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Original poster

Group of 30 from DD's school lured her to the park to attack, mug, and humiliate her

507 replies

user1468352691 · 07/03/2017 00:54

I'm absolutely going out of my mind with worry and my daughter is hysterical and is refusing to come out of her room, and is refusing to go to school tomorrow. I want to phone the police but she is begging me not to, so I need advice from my fellow mums of teens.

So, a bit of backstory. My daughter is 14, and started a new school 6 months ago. She fitted in extremely well at first, and befriended some of the girls from the "popular" clique. She was out nearly every day after school and at the weekends, they'd go into town or each others houses. I was thrilled because in her previous school she had always been left out, we moved school so she could have a fresh start, and it worked, so I though at the time.

Around a month ago, DD went into school and suddenly this group blanked her. The "clique" consists of around 30 people in her year, and is a mix of boys and girls. DD had (and still doesn't know) what she did to trigger this. In the weeks that followed, only one girl from the clique was still "friends" with her, and she claimed she had also been blanked by the clique. This was a lie as we'd later find out. On Friday, DD got a text from the friend asking if she wanted to meet up at the park and get something to eat in town afterwards. DD thought her and this girl were best friends, so she agreed.

DD walked to the park, and she says the friend was waiting for her at the gates, and told her "I have something amazing to show you.", and led her to the other end of the park. What awaited her, were 30 kids from her year standing in the field. She says the majority of the "clique" were there. They ran up to her, took pictures of her, hit her, pulled her hair and took her phone. The ones that weren't attacking her stood and watched, while laughing and filming. After they'd left (the attack lasted at least half an hour my DD said) she ran home and told me what happened. She's been locked up in her room most of the weekend and I let her miss school Monday and today, that may have been the wrong move but I couldn't bear the thought of going through that again.

I know I need to send her back to school tomorrow and we are both sick to our stomachs at the thought, but we already had the LEA on our backs a few months ago when we went on holiday for a week during term time. I wish I could just keep her safe at home for the rest of the year. I don't know what to do :(

OP posts:
HappyFlappy · 08/03/2017 22:43

*can bring down a lot of flak

Italiangreyhound · 08/03/2017 23:37

Just to emphasize my comments on forgiveness were to a specific poster about her experiences as a child, not to the OP and her dd.

I think the OP needs to secure and continue to secure her anonymity and that of her dd.

Her dd needs to get over this and move forward. I would be leaving the justice aspect to the police, unless they failed me.

Whatever happened the dd needs to know she can go to a new school/college and start afresh.. this is more important than making a point or making the --shitbags-: culprits suffer.

StarryIllusion · 08/03/2017 23:38

No advice, just wanted to offer support and express my disgust at the way this has been handled. Your poor daughter. I agree with Polly, if mine were involved in something like this they would be begging to be arrested rather than be left for me to deal with and believe me, deal with them, I would. Hopefully some of these teens have halfway decent parents who will actually care. My school bully ended up in massive trouble with his parents after failing to withhold his number after making a threatening call and my mum talked to his. She was horrified and said his father would go mad when he got home and found out. Frankly I'd have liked to be a fly on the wall because he never so much as looked at me again so it must have been one hell of a bollocking.

notapizzaeater · 08/03/2017 23:44

I too hope the parents are ashamed - mine would have been petrified to tell me they had done this.

Have you chased camhs for counselling ?

ExplodedCloud · 08/03/2017 23:46

I think the talk of punishment and so on is misplaced. OP has a traumatised dd to deal with and the police are hopefully sorting out the road to justice. The OP ending up with a conviction for contempt or assault isn't any use to her dd. Taking an ad in the local paper would be lunacy from a legal point of view.

Italiangreyhound · 08/03/2017 23:50

Agree as on paper would be lunicy.

OP has your f2f got an appointment with GP yet?

Italiangreyhound · 08/03/2017 23:51

Dd not 2f2!!

HappyFlappy · 09/03/2017 09:12

The joys of autocorrect Greyhound

I sweartogod it has a (perverted) mind of it's own!

PatsyMount · 09/03/2017 09:34

Dragongirl what dreadful advice! Hmm

OP is doing a great job of keeping her countenance. No need for any DFail type of shenanigans....

