30s TTC: Back to school at BESHory Towers. For spiffing gels who've been TTC since before rationing ended and find conception harder than Double Latin, chiz . What ho!

[Scorpette]

Come along, we haven't got all day. Pop off your blazers and straw boaters for a mo and listen up. As Head Girl, I think you ought to know that my dear chum Darrell Rivers tells me that we're really letting the side down with our lack of baybee-winning. To that end, instead of prep and lacrosse, we'll be TTC. I know some of us are losing hope that we'll ever win the Motherhood Cup for our house, but chins up and think of England! We don't won't to end up like the bitter, childless, dried-up old spinsters running this place, do w... oh, hello Matron! Yes, yes, we're going now...

Super! We've been given the attic dorm - bagsy the bed by the window, what! We won't be disturbed when we're enjoying midnight feasts, unbridled lesbianism, pillow fights and sneaking in fellows from the nearby boy's school for some ghastly dreadfulness.

So let's pop some Joyce Grenfell on the gramophone and crack open the tuck boxes! Mater's made me a huge ginger cake and oooh, I see someone's brought pontefract cakes! Yummo! Humbugs, sherbet, elderflower fizz, eccles cakes, a whole slab of choccy - what a simply smashing haul! Hmmm, this ginger beer smells suspiciously gin-like...

Oh yes

Salad ? another thing I did was go out and spend an ABSOLUTE FORTUNE on new clothes which I never ever wore on account of getting fat so fast ? maybe you could try that ? to go with your new bob ? which I think sounds lovely.

Lorry ? it was me mentioning the Ben n Jerrys. Not sure my waistline will ever forgive me. It?s bloody lovely. Laughing at the ladle vs teaspoon story, but also jealous as MrFC is slightly OCD, and makes us put it in bowls. And EVERYONE knows it tastes nicer from the tub. Then you can pick out the yummy pieces?

And me? In a cool gang? YES PLEASE! Last one there is a ninny!

We're over here: [http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1032424-The-PESH-deli-150-how-extraorder-we-146-re-all All New, All Mitford Deli]]

Once more for luck:

We're over here: 24-The-PESH-deli-150-how-extraorder-we-146-re-all All New, All Mitford Deli

Haha, no idea where that link is going! How very odd.

Was I being thick? Is HopOn actually Mountie? No apols for wrestling in any case :)

De-flouncing to point out that I hope it was a mere oversight to leave the gorgeous ChoCho out of the list of Cool PESHes

Fanks to lovelies for nice words. Unthanks for fish paste chat

I may have to stay away another day - was crying about babywant within 10 mins of being up today. Is new personal record! No-one needs to deal with that level of menkul...

Saw this and thought of (some of) you....

:)

I haz a question. I realise I'm getting a little (ha! hahahahaha) ahead of myself, but what's everyone's thoughts on home birth v hospital?

Just seeing in the discussions of the day homebirth - would you consider it? made me think. My initial reaction would be no-way. Simply because I'm a bit OCD & can't imagine the, uh, mess. Also if I had a bad birth experience I wouldn't want it to be in my home. I think I'd rather leave the carnage of childbirth somewhere else, & bring my sweet smelling, clean child into my home.

On the other hand again thanks to OCD the thought of getting down & dirty (& barefoot, pliz not to laff) in a hospital makes me shudder. Also having to go to the toilet in a hospital. I know someone who packed her hospital bag with rubber gloves & Cif! Troo story.

Back to the original hand, would you feel more comfortable in your own home?

As I said, I realise I'm getting ahead of myself. But if I was diffed I'd hate to end up giving birth in the car between my home & hospital because I couldn't make my mind up.

Salad will try to work on a list of sensible FC questions - pliz to share if you have any too.

Scorps I realised my mistake on the train and was v.embarrassed. Cho is obviously super cool and I believe the first of the MSDP crowd. I grovel in apology.

Speaking of which. Are you all officially MAD now? Heh heh.

scorps x-posts. at your tears. I wish I could do something to help. Will a nipple tweak & hairstroke help at all?

laurielovely from the tales I have heard of homebirth, the midwives clean it all up while you're not looking and you'd never know a birth had happened. You could then be straight into your bed with lovely clean sheets and a gorgeous baby.

Plus, of course, all BESHes give birth with a delicate sneeze and create no mess at all.

I would seriously consider a homebirth if I (a)had enough room to put a birthing pool up and (b)didn't live in a badly soundproofed flat.

As it is, my hope is to be able to use the shiny new midwife led birthing unit at the hospital. All private rooms and ensuite and no consultants looking to cut you open at the first opportunity.

Aargh, missed Scorps tears. Please don't cry lovely.

:( scorps at tearful sadness. Please tell me if I'm speaking out of turn but is there anyone you can speak to (in RL, realise you speak to BESHes here). A kindly ear and shoulder won't take the hurt away but may help a wee bit?

Poor Scorps. Is very, very hard. Is it the PCT nonsense that's made it so much worse?

Stay away if you need to, but we're all here if you want to vent.

RE: homebirth. I'm all for it although to be fair I haven't thought it through completely as kinda feels like tempting fate - soooo focused on getting pregnant ackershly being diffed and having a baby seems like a whole different ball game at this moment!

