Anyone else sometimes get a wave of relief that they don’t have children?

[knowifIcando]

I’m in my late 30s and have known I think for a long time that I didn’t want kids. I’ve never really actively thought about it although now and then wonder if I’ll regret it.

And then I have moments like today. I’ve been at my sister’s house and my nieces are lovely, gorgeous kids but then she started talking to them about how they had to get their uniforms sorted for school, get the homework done and have baths and I felt such a feeling of relief that I had decided not to have them and could return to my peaceful home.

Every single day, and I'm late 50s - no regrets at all. I think a lot of mums regret having them if they're honest.

I’m childless, we wanted children, we TTC for a decade, fertility treatments and all that but it wasn’t meant to be. 6 years on from when we stopped TTC I am regularly no glad I don’t have them! It just looks exhausting and expensive. I do what I want when I want with plenty of disposable income! Plus the world has just gone to shit and is only getting worse, id be in a constant state of anxiety if i had kids now.
Ten years ago i would never have believed that i would end up doing a total 180 on my feelings for having children!

I do when I hear about young kids getting bullied online, sharing nudes, getting involved in the 'manosphere', carrying knives, ket addiction, young kids getting surgery and cosmetic enhancements but still feeling ugly ..
The fact the planet isn't a safe place.

A lot of the time basically.

Every single morning!!! 46, child and care free 😁

I feel the same but about dogs. So many friends have them. I would hate it. The snuffling, the pointless walks and constant picking up poo. No thanks.

Agreed. If I had a child, I think they'd probably be a lot like myself - a quiet and shy kind soul, and I bet they'd struggle with a lot of the pressures of today. When I was at school, at least home could be a bit of an 'escape', whereas today it's like people have access to you 24 / 7. I know as a parent you can limit phone and internet use, but realistically you have to let them on at least as teens for homework etc. It would be impossible to keep them safe all the time.

It's not for everyone! I was adamantly child free until I got about 28. I didn't want the financial responsibility, the emotional responsibility, and found kids annoying. Then hormones happened. I sat with it a couple of years to be sure, and aged 31 I have my 1yo IVF DD.

I can absolutely see why people don't want to be parents and have the utmost respect for people who know that and choose not to bring a child into the world, despite societal pressure. People who have children 'just because' then don't want the reality of parenting are the worst.

Having said that, I wouldn't be without my girl. She's the love of my life. It's like having a piece of your soul walking around outside your body. I love all the things I never understood people cooing over, such as first steps, when they reach for a toy then first time, trying foods etc. I'm proud and awed by it all!

Yeah..I feel we had our own dangers back in the day, but they involved going outside and having to want to experience certain things to an extent.

You wouldn't get bombarded with bullying, hatred or sexist/racist opinions while lying in your bed.

'It's like having a piece of your soul walking around outside your body'

I really love being around children and I absolutely get the appeal of parenting, but I don't understand descriptions like this as a positive. To me it sounds frightening and disturbing. I can't imagine feeling that vulnerable. I've heard parenting described as 'the highest highs and the lowest lows' and all I think is, I have no desire to live my life on a rollercoaster!

I have never wanted kids. As I got older, I became more and more aware of the weird genes in our family and I have never wanted to perpetuate them.

My DBro and DSis have both had kids and they have been an absolute nightmare that I can just get in my car and drive away from.

I have never, even once, wished I had kids.

I love having adult kids but I'm very glad not to have any more tiny kids. I didn't mind at the time, but I wouldn't have the energy now. It's scary to think that if I'd sprogged again in my early 40s I could be getting jumped all over by primary aged kids at my age!

Oh my God, this. I try and take an active part in my friends’ lives and this means spending time with their kids but lately I have been wondering why I bother. I have spent so much time standing in a freezing cold park watching them go on the fucking slide yet again. My friends do not seem to find this remotely boring but I am losing the will with it all.

And this is relevant because ……?

Yes, me too! And they seem far more constraining than having children. It looks like endless faff and filth… And I like dogs, and grew up with them, but couldn’t cope with the constrainsy of having one.

Yes . Every time I read one of these horrific threads from women struggling with SEN kids . I absolutely know I would never have the tolerance .

Imagine a thread that was titled “Anyone else relieved they aren’t one of those childless women?” It would be horrible. Maybe even more horrible on a website originally set up for women without children to support one another and share childfree experiences.

Regularly. And not just when I see kids being noisy or messing about & feel grateful that they’re not my responsibility - also when I see families having a good time. I’m glad they’re happy while still being grateful it’s not me.

Also when I’ve got back from work, or from the gym, or from a day out with friends & I’m tired & I can just flop onto the sofa with my cat in the knowledge that it’s just us.

Not so much a "wave" as just a constant reaffirmation that I made the right choice and that despite what society/adults kept telling me, I knew my own mind when I was a child/adolescent/teen and insisted children were not for me.

I wake up every day knowing that I can devote the entire day to doing things at my pace, doing things that are priorities for me, and not doing things out of necessity for other people. This is what I always knew I wanted, and children just don't fit with that, so basically I have an ongoing, unending "wave" of relief that I never made what would I knew all along would have been the wrong decision.

I used to get pangs of regret but this has gone the more I read about crime involving young people, the prevalence of ND diagnoses and all the other stuff going on in the world that makes life seem so challenging for children to be brought up in. I honestly couldn't bring a child into the world we live in right now and feel good about that.

Then, personally it has taken me until I reached late 40s to psychologically finally be at peace with myself. I couldn't have had a child and brought them up to be a well rounded human with the issues I had. I know plenty of people do, which probably part explains why there are so many fucked up people out there. I'm second generation fucked up but at least I ended it.

I don't think it would quite be the same would it, as childless people haven't had a choice in their circumstances.

Parents have (hopefully) actively chosen to have children. Childfree by choice people have actively chosen not to. So hopefully the sensitivities aren't as acute for these two groups.

In answer to the OPs question, yes I guess I feel relieved in small and large ways fairly often, or I wouldn't have stuck with this choice so adamantly for so long. However I must say, I don't give it a huge amount of thought these days.

I'm 41, happily married to my husband of 20 years, financially solvent, nice home, good job (by which I mean, we have good circumstances for bringing kids into the world and could have done it at any point). I suppose the best way of describing how I feel is that I have pangs of "When am I going to get found out and made to submit? How am I getting away with this?".

I can sort of agree but also agree with the other response that it would only be terrible for women childless not by choice. Whereas on here the vast majority of women with kids presumably chose to have kids.

This website also has lots of threads created as a result of people wishing to discuss topics previously raised on here, and therefore some childless by choice women might want to discuss their thoughts too.

Yes, hence MN providing an MNers without children board.

We've asked several times if it can be removed from Active but HQ have refused.

Very, very few are. Even black mumsnetters aren't which I thought they were supposed to be (understandably). Shame

Why would you want it removed?