Aaaah Autumn...BESH style. Join the MAD and may your loins be fruitful.

[Ariesgirl]

Aaaah Autumn...

Season of jizz and menkul WOOFLing,
Close bosom-friend of the maturing ovaries;
Conspiring with him how to SWI and bless
With baybees the hags that round the thatch eves drink gin run.

Join with us in making this MAD season very fruitful indeed.

not the piss one, obviously

Heads, I would recommend these websites to you, which helped me work out how I feel about my size. I am by no means accepting of my fatness, but I no longer think it makes me a failure. Because it doesn't. And it doesn't make you a failure either. You may think other people think it does, and some maybe do, but anyone who matters is not going to think that.

Fat Nutritionist

Shapely Prose - closed but worth a look at the archive

The BMI Project - just brilliant

Also; my best mate is a size 18 and always looks fabulous. Most of her clothes come off eBay and she consistently manages to make me look like I am a hobo. I think she often goes for eBayed Boden stuff?

AND if anything I have felt jealous of you and CERTAINLY not those other things you wrote so... nnnyyyaaah. Or something.

Thank you all, and Gin no, I don't think you've ever said anything like that, and it is quite possible that no-one did, and I am just being insane. Thank you for being so very nice, esp. as I idolise you from a distance .

Muse I will look at all those sites: I have heard of Shapely Prose & have wondered if it's worth a read.

I am very, very sorry for having such a self-centred meltdown, esp. as it's nothing to do with TTC. I think I am muddling up all sorts of sadness and tiredness and insecurity and worry and it's all coming out in one scream instead of lots of little yelps, if you see what I mean.

Definitely worth a read Head. I don't agree with absolutely everything they say, but I do agree with a fair amount. Made me decide I was going to care less about my weight and size, and more about my general health. I am not going to flog myself trying to become a size 12 or less. I am going to try to eat a healthy diet, keep a healthy lifestyle, and be whatever size that makes me. I'd rather be a size 16, run regularly, eat healthily, have the odd bar of chocolate and bottle of wine, then be a size 10 and deny myself everything.

And if anyone else doesn't like it, they can sod off.

Both of those are on my blogroll, Muse. I miss Shapely Prose.

Also, The Great Fitness Experiment Blogger has been struggling with disordered eating for years and is now trying for mindful eating. I would like to learn how to do that.

Muse, I think you are the sanest person I have ever met. When feeling rational and not completely shredded by the prospect of my writing failing (that's a meltdown for another day!), that's how I feel. When I re-joined the gym it was because I wanted to feel strong and springy again, and not like I was slowly disintegrating into a pile of cottage cheese deposited, unmoving, upon my study chair .

Owly's quite brilliant point about internal fatness has also cheered me. So has MrBitey. So have you all; but I shan't keep on, because I have done enough thread hijacking as it is

HB I understand. I am the same with fertility, I think about it all the time and as I have been fairly open about what's going on with us can't help thinking I'm being judged, or pitied or something by other people.

The way I see BESH freds is that they are there to talk about: feelings/work/clothes/TTC/violence/lesbianism/fertility treatments/relationships/TV/food/appearance/sex/jokes/dressing up animals/ babies/illness/gossip/poetry/Cap'n Jack molesting/holidays and everything else under the sun.

If you are feeling bad about something I think this is an entirely appropriate place to do it. The fred will naturally gravitate back to TTC, but we all have drama going on our lives so why not share it with the intelligent and funny BESH'es if you want to.

Oh Head am unhappy that you feel the way you have described and would like to offer you this unBESHly snuggle to cheer you up.

Like so many of the other BEShes I have had many ups and downs with my weight and body image. I've been everything from a size 10 to an 18 and as I have inhumanly large boobies, when a size 10 I looked remarkably Jordan-esque, which was sooo not a good look. Like others have already said, could the gym work have caused you to convert fat to muscle and therefore gained lbs?

The turning point for me was doing a course with 'understanding your eating' which helped me to identify when I was using food as a substitute for other things (so if I was bored, sad, happy.....) and how I attribute emotions to food when often it's about something else. I am certainly not a person who is strict about eating and I don't deny myself things I enjoy but I've been able to get my head round my relationship with food and with my own shape and size, which is a healthy place to be psychologically.

In back update - today I am working from home, so I can be covered in heat patches and hobble around at my leisure without alarming anyone else. Am also under strict instructions from TGB not to attempt to 'do' anything whilst at home (as he knows I will be tempted to put a wash on or vacuum, which will of course only make things worse) Thanks muchly for outpourings of BESHly good wishes, my cockles are well and truly warmed

I second Muse. Being fit and healthy makes me feel MUCH more satified with my body. When it does a difficult run for me or a hard spin class, I don't care what size it is, just so proud it did what I asked it to.

I have been a size 16 and fat and miserable and a size 16 and fit and toned and happy.

ONCE I was a size 12. But I was leaving my husband and miserable and not eating. When I look at the photos of me then I don't think 'look how thin I was', more 'God - never let me be that unhappy again'

And I have seen your waist and thighs in the flesh head, and they are most definitely smaller and you are even more glowy than usual.

Feel the BESH love.

Head as usual, all the lovely BESHies have rallied and handed out sage advice before I had chance. As BB says, this fred is for discussing all manner of things that bother us. The one thing we all have in common in that TTC is hard work, after that I think it's great that we can share other concerns/issues too. I'm sorry about how you're feeling at the minute, so will hand over nice cocktail of your choosing for you to enjoy.

