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Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Au pair took drugs. WWYD?

236 replies

WhatTheDickensian · 02/07/2016 22:17

We have a lovely Australian au pair who is 19. She's been with us since Christmas and Is a lovely girl.

Last night I got a call in the middle of the night because she was in hospital. It turns it she took ecstacy while drinking and she had a fit. Shes still in hospital but is going to be fine.

What should I do? Would others keep her employed to care for their kids? She is a good au pair and the kids are close to her. She and I get on very well. But on the other hand she took drugs last night when she was due to come back to our home and to look after the kids at 3pm today.

She has apologised profusely.

WWYD?

OP posts:
AndNowItsSeven · 02/07/2016 22:18

Yes I would she was young and stupid, Ectasy would not have affected her at 3pm
other than her feeling quite low.

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/07/2016 22:18

No way. who knows what she may have left in her room/lying around.

you do not want drug dealers coming to the house.

deal breaker for me.

RadicalPessimist · 02/07/2016 22:21

She made a mistake and is obviously mortified about it.

But you can't leave her in charge of your children after that. You just can't.

I hope this is a lesson for her.

Floggingmolly · 02/07/2016 22:22

No, I'd send her on her merry way.

WellErrr · 02/07/2016 22:22

Depends if she's an habitual drug taker or just made one ill advised decision.

I don't think it's cut and dried.

MyBeard · 02/07/2016 22:24

It would be a dealbreaker for me too

Hassled · 02/07/2016 22:25

I think cut her some slack - she made a stupid mistake, as 19 year olds often do. If you otherwise like and trust her, then just quickly move on. She won't do it again.

Original poster
WhatTheDickensian · 02/07/2016 22:25

I tried E a couple of times as a student but I would still describe myself as sensible and responsible. It's not the experimenting itself that I am horrified by, it's experimenting in the early hours of a day that she was going to be in charge of the kids.

But if we ask her to leave the children will miss her so much. And she will miss them. She has been like a member of the family.

OP posts:
AlexandraEiffel · 02/07/2016 22:26

Ecstasy, to my mind, is a bit of a drug just take on a night out, buy on the night kind of thing. It wouldn't particularly bother me. A drug you could use habitually, get addicted to, end up in debt to dealers for etc would be different. So unless it's a frequent thing I'd just chalk it up to experience with her.

Luckystar1 · 02/07/2016 22:26

No way would I let her near my children (but I'm very anti drugs). I do feel for her though. I've made many silly mistakes in my time

AlexandraEiffel · 02/07/2016 22:27

It wouldn't be affecting her 3pm the next day though, would it?

Treeagate · 02/07/2016 22:29

She may be lovely, but can you really trust her again with your children?

Natsku · 02/07/2016 22:30

I'd let it go, its just ecstasy. I assume she is apologetic though. But she probably would have been fine by 3pm

Original poster
WhatTheDickensian · 02/07/2016 22:31

I remember feeling pretty awful after the effects wore off. And she was shitfaced too. If I was going to have two kids on my own on a Saturday afternoon then I would not get utterly rat arsed and take E only 15 hours before.

OP posts:
SoniaShoe · 02/07/2016 22:31

Would you worry about her drinking alcohol around the children or the children finding alcohol in her room? Probably not but you know she drinks when she goes out. It's not that unusual for people her age to experiment while they're out but it doesn't mean they are regular users, would have drugs of their own at home. And far less likely that they would get drugs brought to your home.

If she had a fit it could be the first (and probably last) time she would ever take it. It would be a shame to lose a good au pair if that was the case. And for her to lose her job. I expect she's had a pretty big scare. I would give her another chance.

crje · 02/07/2016 22:31

If she is as good as you say I
would forgive her.

She had a lucky escape & will probably be giving nights out a miss for a long time.

monkeywithacowface · 02/07/2016 22:32

I suspect this won't have been the first time she's taken it whilst she's been with you. I don't know it's a tough call on the one hand your only concern should be your children but I do feel a bit sorry for her. Hopefully it's scared the shit out of her and she won't do it again. On the other hand sending her away may help reinforce the message that her poor judgment has serious consequences.

elephantoverthehill · 02/07/2016 22:33

Um.... do her nearest and dearest know? I think I would be very worried if my DD was half way round the world and had to go to A&E. I know she is an adult but you are understandably worrying about your children but she is someones child also. As you employ her as an au pair you do have a duty of care. It might be that a conversation with her parents could straighten things out.

timelytess · 02/07/2016 22:33

This is unacceptable. If you keep her, you are condoning it.

Whilst I have sympathy for the young person, I am concerned about her having care of your children.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 02/07/2016 22:34

If you like her, she's a good au pair and you don't think it will happen again then I'd give her another chance.

Good au pairs are hard to find.

The only thing that would worry me would be if the drug taking had caused some damage that might lead to her having another fit but this time while in charge of the children. So I'd double check that first.

LyndaNotLinda · 02/07/2016 22:34

I should imagine she'll never do it again. She must be scared to death about what might have happened.

I would talk to her, agree a way forward and move on. An au pair is supposed to be a member of your family. Treat her like one.

Dutchcourage · 02/07/2016 22:35

Nope she wouldn't be coming back.

These are your children your talking about.

I used to take E a lot and the come down can last days. Low mood, depression. I nearly crashed my car once the day after a night on on it because my head was all over the show.

You don't know if she has ever had them in the house. Accidents happen, tablets can fall out of pockets on to floors. Tablets get eaten and then it's the SS meeting you at the hospital - asking if you knew she had taken tablets before.

It might be her first time, it might not be - but losing her job could be the shock she needs to think 'what the fuck did I do'. It might not be.

What if you got a call saying she was in hospital through smoking heroin?

Or had a bad LSD trip?

She could get the sack from an office or any other place of work so don't second chance with your babies. She took a stupid risk - you don't want risk takers around your kids.

I took pills when I was younger, I would not have employed me to walk a dog the day after.

AlexandraEiffel · 02/07/2016 22:35

I wouldn't do it myself either, but then these days I get a hangover just from eating a spicy curry! Is it different to looking after kids with a hangover, cold, little sleep etc? Would be tougher but wouldn't seem actually dangerous to me.

Dozer · 02/07/2016 22:35

The AP is an adult: OP can't go meddling by telling her family!

I would find it very hard to regain trust after that.

MouldyPeach · 02/07/2016 22:36

I would give her another chance, it's not like you found her smoking crack in the sandpit. If she hadn't had a fit you never would have known, some people are good at being human again after big nights out (especially teenagers, what I'd give for all that energy again!). Has she ever seemed strange on a Sunday?