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Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

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Original poster

Group of 30 from DD's school lured her to the park to attack, mug, and humiliate her

507 replies

user1468352691 · 07/03/2017 00:54

I'm absolutely going out of my mind with worry and my daughter is hysterical and is refusing to come out of her room, and is refusing to go to school tomorrow. I want to phone the police but she is begging me not to, so I need advice from my fellow mums of teens.

So, a bit of backstory. My daughter is 14, and started a new school 6 months ago. She fitted in extremely well at first, and befriended some of the girls from the "popular" clique. She was out nearly every day after school and at the weekends, they'd go into town or each others houses. I was thrilled because in her previous school she had always been left out, we moved school so she could have a fresh start, and it worked, so I though at the time.

Around a month ago, DD went into school and suddenly this group blanked her. The "clique" consists of around 30 people in her year, and is a mix of boys and girls. DD had (and still doesn't know) what she did to trigger this. In the weeks that followed, only one girl from the clique was still "friends" with her, and she claimed she had also been blanked by the clique. This was a lie as we'd later find out. On Friday, DD got a text from the friend asking if she wanted to meet up at the park and get something to eat in town afterwards. DD thought her and this girl were best friends, so she agreed.

DD walked to the park, and she says the friend was waiting for her at the gates, and told her "I have something amazing to show you.", and led her to the other end of the park. What awaited her, were 30 kids from her year standing in the field. She says the majority of the "clique" were there. They ran up to her, took pictures of her, hit her, pulled her hair and took her phone. The ones that weren't attacking her stood and watched, while laughing and filming. After they'd left (the attack lasted at least half an hour my DD said) she ran home and told me what happened. She's been locked up in her room most of the weekend and I let her miss school Monday and today, that may have been the wrong move but I couldn't bear the thought of going through that again.

I know I need to send her back to school tomorrow and we are both sick to our stomachs at the thought, but we already had the LEA on our backs a few months ago when we went on holiday for a week during term time. I wish I could just keep her safe at home for the rest of the year. I don't know what to do :(

OP posts:

humourless · 07/03/2017 10:22

OP. You don't really have a choice. You have to call the police. This is as serious as it gets, you file charges, you go to court....

you put your house on the market if you have to....

You stand up for and beside your daughter.

You do not let this go until the kids are punished.

the police will take this very seriously. They did when my son was cyber bullied, they visited every house of every child and talked to them inform of their parents. This is much much more serious.

You act on this or you give the message that little bastards can get away with it. God I'm irrationally angry for you.

humourless · 07/03/2017 10:23

she doesn't have to go to school.

She's old enough to stay home whilst you transfer her.

amidawsh · 07/03/2017 10:23

if it isn't already online then i think HappyFlappy Tue 07-Mar-17 10:11:58 is right they have done something to threaten her.

I hope you are at the school this morning with the head.
Get her signed off by the GP
Don't ever send her back to this school,
Get the police involved. the little shits cannot get away with this. She must know many of their names, at least the girl that tricked her to the park. The minute they are in trouble they will all squeal i can assure you. They'll do anything to mitigate themselves when they realise how much trouble they are in.
Just awful.

HappyFlappy · 07/03/2017 10:24

God I'm irrationally angry for you

So am I Humourless - angry and upset on behalf of this poor girl. No-one should have to endure this.

I hope the little feckers get prosecuted - it will stay on their records for a long time, I would think.

upthegardenpath · 07/03/2017 10:25

Agree that these videos will be online by now - they will want to show them off, as 'happy slapping' (awful term) is all about showing off and control.
I cannot imagine how you must be feeling - I am so sorry you have experienced this awful situation.
Your poor daughter...I feel sick to the pit of my stomach that 'children' can do this to others.
She has undergone assault, robbery and more, which may stay with her for a very long time.
She may need counselling and additional support too, just saying.
You are her mum and will know what to do next, because ever since she was born, you and her dad have striven to protect every hair on her head.
Hopefully, now the shock has happened, you can now contact the school (pastoral care and safeguarding officer) and police...because none of you will get any peace until those responsible have been hauled up to face justice.
Please let us know how you both get on.

humourless · 07/03/2017 10:25

She will know all of their names, assure your DD that there's nothing anyone could say about her that you would be upset about. they may know things about her that she's afraid to tell you.

RachelRagged · 07/03/2017 10:25

Horrible. I echo PPs, tell school AND the police.

katronfon · 07/03/2017 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nigelforgotthepassword · 07/03/2017 10:27

Oh op-the the thought of your poor dd going through this has made me very upset so I can't imagine what it mud by be like for her and for you.
I sincerely hope you are at school or with the Police now.She has been subjected to a serious assault.
And I wouldn't be sending her back to that school ever to be honest.As an adult I wouldn't go back into work of I'd been assaulted by a group of my colleagues-it's no different, in fact probably worse, for your dd.

emmyrose2000 · 07/03/2017 10:28

OMG, your poor daughter!

There's no other choice here - the police must be called. I wouldn't even bother with the school again at this point. They can explain their refusal to call you back to the police. No doubt the school is trying to figure out how to cover their OWN backs, and to hell with your poor daughter.

Do not, under any circumstances, send your daughter back to that hell hole. Find another school immediately. Would you want to spend six hours a day with the scumbags who assaulted and robbed you?

insan1tyscartching · 07/03/2017 10:30

Op I am so sorry this has happened to your daughter, she must have felt terrified and powerless. Let her see that together you aren't powerless, contact the police and report what has happened. Report every single one of the thugs that did this to your daughter, those filming and laughing are just as responsible as those hitting. Then contact the school, demand that you speak to the member of staff who will be dealing with an incident of assault and robbery that will mean police involvement.
You can do this for you and your daughter.

