Howdy pardners, grab your corset and mosey on down to the BESHt Little Whorehouse for all Wannabe Differs (30's)

[LadyGoneGaga]

Why howdy pardners, tighten your corsets, put a feather in your hair, pull on your boots and garter (*nipple tassles optional but welcome) and mosey on down to the BESHt little whorehouse in all of Diffas. Where the finest 30?s TTCers will fulfil your every need. There?s firewater -?Hendricks-- on tap and we?ll WOOFL you until you can?t WOOFL no more. Yeehaaw.

Menu
Straight up ? the best rootin?, tootin? baby making sechs in 7 counties
Cougar style ? like Doggy but with claws, acceptable for updiffage
Rodeo ? to be followed by a quick dismount to avoid leakage
Sherrif style ? with spurs on
Backdoor ? Recreational but not recommended

Specials
Dildocam ? Half price this month only
Needlework/Foot massage ? for those who like it a little bit woo
Zinc shooters ? to keep the posse on the straight and narrow
Positive thinking ? by the glass
Eggwhite omelettes ? to keep your energy levels up
Gentlemen are kindly reminded to leave all prophylactics by the door and to kindly leave the cowboy juice in the receptacles provided as directed.

Thank you. I understand that the questionnaire is required at this point? Have dug it out (you have lots of threads...) and is as follows:

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

Yes - but only very cold (mother likes it warm with flat tonic )

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

Gold digger ? am a whole 3 months younger!

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use: a) weewee b) poopoo c) foofoo d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

c) worked before but proving reluctant this time

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

boke to babydust ? a) all the way

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

(b) evil ? but current TV ads seem to appeal to mrblue

6. what colour are your walls?

Is a while since painted and am still dreaming of wallpaper

7. Number of pets?

1 killing machine lovely cat plus hens

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

Lucas North Richard Armitage, although not sure if that qualifies as weird?

9. Lesbian crush?

Kylie. Sorry.

10. What are your views on camping?

Love it provided there is a shower

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on? i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it. ii) Over 100 quid iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

Tried for i) (fail) now rapidly heading for ii)

Hello Bluey. I'm afraid I have no idea who Richard Armitage is? Not that fellow who played Victor "I don't belive it" Meldrew? Sicko.

Bitey your link of filth was blocked by my work Firewall. What kind of porn are you peddling, Madame? I'll have you know I'm very deluded respectable.

Sorry ladygonebusted it seemed harmless but turned out to be reportage on torture in Guantanamo bay. Am deeply embarassed and will NEVER put "man in bra" into google images again .

Really bluey? Mr I don't believe it? Was going to google but now know that google is evil and gets people into trouble.

Not Richard Wilson (<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00025/victor_25669t.jpg&imgrefurl=www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/lifestyle/itrsquos-time-to-bury-the-victor-meldrew-joke-13918290.html&h=352&w=294&sz=26&tbnid=wS6yr9ZGKUiNjM:&tbnh=120&tbnw=100&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dvictor%2Bmeldrew&zoom=1&q=victor+meldrew&hl=en&usg=__H6RWDYFhtZWC9W5x9ykxnMLF_Uk=&sa=X&ei=TsjaTOT-HMy0hAffjsXcAg&ved=0CB4Q9QEwAQ" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">that would be weird). The bloke from Spooks. Think he was in Robin Hood (TV not film) as well but thats not really my thing.

Man in bra on google definitely evil

Moooooooob!

Splendid questionnaire although I have concerns about your love of c**ping. :)

Cannot believe you typed 'man in bra' into google. WTF were you thinking? The police will be at your door shortly.

Am aware that there are only a limited number of messages left on the fred and trying hard to think up a new one but failing.

Hey up BESHers. I am in an exceptionally good mood. Been and had hair done and then decided I would just go home. Ha ha ha. Did not return to work. Will face up to consequences tomorrow. Also Mr Sol & me managed the sechs earlier at an appropriate time. I am determined for les menkul this month....

Hello Blue

Gaga to BOBFOC. Love it.

Owl my nephew typed a bad word into Google when I was babysitting. a few mintues later he started crying. When questioned he actually believed the police were going to turn up and take him away.....

*minutes even....

Owlie BESH cruise up De Nile, yes? You wanna do it - your idea and a good un at that. We can re press gang Cap'n Jack to man the rudder or something.

Bluey, I'm afraid a crush on Lucas is far too normal. In fact the ones who don't fancy him as weird. Try again. How many sprogs do you have?

Right, I'm gonna do it. Give me two minutes.

OK - its weird and wouldn't normally admit but David Mitchell. And very weirdly, Spike from Notting Hill. Always makes me laugh (although the thought of anything other than that is not very appealing)

Wait, wait. Stop! We need a BFP. Someone, anyone. Pee on a stick. Come on quickly.

Gin, Gin, Gin, Giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!! Where are you?

I think Spike is legitimate but David Mitchell has freakish black eyes and may be evil.

Er...yes.

Egypt thread is now up and running for your viewing pleasure, ladies and lurkers :)

Yeeeeeehaw!

Had to get one final one in this thread. Am on phone so will catch up proper in a bit. That's if I manage to stay awake past 7pm as last night very much didn't. What is wrong with me (apart from caffeine, sugar, dairy and wheat free diet). Think I just answered my own question.

David Mitchell has been chief bar man at the Palais bar about as far back as I have lurked remembered,so be careful you don't get foremothers coming down heavy on that shit shoelow (am so cool now I watch the Wire and know to just call everything shit, it's like I'm 16 again..) (favourite line last night "What the fuck is fucking with that shit" Espresses how many of us feel.)

Hello Blue, will play get to know newbie on next thread, welcome

David has lovely eyes but yes can see the evil potential especially where he is trying to look cool (why??).

Aries have 2 sprogs but would be nice to have a third

Perhaps since I've spent lasrge amount of this thread sitting up late talking about shit important stuff, I should close it in similar way. now need Principessa to come along and be pished merry on absinthe to finish...

boo?

Man in bra but sniggering at faux pas with article bi-tee

Hello blue (one of my fave songs BTW)