FWIW: I think you're very clever and witty, much more than I could ever be, AND MrHB clearly thinks you're the bollocks

P.S: I realise that last bit might sound a bit crap/patronising. I sooooooo didn't mean it to be. I was trying to say you're great, so don't be down on yourself, but fear it may have come across badly

Anyway, enough sentiment. Kipper slap around the head coming up...

Headbanger a RAMEKIN? Am in awe of your aim and erm control! Don't want to be all showy offy but I filled a measuring jug this morning . I wonder if that would affect the test, will try and do a more concentrated one tomorrow!

Considering that I have behaved exactly like a child, you can be as patronising as you like (and no, it didn't sound that way).

Aha, am back. Work internet been down. HB I second the general cheering up. You are obviously an intelligent, funny and sexy woman (Mr HB obv thinks so or wouldn't have shagged you after a 12 hr shift). Everone who has seen you in the flesh thinks you are a stunner. Please don't let it define you - there are so many other things to obsess over and everyone is fat when they are pg. Trufax. I should think you gained due to the muscle put on. When I lost a couple of stone it seems to go as Laurie said, would hang on to it randomly, then give up and shed a good few at once.

Yay for cycle buddy Rie, we can menkul together. But you must distract Mr Rie from the sish stocks. Lift up your shirt and waggle your boobs at him. (That's what I do when I want MiniG to stop having a tantrum and come and have boobies, works every time)

Back from the needle woman. Didn't hurt at all. Had very long and cathartic chat about everything. She thinks I don't need much treatment but was happy to take my £60 anyway. But she was actually very reassuring and Mumly and made me feel good about all my crazy parenting choices (extended bf'ing, sling weaning, co-sleeping, charting and all that shiz). Must have done something cos I feel really woozy and sleepy. She is a Zita trained one too i think.

FISH stocks.

the sample pots they give you are stupidly narrow, so I have to use a funnel. this has been through the dishwasher after, I promise.

I used the lid off a bottle of face wash. Needless to say, I mostly missed. Will not be purchasing tesco OPKs again, clearly cannot piss in a pot to save my life especially first thing in the morning when half-asleep.

Funnel is an absolutely genius idea (if rather gross). Am also v.amused by the ramekin idea.

I use an empty pot noodle pot for the task. Sets my travertine tiles and chrome off lovely.

Now I want to eat a pot noodle

I've only used the pee-on kind of sticks so far, so have not needed any kind of wee recepticle. Will of course come and let you all know what I decide on when the time arrives.

I suspect my pot noodle craving is down to my odd eating habits today. As I am unable to either bend down or stretch up sufficiently to get anything out of the food cupboards, I have eaten 2 slices of toast (brown bread, healthy!) a bag of skips and some cherry tomatoes. I am supposed to take some of the pain meds with food, so am hoping this is enough to pass as a meal. Although I feel slightly nauseaous so am thinking it probably wasn't a brilliant attempt at lunch.

Oh well, TGB will be home in a couple of hours and will be cooking a lovely cottage pie for dinner. I do feel quite bad that he will be coming in after a day at work and running round after me.

aries - banger's voice isn't what you were expecting? I'm thinking Dick Van Dyke now!

banger You have managed to articulate how I feel about my weight and how it limits me. Right now I;m job-hunting and if I get an interview it won't matter what I've achieved - I'll just be a fat, blushing girl in an ill-fitting suit.

MrBitey green fag and a diet coke is not only the diet of Kings, but, I also have it on good authority the diet of several ESHes.

Is funny, head's voice was exactly how I had heard it in my head!

lady you is dead classy

HB, I feel your pain. FWIW, muscle weighs more than fat and it is very common for the scales to show an increase in poundage after someone starts doing lots of exercise, so I reckon this is what it is in your case. I bet if things could be judged with a fat scan, you'd have lost fat, which is a more important loss than pounds. Also, we all know that weight fluctuates throughout a cycle and even throughout the day. Hell, when I was weighed at hospital, the nurse wrote down my weight and I had to wait an hour to see another nurse and the 2nd one couldn't read the first set of handwriting, so she weighed me again and I weighed 3lbs less! I'd had a wee whilst I was waiting, so it might've been that.

I used to be a 10 (occasional 8) and am now a 14 and apparently technically obese, which seems ridiculous! Yes, I'm 5ft 4, so there's not much frame to drape fat on, but even so, 'obese' seems preposterous. You're taller than me, so your size is basically the taller equivalent. Is all a load of guff. I've seen pics of you and I have never ONCE thought of you in terms of your weight. I think you are insanely beautiful, clever, funny, talented, insightful, etc., but never anything to do with size. And that's probably because YOU DON'T LOOK FAT! You have a gorgeous shape and dress v nicely. I look at your pics and think, what a lovely dress, what creamy skin, oh her hair is so gorgeous and am But, being a lot bigger than I used to, I understand totally how you feel. It's not about what we actually look like that matters, as I bet we all look hawt, but it's how we feel about our own bodies and size. And if we don't feel like ourselves anymore, that's the problem. I don't feel like I recognise my own body anymore. I feel very ashamed of myself that one of my first thoughts upon getting the BFP was to get v anxious that I'm going to get lots bigger and that I had planned to lose 2 stones by Xmas. My ishoos over my size have fucked me up so much that I spoilt that dream moment with ungrateful immaturity!

Now I'm just eating chips with gay abandon (I'm wearing a jaunty cravat for full effect ), so it can all go to hell!