.I just lurch from day to day depressed with all my thoughts taken up with Georgie and ttc.

I hate this.Got counselling today though she never helps much.And my bloody cats are doing my head in , though they ve got a litter tray 1 of them has taken to crapping on the kitichen floor.

Everyone seems to be so busy and i ve nothing to do.Feel like my life is over i HATE this..times like this make me wish i could join Georgie.I wouldn t , as i wouldn t do that to my mum and dad.

Hey LOU

I just wrote a massive reply to you then proceeded to lose it somewhere in cyberspace.... Firstly sorry you are feeling crap and sorry you two had a spat. But you see the thing with men is they are the 'fixers' and try to fix it for us, while us gals tend to dwell on things a lot deeper and longer. They don't tend to carry the sadness around for as long as us which can give us the impression that they don't care as much as we do. Well they most definately do care just that they go through different thought processes to us. I totally understand that you don't want to go to the works 'do' bloody hell i couldn't think of anything worse. But no matter how emotional men can be (trust me my old man cries at adverts) they just can't feel things on the same level as us especially when it is to do with all things 'maternal'........
We understand what your going through here and we can offer you a shoulder, you are not alone honey though I know it feels like you are carrying the heavier weight of loss/sadness. You have been through a lot this week what with the results of the tests and so you need to wrap yourself up in comfort for now and be kind to you.
We can have a midweek get together in the snug when he's at the 'do' what can I bring you to make you feel a little better ???

x

louise I hate to hear you so down, my love. But I also totally understand it.

I'm sure your hubbie didn't mean to be in-sensitive and as much as he is hurting right now I think it's still worse for you. You carried that little girl and only by a very crual twist of fate have you ended up in this nightmare situatiuon.

There are other babies out there waiting for you to conceive them, nurture them and watch them safely arrive in the world. please don't give up. 9 weeks is nothing in the grieving process - your mood can change daily, hourly in fact.

It is, of course, a totally daft question - "why don't you want to go to a do with a bunch of drunk strangers just after losing your baby?" - but men can be very stupid!

I know that as much as you miss her, you don't want to join Georgie yet. Just keep going - one day at a time.

italian glad to hear nothing seriously wrong with scan. I too would have been hoping for a miracle little embryo. Ahh well there might be 2 more in there next year. Just keep ticking off the weeks.

frustratedhippy you can linger and moan as much as you like - we all do it, sweetie.

jolls happy anniversary my love.

bench people - sit tight .

I just wanted to say that many of us had such plans for babies in 2010. There have been so many MC's and italian' & rowing's failed IVF.

I'm not including tank and louise in this because your losses were so much more.

But for those of us who started the year thinking this was our year for a baby - I'm truelly sad. i wish i had a 4 month old here with me or was 30 weeks pregnant (as i should have been if I hadn't had either of my 2 MC's).

I wish Jolls hadn't had to go through all that shite 3 bloody times and there are so many other MC's - too many to list.

To all those who had disappoitnments and losses this year I really hope that 2011 treats us better - Big hugs from Hippy to you all.
XXX

ps. still no AF. I'm trying to be realistic that the pink spot i had was bad news but i did get a pink spot with DS1 a few days before AF was due and that particular 'embryo' is now a huge 10 year old boy. Will just wait a bit more .

Hi all

Sorry I've not been on much it's just all been massively busy my end lately. Sorry your scan revealed no beany and a flippin fibroid ITALIAN..... I to am in the 'fibroid club' and wish I knew of a way to get rid of them .... they are quite common tho and are I think the result of maybe higher estrogen levels ????? I know in our 40's the first hormone to waiver is the progesterone and so the estrogen works harder to compensate (please somebody correct me if Im wrong) .... that's why I started taking the Vitex as I read it balances out the hormones and is suppose to boost the progesterone part of the cycle but who knows if it will work. I often think to myself is that why my little ones can't burrow in my lining and stay because of the fibroids (of which I have 2 one 2cm and one 3cm) or is it coz my eggs are crap ????? We just will never ever know..... I'm sorry I haven't posted any links regarding the 43+ ladies who are PG on the other forum but to be honest I havent a bloody clue how to do it !!! I am compoota illiterate ...I can just about write a message on here ....

