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MNers without children

This board is primarily for MNers without children - others are welcome to post but please be respectful

Original poster

Worst comment you've had as a child free woman

914 replies

derekdied · 09/07/2023 18:54

I'll start. Someone I had literally met about fifteen minutes previously. One of her first questions "do you have kids?" Me "no.." her "oh could you just not be bothered with the responsibility?" 😮

OP posts:
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16
TWmover · 09/07/2023 22:54

Worst ones from so called 'friends':

''Everyone knows that your husband has always wanted children so you must be the issue and are denying him being a father '- person had no idea what either of us want or why we are child free.

After ranting about parental responsibilities 'you don't know how lucky you are not being a parent' - again another person with no idea as to why I'm child free.

And same as many other people 'you don't know love until you've had a child' - my sister!

KimberleyClark · 09/07/2023 22:59

A friend, telling me while I was struggling to conceive about a friend of hers who was struggling with secondary infertility “it’s worse for her, she knows what she’s missing”. This may well be true but it was so unnecessary to say it.

stanleytheflamingo · 09/07/2023 23:03

PurplePolkaDot1 · 09/07/2023 22:20

“Just adopt”. We were having fertility treatment. Adoption is not just something you do lightly, it’s a completely different scenario to having biological children.

Yup, the same for me 😞 Said by both my mum and a very good friend (who had two kids exactly when she wanted) It’s such a flippant amd insensitive thing to say

freeandfierce · 09/07/2023 23:03

KimberleyClark · 09/07/2023 22:59

A friend, telling me while I was struggling to conceive about a friend of hers who was struggling with secondary infertility “it’s worse for her, she knows what she’s missing”. This may well be true but it was so unnecessary to say it.

Wow! Hope she's no longer your friend.

C00kp1ssBabtridge · 09/07/2023 23:09

I recently took a taxi back from a station late at night. The driver asked if I had children and whether I wanted any in the future. When I said that I didn't want children, he spent the remaining 20 minutes of the journey telling me I was selfish, wrong and I was going to die alone. When I said some people aren't able to have children, he said this doesn't happen where he comes from.

It was a very awkward journey and quite worrying as it was in a taxi that you pick up from the station, not a service which is tracked, late at night and he seemed very passionate about me being a terrible human being. Was very relieved to be out of the car when I got home.

KimberleyClark · 09/07/2023 23:13

freeandfierce · 09/07/2023 23:03

Wow! Hope she's no longer your friend.

Show quote history

We exchange Christmas cards but haven’t actually met in about 20 years.

Walrussy · 09/07/2023 23:18

C00kp1ssBabtridge · 09/07/2023 23:09

I recently took a taxi back from a station late at night. The driver asked if I had children and whether I wanted any in the future. When I said that I didn't want children, he spent the remaining 20 minutes of the journey telling me I was selfish, wrong and I was going to die alone. When I said some people aren't able to have children, he said this doesn't happen where he comes from.

It was a very awkward journey and quite worrying as it was in a taxi that you pick up from the station, not a service which is tracked, late at night and he seemed very passionate about me being a terrible human being. Was very relieved to be out of the car when I got home.

God, that sounds really frightening. What a shithead he was.

LoveBluey · 09/07/2023 23:29

C00kp1ssBabtridge · 09/07/2023 23:09

I recently took a taxi back from a station late at night. The driver asked if I had children and whether I wanted any in the future. When I said that I didn't want children, he spent the remaining 20 minutes of the journey telling me I was selfish, wrong and I was going to die alone. When I said some people aren't able to have children, he said this doesn't happen where he comes from.

It was a very awkward journey and quite worrying as it was in a taxi that you pick up from the station, not a service which is tracked, late at night and he seemed very passionate about me being a terrible human being. Was very relieved to be out of the car when I got home.

What a really weird thing for a taxi driver to ask. That must have made you hugely uncomfortable.

ToBeOrNotToBee · 09/07/2023 23:33

The worst I had came from my sister, she knows I've had fertility issues.
She deliberately uses it as a weapon when she's in a mood.
Bitch.

SpaceJamtart · 09/07/2023 23:47

The worst I have ever heard was said to my sister. She is childfree by choice, gets to do a lot of international travel for work and would not want to give that up for anything.
She has a mild form of cerebral palsy that effects her left arm and she has visible contractures in that hand and wrist.
She told me about when she was talking to some new starters at work when they asked if she had any children, she replied that she did not.
One man pointed at her arm and said "Is that because you were scared of passing some dodgy genes on?"

LolaSmiles · 10/07/2023 06:26

MrsDanversGlidesAgain
I wish I did shut them up, but I was too surprised anyone actually said it. DH was furious.
We've ended up having DC but the comments made back then still hurt.

Like another poster, I had "career woman" comments too.

People ought to keep their mouths shut on the topic of being child-free because they've often no idea if it's by choice or circumstances.

