Anyone else sometimes get a wave of relief that they don’t have children?

[knowifIcando]

I’m in my late 30s and have known I think for a long time that I didn’t want kids. I’ve never really actively thought about it although now and then wonder if I’ll regret it.

And then I have moments like today. I’ve been at my sister’s house and my nieces are lovely, gorgeous kids but then she started talking to them about how they had to get their uniforms sorted for school, get the homework done and have baths and I felt such a feeling of relief that I had decided not to have them and could return to my peaceful home.

I am not harassing anyone! WTAF?!! All I said was the thread was on active so why shouldn’t I comment - after all the PP asked a question and I replied. Are you suggesting that people without children shouldn’t comment on threads about parenting? I think not. I would be very interested to find out WHY people without children by choice feel the need to post on a forum aimed at people who have children - seems bizzare to me!

a very small percentage of the population I’m sure - most people who have children are grateful and happy to have them

Why do people who have had a board very specifically set created for them by MNHQ feel the need to post on it? Who knows? It’s a complete mystery.

And Mumsnet is about so much more than parenting and has been for a long time. Hence the literally hundreds of topics on here which do not relate to parenting.

Also child free topics on the main boards like AIBU, Chat or politics is rightly fair game for anyone but dedicated boards shouldn’t be. And no I don’t think that non parents(Unless childcare professionals with genuinely helpful advice) shouldn’t comment on the dedicated parenting board either.

I don't think it is that small a percentage. There are lots of posts on mumsnet from woman who regret having children and there are quite a few websites and forums for woman who regret having children.

More of my friends say if they could go back in time they would not have children than say they would have them and I am talking woman with grown up children and, in many cases, grandchildren or even great grandchildren

Those kind of threads do exist, just with a more subtle title. For example, someone started one last year called 'To wonder if DINKS will be more lonely in old age'. It didn't really go the way they hoped, but there were certainly some parents who came along to practically salivate at the thought of the childless / childfree having a lonely, miserable old age and dying alone.

But again why post on a forum specifically crated for parents - why not hop over to one of the forums or websites that @mydogisthebestis talking about? The PP was bound to get a reaction from parents who love being parents by posting on a parenting forum 🙄

I do have kids, 8 and 10..... but a few of my friends have toddlers and one has a newborn.... toddlers are in the process of potty training

I'd been feeling broody the past couple of years but after being reminded how difficult some aspects of having newborns and toddlers are, I'm glad I dont have to deal with all of that again. I'm taking mine to a theme park in a few weeks and Im so glad I dont have to bring along a toddler who would get upset they couldn't go on big rides ect 😅

I was this person who felt relief. Then my life felt empty and doing these things for my kids fills me with absolute joy.

Everyone is different, I love it.

Well I certainly don’t know anyone IRL that think that -quite the opposite in fact and I don’t know how anyone childless though choice can feel relief when they have never brought a child in to the world

Because yet again(And this really should be obvious) MN is more of a women’s space than anything now and has been for a long time. There are hundreds of topics that do not relate to parenting. There are probably far more that don’t than do and again, MNHQ set up a section specifically for mumsnetters without children so it’s hardly a surprise that people use it.

you don’t know why someone who doesn’t want children might feel relieved that they have the choice not to, unlike millions of women before reliable contraception was available?

Not really. I was on the fence until i had my own family so totally get where the child free people are coming from.

But it does and always has felt like alot of them are trying to convince themselves and others that being child free is a great thing. Not sure why if you are content in your feelings about it that you'd need to think or speak about it so often. I can even see on this thread the usual 'everyone i know regrets having kids' comments which I don't believe are true.

Did you click on this thread hoping to find a lot of sad, miserable people, deeply regretful that they haven't had children. That's not very kind if so.

Regarding lifelong SEN, I can absolutely understand that it isn't necessarily a reason to regret having a child. Of course, not. If I had a disabled child, I would still love them very much, I am sure. But what would bring sadness to my life was the thought of what would happen to them after I had gone. Especially as I am an only child with no wider family to potentially look out for them. My specific circumstances would probably make me regret bringing the child into the world, but perhaps my love for them would cancel that out. It's difficult to know, and something I have given great thought to in my decision making process around having children.

Over many years I have watched families out and about and it doesn't look much fun but I suppose it's over relatively quickly as a proportion of your life, i.e. you aren't those people forever.

I like my own company far too much. I also like the freedom, I'm not tied to anyone. I guess I just don't like complications. The cost is massive too.

Some people like the idea, some don't. For the kids' sakes, best that we all make the decision that is right for us. A proactive, thought through decision.

Over many years I have watched families out and about and it doesn't look much fun but I suppose it's over relatively quickly as a proportion of your life, i.e. you aren't those people forever.

I like my own company far too much. I also like the freedom, I'm not tied to anyone. I guess I just don't like complications. The cost is massive too.

Some people like the idea, some don't. For the kids' sakes, best that we all make the decision that is right for us. A proactive, thought through decision.

No one has said that everyone they know regrets having kids. But I’ e had people say to me that if they had their time again they wouldn’t have them, and I’ve seen that sentiment expressed on here often enough.

If you are so content in your feelings about parenthood, why do you have to come on here, a board created for Mumsnetters without children, and maintain that a lot of us are just trying to convince ourselves? Why are you bothered about us?

I like my own company far too much. I also like the freedom, I'm not tied to anyone. I guess I just don't like complications. The cost is massive too.

I can completely relate.

I'm 49 and I get that wave of relief literally daily! Childfree by choice and never once regretted it. I don't hate kids or anything, I've just never had any desire to have any. I would absolutely hate the endless responsibilities and complications.

Don't be absurd.

Apart from anything, this thread is in a section of the site that is literally called 'MNers without children'.

All the time. I've known my entire life that I never wanted kids.
I'm 41 now and still in no doubt whatsoever that having kids would have been the worst thing that could have happened to me! I love my life and my freedom way too much and I just don't really like kids I haven't got the patience for it.

I'm also 41. I often describe myself as "anti- palaver"! If there's a load of palaver involved - in anything - then I'm out!
Kids? Way too many logistics involved in family life, way too much palaver. Not for me at all.

I could have written this myself! I'm all about an easy faff-free life! :)

You're right, that would be horrible. But what makes it horrible is the inflammatory thread title which is not a fair comparison or response to this current thread. A better analogy would be something along the lines of "Anyone else relieved they made the decision to have children?", seeking opinions from those who were on the fence and went the other way. And let's face it - there are actually loads of threads in a similar vein to this.

I really don't think that having a space for childless/free women to discuss feelings of relief is evidence of us being in denial (I'm talking more generally about the thread here, not to the quoted poster), it's just that sometimes it's nice to share feelings - that's human nature.

Personally, yes, I do feel those waves of relief - and I also sometimes feel waves of doubt and regret. For me the relief has always outweighed the other feelings though, and even more so as I've gotten older, so I'm personally very secure and confident that this has been the correct life path for me.

Deleted as misunderstood the post I was replying to.