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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Would you have an objection to a lesbian aupair?

291 replies

mishmash · 05/04/2008 14:07

Just curious

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

VictorianSqualor · 06/04/2008 13:25

I personally wouldnt want my Au Pair bringing back numerous partners but one single partner in a loving caring relationship wouldn't bother me.
My DC's know that boyfriends/girlfriends can come and go and I'm happy for them to know that, I'd be bothered about obvious promiscuity though.

ScienceTeacher · 06/04/2008 13:26

I think when you have someone living under your roof, certain aspects of their personal life are of interest.

shit · 06/04/2008 13:31

living under your roof, her behaviour under your roof is of interest, i will grant you that.

but if she wants to shag entire football teams on her time off and in places other than your house, she is perfectly at liberty to do so. your opinion matters not one teeny little bit. none of your beeswax.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 06/04/2008 13:35

If I were lucky enough to afford an au pair, I would not mind if he/she were straight/gay.

I would care that they cared for my child.

I have a lovely childminder, she loves my little girl, and my little girl says that the cm is "my best friend, mummy!" which I think is great.

It wouldn't bother me if my CM was gay.

harpsichordcarrier · 06/04/2008 13:37

so if your sister came to stay, would you tell her you would prefer her not to have sex while she was staying with you?

but au pairs are adults. what they choose to do in their private lives is there own concern and absolutely none of yours.

why the need to interfere?

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 06/04/2008 13:38

Is ST's point that she doesn't want the au pairs sexual relations happening in an obvious manner, i.e. when you are paying somebody to watch your child, the attention should be on the child, not sticking their tongue down their boy/girl friends throat? Okay when the kids are in bed / not around etc, thats their own business.

Probably in the same way that when me & DH worked together, we wouldn't be snogging in the office.

harpsichordcarrier · 06/04/2008 13:38

argh their obviously.
I really need to concentrate more

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 06/04/2008 13:40

argh, laptop battery dying... back later

ScienceTeacher · 06/04/2008 13:41

My sister is married, and if she came with her husband, then I would have no objection. If she wanted to sleep with someone else, I would have a problem with that.

I can control who my aupairs bring to my house, and they are not shacking up with their boyfriend under my roof. End of. I don't care if it sounds unreasonable - these are my terms.

VictorianSqualor · 06/04/2008 13:43

If DP's brother came to stay I'd be perfectly happy for his GF to stay too, however if he stayed at my house and bought home some random girl from a club I'd be furious.
Probably more to do with not wanting my children seeing strangers wandering around their house and wanting to be the one who chooses who I feel suitable to be around them iyswim.

TheFallenMadonna · 06/04/2008 13:46

But if they slept with their boyfriend/girlfriend under someone else's roof, that would be OK?

shit · 06/04/2008 13:50

yes, having strangers traipsing through you family home is unreasonable. obviously.

shit · 06/04/2008 13:51

and harpsi, chill on the perfect typing front, i am around to make you look good, dont worry

ktmoomoo · 06/04/2008 13:51

it would not bother me at all of their sexuallity , you hire an aupair on their experience of childcare and not their sexuality ffs stupid post

harpsichordcarrier · 06/04/2008 15:27

yes of course, if under your roof.
but you said you wouldn't want them to be sexually active at all, which is pretty different.
that is a moral judgment.

MadameCh0let · 06/04/2008 15:29

ST, I hear ya. I don't judge anybody else, but if I had a few fairly reasonable rules for 'under my own roof', I would be shocked to be challenged about those rules....

ScienceTeacher · 06/04/2008 15:38

It saddens me when teenagers are sexually active, which is why I would prefer them not to be.

I certainly am not going to condone that kind of behaviour when I have teenagers myself. It would be a bit of a double standard.

TBH, I have loads of au pairs and it has never been a problem.

tigermoth · 06/04/2008 16:07

I would prefer to have an au pair who had a steady boyfriend/girlfriend, rather than one who had lots of casual encounters, for similar reasons to scienceteacher.

Earlier on this thread, someone said you could swap the word 'lesbian' for 'black' or 'jew' to see how offensive it was.

I don't think it's as clear cut. While your sexual preferences, like your race, are part of your identity that is not the whole picture IMO

Being 'black' is what you are, not what you do or what you prefer. Being a lesbian IMO is both what you are and what you do/prefer - by definition a lesbian is attracted to women more than men (AFAIK) whether this is translated into sexual behaviour or not.

Psychomum5 · 06/04/2008 16:18

It would not worry me in the slightest about who looks after my children as long as they are not abusive in any way....be it emotionally, physically or sexually.

I would want someone to come in and help them see that there are many people in the world, and we all are interesting and have something to offer. I would in fact welcome someone who is leading a different life path to myself to help to educate my children. I don;t understand everything on this earth, and so I cannot educate my children in everything.....if I employed someone who could, I would not let them go TBH!!!

nappyaddict · 06/04/2008 16:22

ST - how old are your au pairs? i can understand you not wanting numerous or random people who you have never met coming in and out of your house, but if they had a boyfriend/girlfriend i can't see how it is a problem. not everyone believes in marriage ...

ScienceTeacher · 06/04/2008 16:23

They are usually 18/19.

nappyaddict · 06/04/2008 16:30

and you really think it is wrong for 18/19 year olds to be sexually active?

chamaeleon · 06/04/2008 16:31

trolleydolly - cant think of many ways you could be in your face about being black so its probably not a good example. no i wouldnt expect them to hide their colour, just as i wouldnt expect someone to hide their sexuality. im just thinking of people i know who thought being gay meant they were being discriminated aginst all the time or who went on about it all the time so everyone knew because they wanted to be different. as a grown up i cant say i know anyone who does that, it seemed to be very much a teenage finding your identity thing. i am probably being rather unfair towards teenagers more than any other group.

ScienceTeacher · 06/04/2008 16:32

Yep - sorry for having values.

MadameCh0let · 06/04/2008 18:10

Even if you don't believe in marriage, the sort of relationship an 18 yr old au pair might be having is unlikely to be comparable to a marriage.

It's not wrong for 18 or 19 yr olds to be sexually active, but as the mother of small children and the employer of the 18 yr old, it would be wrong to place the needs of that 18 yr old above the wellbeing or the value structure you are setting to your own children....... Simple. Not rocket science.

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