Does anyone ringfence Christmas Day for just their nuclear family?

[flymetothemoo]

We've done this since having DC as I want DC to wake up and enjoy the day / their toys in their own home without travelling. We also go to a lovely local event on Christmas Eve every year.

Grandparents live 2/3 hours away. We tend to visit them on 26/27th for a day each or thereabouts depending on their plans.

We are not really close to either sets of grandparents and both DH and I had quite difficult upbringings, though we do love our parents but more out of sense of duty if that makes sense. DC aren't aware and have an ok time with their grandparents, if feeling a little bored (and they are a bit strict).

One grandparent now sadly has dementia and it looks likely that they will need residential care in due course, so the other will be living alone. I'm wondering how Christmas Day will pan out in that instance.

Both DH and I have a number of siblings but again not close - on polite and friendly basis, weather conversations , how's work going etc. Most of our siblings are single / child-free, and in recent years some or one of them has visited the grandparents on the day itself.

Anyway each year I read on MN about families getting together and feel a bit guilty but equally I do feel I'm not close to my birth family and that my DC and my DH mean the world to me so they are my priority for the day itself. Not sure if that seems silly. Strangely even my mother and father only visited their parents on Boxing Day and the days afterwards, and ringfenced the 25th for our nuclear family when I was a kid.

Does anyone resonate with this? I'm interested to hear about other peoples arrangements.

Honestly if you’re happy with it then who cares what others do? In your situation I’d do similar.

I was brought up this way, and my mum always made it clear that she expected me to do the same. Dh is not close to his family, so he was more than happy to go along with this. I'm not sure what will happen as parents age, but for now this is how we do it.

I think every year around now I start getting a slight nervousness over family asking about what's happening.

We always used to, much prefer it on our own. But my parents split up and DM is on her own so we have her over, I wish we could have Christmas on our own again but wouldn't want her on her own.

I think it's ideal. Plenty of time during betwixtmas to visit extended family.

But I would probably invite the lone grandparent if they had no other offer and were going to be alone.

Yup - we do just the 4 of us. Love it! We live 3 hours from one set of parents and 5.5 hours from the other. We don’t want to travel or host for 3-4 days either.
Just us is much better!

We have Xmas day just ourselves (me, DH and 4 crazy kids is already quite a lot with all the excitement 🤣). I can’t relax and enjoy Xmas properly if on best behaviour (and keeping children all amused/ behaving sensibly) in someone else’s house or if busy hosting.

We see wider family Xmas eve or Boxing Day or day after, or weekend immediately before/after. It works for us.

Do what works for your family. If that’s what you usually do, it’s not going to be treading on anyone’s toes anyway.

Yes, 💯

It's for me, my husband and kids. There's plenty of time for socialising with others over the break but Christmas Day we hunker down together and it's bliss.

as I want DC to wake up and enjoy the day / their toys in their own home without travelling

I don't really understand this. My best Christmas memories are sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag in my cousin's bedroom with them and my sister, and us all waking up and seeing that Santa had been.

Nope. We won’t travel anywhere else but anyone is welcome to join us.
We usually have a table of 20 people and another 6-8 in the evening.
we go away the day after Boxing Day for a week so it’s nice to get to see everyone.

Yes, definitely as in-laws are in Kent and we are in Somerset.

Yes we do, I have the in-laws over for Christmas eve, cook a nice meal and let them watch the children open their presents from them, they are lovely people and am happy to do this for them.
They enjoy a quiet Christmas day with older relatives so best of both worlds.

No, I can't think of anything worse. We eat together every day, what's special about the four of us eating a roast together? To me it's about our whole family being together.

But - I was brought up in a 'party' family, and we don't have complicated family dynamics. So it's all upside for us; if things were different maybe we would.

Yes this is what I don't understand. I'm with my nuclear family, dh and DC, every single day...

I won't travel on Christmas day (2 kids and family are some distance). Happy to stay over if it's immediate family but don't have aunts, uncles, cousins etc so just siblings or parents (of me or DH). Rarely did this growing up either.

My parents often come up for the day, or we have DH's parents visiting but they're less keen to host or travel now.

As others, we tend to see various family members over the following week which is much more relaxed and fun!

'Ring-fence' bit OTT

I insist on the morning at home.

it happens that we have family close enough and they like to gather late enough that we can stay in our pajamas until about 3pm playing with toys and eating Christmas treats. Then we polish up and head to a fancy meal.

I prefer a big Christmas filled with friends and family. Otherwise it feels less like a mid-winter feast and more like Sunday with bonus gifts.

No, as others have said, I spend every other day with DH and the kids, love ‘em, but for me Christmas is about extended family - in my case my mum and dad, sisters, in-laws, nieces and nephews, uncles and aunts. It was the same growing up. The only Christmas I have ever had where it was just the nuclear family was lockdown, and even then my friend came round in the afternoon (allowed in our area!).

Not previously, we usually do one Christmas with ILs, next with my parents and then we’ll host the next. This year I’ve told them that on Christmas Day this year (and for as many Christmases as I want - haven’t decided yet!) we are going nowhere and we are having Christmas dinner just the 4 of us. I am fed up of having to spend Christmas Day either driving or cooking for everybody. I want a Christmas Day that’s slow and relaxed for everybody. DC can spend the whole day playing with their new things and watching Christmas films.

Immediate family are visiting mid morning and then all have their own dinner plans. I can’t wait.

ETA - the pay off is that I am hosting the Boxing Day buffet this year! Which is fine. I’m happy to do that and see all of the extended family.

I think it depends so much on the family dynamic. We alternate families each year -
This year DH's family will come to us, there are 5 of them (and two dogs!) - they're generous people, big drinkers, it's raucous and rowdy and lots of fun with mountains of gifts. I have said to DH that I'd rather they didn't arrive until Christmas morning (they live 20 mins away) as I like a slow Christmas Eve to finish everything off and get sorted for the upcoming madness. They will stay overnight and go late on Boxing Day.

When it's my family it's just DSis and her husband. They also come on Christmas morning but it's much calmer and a more traditionally structured day. She helps more with the cooking etc - we're very close so she'll just get stuck in. I wouldn't be averse to them coming on Christmas Eve as they'd just chill out and go to bed at a reasonable time. DM died ten years ago and we tried Christmas with DDad once and he made it very difficult for various reasons so now he's NFI on Christmas Day - we do Christmas with him a few weeks later.

It's a hard balancing act between everyone's wants. But I'm not putting my own at the bottom of the list, it has to work for everyone - if this is what works for you then that's fine!

In answer to those asking why you would choose to spend Christmas Day with only immediate family... I guess our relationships with our extended / birth families are at worst toxic and at best awkward and stiff. Obviously it goes without saying it would be lovely to spend Christmas with oodles of family if they brought me as much joy as my DC/DH do.

We are not lucky enough to have those relationships though.

Same here and DH is the same with his family too.

I’m really stuck because I don’t want to host, don’t want to go to my in laws, and don’t want it to be just us as it is every single day 😂. My own family is thousands of miles away.

@LBOCS2 What is NCL- re your Dad please?