30s TTC: Back to school at BESHory Towers. For spiffing gels who've been TTC since before rationing ended and find conception harder than Double Latin, chiz . What ho!

[Scorpette]

Come along, we haven't got all day. Pop off your blazers and straw boaters for a mo and listen up. As Head Girl, I think you ought to know that my dear chum Darrell Rivers tells me that we're really letting the side down with our lack of baybee-winning. To that end, instead of prep and lacrosse, we'll be TTC. I know some of us are losing hope that we'll ever win the Motherhood Cup for our house, but chins up and think of England! We don't won't to end up like the bitter, childless, dried-up old spinsters running this place, do w... oh, hello Matron! Yes, yes, we're going now...

Super! We've been given the attic dorm - bagsy the bed by the window, what! We won't be disturbed when we're enjoying midnight feasts, unbridled lesbianism, pillow fights and sneaking in fellows from the nearby boy's school for some ghastly dreadfulness.

So let's pop some Joyce Grenfell on the gramophone and crack open the tuck boxes! Mater's made me a huge ginger cake and oooh, I see someone's brought pontefract cakes! Yummo! Humbugs, sherbet, elderflower fizz, eccles cakes, a whole slab of choccy - what a simply smashing haul! Hmmm, this ginger beer smells suspiciously gin-like...

Oh yes

Lots of counsellors will also adjust their fees depending on need. I spent most of last year in counselling, and it helped me change some really messed-up behaviour patterns.

Scorps I haz a CBT book kicking about at home, would you like it? It won't be as good as "proper" counselling, and if you're depressed it's probably quite difficult to motivate yourself to do the work without help, but you're welcome to it.

Also - and I've said this to about a million people - meditation. Blanking your mind for 15 minutes and concentrating on just being can be really helpful. Helped me, anyhoo.

All great ideas, but the NHS counselling waiting lists round here are over a year and I can't afford private counselling or to do any classes. I did actually look into free classes for unemployed people but the only ones I found that I'd like to do were for adults with quite severe mental health and behavioural problems (don't think baby-craving comes under this category... yet). And Aries, I really am a quite astonishingly bad singer. I don't want to join a club or class anyway, because I am hate my body so much I don't want people looking at me.

Please for nice book, lovely Mrs Drom? As an inveterate bookworm, I believe their every word is law and might well follow the principles

I'm not against counselling, btw - my Mum is a retired counsellor (as I've mentioned before) and I think all that Stiff Upper Lip stuff is bollocks. I had counselling when I was 19-20 and it really helped (am prone to clinical depression, which I've obviously slipped into now). But I have less than £100 a week to live on and £34 of that is for Needling. I literally cannot afford private counselling if it is over a fiver! TYF pays all the bills already, due to my uselessness, so I don't want to ask him and I don't want to sponge off my retired parents either.

Look, I'm really good at doling out advice. It's just that I'm equally bad at taking it

Well forget the singing then! I meant it as a generic club suggestion. And there are some very large ladies in my singing group and I can say with utmost truth that I don't look at them thinking "Cor, you're fat." I just like them because they're nice. And people would be the same with you. I know how hard it is to actually take the bull by the horns and join something - when we moved down here I didn't know anyone and spent a lot of time crying and missing people and no amount of yelling persuasion by my family could make me actually go along to something and say "Hello, I'm new. My name's Aries. Mind if I join?" I had to force myself to. And it was so worth it.

I realise this is seemingly bit of a tangent here, but I really feel it's all part and parcel of the same thing. If you need help, that's absolutely fine. So many people have been there. You don't want to let things slide to such a degree that help needs to come to you rather than you go looking for it yourself.

My GP recommended this book when I pitched up in his office in a right state mid-divorce - it's actually rather good & I can recommend it (wonder if it is the one Drom is talking about?) . It's under a tenner & better still you could probably get your local library to order it in for nowt.

Oh Scorps . Given our locations would it help to meet up and chant/rant/cry/laugh/whatever with a real person who really does understand? I'm offering my hand in case you want to take it. I won't be offended if you'd rather not, but thought I would offer .

