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MNers without children

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Original poster

A mini rant about Christmas presents (MNetters without children section)

147 replies

LucyLettie · 06/12/2023 09:04

Just a post to express my yearly annoyance that every Christmas, DH’s family has a ‘buy just for the children’ rule. Which means that we buy presents for the seven children of his three siblings. And yet as the only childless couple, no one thinks to even get a token for us? (They know we would love children but it unfortunately hasn’t happened for us.)

We also buy seven birthday presents throughout the year but we never get one.

Ho hum!

OP posts:
Slowlivingfemale · 09/12/2023 15:56

My mother stopped buying Xmas and birthday presents for adults me when my sister had her 4th child. My mother still reminds me to buy Xmas/birthday/ mother's day gifts for my sister because "mothers should be cherished"
My sister has a very enmeshed relationship with my mother and has followed her lead. I do however, buy her a little gift to keep the peace with my mother.

LolaSmiles · 09/12/2023 16:01

I think it's shit and thoughtless too.

Noicant · 09/12/2023 16:04

I had my DC late it really didn’t bother me that we bought for DC in the family and didn’t get anything back, but then I just don’t care for gifts.

clpsmum · 09/12/2023 16:12

I think I'm the only person on mumsnet who thinks gifts for adults are sometimes more important! Kids always get lots and the adults are overlooked. I buy for adults who have children and not their kids!

sawnotseen · 09/12/2023 16:43

That's awful. I have adult children (20s)and adult neice and nephew (early 30s). Nephew has a child, neice doesn't so I always spend a little more on her and her husband to make it the same cost as I spend on my nephew, his partner and daughter.
They don't buy for me or my children but that is cool as I'd rather they spend their money on themselves.
My sister, their mum, still buys for me and my children and I buy for her and her husband too, despite there being one of me and two of them (and they're well off - I'm skint!)
To be honest, we are the only family that I know who still buy for adult children who are not their own but I'd feel bad stopping now. They both have birthdays in December too!

fitzwilliamdarcy · 09/12/2023 16:43

My mother still reminds me to buy Xmas/birthday/ mother's day gifts for my sister because "mothers should be cherished"

Jesus. She sounds like a woman I work with who thinks that on mother’s day, a mum should get gifts from the whole extended family and her close friends because mothers “mother the whole world” or some shite.

roarrfeckingroar · 09/12/2023 17:07

I don't think it's thoughtless. Do you not think the parents would quite like a token gift too? Especially after spending their lives having to parent (ie bottom of the list, exhausted, poor...)

LastChristmasIgaveyoumyTart · 09/12/2023 17:45

roarrfeckingroar · 09/12/2023 17:07

I don't think it's thoughtless. Do you not think the parents would quite like a token gift too? Especially after spending their lives having to parent (ie bottom of the list, exhausted, poor...)

Yes I’m not understanding all the people saying they don’t get anything, neither do the other adults.

Sauerkrautsandwich · 09/12/2023 17:58

The adults could get presents if they didn't put children only rule...
But at the end of the day this rule means as pps described that there will be some adults having nothing under the tree while they spent time, though and money on chilf relatives (probably saving some money to parents in a process).

I don't think it's thoughtless. Do you not think the parents would quite like a token gift too? Especially after spending their lives having to parent (ie bottom of the list, exhausted, poor...)
Obviously they wouldn't since they said no presents for adults...
For presents for life of parenting look to your children later when they have own money.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 09/12/2023 17:59

I'm the youngest of five and have 14 "niblings".

When I was single (and childless) my eldest sister rang to say tht she and the others had decided we were only buying for the children now. I told her we most certainly were not and to be fair they backed down straightaway.

