Would you have an objection to a lesbian aupair?

[mishmash]

Just curious

You know what annoys me more than anything... well perhaps not anything but.. people saying " I've got lots of gay friends/neighbours/cleaners but.... like that makes everything ok. grrrrrr

WEould you mind a narrow minded bigoted insensitive poster on MN?

blimey.

simplyme - if you can make such outrageous judgements about your friends' lives and yet remain friends with them, you must be a better liar then me.

As for the au pair refusing to work for a gay couple because of her beliefs, why do we never hear of cases of au pairs refusing to work for a heterosexual couple because they are unmarried? it doesn't happen - you say it's the same, but it's not.

I don't think it makes it ok that my uncle is suffering from coming out. His life before admitting he was gay was "easy" now he's being true to himself and it's no longer "easy".

It's not fair or right, and he didn't choose it. So that's why I used him as an example of how it's not a lifestyle choice.

Maybe it's because being unmarried has become pretty much completely socially acceptable. Being gay is sadly not at that point just yet.

Sorry Mannany - my post wasnt directed at you. I understand how difficult things must be for your uncle and family as my mum came out at the age of 40.

It was more the comments further down that were verging on homophobia but then followed by the "I know absolutely tons of gays" in the hope that it makes them sound better.

I'm not really putting this very well. This thread is upsetting me, perhaps I should just step away.

(hugs) geordieminx. It's been hard enough watching some of my family turn away from my uncle, can't imagine how hard it must have been for your mum.

Lots of people do claim tolerance and acceptance, then when it comes to the crunch they just can't bring themselves to practice what they preach.

mananny - that was my point really - that being gay isn't socially acceptable in some circles and that despite what simplyme says, it isn't to do with what the bible says.

KerryMum, I feel actually this thread is very interesting. It's showing what a wide range of thoughts there are on a very sensitive subject and I for one have found it valuable as it's made me think about my own attitudes. Nothing wrong with a healthy debate. There's a wide demographic here on MN and it's useful to see what everyone else thinks, even if there are some offensive statements. Everyone has a valid opinion.

mananny - i'm sorry but i don't think that being blatanlty prejudiced is a valid opinion.

and and at "lifestyle choice".

Dottydot - you are being wonderfully calm about this.

I don't think blatant prejudice is any reason to censor a forum though. People who express blatant prejudice need to be educated, no? And if they say something offensive, and everyone else comes down on them, that's a form of education in my mind.

FWIW I have read lots of posts by DottyDot and I agree with everyone, she is lovely and is being remarkable patient. I hope I haven't caused any offense as I'm only trying to add to the discussion.

No.
I would only have a problem with a promiscuous au-pair (regardless of the said aupair being male of female and homo or hetero) as I associate promiscuity with emotional inmaturity.

male OR female, obviously

mananny - i'm not saying prejudiced stupid people shouldn't be educated. i'm saying their views aren't valid. which they obviously aren't, if they need educating out of them!!

Urbannixie I know what you mean, and yes in that sense I completely agree.

I think that even legally, hiring an au pair is one are in which you are allowed to discriminate because this person is going to live in your house and spend lots of time in close contact with you. And I don't think it's enitrely unreasonable (any more than it is not unreasonable to prefer one gender of live-in carer for an elderly person.)

And I don't think that religious people, even fairly evangelical ones, are all going to be pests about their superstition or spout homophobic bigotry in my house. Another hypothetical example would be: in a vegeatarian household, what restrictions would you place on the au pair eating meat? Would she be allowed to cook/eat it in her own rooms if they have separate facilities? Or would you sack her for necking a kebab on her night off?

Quick question for all you jumping down my throat at me.....

Why is it ok to tell me I am being prejudiced and a bigot for saying that I believe it is wrong and against what God has said regarding same sex relationships?

Yet when people tell me that I am uneducated and stupid and wrong for believing in God and his teaching that is ok?

Surely it is just as prejudiced against me for being religious and having my opinion?

Why is my feelings wrong but gay right? Surely this is a world where everyone is entitled to their opinions? I actually do have very good gay friends - I do not lie to them they know where my views stand and I know wheres theirs stand but fortunately for me they are not prejudiced against me to criticise me for my opinons as you all seem to be very happy to do right now!