Whoever asked about the home birth, I had one with Mini O and I would highly recommend it. It wasn't messy, I gave birth on our bed and once the event was over and the midwives gone, the house looked normal! (they take all the waste with them as it is classed as clinical waste and needs incinerating). Not having pain relief was fine as I think I was way more relaxed than I might have been in hospital. Don't get me wrong - it did freaking hurt at the end, but was nothing I couldn't deal with (saying that I did get through 6 lots of gas and air canisters!). When, (see am being positive here) I get PG again, I will chose a home birth as long as the PG is normal. I'd love to try a water birth if possible. I had mini O late evening and once the midwives went home, we all went to bed and cuddled up. I have such fond memories of that first night staring at mini O in the middle of the night whilst he fed with Mr O beside us. I know that couldn't have happened if I was in hospital. Only one midwife tried to put off because it was my first baby. All the others were hugely supportive, despite it being first baby and not knowing what I was letting myself in for.

so...I have just joined Slimming World . My Fat History for those that don't know (and why, indeed, would you ): by the end of 2008 I was four stone lighter than I had been when I married. I could still have done with losing a stone, but I felt a bonny thing and went from wearing floor-length size 22 sacks (no joaks!) to pretty wee dresses of a size 14. Anyway, thought I'd gained a couple of stone. Went to GP and she said that for every BMI point overweight you are, statistics show that your chances of conception are reduced by about 4%. I am BMI 32 so if I went down 5 BMI points and was about a stone lighter than I was at my lightest (DO KEEP UP!) I would have increased my chances of conception by 20%.

So there you go - I thought well, I cannot control the OM's sperm count etc. but I can stop being so lardy-ass, so I feel all chipper and happy (greatly helped by my PESH friend joining too, God bless her and all who sail in her). I've actually only (ONLY! HAR!) gained 1 stone 6, so I didn't have a meltdown on the nice Fat Fighters man, which is a blessing.

I'd be vay interested to see if any other BESHes wonder if their weight is a factor and are going to Fat Fighters ("Cake! I love a bit of cake!"), then we can commisserate congratulate each other. What fun. Never let it be said I don't bring the Funz to the party

Say hi to Marjorie for me. A man? A man??

Well done on going to Fat Fighters and I hope you and PESH-friend will spur each other on to great things. You did it once and you can do it again. Any enthusiasm you have for baking should be indulged in, but perhaps you could distribute the results amongst me The Poor. As you know I have the opposite problem, so let's do this thing, girlfriends! Send me a stone.

Seriously though Aries, is it possible to post flapjack and gingerbread? I ask because my compulsion to bake is virtually pathological; now if I could send the ensuing treats to you we'd both be on a winning streak

Back by popular demand! Yes, 'tis me, You Know Who (evil laugh). Don't out me too much, as am sort of trying to cover my tracks. Which probably won't work anyway.

BangerSmash got me out of hiding with her offers of weigh loss support. I am officially starting Friday. Need to go to the gym. Was also contemplating Slimming World, but not sure. You goin' to the meetings and stuffs HB? I actually do not think my weight is a problem, BUT I am not sure my body could stand more weight (as in a baby) on top of this, which is the heaviest I have ever been. BMI 28.5. Even just getting down to 25 would be great. Also I need to get fit. I cannot climb a flight of stairs without spitting my lungs out in bits!

On the positive side, I have started drinking again and enjoying it. Given that in the 6 months I have not drunk I did not get updiffed and I actually gained weight, I am seeing enjoying a drink as an improvement.

Snogs and wrestles to you lovely BESHes who missed me

Yeah, how did you do it last time, Smash?

Article about weight & subfertility here.

Can I just stress that I'm not trying to freak anyone out about this. I am very overweight, and suspected it wasn't helping my case, and in a convoluted and backwards sort of way it helps knowing that yes, it is, by X% - and thus if I pull myself together and lose weight I can increase my chances.

Obviously this is just my own feeling on the subject & I have been fat enough for long enough to not want anyone else to be freaked out by it, so apols if I'm being a bit Daily Mail!!

Orchid, that's so lovely of you! I dunno if I feel up to meeting anyone at the mo (that goes for everyone else in the world!), but I might take you up on that offer at some point (you fool! You shall never be rid of me now, buahaha!)

Did have a dream last night where I was organising a Maid Marion BESHmeet - so who knows, perhaps it will happen one day?

Wot luvverly pals you BESHes are (and FESHes and PESHes)! We gels of BESHory Towers have to stick together, whatwhat

I do feel a bit better now. All your support really has boosted me up. I tend to drop quite quickly into despair but I'm basically a resilient sort and my mind starts to get bored of feeling Woe Is Me for too long.

