Group of 30 from DD's school lured her to the park to attack, mug, and humiliate her

[user1468352691]

I'm absolutely going out of my mind with worry and my daughter is hysterical and is refusing to come out of her room, and is refusing to go to school tomorrow. I want to phone the police but she is begging me not to, so I need advice from my fellow mums of teens.

So, a bit of backstory. My daughter is 14, and started a new school 6 months ago. She fitted in extremely well at first, and befriended some of the girls from the "popular" clique. She was out nearly every day after school and at the weekends, they'd go into town or each others houses. I was thrilled because in her previous school she had always been left out, we moved school so she could have a fresh start, and it worked, so I though at the time.

Around a month ago, DD went into school and suddenly this group blanked her. The "clique" consists of around 30 people in her year, and is a mix of boys and girls. DD had (and still doesn't know) what she did to trigger this. In the weeks that followed, only one girl from the clique was still "friends" with her, and she claimed she had also been blanked by the clique. This was a lie as we'd later find out. On Friday, DD got a text from the friend asking if she wanted to meet up at the park and get something to eat in town afterwards. DD thought her and this girl were best friends, so she agreed.

DD walked to the park, and she says the friend was waiting for her at the gates, and told her "I have something amazing to show you.", and led her to the other end of the park. What awaited her, were 30 kids from her year standing in the field. She says the majority of the "clique" were there. They ran up to her, took pictures of her, hit her, pulled her hair and took her phone. The ones that weren't attacking her stood and watched, while laughing and filming. After they'd left (the attack lasted at least half an hour my DD said) she ran home and told me what happened. She's been locked up in her room most of the weekend and I let her miss school Monday and today, that may have been the wrong move but I couldn't bear the thought of going through that again.

I know I need to send her back to school tomorrow and we are both sick to our stomachs at the thought, but we already had the LEA on our backs a few months ago when we went on holiday for a week during term time. I wish I could just keep her safe at home for the rest of the year. I don't know what to do :(

This is so awful. Your poor DD! Brings back loads of memories of the horrific bullying I endured, which my school also ignored. At least she can be safe in the knowledge that her lovely mum has her back and won't send her back to that school. Stay strong OP, getting justice can be a hard road.

I am SO disgusted with the school that I can't even really express it properly. Unfortunately, I wasn't surprised. There was just something that made me think this is what they'd do (or not do, as the case may be). The head teachers and anyone else involved in this mess should be sacked. I'd definitely be putting in a formal complaint about them to whatever the relevant educational authority is.

By rights, the Head should've been on the first plane back to the UK as soon as she found about this (with a replacement sent in return). I'm surprised that a HT and Deputy both went on this trip. Guess she couldn't pass up a (most likely) free junket. That would never fly in any school I've been involved with.

I would let the school know that this is online and has already been picked up by a Sun journalist (or even say different journalistS (plural) and s/he is waiting to write a story. They can read into that what they want. You're not saying you will be talking to the media, but you're also not saying you won't be. (Personally I would be if this wasn't sorted out today and every student involved expelled).

I'm flabbergasted that they suggested to isolate you daughter! Eh? How about they isolate the bullies by expulsion? Sending you and your daughter lots of love!

I would go into the school to explain the situation, then I would phone the police so this is logged and then I would be contacting every parent in her class to make them aware of what their child did.

I hope your daughter is ok.

Op please get real life advice and speak to victim support and police. School governors parent partnership etc.

Take someone to any meeting.

Do not take it on yourself to call other parents. That is for police/school to do. The parents may or may not be thugs as well. Don't take them on.

Hope today is better for dd and she getting support from gp and referral to camhs

The lea is legally responsible for providing full time education so lean on the lea for the provision dd needs.

The girl who coaxed your daughter to the assault location needs to loose her peer support role. If she's doing this sort of thing now as a 14 year old (fully aware of right and wrong), what will she be doing as an adult? She has taken on a respected and responsible position, yet abused her role and is clearly a real danger to others.

I hope the main offenders are charged by the police and expelled permenatly from school. A real example made of them.

Lesser offenders made to go through some sort of rehabilitation and excluded for three days or so.

The school needs to clamp down and draw some clear boundaries.

Oh FFS! Report to the police! This stuff will be all over the internet. And it will be 1000% worse.
Bullies need to be shown that this kind of behaviour can never be tolerated.
And in the long run. It is NOT IMPORTANT to be popular in school.
Cliques are vicious!

I hope they don't bring their vendetta to your home. Sometimes I'm glad that my own kids live out in 'the sticks'. No kid can travel here without a car.

