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Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

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Original poster

Group of 30 from DD's school lured her to the park to attack, mug, and humiliate her

507 replies

user1468352691 · 07/03/2017 00:54

I'm absolutely going out of my mind with worry and my daughter is hysterical and is refusing to come out of her room, and is refusing to go to school tomorrow. I want to phone the police but she is begging me not to, so I need advice from my fellow mums of teens.

So, a bit of backstory. My daughter is 14, and started a new school 6 months ago. She fitted in extremely well at first, and befriended some of the girls from the "popular" clique. She was out nearly every day after school and at the weekends, they'd go into town or each others houses. I was thrilled because in her previous school she had always been left out, we moved school so she could have a fresh start, and it worked, so I though at the time.

Around a month ago, DD went into school and suddenly this group blanked her. The "clique" consists of around 30 people in her year, and is a mix of boys and girls. DD had (and still doesn't know) what she did to trigger this. In the weeks that followed, only one girl from the clique was still "friends" with her, and she claimed she had also been blanked by the clique. This was a lie as we'd later find out. On Friday, DD got a text from the friend asking if she wanted to meet up at the park and get something to eat in town afterwards. DD thought her and this girl were best friends, so she agreed.

DD walked to the park, and she says the friend was waiting for her at the gates, and told her "I have something amazing to show you.", and led her to the other end of the park. What awaited her, were 30 kids from her year standing in the field. She says the majority of the "clique" were there. They ran up to her, took pictures of her, hit her, pulled her hair and took her phone. The ones that weren't attacking her stood and watched, while laughing and filming. After they'd left (the attack lasted at least half an hour my DD said) she ran home and told me what happened. She's been locked up in her room most of the weekend and I let her miss school Monday and today, that may have been the wrong move but I couldn't bear the thought of going through that again.

I know I need to send her back to school tomorrow and we are both sick to our stomachs at the thought, but we already had the LEA on our backs a few months ago when we went on holiday for a week during term time. I wish I could just keep her safe at home for the rest of the year. I don't know what to do :(

OP posts:

WaegukSaram · 07/03/2017 02:03

That's fucking awful. My heart goes out to your DD.

Sounds like you know what you need to do. Hope you get some rest so you can deal with it in the morning.

Italiangreyhound · 07/03/2017 02:04

OP if your dd does not wish to visit the school with you, can someone responsible be left with her while you visit. Have you family or friends who could care for dd and another person who could attend meeting at school with you if you need to attend one soon.

Please do not make her go back to the school if she does not feel safe to do so. I would say even for a visit this could be damaging at this early stage. Whether this is practical or not, I am not sure. I

f she does need to attend a meeting could it be elsewhere or outside school hours? I am just thinking how I would feel. I would not want to run into any of those bastards.

"The thing is there were so many children involved it's impossible to name all of them to pastoral." Does this mean you don't know their names? If not, the school may be able to find out. The fact so many children are involved means this is a very serious issue which, should mean more care and time is taken by the school to deal with this. It may be difficult for the school but they will just have to find the capacity to deal with it.

Watching, filming and laughing at an assault is very serious. It may be that once these students are traced they may 'give up the main culprits'.

The park might have some degree of CCTV coverage and the police could access this.

It is important to remember that kids that get away with crime don't usually go on to be upstanding citizens, so bringing the shits to justice could well be helping the police and school, although do not expect them to see it that way!

It is also key to remember that any police officer or teacher you speak to would absolutely not want to be placed at the mercy of thirty of their peers where, for whatever reason, their peers chose to humiliate them and use violence against them! Do not allow anyone to minimize this.

I could be wrong here but I would advise, if you can do this with not too much difficulty, please also photograph any injuries your dd has.

I would personally want her to see the GP for the stress. Although now there may not be evidence of injuries you could speak to the GP about this. I would say that this is an emergency for the GP (our current surgery takes three weeks to get an appointment!).

Bless you, this is so tough.

FreeNiki · 07/03/2017 02:10

Hitting her and taking her phone is robbery. It's very difficult to avoid going to prison for that with adults. 14 is above the age of criminal responsibility.

I would call the police or your poor daughter will think this behaviour is acceptable.

The poor girl. I hope she is ok.

Italiangreyhound · 07/03/2017 08:04

user1468352691 good luck today, hope your dd is ok.

MrsGotobed · 07/03/2017 08:35

Your poor daughter

Does your school have a PCSO attached to it (police community support). They often are a familiar and less scary face for pupils to talk to than a random police officer.

I'm shocked that school didn't respond to the phone call.

Humphriescushion · 07/03/2017 09:26

Another one saying police. Your poor DD.

SouthWestmom · 07/03/2017 09:31

I can't imagine how different our lives and thought processes are, op, that you wouldn't have called the police immediately, regardless of dd's desire to avoid this.

