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MNers without children

This board is primarily for MNers without children - others are welcome to post but please be respectful

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Original poster

A mini rant about Christmas presents (MNetters without children section)

147 replies

LucyLettie · 06/12/2023 09:04

Just a post to express my yearly annoyance that every Christmas, DH’s family has a ‘buy just for the children’ rule. Which means that we buy presents for the seven children of his three siblings. And yet as the only childless couple, no one thinks to even get a token for us? (They know we would love children but it unfortunately hasn’t happened for us.)

We also buy seven birthday presents throughout the year but we never get one.

Ho hum!

OP posts:

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 06/12/2023 09:12

How old are the children? what do they expect? piles of stuff or one nice thing? My attitude would be 'well it might be your rule but it isn't mine.'

Original poster

LucyLettie · 06/12/2023 09:13

Currently they range between 1 and 12. As aunt and uncle we get them something nice, not overly expensive. Of course, it does add up. But it’s the fact no one seems to have twigged that it’s a bit, well, thoughtless?

OP posts:

PuttingDownRoots · 06/12/2023 09:14

This is why I always get a nice present for my brother... he buys lovely things for my children, he does a lot for them... so we do something nice for him.

CatOnTheCludgy · 06/12/2023 09:15

Yes that is shit and thoughtless of them

Gooseysgirl · 06/12/2023 09:16

My kids have one auntie and three uncles without kids who have spent a small fortune on them over the years. We always get them something from the kids at Christmas time!

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 06/12/2023 09:19

Do they say thank you or is it taken for granted that they'll get presents? if you're buying birthdays AND Christmas and not getting as much as a card back I'd be scaling back expectations.

Do they have lots of people buying them gifts or just you?

ApoodlecalledPenny · 06/12/2023 09:19

We always send my brother and his partner Christmas and birthday gifts for this very reason. Your family are being really unfair.

Grimbelina · 06/12/2023 09:20

You should be getting a gift, I actually don't agree that only children should get gifts as I think it's important they learn that they shouldn't just expect to receive (and that gift giving can be really enjoyable). I am clear on this with my children. I hope at least you get proper thanks from the older ones and your generosity isn't taken for granted. If I didn't get thanked, I stopped buying...

RoseAndRose · 06/12/2023 09:21

Yes that's shit and thoughtless.

I know one is meant to give from sheer generosity, and not in expectation of return, but when families start putting "rules" round it, that evaporates, doesn't it?

I bet they haven't even noticed that whereas it's still give and take for them, for you it's all one way

NonanteNeuf · 06/12/2023 09:23

We do secret Santa to fix this issue. Everyone buys for one person. The kids are teenagers now but they get enough from their parents without adding more from Aunts and Uncles.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 06/12/2023 09:23

I know one is meant to give from sheer generosity, and not in expectation of return, but when families start putting "rules" round it, that evaporates, doesn't it?

Exactly. It sets up the expectation that you'll buy for the kids but you won't mind not getting anything back; which isn't really the point of gift giving.

ElevenSeven · 06/12/2023 09:26

It’s ‘just kids’ in both of our families too, but when some have had no kids, we’ve bought for the adults who buy for our kids (until they had their own kids)

Justfinking · 06/12/2023 09:31

I used to feel a bit like this on rare occasions and now I actually make a special effort to buy for the single aunties in my family who buy for my DC (in saying this I did genuinely enjoy buying for my nephews and neices and I was the one who did it, it wasn't a 'rule'). Tbh just stop buying if you feel this way. Now that I have a child, while I appreciate so much when someone gets them a gift I also am astounded by how much they get and think how they already have so much and don't need anything else.

wherethewildtbingsgo · 06/12/2023 09:32

Yes that's very thoughtless. I'm actually quite shocked no-one thinks to buy you both something.

newstart1234 · 06/12/2023 09:35

I can't relate to this. I hate receiving gifts. I can't think of a single thing I've enjoyed receiving since being about 15, or maybe younger. I just buy the thing when I need it and have the money for it. I appreciate that maybe I just have low needs and enough money to meet them, which won't be the same for everyone. Being given and having to go through the ritual of thanking people for unwanted stuff is tedious.

I genuinely enjoy buying for my younger relatives. I know what they really hanker for and I know they will be excited on the day to receive something they otherwise wouldn't have.

I have children though, but I do say to relatives (and I mean it) that my children don't need stuff just for the sake of a present. They get enough anyway so don't feel pressured to buy something. Around half don't bother with presents which is 100% fine with me and the children don't notice.

So yeah perfectly reasonable of you I'd say. We have an awkward culture around this - they may feel you'd be offended if they told you they don't want the presents. Have you talked to them about it?

Original poster

LucyLettie · 06/12/2023 09:37

Do you buy your childless relatives presents if they send ones for your children?

OP posts:

LoobyDop · 06/12/2023 09:43

My brother does this. I don’t mind at the moment because my nephew is still quite little and I’ve only got one, and also I know my brother is under shedloads of pressure and only just keeping his head above water. But I agree that it’s a shit principle. My husband’s family do it as well, but that’s his problem, I don’t get involved.

Lovingitallnow · 06/12/2023 09:47

I have 3 and db none so I buy him a nice pressie, he used to buy us all something and would go way over budget of anything I suggested, so I ended up saying only buy for the kids but we'll buy for you.

INeedNewShoes · 06/12/2023 09:49

It's crap. I have a child and my DSis doesn't. There's no way I'd not give her a gift but expect her to buy for my DD.

I have issues with the way our family does Christmas presents though, just different ones! It's all become an exchange of people telling others what they want.

ColleenDonaghy · 06/12/2023 09:52

That's really insensitive of them.

We have a presents for the DC only rule in our family - but the DC then buy for our mum as otherwise she'd get nothing, and they need to learn to give as well as receive.

Likewise, we cancelled presents with BIL & SIL years ago and we bought for their DC (we had none in those days and they were still a long way off as there is a big age gap between DH & BIL). They always gave us a token from the DC.

honoldbrist · 06/12/2023 09:54

I literally couldn't get worked up over this. Don't your parents get you something? Maybe your sibling can't afford it as well as giving their children a nice christmas. You don't have to get them anything, buy yourself a present instead if it bothers you.

Sauerkrautsandwich · 06/12/2023 10:01

honoldbrist · 06/12/2023 09:54

It's DH's family.
At least read the OP, not just title.

Sauerkrautsandwich · 06/12/2023 10:02

Yanbu OP. I know what you mean. 1 shared nice token gift would be more than enough. Just to show appreciation.

BurntOrangeAutumn · 06/12/2023 10:04

Ah that's terrible now. I might be bad at remembering my siblings birthdays but if they didn't have kids & were buying for my kids, I'd definitely get them a gift even from the kids receiving the gifts.

LastChristmasIgaveyoumyTart · 06/12/2023 10:05

I just think present giving in general is a bit naff. How many adults want a set of toiletries or chocolates they haven’t picked themselves? Children on the other hand, are easier to buy for as they don’t have money of their own. If you think back I’m sure as a child people bought you gifts and you didn’t get them anything? This is your turn to repay this.

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