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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Au pair took drugs. WWYD?

236 replies

WhatTheDickensian · 02/07/2016 22:17

We have a lovely Australian au pair who is 19. She's been with us since Christmas and Is a lovely girl.

Last night I got a call in the middle of the night because she was in hospital. It turns it she took ecstacy while drinking and she had a fit. Shes still in hospital but is going to be fine.

What should I do? Would others keep her employed to care for their kids? She is a good au pair and the kids are close to her. She and I get on very well. But on the other hand she took drugs last night when she was due to come back to our home and to look after the kids at 3pm today.

She has apologised profusely.

WWYD?

OP posts:

Dutchcourage · 02/07/2016 23:00

hollie so if you wouldn't have been able to look after kids why do you think the AP would? Safely.

LyndaNotLinda · 02/07/2016 23:01

Affects everyone differently Dutch. I never felt anything but a bit tired the next day.

I never knew any dealers either.

snowy508601 · 02/07/2016 23:01

No Way drugs are a deal breaker where working with childen is concerned

Dutchcourage · 02/07/2016 23:05

Ok but would you be happy employing some one who took E to have your kids the next day.

I just don't get why people are willing to take the risk. If she worked in a nursary setting she would be sacked!

I'm just waiting for the 'I've done a risk assesment and I've deemed it safe"

LouBlue1507 · 02/07/2016 23:06

snowy508601

I couldn't agree more! If you want to work with children you don't do drugs.. Disgusting, irresponsible behaviour!

I am honestly gob smacked some people would give her another chance...

Would any of you mums really be happy with your nanny, teacher or anyone looking after your children taking E pills on a Sunday night before work, Really?

hollieberrie · 02/07/2016 23:07

Dutch i think it does effect everyone differently. I am very small and slight and all drugs and alcohol effect me a great deal. Other people might be ok to work / drive / look after kids the next day, but i never was.

At 19 years old, i would suggest that she perhaps didnt realise how it would effect her, just thought it'd make her a bit high like cannabis. As the OP genuinely likes and trusts her then i would give her 1 more chance. Just my opinion, obvs not everyone would handle the situation in the same way.

SoupDragon · 02/07/2016 23:08

I'd give her a second chance. Especially as you've taken it yourself.

mycircleissmall · 02/07/2016 23:09

Dutch I don't know where you are getting your info but you won't be sacked for taking one e on your night off!

trafalgargal · 02/07/2016 23:11

Lots of opinion but you are the one whose kids she is caring for.

If she has given you no other causes for concern and you believe it genunely was the first time she tried it and it really was a massive wake up call for her then it's very different to someone claiming it's no big deal.

Listen to your gut.

hollieberrie · 02/07/2016 23:11

Lou i am a primary teacher and i know several teachers who do drugs recreationally at the weekends ( and on staff nights out ). Its very naive to think otherwise!! I promise you, in pretty much every school, there will be some teachers and TA's who do drugs (outside of work obvs). Its just part of life.

Original poster

WhatTheDickensian · 02/07/2016 23:12

I think she probably has to go but it is awful because she is the girl who has made my children happy after their dad had to work abroad, she is the girl who sat with my son all night in hospital, she is the girl who bakes banana bread for the kids' breakfast in her free time because they love it, she is the girl who has kept me company and made me laugh in the evenings since DH has been away.

OP posts:

serin · 02/07/2016 23:12

Well she probably has had a wake up call and might not do it again but you will always wonder and have doubts won't you?

The fact that she fitted is worrying, is she likely to have more or even lose her driving licence.

Original poster

WhatTheDickensian · 02/07/2016 23:13

She does not drive in the UK thankfully.

OP posts:

LyndaNotLinda · 02/07/2016 23:15

I also know lots of teachers who take drugs and they're mostly rated as outstanding by Ofsted.

notagiraffe · 02/07/2016 23:16

I would have said no, but she sounds as though she has been incredibly connected with the family. I'd give her an ultimatum: no drugs ever again - if she does, it's immediate dismissal. And no heavy drinking the night before she's working next day. Make sure her nights off are followed by her day off so she recovers in her own time.

hollieberrie · 02/07/2016 23:16

Ha, Lynda, maybe we know the same ones

Katedotness1963 · 02/07/2016 23:17

I'd be sending her home. It may be the first time she took E but she admits to cannabis use? I grew up drug free, my husband grew up drug free, we don't think it's a "right of passage". If someone is coming into my home, to look after my kids, I'd expect them to have similar values.

Not that we've ever had an AP but we've known people who did and they were much stricter than we would be.

LouBlue1507 · 02/07/2016 23:17

hollieberrie

My partner is a teacher so no I'm not naive. The difference is the Au Pair was caught and OP is now aware of what she gets up to.. You think if a teacher got caught/ photographed taking drugs on a Sunday night, they'd keep their job? The headmaster would turn a blind eye? Ha!

BengalCatMum · 02/07/2016 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hollieberrie · 02/07/2016 23:20

I dont think you can be sacked from a State school for what you do in your own time away from the school. Private schools might be different. Millions of people take drugs. Teachers and Au Pairs are just people.

OTheHugeManatee · 02/07/2016 23:21

I'm afraid this is gross misconduct. And I've taken plenty of drugs. But to drop an E and get hammered when you know you will be au pairing the following afternoon? Not on.

It sounds like you are all very fond of her so it's your call but if you let this go she could just conclude she can do what she likes and start really taking the piss.

frenchielala · 02/07/2016 23:23

I would cut her some slack, I'm sure she will be so aware of what happened and be more keen that ever to please. She has so many redeeming features by the sound of it and was honest enough to tell you the truth. As you aren't her family I'm sure the hospital weren't obliged to tell you about the reasons behind the fit but she has. Good sign to me - think that's also going to be the end of her drug experimentation. Poor girl, horrible thing to happen all around.

Most people I know have dabbled with drugs. God I knows I did and I know at 19 I could bounce back from anything - hangovers weren't anything like they are now. I'm sure at 19 she was confident she had the energy to look after your babs in the afternoon. Hangover/come down probably didn't even cross her mind, she just knew she could do it.

bumsexatthebingo · 02/07/2016 23:24

It would be a no from me. Your kids get hold of something from her bag or off the floor and it will be you who will be considered to have put your children at risk.

uttercarnage · 02/07/2016 23:25

Well I'm very anti drugs but also very realistic. It sounds like this girl is a good egg who just did what all teenagers do and succumbed to the pressure. Would you let her go if she was going to look after your kids with a hangover? Personally I'd forgive her. Sounds like she's already learnt her lesson the hard way by ending up in hospital. Go with your gut feeling.

Dutchcourage · 02/07/2016 23:25

mycircle I teach swimming, and at the trust where I work they do random drug testing. It's a safe guard because of all the young life guards we have. If your found to have any drugs in your system you will be asked to leave immediately. Then would have an investigation to which I know they would be sacked. I assume a nursary setting - you know where there are vunerable children it would be similar. It would be the same as turning up still pissed from the night before.

It's after effects that's the issue. Yes some teachers may have it (which does not make it right for Christ sake!) it just may cause tiredness the next day. But when your working with vunerable people there is no room for mistakes or second chances.

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