How can you think that the LA on your back for a TT holiday remotely impacts on this?

NotAPuffin · 07/03/2017 09:32

Your DD needs to know that it's not okay that this happened to her. She needs to know that you and the school are there to protect her. It needs to be dealt with very emphatically or she's going to be left feeling awfully alone and unsupported. Please, please just be the grown up and show her that she doesn't have to accept being treated this way.

RicottaPancakes · 07/03/2017 09:39

That's awful ,I am really sorry. Do phone the police, school etc. Are you aware that your daughter does not need to go to school? You can deregister her now and the LEA will not treat this like unauthorised absence. Home education is legsl. Exams can be done somewhere else as a private candidate.Have a look at Education Otherwise's website.

theothercatpurred · 07/03/2017 09:42

Yes, call the police. The evidence will be on their phones.

I wouldn't be sending my DD back to school until both I and her felt she was safe there - possibly never.

guggenheim · 07/03/2017 09:44

What an awful thing to happen- your poor daughter.
Please do call the police, let school know after you have done this. Appalling that school didn't get back to you promptly. Look on the school website for the governors details, i think you should put in a formal complaint if they don't get back to you sharpish.

ExplodedCloud · 07/03/2017 09:45

At the very minimum you need to be speaking to the head today. Face to face preferably. Without your dd. Whatever else the head has on today, sorting out crime and bullying on a mass scale amongst the pupils has to be a priority. On this scale the police need to be involved. There will be ringleaders and police involvement is likely to flush them out and scare the sheep silly.

Floggingmolly · 07/03/2017 09:47

Call the police! Why didn't you do it as soon as it happened?!

Crazymoo82 · 07/03/2017 09:48

My heart goes out to your poor dd, I had to change my dd's school only last week due to bullying and it's awful. However what your dd has gone through is unbelievable. I can only imagine how you feel. If those kids not attacking her we're filming the attack it would not surprise me if the video is not already circulating around the school so I would definitely involve the police who can then take the ones involved phones as evidence. They can't be allowed to get away with doing something so dreadful. X

KatherinaMinola · 07/03/2017 09:51

Of course you phone the police, and the school! I can't believe you're giving it a moment's thought!

Imagine if that had happened to an adult at their workplace - every single one of the perpetrators would be suspended immediately and interviewed by the police.

Fauchelevent · 07/03/2017 09:52

How devastating for poor DD don't send her in

KatherinaMinola · 07/03/2017 09:54

And don't send her back to school - your duty is to keep her safe, and unless and until you have assurances from the school that they can do that as per their own safeguarding duty, it is reasonable for you to keep her home.

Of course you need to explain this to them in writing (and tell them you've called the police).

Dontjudgeme1 · 07/03/2017 09:54

This is awful. I hope that the relevent children are named and punished.

Blastandtroph · 07/03/2017 09:56

Have you phoned the Police yet OP?

Isadora2007 · 07/03/2017 09:57

For all those saying "I can't. Relieve you've not called the police"

Stop.

Would you say that to a woman who has been assaulted or raped? It is up to the victim of any crime to have the choice to call the police or ask for help to do so. This poor girl has already had her rights smashed to bits by these bullies. She needs to be able to trust her mum.

MrsPMT · 07/03/2017 09:58

for you and DD

Lapinlapin · 07/03/2017 10:01

Your poor poor daughter. Truly shocking that so many kids could be so vile, and so premeditated and on such a large scale.

It surely must mean that there will be plenty of evidence when the police investigate it, esp.if they filmed it.

I hope you get to speak to the head today. The school definitely needs to know heat a huge bullying problem they have. Just awful

WhatchaMaCalllit · 07/03/2017 10:03

Your poor daughter. The one person that she thought was still her friend turned her back and helped others publically humiliate her.

Please take the advice of the others who have already posted.

Phone the school again. Leave a message indicating that if they don't phone you back within 30 minutes, your next phone call will be to the police to log this as an assault or "happy slapping" incident.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happy_slapping

Then when they do phone you back, calmly repeat what your DD told you happened and ask them what they intend to do. It may not have taken place on school property but they are all pupils of the school and this needs to be taken very seriously. There should be an anti-bullying policy document. If the school has a website, download it and make sure that they follow what they say they do in cases of bullying.

Report the incident to the police. Your daughter may not want you to but you really have to do what is right here and long term, it will be ok.

Give your daughter a huge hug and tell her that you're looking after her and doing what is best.

PointlessUsername · 07/03/2017 10:03

Your poor dd. Hoping the school help in making dd feel safe to go back and punish those involved.

FurryLittleTwerp · 07/03/2017 10:04

You have to overrule your daughter here & do the right thing - call the Police!

Also keep calling the school till you get to speak to someone.

You have to take charge here.

Poor girl

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