Group of 30 from DD's school lured her to the park to attack, mug, and humiliate her

[user1468352691]

I'm absolutely going out of my mind with worry and my daughter is hysterical and is refusing to come out of her room, and is refusing to go to school tomorrow. I want to phone the police but she is begging me not to, so I need advice from my fellow mums of teens.

So, a bit of backstory. My daughter is 14, and started a new school 6 months ago. She fitted in extremely well at first, and befriended some of the girls from the "popular" clique. She was out nearly every day after school and at the weekends, they'd go into town or each others houses. I was thrilled because in her previous school she had always been left out, we moved school so she could have a fresh start, and it worked, so I though at the time.

Around a month ago, DD went into school and suddenly this group blanked her. The "clique" consists of around 30 people in her year, and is a mix of boys and girls. DD had (and still doesn't know) what she did to trigger this. In the weeks that followed, only one girl from the clique was still "friends" with her, and she claimed she had also been blanked by the clique. This was a lie as we'd later find out. On Friday, DD got a text from the friend asking if she wanted to meet up at the park and get something to eat in town afterwards. DD thought her and this girl were best friends, so she agreed.

DD walked to the park, and she says the friend was waiting for her at the gates, and told her "I have something amazing to show you.", and led her to the other end of the park. What awaited her, were 30 kids from her year standing in the field. She says the majority of the "clique" were there. They ran up to her, took pictures of her, hit her, pulled her hair and took her phone. The ones that weren't attacking her stood and watched, while laughing and filming. After they'd left (the attack lasted at least half an hour my DD said) she ran home and told me what happened. She's been locked up in her room most of the weekend and I let her miss school Monday and today, that may have been the wrong move but I couldn't bear the thought of going through that again.

I know I need to send her back to school tomorrow and we are both sick to our stomachs at the thought, but we already had the LEA on our backs a few months ago when we went on holiday for a week during term time. I wish I could just keep her safe at home for the rest of the year. I don't know what to do :(

Your poor dd

I was bullied at school, nothing like your dd, but it's made me quite emotional reading what your poor dd went through. I'm normally a right hard nosed cow but your story is horrific, it must mean so much to your dd to know she doesn't have to go back to that school.

The school should be ashamed of themselves, disgraceful behavior by their pupils which should reflect very badly on the school. Not to mention their disgusting failure to respond once they began to realize something had happened.

What an awful thing to happen.
And the school- words fail me. The head should be on the phone at the very least.
Really hope your daughter gets the help and support she needs- and you too. You sound like an amazing family, so great that you are there for her.
I hope every parent of those involved sees the footage- not to increase your pain, but to enable them to understand the impact of what went on. This is far above a bit of bullying.
Hope you have a fear free night, and some peaceful sleep.
As for the school...

Sorry I was on the app for thand first time and can now see I'm way behind in the thread!

DD has just told me something that's really riled me up. The ringleader who pretended to be my DD's friend to lure her to the park is part of the "Trustworthy Peers" (I altered the name for privacy reason, I've probably already revealed to much), programme that our LA secondary schools take part in. Year 9 and 10 students had an assembly about it and 15 from each year were chosen. Children who were chosen from the TPP programme were sent to a weeks training course in January.

The point of the programme is so that young teens who are feeling self conscious can go and speak to a child their age, who may understand what they are going through. And to think the ringleader signed up for this and was selected!

I would not have any meetings with the school that were not witnessed and I would be logging every single contact. I would also he getting legal advice.

alltheworld I've been looking at solicitors. I'm not sure I want to take that path right now, I want to focus on getting DD settled atm, but it's at the back of my mind.

user please print and delete this thread. It's all so awful but you don't want DM getting wind of it. Post again about it but the details are fodder for the likes of the gutter press. Wishing you all the best

Sorry if this has bern said already - but is the phone call tomorrow a good idea? Given the shockingly poor response of the school so far, would it be better to wait until the HT is back for a face-to-face meeting, with a witness/note-taker?

Please do escalate this, however, to the governors and definitely to Ofsted - the school have repeatedly failed in their fundamental duty of safeguarding. Getting the relevant people involved (including the police, as you have) will help keep other children safe as well.

for your DD.

This makes really grim reading OP.

I'd be cc'ing in the LEA contact for this peer programme to, sharpish.

