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Original poster

Group of 30 from DD's school lured her to the park to attack, mug, and humiliate her

507 replies

user1468352691 · 07/03/2017 00:54

I'm absolutely going out of my mind with worry and my daughter is hysterical and is refusing to come out of her room, and is refusing to go to school tomorrow. I want to phone the police but she is begging me not to, so I need advice from my fellow mums of teens.

So, a bit of backstory. My daughter is 14, and started a new school 6 months ago. She fitted in extremely well at first, and befriended some of the girls from the "popular" clique. She was out nearly every day after school and at the weekends, they'd go into town or each others houses. I was thrilled because in her previous school she had always been left out, we moved school so she could have a fresh start, and it worked, so I though at the time.

Around a month ago, DD went into school and suddenly this group blanked her. The "clique" consists of around 30 people in her year, and is a mix of boys and girls. DD had (and still doesn't know) what she did to trigger this. In the weeks that followed, only one girl from the clique was still "friends" with her, and she claimed she had also been blanked by the clique. This was a lie as we'd later find out. On Friday, DD got a text from the friend asking if she wanted to meet up at the park and get something to eat in town afterwards. DD thought her and this girl were best friends, so she agreed.

DD walked to the park, and she says the friend was waiting for her at the gates, and told her "I have something amazing to show you.", and led her to the other end of the park. What awaited her, were 30 kids from her year standing in the field. She says the majority of the "clique" were there. They ran up to her, took pictures of her, hit her, pulled her hair and took her phone. The ones that weren't attacking her stood and watched, while laughing and filming. After they'd left (the attack lasted at least half an hour my DD said) she ran home and told me what happened. She's been locked up in her room most of the weekend and I let her miss school Monday and today, that may have been the wrong move but I couldn't bear the thought of going through that again.

I know I need to send her back to school tomorrow and we are both sick to our stomachs at the thought, but we already had the LEA on our backs a few months ago when we went on holiday for a week during term time. I wish I could just keep her safe at home for the rest of the year. I don't know what to do :(

OP posts:
Wdigin2this · 07/03/2017 10:53

Look, I fully understand why your DD doesn't want you to go to the police or school...but she's too young, and too upset to be making theses decisions! Most definately you should contact the police, also trawl your DD's FB/Twitter accounts, you can bet someone has uploaded the attack on her.
This is a dreadful thing for her to be going through, and I feel deeply for you both, but you cannot brush it under the carpet! As others have said, you absolutely must get it through to her, that it's not her fault....the girls that did this, are people who are just afraid of not doing as the ringleader tells them to do, and incidentally, it's imperative you find out who that is!
Ring the schoo, and tell them your DD will not be returning until she has fully recovered from the terrible upset this has caused, ask for a meeting with them, the school governor and your local police community care officer! Make sure they realise you will not give up on your DD's well being whilst at school......she deserves better!
This is the time for you to step up to the plate, in your best mamma lion roll, and roar out loud for your child....she needs to see you've got her back!!! Don't give up until the girls who did this are punished and see it as a ONE WOMAN ANTIBULLYING CAMPAIGN I bet you'll soon find like minded mothers wanting to join you!
Good luck, and I'd love to hear the outcome!!

amidawsh · 07/03/2017 10:54

southall are you for real?

Dreamingdreams · 07/03/2017 10:54

*Understand

Fauchelevent · 07/03/2017 10:56

... i would imagine she doesn't want it reported to the police in case it gets worse, which is why most bullying victims dont like reporting to the police

Get real southall

ravenmum · 07/03/2017 10:56

Shame, southall? Shame that they tricked her so easily and made her look stupid? Shame that they chose her as a target because they see her as stupid/ugly/smelly/whatever and maybe that's how everyone sees her (she thinks)?

And really, you think there's something a teenager could do to make it a bit more acceptable for a gang of people to happy slap her because she "triggered" it?

OK, time to log off this thread!

MrsDoylesladder · 07/03/2017 10:56

"Is she hiding something?
Did she do something to trigger this gang of 30 into attacking her?"

This can't be serious. Whatever she's "hiding " can never warrant this.

Wdigin2this · 07/03/2017 10:57

PS: Also it would be a good idea if, you can pursuade DD into it, get her to see a doctor/community nurse, so that any hurt she has sustained can be recorded....this is really important!

FreeNiki · 07/03/2017 10:58

Dont think for one second any of this lot wouldn't report it

diddlysquat0 · 07/03/2017 10:58

your poor daughter. I'm sure you have done this already but please do stress to your daughter that it is nothing about her that made them bully her. That it is a classic example of mob mentality and says more about the kids involved than her. Have a read of this: source.southuniversity.edu/examining-the-mob-mentality-31395.aspx

Do call the police. Those kids need to be pulled up over their behaviour and made to realise how unacceptable and hurtful it is. Hopefully the school will use it as an opening to discuss mob mentality and daring to stand up and say no this is not right, I will not join in.

It's also worth remembering that although this feels a huge thing to your daughter, the kids involved will quickly forget so if she take a week or so off school, and the situation is dealt with, when she comes back focus will have moved on to the next school drama.

Try to keep it as a case of badly behaved out of of control behaviour by children learning right from wrong, rather than a case of her being bullied. Sounds like she was just conveniently new at the school and they were looking for a victim, didn't matter who it was.

I would be concerned that moving schools would make it more of a thing and that she would be likely to be run into the perpetrator kids out of school. Perhaps better she stays put, with some support from the teachers to make new friends and and carries on as normal.