(I'm still childless and the youngest of those children is in their 30s. We only buy for us adult siblings now 😁)

MissyB1 · 09/12/2023 18:08

Yes it's shit. Rule in our family is you only buy for kids under 18, but my sister's kids aree grown up and left home, so I send her a mini hamper from M&S I ordered it the other day and it looks lovely.

dementedpixie · 09/12/2023 18:10

I buy a present for my childless brother as it would be unfair for him to buy for my kids and get nothing back

Dolly567 · 09/12/2023 18:16

I spend the same amount on my sister as she does my two boys
Also friend with no children will get them something
They are selfish for this

27icey · 09/12/2023 18:30

I don't really get it tbh. The other adults aren't getting anything either. How would it be fair for you to get something and not them?

LaurieStrode · 09/12/2023 18:38

27icey · 09/12/2023 18:30

I don't really get it tbh. The other adults aren't getting anything either. How would it be fair for you to get something and not them?

Because her household had to fork out for the kids. The other households ARE gaining gifts. Is that not obvious?

dementedpixie · 09/12/2023 18:50

27icey · 09/12/2023 18:30

I don't really get it tbh. The other adults aren't getting anything either. How would it be fair for you to get something and not them?

Because she is buying for their children and spending on them and getting no present into her family in return just because she has no children

randomstress · 09/12/2023 18:58

LucyLettie · 06/12/2023 09:37

Do you buy your childless relatives presents if they send ones for your children?

Yes we do. The Uncles get nicer gifts than the other adults in our family. Because they are generous with dc gifts and have no dc to gift to themselves.

Aria20 · 09/12/2023 19:22

Yes we have always bought gifts for my brother who has no children as he buys for our 3. And also for my sister in law and her husband - this year they have a baby - so we've spent about what they spend on our 3 combined for just him - seems fair and he's our first nephew and it's his first Xmas!

We also have a lovely neighbour who always gets our children something and she doesn't have kids so we buy her a nice bottle of wine, chocs and treats for her very pampered dog!

Really thoughtless of the family to not consider getting you something as you are doing all the giving!!

Torganer · 09/12/2023 19:28

I think that’s awful. We do a secret Santa for the adults. I’m the only one with a baby and always buy a gift for those that buy my child a gift and write the card from them.

roarrfeckingroar · 09/12/2023 19:38

@LastChristmasIgaveyoumyTart yeah exactly. No adults are getting gifts. To make it about net gain / loss per household is very much against what gift giving should be about to me.

Bournetilly · 09/12/2023 19:44

I think when there’s seven nieces/ nephews the best thing to do is stop buying for them at Christmas altogether and the parents just buy them gifts (grandparents may want to aswell). Either that or as someone said do secret Santa.

It’s different if there’s 1 or 2 nieces / nephews.

I think birthdays are different but maybe a budget of £10 and just a token gift.

110APiccadilly · 09/12/2023 19:49

We have a "buy only for the children" rule. But only with the aunts/ uncles who have children themselves, due to the obvious unfairness of anything else!

In fact, we've tried suggesting to the childfree aunts/ uncles that we're very happy for them to just buy for our children, not for us, but we'll still buy them something, to make it fairer, but that's been turned down.

Justfinking · 09/12/2023 19:56

If you resent it, stop buying the birthday gifts. And if you really want, just get something small for Xmas if it will cause a stir if you get nothing. I was in this situation and genuinely didn't mind buying gifts for the kids as I adored them all, but if you resent it, then just don't do it (or minimise it). I also think it's rude to never get something back once in a while. Occasionaly I'd get sent a present for my birthday which I was happy with and now that I have a DC, I also send gifts occasionally to his aunties that don't have children and send gifts (but I would say I only do this as I'm aware being in the situation for years myself), most people seem to be pretty thoughtless in general I find

Sauerkrautsandwich · 09/12/2023 20:05

In my family everyone buys for everyone. I don't think I know any back home who do only kids

Neitheronethingnortheother · 09/12/2023 23:11

roarrfeckingroar · 09/12/2023 17:07

I don't think it's thoughtless. Do you not think the parents would quite like a token gift too? Especially after spending their lives having to parent (ie bottom of the list, exhausted, poor...)

(ie bottom of the list, exhausted, poor...)

As opposed to childfree people who are always the top of everyone's list, full of energy and rich?

What incredibly lazy stereotyping