Howdy pardners, grab your corset and mosey on down to the BESHt Little Whorehouse for all Wannabe Differs (30's)

[LadyGoneGaga]

Why howdy pardners, tighten your corsets, put a feather in your hair, pull on your boots and garter (*nipple tassles optional but welcome) and mosey on down to the BESHt little whorehouse in all of Diffas. Where the finest 30?s TTCers will fulfil your every need. There?s firewater -?Hendricks-- on tap and we?ll WOOFL you until you can?t WOOFL no more. Yeehaaw.

Menu
Straight up ? the best rootin?, tootin? baby making sechs in 7 counties
Cougar style ? like Doggy but with claws, acceptable for updiffage
Rodeo ? to be followed by a quick dismount to avoid leakage
Sherrif style ? with spurs on
Backdoor ? Recreational but not recommended

Specials
Dildocam ? Half price this month only
Needlework/Foot massage ? for those who like it a little bit woo
Zinc shooters ? to keep the posse on the straight and narrow
Positive thinking ? by the glass
Eggwhite omelettes ? to keep your energy levels up
Gentlemen are kindly reminded to leave all prophylactics by the door and to kindly leave the cowboy juice in the receptacles provided as directed.

right, after being worn down by all this Lucas talk, we have (after being die hard Original spooks fans, and vowing not to watch after Tom left) dipped into it- and what the fuck has happened to Harry's hair? Is he like Benjamin Button and getting younger by series? (also what's that young bit of meat from? some soap?) (sorry, is that offensive to totty, to refer to them as meat?)

I'll test those cakes pliz tarty. And I'll eat your cheese (but not the spray type ). In fact, I think I pretty much ONLY eat dairy and bread and it's a miracle I'm not the size of my house.

I know it was aaaggges ago, but I just remembered that someone asked about Pre-seed sometime in the not so distant past - I used that the cycle I got pregnant It seems to be just the thing for a dried up old hag. I don't temp because I know when I ovulate as I get pains I'm really in tune with my body.

Boots for £1.50??!!

I can't talk about Spooks now. I am in mourning. What with that and Downton Abbey finishing I've got nothing left to watch. :(

Sorry for the early droid LyraLou - same here this month. I will, as usual, blame it on the moon. And commiserations to BB as well. Fuckity Fuck.

Cincocake I love the Brownie BESH law. What could the motto be? Lend a stick?

I never temped, nor charted - unless you can count writing "fucking droid" on a calendar once a month.

Should be a bunch of us menkulling around the same time this month, I too am just CD5 - so am getting ready to seduce his lordship and convince him that the sechs is good. Shouldn't be too hard at this point in the proceedings - 6 months down the TTC line and he'll be less enthusiastic.

lyra Your droid makes no sense whatsoever.

starnose That's bloody horrible. :( We lost "everything" in a house flood when I was 10. I lost my beloved piano. A walkman, albeit a Sony, doesn't quite cut it.

Stop talking about cheese. Because with the cheese comes salty butter 2mm thick because that's the law.

Morning all. All this talk about boots is making me v. jealous. I had not bought a signle item of clothing or footwear probably since the start of the year, that is until this weekend. I have given up yoga and acupuncture as was costing me a small fortune and have invested that money in some new clothes - hoorah!

Cincs lovely to see you . Good to see you have started charting, it's another thing to obsess over, but also quite productive! I'm not sure I would have any clue about my stupidly irregular cycle had I not lived with a thermometer beside my bed every night.

Gin 4 days late!!!!!!!! Come on, you know what you need to do now.

Lyra sorry to hear about fuckwittery droid. Nice to know there is a Mancunian in the house though (I hail from round those parts orginally, before finally settling in the land of the maids).

Morning BESHlets :)

Starrystarrymole I photo my shoes because I photo bloody everything because I am a photographer. So they are on Flickr along with all manner of other random objects :)

Orcs I am semi-Manc having lived there for 12 years before seeing sense and moving back to where they occasionally see the sun.

Alps YES to the butter + cheese it is GOOD and RIGHT. Even better on a homemade still warm cheese scone.

Mr Shoes has now checked 3 times when we should be doing the sechs this month and lo, tis the first potentially good day and he has done the honours this morning. I am therefore not remotely menkulling/scheming/etc and shall go for a massage at lunchtime just to add to my calmness.

cinco will you make bakewell tarts pliz? I could eat those til they came out of my ears. Although this admittedly goes for all forms of cakery as I am a shameless greedy bugger.

Blimey, quiet in here today.

Pull fingers out, ladiezzzz. You realise we are due a BFP - we only have 83 messages left on fred and still no BFP. Looking at YOU, Gin.

Who's doing the next fred, hmm? Any ideas?

Oh lord, next fred. I haz no ideas whatsoever. And yes we do need a bfp, most definitely.