Hope everyone else is okay and wonder am I the only one xmasstressing..... bloody hell its a good way to keep slim I spose as I have no time to eat nosh i.e xmas chocs....

How's it going HIPPY are the boobs still hurting ??? Whilst on the Vitex because it is suppose to boost the progesterone part of the cycle in the 2WW my symptoms are double than usual which caught me out last month but this month I am fully prepared for them (no them symptoms are not gonna fool me this time!!!!)

Love to all xx

muchlove crossed posts. You wrote lovely words for louise. XXX

Muchlove thank you very much you responded in a lovely way.Your words are so kind,Thanks again XXXX

Hippy as always you are very kind and caring.I, too wish you had your baby as you should have had...Its funny how life pans out isn t it? My first MC was Oct 08 with a due date of May 09, thus i would never have nad Georgie and my LO would have been 19 months now.Just can t imagine it.Again my favourite mantra : Its not fair!!!!

Just returned from counselling feel a bit better,long chat about men and how they deal with grief she advised i speak to DH to advise him i m [hopefully at the moment only] a different person.As i m normally a strong,independent person whereas at the moment i m very fragile and needy.To inform him that at the moment i m *broken [good analogy] and i need help to put myself back together.

My counsellor made me realise my "life" needs to be an exsistance only at the moment as part of the griefing process and that i need to accept that i need to go through all this shite to achieve my goal of having a baby.

So , back to holding on to the vision that next xmas will be totally different for all of us and my family are going to have the biggest xmas celebration ever with Georgies brother or sister and Georgie in spirit.

XXXXX

I meant for next xmas to be totally different for us lot xxx

I agree with all the things your councellor said. You are broken, my love but time and happiness will fix you eventually.

After my MMC in feb I lost a lot of confidence and felt like a different person for a while. even my sister said I wasn't my usual stronger self. So goodness only knows how much of a dent your experience must have made on you.

We love ya chicken - broken an'all. XXX

[fbear] louise thinking of you. Totally understand that you need to experience this pain to work through it. If at times it does seem hard to have no structure etc why not try doing something voluntary during this season like working in a charity shop or writing about or painting or drawing your feelings. Some people may find it helps.

So who is still on this bench then?

I wish I could join you. Can't decide if the illusion/desire for a baby is still firmly in my grasp or slipping!!

I lost a pound at Rosemary Conley this week. A measly pound but I was just happy to have lost it.
Thinking of you all, especially you hippy and your boobs - ou er missus that came out wrong!

Chins up ladies, and hope whatever you are doing is peaceful and helpful this Christmas time.

Arh bless you Hippy i love u even more!!!!!

Muvhlove thanks for the offer of mid week snug....Tee hee aren t we naughty? On a school night too!!!! But i ll leave it till Friday if you don t mind.

Dh is here and some serious swi to be cracking on with.!!!! Had a long chat with Dh to advise him of change of roles at the moment think he understands.

Have a good night y'all!!! XX

Goodnight to you all, but good morning to me!

Louise, glad that DH is able to understand your need to change roles. You just have to do whatever you need to to get through.

Italian, I'm still here on the bench. Only one more sleep til my scan. And now I'm starting to feel freaked - what if there's no heartbeat? What if they don't see anything? So the scan that is supposed to put my mind at rest has me stressing and scared. I think, no matter what, I will spend the entire pregnancy worrying. I lay awake last night worrying about testing, and whether I should have amnio, but my gut feeling is not, but then I don't think our family would cope with a SN child. As much as I want a baby at the age of 44, I'm now worried about what might happen...Of course my logical mind tells me there are no guarantees at any age, and that I have to take one day at a time and not get ahead of myself!

Hippy, your spotting sounds a wee bit like implantation spotting!! How many DPO now? How much longer will you keep me in suspense???

Take Care everyone[fbear]

hippy - sobbing my eyes out at your earlier post. So sad and true. What a year? Ughhh. Feel a bit bleak and v v old and hopeless. Feel the dream slipping but must feel brighter.

Louise it must me so hard i cannot begin to compare my losses with yours - I personally- think you are amazing. Getting up and living life is so hard sometimes and you are doing that and more. The cats must be p-ing you off. Try moving their tray towards the door - then on the back step. Then change litter for mud. Do you have a cat flap?

Cat poo/wee is quite depressing in itself!