Not wanting husband at birth

[woodpeck]

I am due to give birth in a couple of weeks and my husband is assuming he'll be at the birth.
I had a natural birth last time and intend to have the same (if all goes well)
I feel quite embarrassed about my husband being there and would rather face this on my own and just get through it.
One of the things that makes me feel this way is that he constantly reminds me of how last time some poor came out and it was really gross.
He's made references to that a few times since and I don't know if I can feel comfortable knowing it might happen again and he won't let it go.

I also have to get my mum to come and be with our little one so he could just have him instead.

I haven't had a serious conversation with him about it yet but when I briefly mentioned how I might not want him there, he confirmed he would be there as he was last time.
If I told him the truth that it was embarrassing he commented then he probably wouldn't mention it but I'd know he was thinking it.
I don't know if it's just hormones because he's a very supportive husband but I don't think I feel comfortable him seeing me in that situation again or am I just being anxious.

Anyone?

Why does he constantly remind you about that? Means so mean.

I wouldn't want him there either

I think he just thinks it was gross and he wasn't expecting it but it makes me self conscious and I'm starting to feel quite anxious as it's creeping up.

Tell him you don't want him there, and tell him why.
I'd like to see him push something the size of a grapefruit out of himself while somehow managing to keep perfect control of his bowels. Idiot man.

How immature of him. Why doesn’t he focus on how awesome you did bringing your beautiful baby into the world. It’s an incredible achievement, but the idiot can’t see that and instead uses it as a way to humiliate you.

What an absolute prick of a man he is. Have you not told him how upsetting his comments are?

Exactly this!

@woodpeck - it's your body, and your choice. Of course you will feel more comfortable and empowered if you aren't worried about someone judging you all the time. And yes, it makes perfect sense for him to care for your other child whilst you are giving birth.

Do what makes you comfortable, not what society says you shpuld have. Birth shouldn't be a spectator sport.

You will hear some guff about how its his baby, important for bonding etc... DH missed DD2s birth. He didn't actually meet her until she was 2 weeks old. They are extremely close.

I think you should be really honest with him and maybe he will be a bit more sensitive in future. It is unkind OP, I totally understand why you feel the way you do, that was your most vulnerable moment and he uses it to embarrass you. He sounds quite childish and thoughtless. He probably doesn’t realise how much it’s hurt you but you need to tell him.

It is totally up to you. Your husband should not be so childish and disrespectful. He has shown you that he can't support you in this and instead has chosen to actively humiliate you, so of course you don't want him there.

It won't be helpful to have him there, if you are anxious it could have seriously negative consequences for YOUR birth.

He has ruined it for himself, why did he not expect it? It's very common... did he just sit back and not do any research into pregnancy and birth to support you?
Seems there's a common theme.

Tell him now, he needs to know exactly how he has harmed you.

Sounds immature

It's not gross, it's normal. Of course you don't feel comfortable having him there at your most vulnerable when this is how he behaves after last time.

And, just to prepare you, chances are it will happen again. My midwife says most women poo during childbirth, so if you don't feel comfortable with him, then take your mum instead. And when he sulks (I assume he's childish enough to sulk, if he's childish enough to be unable to cope with birth) then remind him it's his behaviour that has made you feel uncomfortable

I gave birth alone. That was my decision and my husband understood. I’ve no regrets. It’s the way it always used to be.

My dad was never at the birth of me and my siblings. Our mum just got on with it.
I appreciate times have changed but you are entitled to birth in private apart from medics of course. Just tell the hospital in case he gate-crashes.

Good luck with your confinement OP.

Is he an 8 year old boy FFS? Also how little thinking or research did he do into what happens in labour beforehand for it to be a total surprise?

You've every right to keep him out of the delivery room, but the rational part of me suggests you have that proper conversation first.

I'd tell him his comments last time, which he has repeated since, have damaged your self esteem and are making you anxious for this time. You need to be as stress free and relaxed as possible for the birth so if he wants to come then he has to wait outside the room and can come in straight after.

While he's waiting he can go online and read up about giving birth and how common it is for women to defecate slightly while pushing.

I actually didn't know about this at all, the midwife was very discrete and quickly dealt with it without me even noticing so there's was no need for it to have ever been brought to my attention.

If I pooed during any of my labours, my DH has the good sense to keep it to himself! I wouldn’t want him there either if he was going to make such a fuss over something so natural.

when I briefly mentioned how I might not want him there, he confirmed he would be there

He doesn’t have the right to decide he’ll be there if you don’t want him to be. If you think he’ll get insistent, tell the midwives you don’t want him there and they won’t let him in. It would be awful for you if you couldn’t relax because you’re worried about what he might think.

Women have been giving birth attended only by other women since forever. Some women want their partners to be there, others don’t, some fathers don’t want to be there.

He’s very immature going “eww, poo”. It’s not “gross” anyway. What a child.

How awful to be married to a thoughtless thicko! OP, do you see a future with this creep?

Fictionalcharater is correct, he has no rights to attend YOUR birth op, one word to the midwives and they'll not let him in.

Tell him now and make sure he is aware of how little say he has over it.

The midwives will not only be so used to it that they deal with it automatically but they’ll then know you’re pushing properly.

What a fucking dickhead. Tell him he's not attending the birth and it's down to his childish and insensitive comments. You need to actively only have people in the room you feel safe and comfortable with.

He's an utter DICK.

I wouldn't want him there either.

This is a consequence of his immature actions/words.

You are doing the right thing, do not let this manchild railroad you into what HE wants. It's important that you feel comfortable when birthing.

I had my husband there for the first but not for my subsequent 3 births. I had my sister there instead. Much calmer atmosphere for sure and no lurking male around not knowing what to do.