Just for the record I have NOT said that I wouldn't work for a gay family! Others have said why they wouldn't and I was backing them up! I don't honestly know what I would do if the situation arose? I do know that I would not dismiss it out of hand and would look at the job as a whole? If the job was perfect in other ways then I imagine I would take it! ......that's of course if they weren't prejudiced against me for going to church and believing in the bible and God

No, Simplyme, people have not said you're uneducated and stupid for believing in God. They're saying that being gay is not a choice.
I believe sexuality is part of who you are and that you don't choose it.

My Mum's a catholic and I asked her once if she would still love me if I were gay.
She said she had spoken to her priest about this in the past..... and that she wouldn't condemn me as there was a reason God made me that way. This is a polish lady who's been going to mass once a week her whole life! I am proud that Mum has debated this within her religious community and decided that the teachings of the Bible that stress tolerance and love outweigh the ones that preach condemnation of "alternative" lifestyles based on an outmoded society that does not reflect the one we live in today. She told me that she considers the Bible to be the word of God, but that it is subject to revision and that God can speak through the leaders we have today. She obviously has quite a broad minded priest. Thank... God? ;)

Actaully, SImplyme, there are a lot of devout Christians who either are gay or don't think that their god has any problem with same-sex couplings. So I don't see why you should be allowed to use superstition as a get out clause for bigotry, since you ask.
You are, of course, entitled to post whatever you like on an internet discussion forum, but other people are entitled to dsiagree with you.

Actually speaking from a BI perspective, chosing to marry a husband and have children is more of a lifestyle choice than "being gay". You are what you are, feel what you feel, and no matter of rationalizing is going to change that.

The thread does not offend me at all, it is a chance for people to exchange opinons, and maybe even take different opinons on board.
Better to get opinons out in the open and discuss them, than keep them "in the closet" so to speak.

I am also a Christian, and my God is one of mercy and understanding, and it is for God alone to judge, it is neither in mine nor anybody elses place, if we are to bring Christianity into it.

madamez - a good question regarding veggies and non veggies.

3 friends I know are veggie,2 happily cook meat for their charges, 3rd refuses,and will only work for a veggie family.

Her choice and nothing wrong with that

Another friend works for a jewish family and this week it is their passover, this means certain foods are not allowed in the house - she is not allowed to buy food for this week, cupboards are shut and taped up - she can cook stuff in her room (on microwave) but the food/plates etc mustnt come down stairs even to be washed as goes against their religion and views - she is happy to do this, but I dont she reliesed how strict they were when she started.

Another weekend was in the dark and wasnt allowed to use lights/any thing to help them, so DB walked to work 5miles in the rain as wasnt allowed to use his car.

Sorry I am wandering off the OP

I agree with madamez here.

There is a very good reason why the same employment laws do not apply to live-in and domestic employees as to employees of businesses and corporations.

Childcare is not just a "technical" skill (bathing, changing nappies, dressing etc). In fact, the technical aspects of childcareare pretty limited. Raising children involves sharing values and being a role model, every second of every day. That is why parents have every right to choose au pairs (or other domestic childcarers) whose values and lifestyle they share, should they deem this important.

I think simplyme makes an interesting point actually, I agree that anyone has the right to an opinion. I would rather that everyones opinions were based on common sense, fact and a generaly sympathetic/understanding view point. I know that this is not the way of the world and some people are uneducated in some things, others are raised to believe certain things, still more have religous and cultural views.

So, I feel that everyone should hold their own opinion, I feel that, where possible they should be educated to ensure their opinon is fair and realistic, I also believe that some people are not open to new/different ideas for various reasons.

Given all of that am I being the bigoted one when I read a post like some of the ones here (especially those based on religious views) and think "That is fine and your (probably unshakable) opinon but I don't want to hear your particular opinion here thank you"

imananny - I don't think you are wandering off the OP - what you posted is very interesting.

Basically, the employees of the families your describe must "toe the family line" for cultural (omnivorous family and vegetarian nanny) or religious (Jewish family, other religiion nanny) reasons.

That is absolutely OK in law. And, as you point out, if the employee is not able to "toe the family line", the onus is on he/she to find a family whose values and lifestyle match his/hers better.