Handbagger99 · 10/07/2023 06:33

Inevitably this thread has several comments from women who now have children. Do they not get the point of this forum?

LolaSmiles · 10/07/2023 06:37

Inevitably this thread has several comments from women who now have children. Do they not get the point of this forum?
I thought that a thread about unpleasant things said when child free was ok to share my experience of being childfree by circumstances.

I hadn't realised this board was only for people who remained child free by choice.

ThisIsACoolUserName · 10/07/2023 06:39

My SIL is imminently having her first baby.
I was trying to be a decent person and indulge my MIL's excitement about becoming a granny. "Yes how exciting. Oh you've knitted a hat for the baby - lovely" etc.
She looked at me, dreamy eyed, and said "When I was pregnant with [SIL], my uncle said to me 'Now you're having a baby, you're complete'".
I'm 39, have been with her son for the best part of 20 years. We're childfree by choice but not vocal about it, so as far as she is concerned we either don't want kids, or can't have them.
How fucking awful is what she said? I've come up with all sorts of replies since, but at the time I sat there dumbfounded, and started to play with the dog as a distraction. Her comment then lingered in my mind for about 6 months.
She didn't make me doubt my choices one bit. I'm just so hurt that she dare say that shit to me. How little respect must she have for me.

Handbagger99 · 10/07/2023 06:42

LolaSmiles · 10/07/2023 06:37

Inevitably this thread has several comments from women who now have children. Do they not get the point of this forum?
I thought that a thread about unpleasant things said when child free was ok to share my experience of being childfree by circumstances.

I hadn't realised this board was only for people who remained child free by choice.

It's nothing to do with choice or not. If you have children then you are by definition not childfree. I was also referring to the posters who were joining in about nasty things said to them as mothers.

LolaSmiles · 10/07/2023 06:48

It's nothing to do with choice or not. If you have children then you are by definition not childfree. I was also referring to the posters who were joining in about nasty things said to them as mothers

Those comments from people about being mothers were obviously not appropriate for the thread, I agree.

Apologies if sharing my experience from a different season wasn't right for in here. It's still a period of life that has some pain attached to it and the comments said back then still hurt on a couple of levels. First because of the hidden difficulties and it not being by choice, but also because it showed me how people would view me very differently if we ended up childfree by circumstances for life.
There was no intention to upset anyone on the thread by reflecting.

TrundleWheel76 · 10/07/2023 07:09

When I was younger I kept being told that I would change my mind or that I would think differently when I met the right man. All said in an especially annoying, knowing and patronising way.

I'm approaching 50 now and still feel the same way as I did as a teenager. Ha!

Handbagger99 · 10/07/2023 07:13

LolaSmiles · 10/07/2023 06:48

It's nothing to do with choice or not. If you have children then you are by definition not childfree. I was also referring to the posters who were joining in about nasty things said to them as mothers

Those comments from people about being mothers were obviously not appropriate for the thread, I agree.

Apologies if sharing my experience from a different season wasn't right for in here. It's still a period of life that has some pain attached to it and the comments said back then still hurt on a couple of levels. First because of the hidden difficulties and it not being by choice, but also because it showed me how people would view me very differently if we ended up childfree by circumstances for life.
There was no intention to upset anyone on the thread by reflecting.

I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you had and I'm glad things worked out for you in the way you wanted.

PixiKitKat · 10/07/2023 07:13

Childfree and childless are different things people!

Childfree - doesn't not want children
Childless - wants children but doesn't not have them yet (for whatever reason).

Too many examples on here are from women who were childless and not childfree so totally missing the point of the thread and aim of this sub.

WeAreTheHeroes · 10/07/2023 07:14

You can't police threads on a public forum.

KimberleyClark · 10/07/2023 07:17

PixiKitKat · 10/07/2023 07:13

Childfree and childless are different things people!

Childfree - doesn't not want children
Childless - wants children but doesn't not have them yet (for whatever reason).

Too many examples on here are from women who were childless and not childfree so totally missing the point of the thread and aim of this sub.

This board is for anyone who does not have children whether or not by choice. Lots of women myself included who were once childless now think of themselves as childfree.

thedevilinablackdress · 10/07/2023 07:50

"In my day your man just held you down and got on with it" Family member to me and SIL, also children at that point.
That's the worst, but heard so many variations of others posted over the years.

(And yes, this board if for anyone without kids to discuss matters pertaining - there was discussion on first thread)

thedevilinablackdress · 10/07/2023 07:51

*also childfree at that point. not children!

JorisBonson · 10/07/2023 08:20

Do we need a round animal?

Worst comment you've had as a child free woman
JorisBonson · 10/07/2023 08:23

As a person without children, who will never have children (the target audience for this board)....

Someone else once said to me that my (also childfree by choice) husband would leave me as soon as he changed his mind, and that I would be a lonely old woman.