Au pair took drugs. WWYD?

[WhatTheDickensian]

We have a lovely Australian au pair who is 19. She's been with us since Christmas and Is a lovely girl.

Last night I got a call in the middle of the night because she was in hospital. It turns it she took ecstacy while drinking and she had a fit. Shes still in hospital but is going to be fine.

What should I do? Would others keep her employed to care for their kids? She is a good au pair and the kids are close to her. She and I get on very well. But on the other hand she took drugs last night when she was due to come back to our home and to look after the kids at 3pm today.

She has apologised profusely.

WWYD?

An au pair is not an employee, they are not staff. It's a completely different arrangement. The OP is not running a payroll for this girl. You host an au pair, you hire staff.

It sounds as though the OP has so far treated this girl properly. You act as extended family to your au pair. Toughen up as an employer? She's not an employer in any way, more of a mother figure who has welcomed someone into their home and sets rules accordingly.

Oh so the AP works for free? No I didn't think so.

Mother figure 😂😂

She's not on a payroll, she gets pocket money. Yep, she's not an employee, no employers NIC is being paid. Your mother could kick you out if you did drugs, but she couldn't fire you.

Same applies here.

Dutchcourage - do you even understand how it works? You 'host' an au pair. You're their 'host family'. The OP is her 'host mother'.

It's not a regular employer-employee relationship.

I've had a look on a few sites just to check and not on one have I seen the op has to be the 'host' mother. None. I've also just looked at the history and why the term AP was 'born' - which was intresting.

It doesn't matter how much you change the language or pretend that your the 'mother' - money is still exchanged, contracts are signed- it's cheap labour labelled differently.

Not to derail the thread as its actually about a young lady employed (because it's not voluntary) taking drugs, being hospitalised then due to look after the kids.

You can google it all you want - unless you've actually experienced it, you probably won't actually 'get' what it's like.

You don't have to be a host mother if it doesn't sit comfortably with you, but likewise, if that's the case, you probably wouldn't have an au pair join your family in the first place. The agencies we've used have all used the terms 'host family', 'host mum', 'host dad' - nobody's trying to change the language(?!), it's just the way it is.

Yep cheap labour.

I had an au pair who thought I would be her mother. She took the piss. This one sounds like a good au pair who made a mistake.

Op I posted previously saying that I'd probably keep her on so long as she was not likely to have another fit while in charge of the children.

A curfew and drug testing sound like reassuring options if you want to do it.

There is some merit in the "better the devil you know argument". Your next au pair could do all the same things but never have a fit and end up in hospital and you would never know. Or s/he might be a piss taker like my last one. Or s/he may not get along with you and your children. Or s/he might be brilliant and then do something stupid.

I remember being 19. I was reckless with my safety when out enjoying myself (although drugs weren't my thing) but at work I was diligent and hardworking. I also did some stupid things because I was young and learning. Thankfully work never found out because they happened out of work hours and there wasn't that blurring like there is with the au pair/host family arrangement.

If she had turned up to care for your children off her face or incapable I would be the first one telling you to let her go. But she didn't, so I'm not.

As the host family you have a duty of care that is completely different from a normal employer/employee relationship.

It's hard to understand if you've not lived it.

How much longer is she meant to be with you OP?

I also think some of you have been shockingly rude to Soupdragon.

If you can't make your point and disagree like an adult then maybe you should go back to Aibu?

I would probably give her a second chance if you really like her, but I would be concerned about her taking drugs 12 hours before looking after the kids. That either says something about poor judgement, or it could just mean she's never taken ecstasy before and didn't realise how long it would effect her for.

I'd give her a second chance.

Gosh, some people are very severe in condemning the AP. People are requiring that even her free time must be above reproach. I suppose there would also be an argument for her having to be a virgin

her free time is hers. provided she's mot hung over to fuck or still under the influence of drugs when in charge of the kids. especially if driving is involved.

no need to he a virgin. as long as guys aren't brought home. like drugs

Wow - I'm amazed how many people would give her a second chance. I wouldn't have someone in my house looking after my children who took recreational drugs. Its shows very poor judgement and as another poster brought up she may have drugs in her bedroom that the children could have access to.

Like most host parents we wouldn't host someone who even smoked.

OP - I really doubt that she is expecting to be kept on.

You lot wouldn't want to know what your DC's teachers get up to on a weekend! It's their free time, personal choices. Ecstasy on a night out doesn't mean drug dealers coming round to the house!

might mean one in a coat pocket or back pack though.

in the house with children is unacceptable.

or her leaving kids with one of her friends while she picks one up.

or spending kitty money meant for food or trips

The au pair made a judgement call - a bad one.

Based on this, if there was ever an emergency situation with the child(ren) I would not trust her to make the appropriate/safe judgement call.

Harsh but true.

There is no way on earth I would keep her. Refer to Dutchcourage post about taking E and the after effects.

She is not responsible enough to look after children, her judgment is totally off.

It's sad but she has fucked up massively, presumably you didn't go to your event as she was in hospital and now you are agonising and being inconvenienced because she's been out clubbing. That is the lifestyle of being a party girl and it makes you unreliable.

Don't be taken in she needs to go.

Teachers may well be taking drugs at the weekend, but nannies/childminders and au pairs who are in a situation where they are looking after your children unsupervised by anyone else, need to be completely beyond reproach.

Teachers and nursery workers generally have other colleagues nearby who would hopefully whistle blow if a child is being mistreated or neglected. When a au pair is at home alone with the children there isn't that safeguard.

I think you should keep her. She made a bloody stupid mistake, but it sounds like that's set against several times when she's been sensible and reliable. And has no-one else parented while hungover? I certainly have. Is that worse (in terms of effectiveness at childcare) than having had Ecstasy the night before? (I don't actually know).

An Ecstasy come down is nothing like a hangover ! You can be talking days before you can function fully. You certainly aren't as alert as you need to be with children.