I'd raise hell if my DC was in any way a Part of this. Terrible, horrifying behaviour.

Don't mention to the school about possibly getting a solicitor unless it has to be made apparent, e.g. sitting in on a meeting.

Do write down everything you can recall and as suggested above log all future contacts.

To be honest I'd be getting urgent delivery of a small voice recorder from Amazon or elsewhere that I'd have secretly recording during the meeting.

I'm sorry I haven't read all the thread but needed to post.
Some thing very similar to this happened to me when I was at school. I was a similar age and was humiliated by a large group of kids in my class. It was in days before mobile phones so that element wasn't there.
I really wish now in hindsight my mum had done more. I begged her not to contact school - she did but I'm not really sure how seriously they took it. I think the police should have been involved, I think those involved should all be made to know how serious it was.
I think the trouble is that at 14 you think you know how to handle it and how to get over it but you really don't. I don't think at 14 you can also truly understand the seriousness of what happened and it needs a parent to take control of the situation.

user please print and delete this thread. It's all so awful but you don't want DM getting wind of it.

Agree with Blue

Whilst I am very anxious to know how things are progressing, the safety and privacy of your daughter are paramount. Please don't risk ir being invaded by the gutter press.

I'd be getting urgent delivery of a small voice recorder from Amazon or elsewhere that I'd have secretly recording during the meeting.

I would openly record.

Sorry if this has bern said already - but is the phone call tomorrow a good idea? Given the shockingly poor response of the school so far, would it be better to wait until the HT is back for a face-to-face meeting, with a witness/note-taker?

The only thing I'd be discussing on this phonecall is arrangements for a formal meeting.

I'd take someone with me to the meeting and openly record it.

Best wishes OP - you've had some good advice on this thread and there's no rush to follow it all through by the end of this week. Take your time on each step.

I just wanted to send support op. I was bullied all through high school. Social median wasn't a thing then but I lived in fear and tried to make myself as inconspicuous and invisible as possible to try and escape the bullies attention. I'm glad you called the police and I'm glad you are protecting and supporting your DD. She will get through this. She will to on to have friends and jobs and life will be good and she will always know you were there for her.

I just wanted to send support op. I was bullied all through high school. Social median wasn't a thing then but I lived in fear and tried to make myself as inconspicuous and invisible as possible to try and escape the bullies attention. I'm glad you called the police and I'm glad you are protecting and supporting your DD. She will get through this. She will to on to have friends and jobs and life will be good and she will always know you were there for her.

Shocked and horrified by your post - your poor dd. And then doubly shocked and horrified by the woeful response from the school - particularly when they knew that 'it was the talk of the school' and still didn't bother to contact you! Sitting here with a jaw dropped and wondering how they can fail so completely and utterly at beginning to deal with this - it should be a no-brainer when the bullying is so so extreme.

I would have hoped that they would have contacted you asap. I would have expected them to roundup everybody involved and hand over all items of tech that might contain incriminating videos or pictures asap before the assaulters (calling them the bullies just doesn't seem to be a strong enough word) realised what was happening so that they didn't have a chance to delete anything off their phones. The police should have been called and be on their way while this was going on - ready to deal with at least 30 dc. The school may have needed to do some juggling to ensure all 30+ were isolated from other dc in the school and between the ones that had been interviewed and those that hadn't, as well as maybe calling in parents to be present while they were interviewing them.

The senior team left in charge should be on the phone to the HT who should be on the phone to you, to reassure you that everything possible is being done to bring justice for your dd. I can understand that with numbers and cost it might not be possible for them to fly back to deal with it, but they should at least be considering it as an option (and another member of staff flying out to replace them). As a minimum he should be in hourly contact with his SLT to be on top of everything, know who is involved, police reaction, videos spread, and so on.

The school should be organising a meeting with the entire year - excluding the offenders - and having a frank and serious discussion to find out what others know, if anyone else was involved, if anyone else has experienced anything similar (this sounds an extreme thing to start with -I bet there have been other lesser things done to other students before this), a massive reminder of the school's bullying policy, being able to talk in confidence to members of staff if they hear of anything like this about to happen or happening again, and so on. Then similar meetings for each year to ensure the entire school is familiar with the bullying policy and understands there is no tolerance for it.