Let us know how it goes. I was so appalled when I read your post OP that I actually cried. We are all behind you and your daughter. Maybe you could show her this thread!

deblet · 07/03/2017 10:59

Have not read the thread so apologies if already sorted. But no way in hell would anybody send their child back to that school to be humiliated. Keep her off and look for another school or unit to help her. Do not return her to that school.

SmashingInAthleticWear · 07/03/2017 11:01

"Did she do something to trigger this gang of 30 into attacking her?"

What the hell is wrong with you?

SuperFlyHigh · 07/03/2017 11:04

Agree with deblet my DD wouldn't be returning to that school.

At age 14 first week back I had my hair set on fire by another girl, my best friend had changed allegiances and though she stuck up for me, I felt a bit isolated. Anyway the hair incident was on top of previous incidents. I walked out followed by teacher.

My mum luckily refused to return me as the bully wasn't being dealt with Hmm and mum spoke to head of year who said send her back. Mum asked her would you return if this happened to you? My mum was a primary school teacher. I changed schools.

Wdigin2this · 07/03/2017 11:04

Southall Did you actually read that before posting!
What are suggesting....if this poor girl had upset one of these little gangsters, it's OK for 30 of the little bs to brutally attack her.....are you actually a mother, don't you think our DC need us to help and support them through everything....because that's what I see as being a mother?!!!! Shock

SuperFlyHigh · 07/03/2017 11:06

southall has said some other strange comments in past.

amusedbush · 07/03/2017 11:06

How awful. I'm so sorry this happened to your lovely DD. I was frequently physically and verbally attacked around this age, I was terrified to leave my house and my hair was falling out with the stress of it. My mum did call the police but all they did was go to the main instigator's house for a slap on the wrist. Even when my mum picked me up from school one afternoon and drove me straight to the house of the girl's mother (while I had a chunk of hair missing, broken glasses and a bloody nose), the mother said I'd obviously done something to deserve it. Again Hmm

I NEVER did anything to deserve it. It was the same as your daughter's situation - they decided one day that they didn't like me, and that was that. Two years of rumours started, verbal attacks, having my hair torn out (or once, set on fire in the dinner queue!) or being kicked and punched.

I fucking hate bullies. There's a special place in hell for them.

diddlysquat0 · 07/03/2017 11:07

southall even if the girl HAD done something, which I am sure she hasn't, sounds like a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Are you suggesting it's ok for a group of 30 kids to mob and punish her?

Jeez! Scary attitude!

amusedbush · 07/03/2017 11:07

Are you my old bully's mum, southall? Confused

Deathraystare · 07/03/2017 11:09

What a bunch of evil shits! Deffo get the police involved as well as the school. They need to know how serious it is. If nothing is done, the little shits win. At that age they don't know how bad it is to have something like that on their record. They soon will!!!!

Hope your girl is ok.

Annesmyth123 · 07/03/2017 11:09

How awful. You need to ring the police x your poor daughter.

cowgirlsareforever · 07/03/2017 11:10

I fucking hate bullies. There's a special place in hell for them.

Couldn't agree more. OP, you need to take charge of this and make sure the bullies get the punishment they deserve. Had this happened to you, you wouldn't hesitate to phone the Police, so please do the same for your DD.

RubyWinterstorm · 07/03/2017 11:10

Don't just "tell school" by leaving it on the answerphone message system, where it will be someone in admin/reception listening to it, and they may or may not deal with it in the way it needs to be dealt with.

This is a serious issue and you need to:

1.) call the school and ask for the phone number/e-mail of the Head of Year
2.) explain the situation to the HoY. leave the ball in his/her court: "what are you going to do about this"

If the school is any good, the HoY will inform the rest of senior management as well as DD's tutor. They will speak to all children involved. They will speak to all parents of these children. They will also speak to DD/you.

This is a serious issue and needs to be dealt with properly.

Call the HoY now. Or at the very least the tutor. But HoY's normally deal with these kind of bigger issues.

RubyWinterstorm · 07/03/2017 11:12

Also, it is important to act fast, and for the school to get all these kids phones in one feel swoop so it does not give them time to delete any footage.

Trust me, the school will have dealt with this kind of stuff before.

sydenhamhiller · 07/03/2017 11:12

OP, I am so sorry to hear about this, your poor DD.

I am echoing what others have said: you need to call the police on their non emergency number. If this happened to you or me, this would be assault, and we would be alerting the police, so the same follows for your DD. And she may not want you to report it, but you have to, as this will make it stop.

School will also have to take it very seriously if the police are involved )they may be very good and take it seriously already, but sadly not all school do).

Tell your DD how brave she has been, to come and tell you, and I hope you get the support you need with this. And these other kids obviously
need some serious help too, they need to know this behaviour is completely out of line.

X

Bunniesncats · 07/03/2017 11:13

Omg southall that is a ridiculous thing to say! The young girl may have upset one or two people but to insinuate she has upset all 30 involved in her attack is horrendous!
OP Please get the police involved and the school I wouldn't be surprised if the footage is online somewhere by now. And please do not let your poor daughter go back to that school those awful children will never let this lie.
Flowers for you op this is very stressful for you both.

GatoradeMeBitch · 07/03/2017 11:22

Contact the police, and please do NOT send her into school for the time being. She was attacked by her entire class. The school is not going to take you to court and have the details of that all over the tabloids.

If you want to, you can remove her entirely and home educate for now, though it may be best to wait and see how things play out.