Not wanting husband at birth

[woodpeck]

I am due to give birth in a couple of weeks and my husband is assuming he'll be at the birth.
I had a natural birth last time and intend to have the same (if all goes well)
I feel quite embarrassed about my husband being there and would rather face this on my own and just get through it.
One of the things that makes me feel this way is that he constantly reminds me of how last time some poor came out and it was really gross.
He's made references to that a few times since and I don't know if I can feel comfortable knowing it might happen again and he won't let it go.

I also have to get my mum to come and be with our little one so he could just have him instead.

I haven't had a serious conversation with him about it yet but when I briefly mentioned how I might not want him there, he confirmed he would be there as he was last time.
If I told him the truth that it was embarrassing he commented then he probably wouldn't mention it but I'd know he was thinking it.
I don't know if it's just hormones because he's a very supportive husband but I don't think I feel comfortable him seeing me in that situation again or am I just being anxious.

Tell him he's not invited and tell him why! What a knob.

Spectator sport? This is his child not just OPs! Yes she's giving birth but he has a right to be there provided he's not causing an issue.

"I know he'll be thinking it" is not a satisfactory reason to ban him from the birth of his own child! He's said a few immature comments since^^ last time but he didn't actually do anything wrong.

What an awful thing to keep bringing up when you were at your most vulnerable. You need to feel like you have support around you, I think you need to have a frank conversation with him and tell him exactly how he’s made you feel.

I don’t know if I did this, but my god if my DH ever joked about something that happened during the most traumatic event of my life to date I think he’d be getting both barrels (and if not from me, my MIL!)

"he's a very supportive husband "

He's really not. What a massive idiot. How can you be with someone who acts like that. You were literally pushing another human out your body. Honestly I don't know how you can live with some one like that, let alone have another baby with them.

Do what is best for you. He needs his head knocking though. I would actually see what he does as emotional abuse.

Having your husband present during labour and birth is an incredibly recent trend. Fathers throughout most of history have not been present at births, and they bonded with their children just fine.

I personally found it helpful to have my husband there. Whether or not it was nice or meaningful for him didn't enter my brain - birth is a very serious moment in your life with huge potential consequences. It is well known that the anxiety levels of birthing mothers can affect delivery.

If my husband said something like yours did after your first birth, there'd be no way I'd feel relaxed and comfortable if he was there at my second birth.

Do what is best for YOU.

Don't be so ridiculous. Him making immature comments (which I agree is pathetic and he needs a metaphorical slap!) after the birth is not going any effect on OP's birth at all. Thats physically & figuratively impossible. Even if he made jokes about it (if it happens again), by that point the baby will have already been born?!?

Sorry but I disagree, there’s something fundamentally wrong with him if he mocks his own wife for doing that. Needs to fucking grow up for a start

As others have correctly said, he has no right to be there whatsoever. The birthing woman can choose whoever she wants to be there and the midwives will enforce that, with the help of security if necessary.

This is her birthing period, he has no right to be present during her own medical event.
He has no right, none whatsoever, she isn't his fucking rent - a - womb, birth is not a spectator sport and he's likely to cause problems for her AND their baby if he is present as op will be anxious.

Men have no rights to be at anyones birth.

@mirrorlife Of course he does! 😆 That's his child being born not a private club in a treehouse 'No Dadz allowed' Grow up

@HauntedbyMagpies what do you think is meant by the term "rights"?

Please stop trying to spread misinformation on the thread. This is a factual question and what you’re posting is incorrect.

The midwife dealt with it without mentioning it because it happens all the time. It’s totally normal, and absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. It means you were pushing well.

I would explain that he has lost the right to be at the birth. It’s a stressful enough time that you only need those around who will support. He can look after your other child. Make sure you tell the hospital that you don’t want him there.

Do you think if a birthing woman refuses to allow the child's father in the delivery room he gets to stay?
He could be the nicest man in the world who hasn't said anything to her like ops partner but the moment she tells the staff she doesn't want him there or revokes permission is the moment they will remove him.

He is not legally allowed to be there without her permission.

Your husband sounds like a wet lettuce. Leave him home to look after your eldest child and take your mum. Birth partner is a tough jobs and your husband sounds like he is crap at it.

Tell him how you feel! How is he supposed to know? Just 'Yes, it's very common in labour. But please stop going on about it, as you're making me feel embarrassed and uncomfortable.'

And tell him that's why you don't want him at this birth.

I'm actually fairly sure I pood during my second birth, but my husband has the good sense to insist he most definitely noticed no such thing

He sounds deeply immature in making comments about a natural bodily function that you can’t control. I would have snapped my OHs head off the first time he made a stupid comment like that!

At the end of the day it’s your choice who is there at the birth.

Actions have consequences.

I do think in an ideal world a dad would see his children be born, my husband absolutely loved being there for the birth of our daughter, cutting the cord, hearing the first cry, being the first (other than me) to hold her, those first moments after birth were so so special to all of us, I couldn’t imagine him not being there.

The difference is though if your husband is not capable of giving you that love and support during what is essentially one of the most vulnerable moments you ever live through, then it’s up to you whether or not you have him there.

@woodpeck , tell him to be careful never to get bowel cancer.

I wouldn't have had a second child with a "man" that pathetic. Sorry OP. You were in your most vulnerable state and he's taking it and using it against you. Fuck that. I would have left him by now.

I didn’t realise that this had happened when I gave birth until a few weeks later when DH and I were talking about the birth. I think I said that I was glad I hadn’t had a poo during birth and DH looked sheepish and said ‘actually you did’. But he didn’t try to joke about it or give any opinion about it and when he saw how embarrassed I was, he apologised for mentioning it and never mentioned it again. He was allowed to attend my next birth because I wanted him there and he was an excellent support. (And yes, there was poo again that time and I was in a birth pool. DH caught it in a sieve without mentioning it and never mentioned it again. 😂)

If your DH keeps mentioning it, he is a dick. You absolutely don’t have to have him at the birth if it’s not what you want.

@TomatoSandwiches Absolute nonsense 😆 You can use all the clichès and adjectives you like but it's morally wrong and you know it.
I completely 100% agree that if a Dad is causing an actual hindrance or being abusive then he should be booted out and only has himself to blame. Also please don't twist my words to imply that I'm defending or condoning his immature jokes because I am not! But punishing him in such a way that it's likely to break his heart and potentially hinder with his bond with his second child - a bond that is always difficult for Dads - just because of something he said AFTER the previous birth, well that is beyond the pale imho. OP asked for everyone's opinion, not just yours!

Oh the irony 🤦🏽‍♀️😂

, he confirmed he would be there as he was last time

tell him you don't feel comfortable as you know he will be think its gross if you poo

most dh don't mention it if they have any sense, its not needed

can he stay home and look after dc1