What has made me rally is that I am 3 days into a diet n exercise overhaul plan thingy. I ain't joining a group (see usual whining reasons about self-consciousness and cash) but am resolute about going to the gym 3x a week, generally being more active and sticking to a low GI/GL diet and slightly reducing portion sizes (although I'm not a big eater). I didn't know the statistic about the 4% infertility for every BMI point that HB just gave us, so that's an extra spur.

I think that my weight is the one thing I can be really proactive about and feel I am controlling in this horrible time of feeling like everything is out of my control and I'm never getting anywhere, so with that in mind, am off to gym shortly. Have even asked TYF to buy me some swanky trainers for me birthday. I probably shouldn't keep wearing my Converse* to exercise in...

PS I LUFF YOU GUYS! XXXX

*All the Old-Timers will be like 'You're not still working out in your Converse are you? Sheesh...'

And the SW group leader had a muffintop. No word of a lie.

Made us both feel thin!

HopOn! me old salt!

Slimming World last time. It's fucking ace. Any diet in which you can eat enough spag bol to sink a ship, covered in parmesan (only an ounce, mind you!), or a huge juicy steak and home-made chips, or a pile of chicken curry, and STILL lose 3lb a week, is AOK by me. No idea why I stopped. Erm, yes I have: I AM STOOPID.

It's also the only diet the NHS recommends for differs, and clearly I'm going to be diffed this time next month, bwa-ha-ha-ha-haaaa ahem.

My reasoning is also about adding babyweight on top of arse weight. No thanks. I know what 18 stone feels like and it ain't pretty

I'd not a huge fan of Legolas but if you were called HopOnAragorn I so would Oh that broadsword! Oh those straggly locks! Oh the cloak! Oh the facial hair! Oh the manly, grubby hands! That's it - I'm moving to Middle Earth where I intend to live as an Elf. My likeness to Cate Blanchett has been commented on by blind deluded very intelligent, discerning people.

Please send me the baked goods Head. Yummy!

Cross post Scorps. That's the ticket!

Oh Score glad it was a positive thing to raise and didn't add to the mis - I think we both feel the same maybe - oh hang on, I CAN increase my chances by 4% every month or so! That's lovely! There ain't nothing like feeling a bit back in control of things . And on top of that I am being taunted by my handmade 50s dress in polka-dot cotton, and my beaded cardigan from the war, and my silk blouse, and my Edwardian lace-up ankle-boots, oh and that darling floral shift dress with the the Pre-Raphaelite bronze knotted belt and and and and I never EVER want to wear a fucking black maxi-skirt ever again EVER EVER

Oh, yes, I forgot to say hi to newbs that may have joined during me silence. TrufflePuff is it, and MrsFootie?

Banger you got me all confuzzled, what have you joined this time around? Or are you just winging it on your own? Oh, and I join HB in saying I do not want to add to menkul, just a personal thing, not feeling comfortable in me own lard skin at the mo.

Ariella you will have to raise that with Salad, or was it Stinky that actually gave me my new name? Sorry I forgot, 'ere have a pie in your face both of yous.

Not Stinky! It's Owlshoes now you know. Catch up, for goodness sake.

Slimming World again, Leggy! I did it for a year and lost three and a half stone (lost a stone off me own bat before that). Left about 18 months ago, put on 1 stone 6 in intervening period, now back to SW!

I thought Stinky was Barbie'sBeaver?

She is, I'm saffronbun :)

Oh fuck ! Now I'm confuzzled.

Plop/Beaver - help!

Aah, crossed posts again. It all becomes clear.

May I call you Plop?

Legoworld, I'm totally huh? as to who you used to be [JD face] Pliz for hints? But welcome back anyway, mysterious BESH

WILL EVERYONE STOP BEING SO DARN-TOOTIN' CONFUZZLING?!

HB I have a pair of boots I call my 'Victorian Prostitute boots' which I think you might like :)

I get depressed because I can't wear what I like and I don't feel like myself. Doesn't help that I like to dress like a terrifying art-achool graduate stylist for underground hipster mag. I just want to be able to dress androgynously again (I'm very boy-shaped, naturally), in my skinny jeans and weird footwear and breton top and man's cardy...

PS You can guarantee I will be rocking a mental cape this winter. Have had to stop myself buying bonkers clog boots on grounds that they will go out of fash too quickly and therefore the cost cannot be justified.