Would you have an objection to a lesbian aupair?

[mishmash]

Just curious

Don't know if this counts as the same thing, but we use a babysitter who is a lesbian and usually brings her partner with her. I've never seen a reason to find this strange.

I coudn't give a flying f what anyone sexuality is .. this is not the puriant 1890's

I would insist any au pair of mine was a certified virgin and had taken a vow of life long celibacy. I would also insist they are extremely ugly and overweight just in case the milkman or any other random bloke got ideas.

What a weird thread. I used to have two au pairs who lived together boy and girl! They have just invited me to their wedding in Prague. They were teenagers and I couldnt have cared less.

As for any type of sexuality I would be their employer and what they do is their own business.

I really do think as an employer that your employees sexuality is not your business in any way whatsoever.

Why would that have any thing to do with their job

is it even on a list of questions?????

Can you drive? yes
do you like children? yes
who would you prefer to sleep with? WTF
I wouldnt work for anyone who asked me the question

?

An aupair is more than (or actually she is not) an employee. She is taken on as part of the family to be an extra pair of hands in exchange for food, board and pocket money.

Apart from the employer/employee relationship, there is also the fact that she (which I mean to include he) lives under your roof for which the host family acts in loco parentis to a certain extent. These are young girls.

All this adds up to a complex relationship. A mix of employee, niece, flatmate and nanny. Therefore, the fit is extremely important, and that includes behaviour in the house with boyfriends/girlfriends. I have detailed house rules for aupairs.

You might say that what an aupair does outside the house is none of the family's business, but then would an aupair who sleeps around (not referring to lesbians at all) with lots of partners out of sight really be the sort of grounded sensible person you want to welcome in your family and trust with your children? It is a lot more complicated than just employer/employee.

peanut bear, I do ask if they have a boyfriend. And I also specify they do not have to answer if they find it personal. It is important to know because they can get quite homesick if their boyfriends are in their home country.

If they refuse, I may very well decide to offer the position to another candidate who is upfront with me.

I do not ask it they sleep around. But if this came out from a referee, I would take that into account.

I can understand the boyfriend in another country thing but surely teenagers can be just as money over a boyfriend/girlfriend they meet whilst they are with you

Are they allowed out to nightclubs and pubs???

I am not trying to be funny but its just not a question I would ask

peanutbear, yes they are allowed to go to bars and clubs. I positively encourage it - my present one does, and it makes a happy aupair. They are young people with the sorts of interests that go with that generation (wistful). And they can meet a boyfriend whilst here, or have their hearts broken.

Like I say, it can get complicated.

But fair enough, I can deal with it when it arises. That is all normal teenage angst.

It is only pretty flagrant behaviour (whether straight or gay) which would raise my eyebrows. And I reserve the right to not welcome such persons into my household.

I have a young teenage son and, if I was in the position of having a teenage au pair, would have some ground rules about not allowing a succession of strangers turning up at house as a result of casual flings. As this au pair would be living with us, their sexual life would be an issue in that respect. I would be wary of the double standards. I can see what scienceteacher is getting at.

If I had a twentysomething au pair, it would be less of an issue as the age gap would be bigger, but I'd trust they would be discreet around my children.

wanderingtrolley - in response to your question on page 3/4 - my friend was asked at 1st interview if she had a boyfriend, she said no, but she had a girlfriend and didnt get 2nd interview (not sure if that was the reason , but agency said that the family mentioned it)

so next interview, she said no when asked that question, and didnt add any more

then at 2nd interview she said about having a girlfriend

the job was live in - like an au pair and obviously her MB would meet her partner - so she had to tell them

if the job was not live in, i honestly dont know if she would have mentioned her relationship with her - due to the bad response she has had when she tells employers

As i said in my 1st post (page 1 i think ) it shouldnt matter WHAT sex your nanny/au pair likes/loves as long as they dont canoodle during working hours with that partner - male or female - as should be working.

What she does in her spare time, is up to them iynwim

I would rather my au pair were straight than gay, if I am honest, though I think other factors than sexual orientation might come higher in my list of criteria at selection.

However, I would hate, hate, hate my au pair not to be sexually active. That would really worry me.

NOPE why would that add to or detract from abilities?be more bothered if they smoked franlky

you would think, wouldnt you, if you had a live in,you would ask if they smoked - my friend wasnt asked

but even if they did smoke - they SHOULDNT EVER smoke around the children and not in the house either, so maybe wasnt an issue

then again - if a nanny /au pair was fantastic/ex references etc, would you employ her if she did smoke?

no we dont smoke. no one allowed to smoke in house

Smoking is on my list of questions and also covered in house rules - no bringing friends round if they smoke, even smoking in garden is prohibited.

Won't employ a smoker.

No, I would never employ a smoker.

anna888- why would you hate and it would worry you for your au pair not to be sexually active ? [puzzled]

I have 2 friends who are strong christians and dont believe sex before marriage - one has boyfriend,other doesnt

Another friend is single and I think might be a virgin but none of my or her employers buisness

doesnt mean either of them would be a bettter or worse nanny than one who is having sex?

Because I think that a 18/19 year old ought to be enjoying his/her sexuality and I want healthy sexuality to be the norm in my children's lives.

This is very important to me.

I could never employ someone to care for my children who believed in "waiting for marriage" for religious or other reasons. That to me is wrong, and definitely not the values I want imparted to my children.

But preferably enjoying their heterosexuality?

Yes, but it's not a huge deal.

Far better a sexually-active homosexual than a non-sexually active heterosexual.

enjoying their sexualty?

so you wouldnt object to them bringing home a new man ( or woman) every time they went out?

I honestly cant see how staying a virgin till you get married is wrong if thats what the person wants to do and is their belief

it doesnt make them a bad nanny

so basically you are saying you would prefer to employ someone who sleeps with lots of people (to explore ) or dare i write on MN a slut/slag rather than someone who has morals?

no imananny - I'm no proponent of promiscuity and nowhere have I said so .