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MNers without children

This board is primarily for MNers without children - others are welcome to post but please be respectful

Original poster

A mini rant about Christmas presents (MNetters without children section)

147 replies

LucyLettie · 06/12/2023 09:04

Just a post to express my yearly annoyance that every Christmas, DH’s family has a ‘buy just for the children’ rule. Which means that we buy presents for the seven children of his three siblings. And yet as the only childless couple, no one thinks to even get a token for us? (They know we would love children but it unfortunately hasn’t happened for us.)

We also buy seven birthday presents throughout the year but we never get one.

Ho hum!

OP posts:
DelurkingAJ · 09/12/2023 23:24

We do ‘children and Uncle X’ only on DH’s side because Uncle X is childless (at the moment…plenty of time yet as he’s much the youngest!). Seems very off otherwise somehow…I get presents from the DC after all.

feelingalittlehorse · 09/12/2023 23:31

We have a single, childless aunty who used to spoil us rotten every birthday and christmas.

I remember giving her gifts from “us” (obviously purchased by my mum!) when we were children, and now we are adults we
gladly spoil her!

Justfinking · 09/12/2023 23:32

27icey · 09/12/2023 18:30

I don't really get it tbh. The other adults aren't getting anything either. How would it be fair for you to get something and not them?

Do you really not understand basic maths? Hmm I assume it's Alps not about the actual gift, but the (lack of) thought

JenniferBooth · 10/12/2023 00:32

@LaurieStrode that is bloody unfair @fitzwilliamdarcy when i was working in retail a collegue was always niggly about DHs health issues. Intimated that he was malingering but the minute anyones kid was ill it was immediately met with sympathy. I was tempted to ask at what age does genuine illness stop and malingering start!

One day another colleugue was allowed to run out of the shop and halfway across town to our local Sainsburys because her dh could not fold up their childs buggy. There was no way i would have been allowed to just run out like that if DH had been ill In fact i had been told that i had to inform them in advance, (he eventually had a heart attack the following year which he survived)

Justfinking · 10/12/2023 00:34

feelingalittlehorse · 09/12/2023 23:31

We have a single, childless aunty who used to spoil us rotten every birthday and christmas.

I remember giving her gifts from “us” (obviously purchased by my mum!) when we were children, and now we are adults we
gladly spoil her!

Ditto, we have an aunt like this too

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 10/12/2023 00:37

I do birthdays only except for godchildren. They have parents, grandparents and Santa at Christmas. That's more than enough for any child with a normal family structure. If I had a sibling who was a single parent or struggling I'd do a family gift of something g edible.

"This year I have decide to buy you (family x) a membership to the local zoo or day out" . They won't miss it and you rebaseline Christmas appropriately.

Redglitter · 10/12/2023 00:39

I'm very lucky. I buy for my brother & sil & spend quite a lot on my nieces but I always get a lovely gift from my B&SIL and a separate one from my nieces. Same as birthdays, I get 2 lots of presents

Marblessolveeverything · 19/12/2023 07:44

We always buy for my siblings (usually a voucher towards a mini break/meal) and my children buy for them also.

This has led to my siblings getting some interesting presents but always is enjoy d by their aunts and uncles

EmpressaurusOfCats · 19/12/2023 07:53

roarrfeckingroar · 09/12/2023 17:07

I don't think it's thoughtless. Do you not think the parents would quite like a token gift too? Especially after spending their lives having to parent (ie bottom of the list, exhausted, poor...)

‘Having’ to parent? Didn’t most of them get a choice?

This is like another thread where someone says that parents envy the flexibility that people without kids have. There’s an obvious answer to that.

My brother has kids, my sister & I have pets. We all buy for each other but if someone introduced a presents for kids only rule, I think it would be negotiated into presents for kids and animals. And not just a bag of Dreamies either.

kimchio · 19/12/2023 07:56

Can you say "we're doing one gift per family" and get them something to share. They might twig then

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 19/12/2023 08:04

Thats a really shit thing to do. I do have kids now, but before I did I used to buy for nieces And their parents would buy for me.

There was one year where I bought their family 4 presents of stuff from their lists and they got me a home made edible item, pictures of the kids on an item, and socks. I think my SIL realised and we had a chat about it in the January.

