Page 9 | Not wanting husband at birth

woodpeck · 2024-07-31T11:50:16+00:00

I am due to give birth in a couple of weeks and my husband is assuming he'll be at the birth. I had a natural birth last time and intend to have the same (if all goes well) I feel quite embarrassed about my husband being there and would rather face this on my own and just get through it. One of the things that makes me feel this way is that he constantly reminds me of how last time some poor came out and it was really gross. He's made references to that a few times since and I don't know if I can feel comfortable knowing it might happen again and he won't let it go. I also have to get my mum to come and be with our little one so he could just have him instead. I haven't had a serious conversation with him about it yet but when I briefly mentioned how I might not want him there, he confirmed he would be there as he was last time. If I told him the truth that it was embarrassing he commented then he probably wouldn't mention it but I'd know he was thinking it. I don't know if it's just hormones because he's a very supportive husband but I don't think I feel comfortable him seeing me in that situation again or am I just being anxious.

TiredMummma · 05/08/2024 09:05

Supportive husband? Sounds like a dick

LondonFox · 05/08/2024 09:53

HauntedbyMagpies · 31/07/2024 14:52

@mirrorlife Of course he does! 😆 That's his child being born not a private club in a treehouse 'No Dadz allowed' Grow up

Of course he does not.
Childbirth is a procedure in a medical setting.
You can choose who will come with you or refuse anyone comming. Like with any other medical intervention.

Idiotic DH can play dad as soon as baby gets home.

Bzybee · 05/08/2024 15:34

I understand you not wanting him there, his comments are not very considerate or supportive.
The compromise you come to could be, he is there only to support you, not look down below. I

Vonesk · 05/08/2024 19:01

I was in this situation. I did not want him there. I felt like I was being vindictive and I dont think that Midwives EVER think to give mum a choice anymore, with childbirth now being A SPECTATOR SP0RT!!!!!! Who does one speak to first to get this changed?????? Do you go for check ups regularly?????? You must tell your Midwife how you feel- I was too chicken and Yes the proverbial finger pointing after the event describing gross stuff was rammed down my throat. Mums need choice!!! I think paet if the problem is Dads are looked upon as helpers.

1VY · 05/08/2024 19:45

Vonesk · 05/08/2024 19:01

I was in this situation. I did not want him there. I felt like I was being vindictive and I dont think that Midwives EVER think to give mum a choice anymore, with childbirth now being A SPECTATOR SP0RT!!!!!! Who does one speak to first to get this changed?????? Do you go for check ups regularly?????? You must tell your Midwife how you feel- I was too chicken and Yes the proverbial finger pointing after the event describing gross stuff was rammed down my throat. Mums need choice!!! I think paet if the problem is Dads are looked upon as helpers.

Of course midwives “ give you a choice “! They will ask you who is going to be with you during labour , it’s entirely up to you.

You can choose your mother, sister, a doula, your best friend , whoever. They wont have any view on who you choose, unless they feel that person is upsetting you or interfering in your care.

They usually recommend only one person , so that they can concentrate on the mum and not on managing lots of other people. No one needs someone who will be attention seeking or expecting the staff to cater to them, they are not the patient .

You can have then with you during labour and ask for them to leave during the birth. Or come in afterwards . It’s all up to you ( unless there is a medical emergency of course ). You can change your mind at any time.

EPN · 05/08/2024 20:19

Why are so many men such dickheads. Tell him all the mams had a meeting and he's banned from any future births for gross misconduct. Idiot. Plus you need to be relaxed and focused on pushing not anxious and holding back because your worried about a giant child taking me mick. It's jealousy at the end of the day.

Poddledoddle · 05/08/2024 21:50

MellersSmellers · 04/08/2024 23:18

He was very insensitive to have ever mentioned that!
I kind of think that you shouldn't take away his experience of being at the birth of his child, but I would definitely suggest he stays away from "the business end"! Can't he just support you emotionally by standing at the head of the bed, ready to hold little'un on arrival? My husband would have liked to have been spared the sight of all the blood when I was cut....

Its not her taking it away, its not his right to be there. And mums should be the first to hold their babies.

coupebaby · 07/08/2024 02:17

woodpeck · 31/07/2024 13:15

I actually didn't know about this at all, the midwife was very discrete and quickly dealt with it without me even noticing so there's was no need for it to have ever been brought to my attention.

When I went into labour i always tried do a poo, then showered before heading to hospital and to prevent that happening I always flushed myself out by taking shower head off and hosed myself out 😂 sounds weird af but I’ve never pooped during any of my births because was nothing there to come out 🫣

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 07/08/2024 19:58

coupebaby · 07/08/2024 02:17

When I went into labour i always tried do a poo, then showered before heading to hospital and to prevent that happening I always flushed myself out by taking shower head off and hosed myself out 😂 sounds weird af but I’ve never pooped during any of my births because was nothing there to come out 🫣

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Same here, it's quite common practice where I live to use a glycerine suppository in early labour to clean everything out.

The OP's husband is a complete dick though.

I wonder whether she's had the baby yet.

buttnut · 07/08/2024 22:13

1VY · 05/08/2024 19:45

Of course midwives “ give you a choice “! They will ask you who is going to be with you during labour , it’s entirely up to you.

You can choose your mother, sister, a doula, your best friend , whoever. They wont have any view on who you choose, unless they feel that person is upsetting you or interfering in your care.

They usually recommend only one person , so that they can concentrate on the mum and not on managing lots of other people. No one needs someone who will be attention seeking or expecting the staff to cater to them, they are not the patient .

You can have then with you during labour and ask for them to leave during the birth. Or come in afterwards . It’s all up to you ( unless there is a medical emergency of course ). You can change your mind at any time.

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I think the problem is that it’s become so ingrained that ‘dad attends the birth’ that to a lot of people it’s unthinkable that you’d even consider another person as your birthing partner. This really isn’t a good thing. I get that years ago many women resented the fact husbands had to stay away but it’s gone completely in the other direction now where so many women feel like they ‘have’ to have their partner present, even though they know their mum/sister/friend would be 100x times better as a birth support. A lot of women are made to believe they are doing irreparable damage to the ‘bond’ dad will have with the baby when it just isn’t the case. I would love it if we could normalise choosing the best person for the job.