Anyone else sometimes get a wave of relief that they don’t have children?

[knowifIcando]

I’m in my late 30s and have known I think for a long time that I didn’t want kids. I’ve never really actively thought about it although now and then wonder if I’ll regret it.

And then I have moments like today. I’ve been at my sister’s house and my nieces are lovely, gorgeous kids but then she started talking to them about how they had to get their uniforms sorted for school, get the homework done and have baths and I felt such a feeling of relief that I had decided not to have them and could return to my peaceful home.

Every time I hear a child having a tantrum or whining, or running about screaming and shouting, I feel glad I don't have one. The noise drives me mad even for a short period, for example, on public transport, so I console myself by thinking at least I don't have to live with it.

Also when I see parents having to hump buggies and prams around in awkward places, along with bags full of presumably nappies and things. I hate having to go out with more than one bag, even if my extra is only a small rucksack or suitcase - having to carry children's paraphernalia would send me up the wall. I hasten to add before I sound selfish, I always offer to help anyone struggling on their own with a pram on stairs or other awkward places!

I can see why some people don’t want to be parents but a lot of the statements here come across as trying to convince yourself. Some here couldn’t have children so it wasn’t a choice, others didn’t meet a suitable partner in the right window of time. I’m pleased you are happy, truly, but school bags, uniforms etc take seconds to sort, some people make a fuss about things whereas the rest of us just get on with it no nonsense. Modern parents (those with under 12’s now) seem to make a lot more fuss than we did just 25 years ago, and children definitely aren’t happier.

As for lifelong sen, that’s us, my dsd is severely disabled but she lives with 24/7 care and we visit her and treat her to lunch just like any other adult children, the only main difference is dh attends medical appointments occasionally, annually deals with the court of protection and meets her social worker annually

Exactly what I was thinking - Really not nice on a forum set up for parents. Grateful every day that I have children, sad that I can’t have anymore

I am an older parent and work in elderly social care and certainly don't think I've done a disservice having my kids older. My work has taught me there is no ideal age to have a child anyway, I've seen many people who have had younger parents and are now caring for them in their 60s/70s and not able to enjoy their retirement or grandchildren and absolutely exhausted.

Not all old people need care and you cannot predict or prepare for every eventually having children. And if you are a carer, it's hard no matter what age you do it. But as per usual we'll just lay the blame at older parents as usual.

If your happy with your choice to have children then what's the issue with women who are happy they didnt have children? Dont join the thread

To be honest, nearly every day.

I sometimes walk my dog at school opening times and the whole thing seems relentless, nosiy and boring.

Any conversation with parents always gives me a flood of relief for my child-freedom too. Again, it all just seems so relentless.
So many of my parent friends seem to be waiting for the next stage of their life. I find it actually quite sad.

What’s not nice is piling on a board that isn’t intended for you and which was specifically set up by MNHQ for posters without children. Even some child free by choice people can sometimes have conflicting feelings about it and it’s nice to be able to discuss it without people to whom it’s irrelevant piling on to tell us how outraged they are.

I don’t go posting on the woo boards, much as its very existence irritates me. Woo threads/childfree threads on AIBU and Chat are fair game imo but boards like this should be left for the intended users.

@bookinglooking this is exactly like me, except my friends and families children are adults but I feel just like you do.

This is why this board should not be in Active.

I'm relieved nearly every day, but I never once wanted children.

Why should it not be in active?

I did feel like this when I was younger. When I went to a house with small children I thought how can they bear to live with these demanding little people. But I did have them but I can see why it's not for a lot of folk as it isn't a logical choice in many ways.

I have two girls who were a delight and still are but everywhere l go, there are children screaming and behaving badly .
I was in a store last week and this screaming child was being taken out of the store by his Father . The child screamed and cried repeatedly 'l want it" over and over again . The Father took the child outside and ten mins later when l left the child was still screaming 'I want it '. That poor Father .
My daughters never behaved like that. l can honestly say .
I was full of admiration for the Father he was so patient. This is just an example l know but children can be so badly behaved, l see it all the time these days .
I haven't any grandchildren, don't know if l ever will but if my daughters don't want any children, then l wouldn't blame them .

One of my friends has young grandchildren and the stress due to the parents marriage breakdown and the amount of time she has to devote to looking after them while shoring up one of the adult parents, I have no idea how she does it. She also has other family caring duties too.

I am full of admiration for her, she's over 70 and I don't know anyone who is a better grandparent, I wish all kids could have a nan like her but I could not do what she does. To be honest, I just wouldn't want to.

This is the Mumsnetters without Children board in case you hadn’t noticed.

I’m childless not by choice (well I was originally) but I do feel relieved not to have children now.

Nope. I am thankful every single day that I had them. They are the best & I can’t imagine life without them.

Yes, regularly - and also as a pp said continual affirmation that I made the right choice for me.

I really love all my friends' children but am so glad I don't have to deal with one or more 24/7. And now I have caring responsibilities for my Gran, I'm even more relieved I'm not juggling a child as well or I would never get any time for myself.

That’s lovely but you’re on the wrong board. This is the MNers Without Children board.

I can see why some people don’t want to be parents but a lot of the statements here come across as trying to convince yourself.

”You made different choices to me so your choices are wrong” is what this comes across as.

I am asexual, and prefer living a single life. I know a lesbian friend of mine decided to get pregnant with a donor sperm, but I hate any examinations down there inc cervical smears, so that's a no go for me. I've also got PCOS, so having children will be more difficult anyway.

Well that's great for you but it's certainly not how a lot of my friends with children (and some with grandchildren) feel.

I can’t see it as wholly positive either. Love like no other yes, but the other side of the coin is that no one on the planet has more power to hurt you, even unintentionally, than your own children.

Actually it is on active for all to be able to see - and comment!

Yes though it shouldn’t be and people have requested it be removed from active for this exact reason but that doesn’t mean that you have to go harassing people on boards that aren’t intended for you. It is very clearly a board intended for Mumsnetters without children and our conversations should not have to include or consider outraged people to whom the board is irrelevant. I keep away from the black Mumsnetter boards, the adoption boards, the woo boards(Ridiculous as I find them), the SN children boards, etc because they aren’t intended for me. It’s not that difficult.

It shouldn't be. I don't know why HQ is so stubborn on that issue. But then again; you don't have to comment on a thread on a board aimed at people with no children.