Anyone else sometimes get a wave of relief that they don’t have children?

[knowifIcando]

I’m in my late 30s and have known I think for a long time that I didn’t want kids. I’ve never really actively thought about it although now and then wonder if I’ll regret it.

And then I have moments like today. I’ve been at my sister’s house and my nieces are lovely, gorgeous kids but then she started talking to them about how they had to get their uniforms sorted for school, get the homework done and have baths and I felt such a feeling of relief that I had decided not to have them and could return to my peaceful home.

Frequently. For reasons relating my own happiness and quality of life, and also because I work with children and see how broken various systems (SEND, etc) are in the UK, and it's terrifying.
But mostly because parenting just isn't for me!

The older I get, the more relieved I am!

Often, especially as I'm now pretty old and my friends all have adult kids. The amount of fussing and stressing over some of these "children" is ridiculous, so I'm extremely relieved that I haven't got that pressure for the rest of my life!

Yes, I’ve never wanted my own kids.

Always had a rule I’d never have a relationship with someone with kids.

Sometimes if I’m out and there’s a kid having a tantrum or parents are having to do something mind numbingly dull like watch them jump over and over, I’m glad all over again!

I sometimes read the threads about kids not sleeping/behaving badly/not potty training and feel glad it’s not my life!! 😏

That’s interesting. I often think one of the parts of parenting I might’ve liked is having adult kids.

Yes, definitely!!!
I have health issues and a disability that would make it intolerable, but I used to think when I was in my early twenties that I'd be able to manage in time.
When I was that age, I wasn't aware of how badly those issues affected me and I was in denial.
Luckily, I have been able to process my maternal instinct and want for a baby in a healthy way and I think enjoying my friend's children will be able to fill that hole because I can give them back.

@knowifIcando yes I am glad I’m child free but only because Im a worrier and the state of the world (especially with AI I think the generation of kids in nursery right now will be facing a future verging on dystopian in some ways) glad when I pass I don’t have anyone to worry about. My desire for a baby was certainly there from my mid 30s I’d say but I never met anyone who I thought was good enough to bring a little life into the world with so I do feel a little sad about that. But as said, the plus is I don’t need to worry about anyone else when I depart.

I do like little kids and teenagers actually though still even though I’m 52 and I secretly hope if I do meet someone in the future I could be a step granny to a little tear away somewhere 😌

Absolutely!

Every time I see parents out and about having to deal with screaming kids....

Also, everything I read on this site about raising kids is always incredibly boring and seems exhausting.

Definitely glad I never had kids.

That’s lovely. I hope so too.

"I often think one of the parts of parenting I might’ve liked is having adult kids."

You never stop worrying about the humans you gave birth to. They are part of your very fabric, your skin if you like. You feel every one of their traumas, illnesses, job losses and overall wellbeing as if it was your own until the day you die. There's no magic cut off point.

God all the time!

I've never once regretted my decision and frequently thank my lucky stars that I'm not dealing with some of the incredibly difficult things that I read on mumsnet.

I am child free because we couldn’t have children. Got to say I very rarely feel sad about it now and I get that wave of relief as well sometimes. I see my friends on Facebook and their children are still so young and it seems that they will be in that stage forever. I never really know how to feel about this as I did want a child and was so sad when it didn’t happen. Now though I am happy I don’t have the ties and commitments. I am always relieved when I see photos of really lovely family times - obviously lovely for my friends but I now find I don’t want it at all

'The older I get, the more relieved I am!'

Same here. Im more grateful with every passing year that I don't have children. I would hate to have to think about schoolbags and lunches and uniforms and homework and childcare, and spend my weekends ferrying children about to various things. I was ill a couple of weeks ago and I was able to rest and take it easy and just check out from life for a few days - I didn't take any of that for granted. I have a stack of new books by my bed that I will get to read in peace - that's a very precious thing

I suppose that is the flip side of the “love like no other”.

OP, I get those waves of relief that I don’t have children even though I actually originally wanted them and it never happened due to fertility issues. I have a lovely life.

Not just sometimes!! Every single day 😁

Yeah kind of. Sometimes I get very upset when I think about the future and being without family, but if I had kids, I think I'd feel a different sort of sadness i.e a sadness for their future. I was watching a couple of little girls playing the other day and I couldn't help but wonder what their lives would be like. As previous poster said, I think AI will change the world in ways we can't even begin to imagine. Certainly it will have its good points, but I think it's going to change the workplace irreversibly. I can't imagine it creating more opportunities than it takes away.

The other huge issue is the cost of living. How are the vast majority of kids being born now going to get on the housing ladder (unless they have a lot of help from their parents). And what age are they going to be working until??

And this one might be a bit controversial, but I am seeing quite a lot of older parents around these days and also one child families. Sometimes I wonder if parents fully consider how this might play out as they, and the child, get older. It's not easy being an only child to aging parents, especially if you are having to shoulder that burden earlier in your life. This is definitely a big factor in my decision not to have children - I don't want that future unhappiness and stress for them.

I sometimes see older parents with a teen or adult child who obviously has special needs, and I’m relieved that I’m not in that situation. I could easily have been as myDH is older than me and I’m the daughter of an older father and have autistic traits, so the likelihood was not insignificant.

Every. Single. Day

I love my daughters and Grandkids with all my soul and heart... they are my life..
But in today's world l wouldn't have any now.
Not because my family are hard work ( they definitely aren't.. we are a loving close family .. with loads of ASD).. All but two..
But the world isn't a nice place .. l can't see the future.. but l believe my childhood / teenage/ early adult life was less stressful.
Less scary and so much better.

It's many of the parents who make me feel often "yup made the right choice".
The pressure to do stuff, the judgments of each other, the competing at everything from number of present to number of extracurriculars...
I wouldn't hack that.
My child would be permanently pitied by other parents most likely.

Now I’m older, absolutely yes. I was married to a narcissist and the thought of trying to co-parent with him freaks me right out. There’s no way I, or my child, would have remained undamaged. Plus the world is so totally fucked, I would just feel guilt/worry constantly about what I brought a child into.

I think most days and if I ever feel a bit lonely, I read some posts on MN about the struggles of having children and that changes my mindset back to relief 🤣

I have two but they are young adults now which is quite a relief as I have some health problems. The early years are tough and it is good to be through them, I would think very carefully about doing it with health issues or other stress as it is quite overwhelming.

All the time. So many posts on here make me think "thank God we chose not to have children". Also so many of my friends have grandchildren and still have so much hassle from their children AND grandchildren! Almost all of them say if they could go back in time they would not have children.

I visited my cousin and his wife yesterday. They have two lovely little boys, and they were running and jumping all around the living room. They're a very happy family, but I couldn't be doing with that! If I lived nearer I'd offer to take them out for a while so they could have some peace!