I know you don't give to receive, but its all about mutual respect and appreciating your family

LastChristmasIgaveyoumyTart · 19/12/2023 09:38

@EmpressaurusOfCats I have children and cats. I honestly can’t think of anything other than dreamies to buy for my own cats never mind someone else’s.

randomstress · 19/12/2023 16:28

I definitely don't expect my brother without children to buy for my dc without getting a gift in return.
I also think dreamies are definitely the gift my cat would want most.

EmpressaurusOfCats · 19/12/2023 17:57

I did say not just a bag of dreamies… Grin

LoobyDop · 20/12/2023 08:41

We’ll take your dreamies and raise you chunks of freeze dried fish. They stink to high heaven, and omg the dribble, but you can happily dish out unlimited amounts because they are 100% fish and therefore healthy proper food.

EmpressaurusOfCats · 20/12/2023 08:51

Hmmm. I’m always on the lookout at the moment for kitten-friendly treats.

I’m giving my two a new door toy & another cat tree.

Isthisexpected · 20/12/2023 08:55

Your new user name is in really bad taste.

Marblessolveeverything · 20/12/2023 08:59

We send all family cats a subscription for a local salmon provider. No idea who eats the very nice salmon but the subscription is always in the cats name 🤣.

I am the only one of four sibs who have children and of 20 aunts and uncles only three have children, we were raised buying presents for everyone or occasionally Kris Kindle. I couldn't imagine leaving people out.

PamelaParis · 20/12/2023 09:07

I haven't read the whole thread but the OP comes across as very entitled. As the childless auntie, I find this attitude utterly bizarre. I don't give to receive. Plus I'm an adult and I can buy myself whatever I want. I don't want my sisters spending their money on me when they could be getting extra treats for their kids. Christmas is mostly for the kids after all.

LastChristmasIgaveyoumyTart · 20/12/2023 09:18

Isthisexpected · 20/12/2023 08:55

Your new user name is in really bad taste.

Hadn’t noticed till you said that but yuck, why would anyone want to be associated with a convicted child killer.

InflatableSanta · 20/12/2023 10:14

My brother and his wife don't have children and I absolutely send them gifts every year.

I tend to get a family gift for the families (board game or similar) and something nice plus something fun for my brother and his wife .

Nofilteritwonthelp · 20/12/2023 11:18

It's nice to get the occasional gift, but generally it never bothered me getting birthday and Xmas gifts for my neices and newphews because I love them. Once I hit around 30 I wasn't really into gifts anymore anyway, unless it's something you really want it's all just more 'stuff' that you don't really need. So sorry OP, YABU and I do think Xmas is mainly for kids (the present part anyway, the booze is for us!)

PinkDaffodil2 · 20/12/2023 11:26

We do a secret santa amongst adults in the family but I’m the only one of 3 siblings with kids. We get little gifts for aunts, uncles, grandparents from the kids - mostly nice socks, Christmas tree decorations or posh chocs. We didn’t the first couple of years when we only had one baby, but this seems much fairer now.

CleverLilViper · 21/12/2023 00:08

That sort of rule should only be applied between households with children, IMO.

I think it’s incredibly selfish to accept presents for their DC and not even offer a token present in return to acknowledge the effort.

If my DB and SIL put this rule in place, I’d probably stop buying because why should I be the one out of pocket and putting in the effort, when they’re not?

And it’s not about the monetary value of the gift- it’s about the lack of thought and effort but expecting thought and effort back.

As for the “parents are tired, poor…” yeah and? Everyone knows before you have kids that they’re expensive and also exhausting. I don’t feel sorry for people who went ahead anyway and then want to complain about a choice they freely made.

Nofilteritwonthelp · 21/12/2023 06:55

I do agree with PP that it's weird if that's actually a rule imposed by the parents, I assumed it was more just a common sense thing rather than a rule. Our Christamas has evolved to this basically as people don't want anything, we did initially think of Secret Santa so you buy/get one thing amongst the adults except it's not always certain who's coming so that's a bit too difficult to organise. But essentially no one really cares ... surely once you get to a certain age you have everything you want and need and if you do want something it's easy to get it yourself. I do understand that it is lovely to get a thoughtful gift sometimes that you love, but it's really not such a big deal in the scheme of things unless you're quite materialistic