Wickedstepmum67 · 07/03/2017 10:31

The school has a duty to protect your daughter. The kids who assaulted her need to be caught and dealt with for their own sake as much as hers. What would be serious criminal behaviour in an adult should never be excuses if a child or teenager does it. Wrong message and they don't learn right from wrong. I'd involved the police and, as other people have suggested, NSPCC too. Hugely unacceptable for school to not respond to your messages, OP. I'd get your DD signed off (by her GP if need be) and refuse to send her back until school can guarantee her safety and wellbeing. What a ghastly experience for you both.

emmyrose2000 · 07/03/2017 10:32

Also, check out sites like You Tube and Vimo and wherever else videos are uploaded these days. Unfortunately there are bound to be videos of this somewhere online. If it's possible to download them as evidence to be shown to the police, then I'd strongly recommend you do so. If DL isn't an option, then at least screenshot the site/web page it's on it for evidence.

This is just sick. All the shits involved need to be prosecuted and expelled from school.

londonrach · 07/03/2017 10:33

This is a police matter. Let the school know but no way would i allow my dd back into that school.

Justwantcookies · 07/03/2017 10:33

My God, how horrible. you need to call the school dont leave a message get someone in reception and also call the police. I know your dd does not want the police involved but you have to call them. This could be happening to more than just her. Those children will have shared that footage and will have it on their phones so the police will be able to trace them.

Voice0fReason · 07/03/2017 10:33

Your poor girl. I can see why you were so conflicted over this.
However, you must involve the authorities because behaviour like this must be stopped to keep your daughter and other children safe.

pleasecomesoonspring · 07/03/2017 10:35

If this is real you need to make an appointment with the head and call the non emergency police.
I don't know any parent that would have left it this long.
If you were attacked and mugged you would of called the police.
Pull yourself together and get on the phone.

Justwantcookies · 07/03/2017 10:36

And dont send her back there until all of those involved have been excluded, stuff her attendance record. MY dd is 14 I can't imagine what you and her are going through

PennysUnicornHoodie · 07/03/2017 10:42

Your poor dd I felt sick just reading your post I can't imagine how you both feel.

I think it's best if she doesn't go in school right now if school haven't even had the decency to phone you back I'm not sure how good they will be at protecting her while she's there.
I know she doesn't want to involve the police but could you say she can stay off for now on the condition she sees the GP and the police are involved because that will stop the EWO getting on your back.

As for your daughter does she even want to go back? Is there the option to formally withdraw her for the last few weeks of this term and home school her just until the Easter half term and start her at a new school after Easter?
I know it sounds extreme but my sisters daughter suffered some awful bullying and she went down this route and her daughter is much more settled in the new school.
I know it's might not be the solution you want but it might give her the option of a fresh new start.

Morgani97 · 07/03/2017 10:48

My dd 13 went through something very similar last year. Rang the police and the school. I was disgusted by the people involved and yes it ended up on social media. The result of me reporting it was every single one of these nasty little brats had a visit from the police,isolation at school as the school deemed it acceptable rather than excluding them....no lying in bed doing what they wanted. My dd wanted to stay at the school as she's settled in there really well. Update is she's still there,the group of brats have separated and my dd seems no worse for it. Teenagers can be vile. Please op talk to your dd and get this reported. Lots of hugs x x

ravenmum · 07/03/2017 10:50

I hope the OP will take the posts as affirmation that she is doing the correct thing in calling the police, and not as criticism that she hasn't already done so.
That was certainly my intention!

I wasn't too badly bullied in school but also didn't feel I could report it. Or any of the much nastier bullying I witnessed. At the time it just felt like something you had to put up with if you were weaker than the others. If you were weak, it was your fault for not being tougher: you needed to change. And it felt like the teachers and parents thought that way too.

As an adult I've learned that no, in fact it's not your fault if you are bullied. It's the bully who needs to change. But the bullies and their victims (both) will only learn that if the bully is called to account. Letting the bully get away with it teaches the victim that it's their own fault. The victim feels guilty and bad for letting herself be bullied, so is even less likely to report it or do anything about it. And the culture of bullying is reinforced.

Maybe the OP has not yet processed her own experiences of bullying, if she had any, so is herself still caught up in the victim's guilt that stops you from reporting bullying. Or maybe she is just totally new to the whole game and uncertain what to do. It must be hard to deal with. Let's hope the school is helpful...

southall · 07/03/2017 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Dreamingdreams · 07/03/2017 10:53

I really don't unseated why you haven't already informed the police. If this really happened like that, it's a serious offence. You need to involve the police sooner rather than later as any possible cctv evidence (from the park or surrounding streets) may not be kept for long before it's deleted. Good luck and for your dd.

Tiredemma · 07/03/2017 10:53

This must be reported to the police.

DS1 was punched in the face a couple of years ago by an older boy at school. I literally ran to the school within a few minutes of him calling me.

School were fabulous and dealt with it.

amidawsh · 07/03/2017 10:53

if you can get a list of names together, the police can surely go into school, confiscate ALL their phones and go through them.
The longer you leave it OP the longer the little bastards have to delete the footage. I am sure many of them have realised since they could be in deep trouble and will be actively deleting it.

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