P'raps we need to go on holiday again - the sun, sex, sangria option was good for me last time. Bit early for skiing chalets...

I quite fancy a winter sun break but am having to make do with a long weekend in Ireland for a 90th birthday instead! Still, provided I am still menkulling being very calm and have no BFP at that stage, I will be enjoying lots of drinking and general merriment so I am looking forward to it.

I was asked to a bridesmaid yesterday for a friend's wedding next October. I thought I might start and AIBU fred called 'AIBU to think that my friend should put off her wedding date just in case I might get a BFP in the next hundred years so I have time to look good in a bridesmaid dress for all the photos of ME'

Whaddaya reck BESHes?

YANBU, truffs

Well only a little bit maybe. Think of it like this; if you do get an inconveniently timed bfp the bride will be super-happy as you will make her look like a tiny little stick.

We definitely should do the skiing perhaps the fred after the next one.

There is always empire line, Truff. Channel your inner Elizabeth Bennett. If you are updiffed you will be glowing and have a magnificent bosom for all to see. If post-diff you won't care as you will be ecstatic about the prospect of spending an evening getting pissed and you will have baby sick/carrot puree/poo smeared on your nice dress anyway.

Nope truffette YANBU at all!

ginfox is your husband home yet? Have you got a stick ready for when he arrives? No pressure

cinco if you come over here and rest your head on my knee I will squeeze your chin spots for you

Mad colleague today commented that I had left a meeting suddenly (um no, it had finished and I had another one) and assumed it was because I was going to be sick while giving me a knowing glance. This is really getting on my pre-menstrual and therefore torpedo like tits now! How many times can I tell the stupid bitch that I am not pregnant! Tring to ignore her but then when go back to my own room want to cry because she is in fact forcing me to remind myself constantly that I am not pregnant. And I want to be. And as soon as sperm finally meets egg that utter twat will probably know before me!

Bitey could you possibly set up a blue flashing light on top of your 'puter for when the moment comes so that she can be the first to officially know? Better still, can you get hold of an air horn? I think she might appreciate that.

That or build her a scale model of the eiffel tower out of peesticks that clearly only have one line on them.

She needs a big kick in the arse, grrr.

Ew, carrot puree poo and sick. G you forgot slug-trails of snot.

Someone remind me why we're all doing this again?

Or owly do you think I should put up a camp bed in my bedroom so she can be there at the moment of conception?

I am off to the gym to kick ten shades of shit out of a punchbag, cheerio!

Thanks BESHes, I knew I could count on you for reassurance. What if she wants me to carry something at any point during the prep?? Oh it's just a minefield.

Where'sWoly your colleagues is a right pain in the proverbial. Are you brave enough to take her to one side and firmly tell her that you are not diffed, that the path to diffage is not smooth for all and that what seems to her to be lighthearted diffedness-related banter is in fact sharpened icicle blades through your undiffed womble? (and pliz to use those actual words, she'll soon give you a wide berth if she thinks you're a loon)

Nipple twists to cheer you up

I love the word womble.

Perhaps stirring her tea with a peestick is a step too far? No? Thought not. I think I'd just spit in it.

Only two people where I work know about my repeated DiffmentFail. One had 2 x mc herself and the other never had kids. So at least I don't generally have to put up with that sort of shite, for which I am grateful.

seriously don't worry about it, Truff. My BM was so worried about telling me about her pregnancy, she was 5 months on our wedding day, and it didn't fuss me or the dress shop at all. Apparently she'd "got her maths a bit wrong"!

gosh if only it was as easy as forgetting a few sums! If i unlearn my times table will I get a win too?
Came on to see if we had any news from ginfox Come on! I need some lovely exciting news to perk up a dull day and have an optimistic feeling for you :)

My apologies, I didn't think that comment through. She's annoyingly fertile.

No need for you to apologise medee! Not your fault that some people can get pregnant as a result of poor mental arithmetic. I now regret that A Level back in 1995. Clearly the root of all ills. Likely she reckoned it would take a while and got instadiffed instead.

And where is gin I have waited an hour and come back and I am getting very impatient!

bitey perhaps you can arrange for whatever charting website you use to send her updates about your pant snot and so on. All that TMI might lessen her interest in your reproductive organs.

Am a butter lover too Alpine. Is partly the reason I can't bring myself to go back to slimming world.

Where is gin hiding?

Hee hee Truffs, YANBU. I did my first and last AIBU thread on Sunday. I don't think I thought it through properly, I was just having some random thoughts, and some people accused me of smuggery. I think I got off lightly. It's a scary place. Never again

Bitey I think it is time for an injunction on your wierdo stalker workmates.

Or get her to check your cervix?

I have teh Rage- it's just hit me. Not looking good for my woofling, or for anyone who gets in my way this evening: I am fuming.For absolutely no reason.
Do you want to set me on her biteme? I could do some serious damge right now