What I do know is I hate hospitals and the lack of control so imagine a homebirth would make me feel as though I'm in charge. Saying that I think I would only consider if everything with the pregnancy was plain sailing and if in any doubt would opt for midwide led unit, which happens to be 5 mins away from where I live. In the last few months 6 of my friends have given birth and it's 4 horrific sounding vs 2 lovely (as can be me thinks). So in my head it means you're more likely to have a horror than not. Obviously not a very scientific study

I too have crappy hear everything your neighbour does walls and the thought of my crappy neighbours hearing every scream does put me off...or would it be fantastic revenge?

Just my Mum and TYF to moan to, really. I don't like to keep doing it though, because it's not fair on them and they're both v sensitive and worry about me (TYF was crying himself last night at how depressed I was) and then the guilt makes me even sadder IYKWIM! The only way anyone can help is to magically make me lose a few stone, have some money and get pregnant (not. nec. in that order). Obvy, I have friends, but I don't really have particularly close friends nearby and only a couple of people in RL know we're TTC and they live 100s of miles away. Being an antisocial recluse is really biting me on the bum right now!

Gah, I feel pathetic now. Wasn't meaning to make everyone fuss over me, feel stoopid for posting crying bit in last post. I don't have the personality to cope with repeated babyfail and knock-backs: perfectionist who's never had to put much effort into things or wait for them. But have always had so much bad luck in my life, esp. medical-wise, that it's a running joke between everyone who knows me

BlahblahblahMeMeMe. Worra twat.

Scorps lovely, do you think it would help if you investigated getting some kind of counselling? That would give you somewhere to talk freely without worrying about upsetting TYF?

I only ask, because MrM has been going to see someone for quite a while now and I know he found it very useful when all our badness was going on. The counselor couldn't fix anything, but having somewhere where he could be vulnerable and just talk really helped him. Especially as he felt he had to be strong so as not to upset me, so didn't want to admit how sad he was.

Fanks, lovely ladies. Muse, I can't afford to see a counseller. Can't really afford to see Needles Lady as it is. Daren't go to GP in case it's used against me re: getting funding at a later date and I also know there's a really long waiting list to get counselling on the NHS around here. But nothing anyone can say or do can make things better - only getting pg can do that. It's the only thing I want. I don't want to do anything, go anywhere and I can't afford anything anyway. Is all crap.

I think it was the PCT thing that's tipped me over the edge - feel like TTC au natural isn't working and I've had the safety net whipped from under my feet (like I've basically been told I'll never have a baby). I know I can't take IVF drucks, but there's still a lot of other things a FC can offer.

I think I prolly need some time to wallow for a bit and then buck myself up and work out a plan with TYF. Am also v depressed about my weight, which is just compounding things. Feel like I can't escape from this grotesque, useless, too-old pile of flab.

Bah to waiting lists and costs and all that. Have a good wallow, you certainly deserve it, and I hope you come out stronger from it.

I still think you're going to do a Drom and prove them all wrong. It's what BESHes do when the chips are down.

Why would counselling be used against you getting funding for AC, Scorps ? If anythng it would surely help your case; ie proof of the psychological trauma you're going through. I don't think there's any way it could be used against you.

Also, try looking on some infertility support group type websites; some of them offer real life support I think. Or just other non-specific counselling charities? I'm sure if you look round there will be something and I think having a real life outlet to talk about stuff would be a real positive. I know you feel like nothing anyone can say would help you but counselling's not just about that, it's about helping you find positive strategies to cope and not go under in the meantime. I think it's worth a second look, love.

ps a quick google of counselling charities and your home town brings up quite a few links. Hope that helps x

Scorps, have had "stress issues" in the past, and GP recommended a web bases course with the sickly sweet name "living life to the full" but to be fair once you get over the awful name it is quite good. (sort of councelling for people who in a real councelling session spend the whole time wondering why they are asking that particular question, and second guessing the responce you are supposed to give.) And since we is at school, might come in handy as a piece of Psycology course work. - Alteratively take up art class, sculpt abundent shite into weird shapes, sell to up market gallery for a zillion pounds and use money to buy everything you want.

cluster post alert... and it's free

I think that would be very sensible Scorps. What Cass said I mean. No one likes venting to their family as we don't want to upset them, but there comes a time when we need to talk to someone in RL. My sister had counselling when we were having hell from my brother and parents, and it helped her a great deal, not just them telling her things, but talking through things clearly in order to find solutions and coping strategies which work for you. I know you're jobless at the moment, but I think it would also help going and doing something with other folk, to meet and chat etc. The art thing sounds good. Singing together is a very positive communal experience as well and it takes your mind off worries for a couple of hours at least (and I won't accept not being able to sing as a reason not to. Everyone can sing, Apart from MrA).

Also, I don't think having had counselling would work against you. If anything, it would prove you're willing to engage and seek help when it's needed.

In haste (apparently I am expected to work for my wages: what the fuck, man?!) but just to say I am desperately for Score, and lovely, you should not apologise for being totally open about how you are feeling here. That is very much the point, after all. I wholeheartedly agree with suggestions re. counselling etc.

For so long your life has consisted of one NO after another - with work, health, babies, FB etc. - that I think you are perhaps starting to pre-empt the NO and not try things because you think them impossible, if that makes sense. Of course one's initial reaction to things like counselling would not be of unbridled glee - but it does work, for many people, and it's often available free. People are not expected to suffer alone. They never have been: every society as always provided something for people who need support sometimes, whether it was religious or social or the invention of tea. I know I sound flippant there and truly I don't mean to: what I mean is that humans have always needed a bit of assistance now and then, in whatever form, and I think we should all take it when we need it .