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Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Au pair took drugs. WWYD?

236 replies

WhatTheDickensian · 02/07/2016 22:17

We have a lovely Australian au pair who is 19. She's been with us since Christmas and Is a lovely girl.

Last night I got a call in the middle of the night because she was in hospital. It turns it she took ecstacy while drinking and she had a fit. Shes still in hospital but is going to be fine.

What should I do? Would others keep her employed to care for their kids? She is a good au pair and the kids are close to her. She and I get on very well. But on the other hand she took drugs last night when she was due to come back to our home and to look after the kids at 3pm today.

She has apologised profusely.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Dutchcourage · 02/07/2016 22:36

I should imagine she'll never do it again. She must be scared to death about what might have happened

You would think so but that's not always the case.

Pendu · 02/07/2016 22:36

I think only you can make this call as you know her personally. I hate drugs soooo much but she made a stupid decision in her free time , it wasn't like she was putting your family at risk. If she's really a good girl and also mature enough to accept she made a mistake (not normalising it) then I'd be inclined to keep her on. Go with your gut feeling, if you feel abit iffy then let her go.

LyndaNotLinda · 02/07/2016 22:38

I'd think ending up in hospital is a pretty big wake up call personally. I do appreciate my stance on drugs, like being fat, isn't one share by many in MN

Original poster
WhatTheDickensian · 02/07/2016 22:38

Elephant - her parents know. I had her call them from the hospital this morning. They are beside themselves and they asked me whether I was going to dismiss her. They said they would understand if I did.

She says it was the first time she took E. She seemed to be being honest because she admitted that she smokes cannabis sometimes with friends and that she drinks a lot at parties but that until last night she never tried anything more.

OP posts:
Moreisnnogedag · 02/07/2016 22:40

I'd cut her some slack. She's incredibly unlikely to repeat the experience and you can have a chat about your expectations when she's got the kids the next day.

Fairylea · 02/07/2016 22:41

Deal breaker for me.

Dutchcourage · 02/07/2016 22:44

She give you just enough info for you to back off. Honestly I wouldn't believe a word she says.

This is not your issue.
She is not your child
She is your employee who looks after your babies.

Teenage girls are amazing liars,teenage girls that take drugs are even better.

How could you ever trust her again?

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/07/2016 22:44

Why so sure she won't repeat?

she could have been taking it fir years and the only reason anyone found out is cos she reacted to this one.

LouBlue1507 · 02/07/2016 22:45

She seemed to be being honest because she admitted that she smokes cannabis sometimes with friends and that she drinks a lot at parties but that until last night she never tried anything more

You leave this person responsible for you children? Wow... At 19 I had my own business and was a full time CM. I wonder if I smoked cannabis and did the occasional E on the weekend if I'd still have a licence. I'm sure Ofsted and SS would be fine with that, being young and stupid and all!

I can't believe some people's standards on MN.. The occasional E and cannabis use is fine the night before looking after children, But a mother leaving a child in a locked car for 5 mins should be reported to SS. Hmm

Crazy!

SoniaShoe · 02/07/2016 22:46

She does sound like a generally sensible and honest girl and it's unlikely she'd be doing this again. I would definitely give her another chance with some warning and keeping an eye on her. I don't think she is putting your children at risk.

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/07/2016 22:48

if she was sensible and honest she wouldn't have taken sone pull.off sone random girl/guy in a pub having been taught in primary school.it could kill her.

unless of course she knew the person she bought it from and trusted them...

which means she's probably taken stuff befire as why else he friends with a drug dealer. ..

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/07/2016 22:48

some pill

Dutchcourage · 02/07/2016 22:50

giles I agree. I've had friends that have ended up hospitalised more than once over this.

The admitting to smoking a bit of weed was a flag to me, its admitting a half truth.

op call her bluff. Id tell her your going to do a drugs sample of her hair as drugs stay in your hair for a long time, months. (She will know this) If it's clear you of all drugs (apart from a bit of weed) she can stay. If not and she is lying about it - she will be leaving in the morning"

elephantoverthehill · 02/07/2016 22:50

Well that is a good thing OP that her parents are in the loop. She was not responsible for your children at the time and would not have been for several hours afterwards. She was a bit silly but did not in anyway put your children in any type of danger. If she had been a nanny you would have not have known

RadicalPessimist · 02/07/2016 22:50

I agree with Lou. She's a young adult not a child. She made a massive mistake and she may well be sorry but she isn't your responsibility. Your children are.

ExitPursuedByABear · 02/07/2016 22:50

You are asking the question? No way.

Dutchcourage · 02/07/2016 22:52

elephant have you ever taken an E?

I have lots and the effects last for days

Original poster
WhatTheDickensian · 02/07/2016 22:53

I don't think I'm being naive. I don't think she's a liar. She is a very honest girl and we are quite close. She often surprised me with how open she is.

Let me give a her perspective on her performance. When my son had an allergic reaction a few months ago she was so calm and sensible and did everything you would hope. And when he was in hospital that night and I had a stomach bug she stayed with him all night.

OP posts:
Heidi42 · 02/07/2016 22:53

you can't trust her, she's 19 and needs to go home and grow up

cdtaylornats · 02/07/2016 22:54

She isn't liable to do it again. Have a chat, lay ground rules. She probably didn't understand how powerful the drug was - or she may have been told it would just give her a bit of a high.

How would you feel if it had been an excess of alcohol that put her in hospital?

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/07/2016 22:54

you can't say she didn't elephant

what if she was driving the chikdren with drugs still in her system.

or she had them in a bag ir in her room.

or she's in the phone arranging pick ups whole she is supposed to be supervising the kids

hollieberrie · 02/07/2016 22:57

I would give her another chance, but if it happens again then she's a gone-er.

Mind you, having said that, I have done E a few times and the comedown was usually terrible - no way i could have looked after kids.

If it was me, I'd have a serious talk with her and give her a second chance, but making it very clear that this is last chance saloon.

Dutchcourage · 02/07/2016 22:59

Well luckily op she wasn't off her face that night or on some narky come down!

Why don't you call her bluff?

yougotitdude · 02/07/2016 22:59

Torn on this one.

On one hand I can understand her going a bit wild on a night out 'on a strange city and wanting to have fun while she is young.

However- being in the position she is in she should realise the need to be grown up and responsible.

Your children are your most precious posession and I don't think I would trust someone who potentially gives into peer pressure like that which my children.

I would offer her a stellar reference and send her on her way. Maybe give her a couple of weeks to find a new role.

Lweji · 02/07/2016 23:00

I can see that you are in a difficult position.

It seems it was a stupid mistake, and I'm afraid you will have to decide you trust her enough to trust her not to do it again or not. You are the one who knows her best.
If this was the only negative thing about her and she has never been hungover while looking after your kids, I might give her the benefit of the doubt.
But the overall picture of heavy drinking, cannabis and now extasy to the extent of a trip to hospital might make me wonder and worry every time she went out, as well as when she was taking care of the children after such nights out.
Will you be able to trust her enough in future?

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