A mini rant about Christmas presents (MNetters without children section)

[LucyLettie]

Just a post to express my yearly annoyance that every Christmas, DH’s family has a ‘buy just for the children’ rule. Which means that we buy presents for the seven children of his three siblings. And yet as the only childless couple, no one thinks to even get a token for us? (They know we would love children but it unfortunately hasn’t happened for us.)

We also buy seven birthday presents throughout the year but we never get one.

Ho hum!

Awwww @fitzwilliamdarcy that is really rubbish for you. I’m sorry you have such a thoughtless selfish family. Can you absent yourself in future and do something you want to do?

Yes - everyone that buys for our kids gets a token gift back. They buy for my 2 and DSis 1 and we usually spend £15 on each of them

It's very thoughtless and unfair to not buy you anything at all

For adults, we have a secret Santa - £30 limit

I can relate to this somewhat because I only have one child.

<ahem>this is the childless/child free board. You don’t share this experience. And tne “we have to buy” suggests you are not single either.

So even with the nest will I the world, you really don’t have much of an idea about what it feels like, year after year, in the way that some of us are sharing. Count your blessings!

We always buy my childless aunts and uncles something at Christmas, precisely for this reason. It would be thoughtless not to.

Yes this is me.,, We are child free and every year I get present fatigue because I end up buying for 11 people on my mum's side, including 4 under 6s. They do buy us gifts in return but thinking of things for that many drives me crazy.

I buy for four under 6s too & they all get book tokens for Christmas. Parents can use them online if that’s easier for them, & it makes present buying simpler for me. Individual thoughtful presents come on birthdays when I can think about one of them at a time.

I also often get joint Christmas presents for couples.

Same here OP. I buy for all our nieces and nephews for my side/ DH’s family for Christmas and birthdays. I also hand knitted them all blankets/ clothes when they were born. From my DH’s side I’ve never had a birthday or Christmas gift from either of his siblings- I get a birthday card on some years from one of his siblings - it’s always late and not an auntie one. They didn’t even acknowledge my 21st or 30th birthday. DH also doesn’t get Christmas gift from his siblings. I don’t give gifts to receive them, but it takes the p* when they ask for £40 dolls for a not even 1 year old child’s christmas present or ask for hand knitted baby blankets but then they never think of me of DH.

That is rather strange. We always bought for my husband's sister as she didn't have kids but was the best auntie and got the kids great presents, now we buy for her still and her baby boy.

Another thing I’ve just thought of that’s deeply annoying- parents who allow their kids to become so spoilt that by the age of 8 there’s nothing new under the sun for them, and then moan that the presents given to them are wrong in myriad ways.

Agree. Kids today are so jaded. Not just in the matter of physical gifts but experiences. "Taking my DD to London for her 8th birthday..." etc.

A colleague who is raising her kids sensibly was asked at a pre-holiday luncheon what her boys (6 and 9) were receiving for Christmas. Her response was "three or four books each, a hoodie apiece, their own little spade and hoe for helping in the garden, a puzzle and Rowan wants a new chair for his bedroom."

No electronics or plastic tat whatsoever. Her boys are intelligent, love to read, love to help their dad with DIY and their mom with her garden (food and ornamental plants mixed, no chemicals, pollinator friendly) and are polite and curious about the world around them. Not buried in screens or obsessed with sport. I love it.

Agreed. A friend of mine thought it was absolutely hilarious when her son, then aged 8, was brought to a (quite expensive) Santa experience, and he was “so disgusted” by the present given that he left it in the car and refused to bring it into the house. She told so many people about it, thinking it was a very amusing story, and could not see that it demonstrated how utterly spoiled her son was. He’s now 15 and hasn’t improved any bit.

Totally unfair! Could you and DH talk to your MIL to change the gifting rules?

We are in a slightly different but similar position b and have a different view. I have one DS who is now an adult. He's a step child to my DH's family, my DH and I weren't able to have our own. We used to buy presents for all the kids, plus my DH's siblings and partners and their multiple children (when they arrived, they are much younger than my DS, but there's a lot of them!) and DH's parents. It not only gets very expensive but it also adds a lot more pressure at Christmas with more presents to find, buy and wrap. Slight aside and not a huge factor but I am also an only child with one alive parent so seemed very weighted to his family.

Anyhow, it was MY suggestion a number of years ago that we ease the practical and financial pressure by only buying for the children (we all also get presents for the parents, we just don't do siblings any more). All the siblings jumped at the suggestion and enthusiastically agreed! Initially, this involved us buying for the many nephews and nieces and them buying one thing for my DS. A couple years later he turned 18 and I told them to stop buying for him altogether. It's was also a factor in my mind at the time that, in particular, one of the siblings struggles for money so it felt wrong for them to feel they had to continue. Again they readily agreed. So that just left us buying for the many nieces and nephews which I was happy with. We don't get anything back and haven't for years.

I don't mind this at all (except we have one dilemma which I've outlined below) as we want to treat our nieces and nephews and are happy to buy for them. I also feel we don't see them enough tbh so it's the one thing we can reliably do to show we do think about them and care. Christmas is also more about the children in my opinion and I don't want to create financial stress and further Christmas pressure on the siblings/partners. So happy and comfortable all round except....

My only dilemma now is that the eldest of the sibling's children has now reached 18. We have continued this year (she's at uni also so feel she isn't properly adult yet!....albeit my DS went to uni too!) but nothing has been said to us about stopping!! We could just stop unilaterally but would feel weird just to stop without saying anything (I did the explanations to my DS when the siblings stopped his gifts so he understood what was happening), especially as the eldest has siblings who we'd still be buying for! So anyhow we've not said anything as yet and not sure what to do really. I do feel slightly aggrieved that they've not said the same to us. Might have to gently broach it when we next see them....my DH will probably just want to carry on but I feel that would be unfair on my DS and make him feel he wasn't a proper part of the family.

@SiblingsAtChristmas

Last I checked this is a subgroup for discussion among people without children.

Why do people find it so difficult to respect that?

I’ve just been reading an AIBU gift thread. And now I feel like a terrible gift giver and also a person without children that gets awful or no gifts back.

maybe the best thing is just to stop giving gifts altogether? No disappointment of not receiving either. I can be like one of those old grouchy ladies in early 20th century books.

That was what prompted my thought in the first place. I agree, present-giving should be left in the past. Won’t ever happen though, too many people and too much of our economy are too invested in it.

We love present giving! But we are small family.
We do smashing practical ones. I still cherish my vacuum food storage from DB and SIL😂 I wouldn't spend money on it initially if I didn't get it, now I buy top up boxes because they are just so good🙈
Plus DH enjoys getting socks from my mum. She buys proper nice ones, tenner+ a pair from my country for him.
I get allepo soap style soaps from his.

As it's DH's family I wouldn't be buying any of them, personally and let him sort it out and worry about it. I don't do presents for inlaws, unless I see something when out and about and think "SIL would love this top!"

DH has four cousins nearby and they all have kids - hence why I'm not getting into it.

What? Her post was relevant and empathic to the question posted by the OP. A lot more relevant to the OP than your bigoted contribution about "kids today".

Agree. Kids today are so jaded. Not just in the matter of physical gifts but experiences. "Taking my DD to London for her 8th birthday..." etc.

What a load of bollocks.

My comment earlier was a despondent post because I like giving gifts but so many people seem to not appreciate them. And there seems to be an undertone of “child free give rubbish gifts because they don’t know how much of a ballache they are”.
and the consensus, even here on the without children area that gifts are for children. That’s not true.

I went for a day trip to London with my dad on my 11th birthday in 1986 and I don't think I was left jaded by the experience. 😆