Thinkingblonde · 09/03/2017 09:39

Dragon girl. Your advice is terrible, going to the press and naming and shaming could jeopardise any court case against any of those involved. It could be said that they wouldn't have a fair hearing as such action could be predudicial against them.
There's an on going investigation into a rape and abduction that took place last week in my town, two men allegedly abducted a woman and her toddler from the street. A photo of two men taken from cctv footage was posted on social media. A man was arrested but released without charge. These two men were not involved yet their faces have been published on Facebook.

Dragongirl10 · 09/03/2017 10:22

Why shouldn't the perpetrators be named and shamed locally? Ok maybe a little extreme for some peoples taste and of course not if it interfered with a police investigation.

It often seems to me that the perpetrators of such humiliation get away scot free boasting of their behavior, l would want them to face it.

More and more in our society it has become commonplace for kids/teens to not face any consequece of their actions, whilst other have their lives ruined.

I am tired of parents who protect their bullying children, feel annoyed at those schools who do not do their duty of care to those being bullied, and very sorry for those who cannot find the strength to stand up to them...hence my post.

I am sure the Op will find many more considered and probably sensible posts here.

SoupDragon · 09/03/2017 10:49

OP Is this the same school who forgot your other DD on her primary-secondary induction day last July?

leonardthelemming · 09/03/2017 10:59

I've just read the whole thread and, OP, you might be interested to learn that my wife once worked as a supply teacher at a "good" school where apparently nothing bad ever happened. This was entirely the result of the fact that the school was so effective at covering things up.
My wife also did supply work at another school not too far away - one which had a bad reputation locally because the police were always going in there to deal with "incidents". And this was because the school took such incidents seriously and did something about them - including involving the police where appropriate.
So the reality was that the "good" school was only good when viewed from the outside, whereas the "bad" school was actually a much more caring environment and a safer place to be.
It seems to me that your daughter's school fits into the first category - they are more concerned with their reputation than the safety of their pupils.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 09/03/2017 13:49

OP - just wondering how the discussion with the Deputy Head went? Did you leave the meeting with a better understanding of what they are planning to do?

Hope your DD is feeling a bit better today.

EweAreHere · 09/03/2017 14:03

Can you make the county provide transport so your daughter can change schools? I can't imagine how she will be able to go back to this school after how poorly they've handled all this!

Original poster
user1468352691 · 09/03/2017 17:15

SoupDragon, that was actually my sisters daughter, but yes, it's the same school. I didn't realise that post was on this account, I thought I'd created my own account to create this post, but I must've been on hers the whole time.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1468352691 · 09/03/2017 17:18

I've only just realised!

OP posts:
Corialanusburt · 09/03/2017 18:04

Have you spoken to school OP?

watfordmummy · 09/03/2017 18:13

Nothing to say, except how sick I fell - I'm sure we all do - when reading this. My ds are of this age (boys) and it is one my greatest fears.

Flowers to both OP and her daughter xx

Italiangreyhound · 09/03/2017 21:22

Dragongirl I am sure we would all want those evil kids to pay but the reality is the OP needs to protect her dd from further hurt or harm. She needs to let the police deal with this.

OP have you got a GP appointment yet,please try tomorrow and make sure you are not fobbed off.

Thinking of you and your dd.

fernanie · 09/03/2017 22:09

Why shouldn't the perpetrators be named and shamed locally?

Because it gives them notoriety and 15 minutes of fame. The type of kids who would do this don't seem like the type who would be ashamed to have their names / faces in the paper.

HappyFlappy · 09/03/2017 22:32

AND - it can be used by a defence barrister to claim that a fair trial isn't possible because the jury members are likely to have been influenced against the defendants . This can lead to prosecutions being dropped/ appeals succeeding etc.

Getting justice is the important thing.

MsJolly · 09/03/2017 23:55

How's your DD now? Any further news from school-what action are they taking?

SoupDragon · 10/03/2017 08:09

SoupDragon, that was actually my sisters daughter, but yes, it's the same school.

Then I would be looking to change schools tbh. I certainly wouldn't hold out any hope of them sorting it out.

WelshMoth · 10/03/2017 13:06

YY to Soupdragon's post along with a letter to the Chair of Gov's and the LEA.

Hope your DD is ok.