Worst comment you've had as a child free woman

[derekdied]

I'll start. Someone I had literally met about fifteen minutes previously. One of her first questions "do you have kids?" Me "no.." her "oh could you just not be bothered with the responsibility?" 😮

I hope you don't mind me posting, but I was childfree for over 23 years as an adult due to infertility before DD was born, but was ambivalent about having chidren in the first place, so I totally understand that there are people who don't want children and why. I get just as angry as you all do with brood mares who think that all women want babies and women who don't want them are weird.

I would be very tempted to ask them why they feel that reproducing is the only worthwhile things to do in life, and there is so much more to life than just being an incubator.

@Whichwhatnow I've had this, too, or did when I was in the office. One of the additional benefits of WFH!

Family
friends
work colleagues
acquaintances

Not the same but my MIL told me ‘as a mother I want my son’s around for Christmas. You’ll never understand the true meaning and joy of Christmas’.

When we said we were going to spend a Christmas with my family.....after 4 at hers.

We’ve always had a tumultuous relationship and said harsh things to each but that was different. That was when I truly put a stop to it, I said I would never speak to her again if she continued and after a while she said she accepted my decision but I did reduce my calls to her (I moved halfway across away years ago and don’t go back very often). Also as I approached 40’s I guess she realised the chances of me changing my mind were very low.

Some friends who were previously very close but then decided we were of little value once they had kids and moved to a London nappy valley and never hear from. The husband is a massive pseud anyway (but was previously amusing with it) but posted this recently:
"I realise that the life I had before children was pointless. In black and white. A silent monochrome flick. Now I live life in joyful, messy technicolour with Dolby surround sound!'
Fuck off love!

How strange that this just popped up on my tiktok...

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJ4SxG8G/

Can parents not comment on step- parenting threads , or people with teenagers on baby weaning etc etc .

This is the childfree board. For women who for whatever their reason, don't have children and want to talk to other women who are also childfree.

You have joined a site called Mumsnet and now are wanting an area where mums are banned from reading or commenting, bizarre attitude

We tried very hard to get this board. It would be nice if people had the manners to accept who it's for and leave us to it. One board on an entire site, that's all we're asking for. Why that's so bloody difficult for some people, I have no idea.

And yes, we know it's Mumsnet. That has been pointed out ad nauseam to us.

You're spot on, like I was a silly, frivolous girl.

Right, just asking because comments like this:

It also has a lot of comments from women who wanted children but couldn't have them. Whilst I appreciate they have a lot to contribute to this conversation, isn't the childfree board for women who are child free by choice? Correct me if I'm wrong!

Muddy the waters a bit.
No hate at all to the poster who posted the above comment by the way 🙂 was just using the quote as an example.

Not so much what was said, more the reaction to my response. This was a conversation with a relatively new mother who is also a medical professional.

Her - "you know you can get help if it's not happening for you?"

Me - "Yes, but we're not even trying, so... (subtly trying to hint to mind her own business)"

Her - "Oh... you can get help in that area as well... if you are having problems?"

By this point I'm just completely hacked off and gave her both barrels

"No, we're just fine in that area, thanks, I meant we're not trying because neither of us can abide children, or bear the thought of the sheer drudgery of parenthood, so we're actively making sure it doesn't happen. Comprende??"

She stood there for about 30 seconds with a look of sheer bafflement on her face. Puzzles me how so many people are utterly incapable of grasping that procreation and parent hood are not some sort of compulsory default state.

My Grandfather had been rushed into hospital. He had an infection which made him confused so my mother was allowed to stay with him all day to help him with food/personal care/general support. I was taking her to the hospital for 7amish, going to work full time, doing all her cookjng/cleaning/shopping, spending evening visiting at the hospital, dropping her home and letting her talk everything through, then finally getting home in time to sleep. My cousin deigned to show up one day and asked how I was, and I said I was a bit tired but generally fine. She gave me a patronising smirk and said 'oh you'll know what tired is when you have kids'. Cow.

My old boss asked one of the admin staff (who had children) in a section meeting, what was wrong with all the women in the section who didn't want children ... He was a gem.

I've had the "you don't know what tired is" thing a lot. Including from people who are aware of my (hidden) disability and autoimmune disorder. Nice. Real nice.

The you don't know tired thing makes me want to weep. I'm a life long insomniac and believe me I know what tired is. At least getting up to feed at night only lasts a short while.

Hi fellow insomniac! I’m just about to hit 29.5 hours of being awake. Glad I don’t know what tired is or I would be feeling awful right about now 😉 😂

My god! What did you say in response to that?

Has anyone else on this thread read Men Ive Loved Before by Adele Parks? I read it back in 2015. Its about a child free couple where the man changes his mind and then stealths her! Reproductive coercion dressed up as romance. The comments on this thread reminded me of it.

https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/7771365

I said something like ‘oh don’t worry I find little things to keep me going like work, friends or hobbies - like playing on my Xbox for 3 or 4 hours a night’. He was furious. I actually don’t even own an Xbox but he complained very regularly that since having children his wife didn’t ‘let him’ play on his Xbox (among many other things he complained about) so I thought that would be quite funny.

I’ve had all the usual from my family…..you’ll never be truly happy, what’s the point of your life then, it’s a woman’s duty (from my grandparents)

And also got interrogated for 20 minutes by some prat in a taxi share why I didn’t want kids, had I tried looking after dogs (no), why would I buy a 3 bed house and get married if I didn’t want kids - apparently he’d never met a childfree by choice person before and seemed to treat me like some sort of weird alien.

That's unacceptable. I'd be telling him to do one 😡

Absolutely! I'm now WFH fulltime and it's definitely a relief knowing that I'm not going to be ambushed by Claire from Accounts with her screaming bundle of joy 😅

“Better get a move on, your biological clock is ticking”

From a colleague the day I’d returned to work after miscarrying my IVF pregnancy.

Ha, I feel the same about this! Especially when coming from people who I know well enough (from house sharing/holidays/general chat etc) to know that they can just drop off back to sleep fairly easily and quickly if woken. I have to fight the urge to say erm no, YOU don't know what tired is until you've experienced getting a max of two or three hours sleep per night for weeks on end, regularly don't sleep at all all night and (my personal best...) have ever slept not one single minute for four nights straight to the point you're hallucinating 😅

I've had someone actually tap their watch at me.

Good lord there’s some horrifying things here. People are awful! Thankfully the worst I’ve had is “you’ll change your mind when you get older/meet the right man” - my dad used to say this but gave up when I pointed out the right man for me wouldn’t want children either.

A few men on dates have seemed surprised when I said I didn’t want kids - one made me laugh actually, we were on a second date and he asked what I was looking for in a partner and I said someone who wants to travel and maybe live abroad, is adventurous and creative, spontaneous, financially solvent and most of all doesn’t want kids or a life in the suburbs. He sighed and said “actually, I do want kids and a life in the suburbs, but none of the really cool people I meet, like you, want kids!”

Fortunately not said to my lovely SIL (who was having fertility problems & IVF) but to me about her - "oh she likes her career and earning money too much to have kids". She'd been keeping their fertility problems private which I totally understand. Wasn't just the words but the vitriol they were wrapped in, was horrible.