A mini rant about Christmas presents (MNetters without children section)

[LucyLettie]

Just a post to express my yearly annoyance that every Christmas, DH’s family has a ‘buy just for the children’ rule. Which means that we buy presents for the seven children of his three siblings. And yet as the only childless couple, no one thinks to even get a token for us? (They know we would love children but it unfortunately hasn’t happened for us.)

We also buy seven birthday presents throughout the year but we never get one.

Ho hum!

Its really shit. My brother unilaterally decided that they would only be buying for the kids and now the kids are grown Christmas is a joyless affair.
Yes, it's not about the gift really. It's just nice to be thought of. I would definitely start scaling back and treat yourselves. I ended up buying for myself.
I think its only fair to mention that I do actually have children but I was single for a long time and I was the only person on Christmas morning without so much as a box of chocolates.

This is just one of the many, many reasons we don’t do Christmas in any way. Yanbu

I'd be opting out. It's up to the parents to provide gifts for their kids.

Or ask that the rule be changed to "buy one gift per household" regardless of ages.

My DB and SIL don’t get us gifts and I think they’d prefer it if we didn’t get their child anything, but we’ll give money anyway. Or maybe an Amazon gift card. I’d feel awkward not giving him anything.

I’ve had 6 years of receiving nothing (except DC’s nursery/school cards/gifts) for Christmas. I bought for all of my nieces and nephews (youngest is 17), siblings + partners and my parents for years.

When I became a sole parent, my siblings decided we would only do presents for the kids. So my DC receives gifts (which I am grateful for), and my nieces/nephews receive gifts - and my siblings give gifts to our parents (as do I).

Then, each of my siblings exchange gifts with their respective partners.

So I get nothing.

If it weren’t for my DC, I wouldn’t bother about Christmas at all.

We stopped buying for SIL and my sister some years ago and only buy for their dc at their request, and they only buy for ours. However, my best friend and my dbro are childless (dbro by choice, bf not) and we buy for them and their dogs. I think it's a shame for adults to be left out because they don't have dc and it doesn't seem fair if you're doing all the gift giving and not receiving anything

YANBU. I have spent so much money over the years on kids' birthday and Christmas presents as well as baby shower presents and wedding presents. Yet I honestly can't remember the last time someone (other than my partner or mum) bought me a present. Probably over 10 years. It would be nice for someone to recognise that...but they never do!

My SIL and BIL do this, only presents for the kids. I feel a bit bad for DP, as he now only gets a present from MIL. Nobody else in his family side gets him a Christmas present; it’s not even about the gifts, it’s about the thought and care. We don’t even usually get a Christmas card from the kids in return, which we would love.

I agree with this. It's not just a familial bugbear in many ways - it's a societal thing. Work collections only happening for weddings and babies is another example. I've been employed for 20 years and have donated hundreds and hundreds to collections, but have never benefitted from a single collection because I'm single and childless.

I think it's just the small reminders that if you're not following The One Life Path, then you're not as important as those who are.

The "A Women's Right to Shoes" SATC episode, basically!

As a parent - we have done this in the past with my DH's sister and my aunt 'just buy for the kids' BUT when we say that we mean 'don't buy for US just buy for the kids' so SIL and my aunt will buy presents for our kids, and we'll buy presents for SIL and aunt because they have no kids for us to buy for. Feels fair.

you don’t need to adhere to any “rules” though. You can buy gifts for whoever you want to and you can not buy gifts for whoever you want to.

you could buy the adults gifts if you wish to and they may or may not reciprocate.

We have the same with my sister - she has 3dc. I love them to bits so always buy for them but since she had dc2 she has just decided she isn't buying presents for anyone. Fine but a token present for her main sources of childcare (parents and me) would be nice!
I'm wondering if she'll do something this year as there was an awkward moment last Christmas when niece took her presents off me then asked dsis where our presents were so she could give us something.

SIL however has insisted on presents only for her dc since she had them but continues to give gifts to us and other SIL.
It's not all give to receive but I feel like SILs approach is better.

@fitzwilliamdarcy

At the end of August, I moved four hours from home to my sister's home, as she broke her ankle & had surgery on it. We are both single, she 58, me 60.

I work FT and was fortunate to be able to carry on remotely. Was there 7 weeks doing all cooking, cleaning, laundry etc for bed bound sis, during intense deadlines at work. Her dog was ill, back and forth to vet and ultimately euthanized while i was there, too. I paid the thousands in vet bills as my sis also has cancer and lives on small private pension.

No expression of sympathy whatsoever from my office, who are aware of all these issues. We are a seven-person unit.

A few weeks ago one of my colleague's husband had cancer surgery. The team has gone crazy collecting funds for cleaner, meal delivery vouchers, supermarket yard care, babysitting and gifts/outings for their kids. (Both members of this couple are highly paid, not deprived)

I guess middle aged, childfree single people don't merit any assistance. A food or restaurant voucher would have been damned handy during my ordeal.

Yes

@LaurieStrode That's atrocious, I'm so sorry. I have seen similar things, unfortunately, where really significant efforts have been made where an employee is caring for their spouse, but not where an employee is unmarried and caring for someone outside of the 'nuclear' family.

That’s terrible, OP.

My brother and his husband don’t have kids and are really generous towards our two at birthdays and Christmas.

I make sure they get two or three things each to open on Christmas Day - and birthday presents, too.

Thank you, @fitzwilliamdarcy

They all are nice people, but everyone aside from me is married with kids (and a good bit younger.) i think I am the proverbial invisible older woman to them, and my personal life is inconsequential because it doesn't include husband and kids.

Even someone offering to run over and check on my house once or twice would have been helpful. Oh well.

That's sad. I have a child myself and suggested 'just for the children' to my brother when we had him, but it went one way. We bought for him/his partner but didn't expect something for us, just for our child, then when he had one himself we began the same. I can't imagine just ignoring one couple (understand it adds up when there are children to buy for too, but you wouldn't not do the grown ups who don't have them?!)

Maybe mention it to them - even in as much as - I know we have a rule of 'only the children' for Christmas, but we as a couple would really appreciate even a token handmade item from the kids?

I certainly did, up until they had one

They are arseholes I would buy you a gift from the children in their situation.

Don't buy this year

It is a bit crappy. We only buy to kids in our families as there's do many now but when there a couple who had no kids they still got a present even if it was a token present

just knock all presents on the head, let the parents buy for their children that all they need.

I have kids but we’ve knocked presents on the head this year for brothers and sisters in law etc. DH will probably still buy for his parents. One couple are childfree by choice and when they texted to ask what our kids wanted I chose cheapest thing possible and double checked to ask if they were sure they were ok with it. They replied that it’s fine as saves us all a job and, as adults, if we want something we can just go and buy it - a good point I feel! I hate present giving and receiving for adults as well 🙈😂

Sorry should have said knocked presents on the head for the adults

We don’t do adult to adult presents, but I have always given DC’s childless aunt and uncle a present from the children. (A nice present, not a photo frame with stuck on pasta made by the kids. Well, not just that, anyway)