Oh FFS! Report to the police!

Could you not be arsed to read the thread?

smurf oh FFS! Read the thread.

PoisonousSmurf you honestly thought it was better to just chuck your oh-so-important opinion in without reading the context, given how sensitive and serious this is?

Hope DD is feeling calm today. Hope you're getting your tiger momma on and taking the school to task.

Have you contacted the chair of governors in school? There will be a governor for safe guarding and this is a massive breach. I'd also be contacting the LEA and taking further advice from them, as well as OFSTED. An immediate visit from them can be triggered by an appalling situation and mishandling such as this.

There have been a fair few similar comments Opal. I know some people have app problems but they usually realise as soon as they've posted. What is it though that makes posters see a 10, 15, 20 page thread and decide immediately that they have a unique comment that hasn't been said or that their advice will make the OP have an epiphany if they haven't already cancelled the cheque after being told to do so 200 times?
Or indeed check to see if the cheque has been cancelled.

Do we need a pinned post at the top of each page for those who can't be bothered to rtft?? Saying "THE POLICE ARE ALREADY INVOLVED!!"

I'd be getting urgent delivery of a small voice recorder from Amazon or elsewhere that I'd have secretly recording during the meeting.
I don't think it's legal to record secretly. But it's definitely a good idea to record, you just need to tell them you're doing it.

Glad your DD is doing a little better OP. You sound like you're doing all the right things. Agree with PPs who've said she's lucky to have you. Thinking of you both today and hope the HT manages to fit you in to her schedule brings about some resolution.

ExplodedCloud You are right as soon as I posted it I thought I was quite unfair and should keep my thoughts to myself.

But yes, it takes a special kind of anyone to think they have the unique answer to the ops opening post after almost 20 pages of discussion.

Hope you are both feeling a little better.

I spoke to my preschooler this morning about being kind. I've never specifically thought I needed to mention it (she is a lovely girl) but I'm emphasised that if she sees other children being mean, she is to walk away and go and find help. She's only 3. I"m so worried about the future for all of our children when this type of bullying is taking place. FFS it's not even bullying, it's full scale assault and abuse.

As others have said, we need to focus on ensuring that our own children would not witness this and say nothing. Be the child who sneaks off to get help instead.

Thinking of you all.

Just awful to read this. Thinking of you and Dd x

Opal I didn't think you were unfair at all! I only mentioned that there were several so that it was obvious I wasn't directing my comments solely at the poster on this page. Would be a bad thread on which to make a personal attack!!

User I'm horrified to read this and can't imagine what you and your DD are enduring.

Please DO NOT DEREGISTER her. The school must help you find another place. Ask for a managed move or something, and they will have to share the responsibility. If you choose to take her out, and there are no other places, you will be stuck. Deregistering will be a knee-jerk reaction.

You've done absolutely the right thing. You've taken the control away from her, as the adult. She will thank you for it.

To have the leadership of the school away at the same time makes me I strongly think you should write to the school governors and make them aware of the schools response.

Unbelievable -- your poor daughter. Not only did something dangerous and awful happen to her, but the school reacted so poorly.

It is legal to record secretly but to be honest I would record openly so that they know you are doing it. You can always say that you want to be able to share it with your DP later, or that it's such an emotional subject that you need some help remembering what's been discussed.

My top questions to the school would be as follows:

• Who is responsible for safeguarding at the school?
• What is their safeguarding procedure for a serious assault?
• (If this wasn't followed, which I suspect it wasn't, then why was it not followed?)
• Why weren't you contacted at once if the school was aware of a major incident involving your daughter?
• What do they propose to do to identify the perpetrators and tackle their behaviour? If it is a police matter, how will they be working with the police?
• How do they propose to ensure your daughter is safeguarded, so that you and she can feel confident that she can safely return to school?
• In the meantime, what measures will they be putting in place to ensure that her learning does not suffer? (e.g. private tutor???)
• Ask for a record to be put on your child's file, along with a note of any action taken. Ask to see and approve the record on your child's file so that you can ensure it is accurate.

This is a good piece with lots of advice: www.bullying.co.uk/bullying-at-school/advice-on-contacting-your-child-s-school-about-bullying/

Oh, and - what actions will they be taking to ensure that (a) their failures, and (b) continued bullying or assaults, do not happen again?

you dont need to give any explanation for recording! - you just say " I will be recording this meeting" and place the recorder in the open.

if they say "no" it has to be secret; well then you leave, and inform governors.

LEA has responsibility for providing (alternative) education eg tutors. the school does not provide them.