I know you're not planning on sending your dd back to the school - but I wonder if it is worth talking to the police and to the staff about getting a [non-contact? exclusion? ???] order (sorry, can't remember exactly what they are called). The ones that mean that the baddies can't come within a certain distance of your dd. Which would potentially mean they couldn't go to school - although if your dd is leaving the school then knowing they are all stuck at the school left behind means that she won't be seeing them elsewhere and will know where they are and where to avoid them. However, having something served on them that forces them to change their behaviour - and them being the ones that have to sit out of lessons rather than her or not being able to go to the park or town centre or local hang out spots etc - would help to focus everybody's mind on who is the victim and who are the baddies. Ideally this would be for everyone but if not, then definitely the ones that made the snapchat death threat video.

I wonder if the school minimised it to start with because it was a group of popular dc - they often include some who are good at sport and on school teams, or good in the plays and so on - and often the teachers like them and will banter with them (I know this doesn't happen everywhere, but I've known it happen this way at a good many schools)... So they don't want to think badly of them or worry about the effects on the school of having to exclude or severely punish so many of their 'popular' kids from a year, it could affect all sorts of things from their sports results to their exam results to their funding to ofsted, the council and others getting involved - I'm guessing that if 30 of them need dealing with to a greater or much greater degree that's an entire class which is bound to have an effect on the entire school.

If the ringleader had been voted for and been on some special course then I think that she needs to be actively removed from her role by the school (and anybody else in a similar position). I would also be talking to the people that ran the course to tell them what happened and to see if they can incorporate something to ensure that they try to put something into the course to stop the popular but bitchy ones getting onto the course. hmm. not really sure how or what exactly but it feels like if somebody has been entrusted to be a safe person, but then found not to be, they need to be punished over and above others not in the same position - a bit like dodgy policemen being held to a higher standard than normal people and getting a stricter punishment for the same thing (although obviously this isn't identical to that, but you get my gist).

Another thing I don't think anybody has brought up on here is that you should be googling* your dd's name and the school's name and any other related names you can think of, just to keep an eye on anything that might come up online over the next few weeks - then notify the police asap about each one. Hopefully they will be able to help you get as many as possible taken down so they are less likely to be brought back up in later years when a prospective employer or whoever googles her in the future.
*check google - including the images, video and news and other big search engines and any specific sites that her age group uses at school - instagram? twitter? etc etc to see what you can find.

I hope the school step up their game and treat this really seriously, and that the police push for charging all those that were involved. And that your dd finds another school with lovely friends in.

WHY HAVE YOU NOT RUNG THE POLICE!!!!

And cancel the cheque while she's at it?

I do hope that these kids realise the enormity of what they've done. I had a few situations in school where I had a group waiting for me, keen to point out the error of my dorky ways, but the use of phones and social media and the obvious pre-meditation take this to a completely different level of horrific.

Actually, it wasn't dorky in those days. I was well and truly square.

And even the ringleader wouldn't look me in the eye, on her own.

user I'm glad she's calmer tonight. Please don't feel cross with your initial reaction. Dd had asked you to be low key and you had the dilemma of reassuring a frightened teen (who is after all your baby) and trying to figure out a strategy to deal with something truly shocking. Easy for us to shout Police!
Finally, yes, get a dictaphone or use your phone to record meetings. Announce clearly at the start the date and that everyone is aware that the meeting is being recorded to avoid any doubt. Ask the police if they can provide Victim Support for you/dd too.
If you want details of a better area to get on going MN support, pm me.

Another one lending support.

The school has handled this so badly. My son's school isn't perfect but when I had cause to inform them of an incident involving my son, another pupil & safeguarding by email the head & deputy head pastoral were both away from school but the other deputy head made himself immediately available, had already called the authorities before we arrived in school (at 9am the next morning) & we felt listened to.

Hope your dd is feeling better.

Please put everything in writing - email 'further to our meeting where we discussed - and you suggested etc - keep a paper trail

Also keep some records for yourself

Details of police interview

Anything DD might tell you

Calls from school

It's so easy to get confused by details later on -

Let us know how the call goes - and email - thank you for calling - I shall attend x meeting in Y date -

If you can afford it - take a solicitor with you

What a nightmare op, this breaks my heart for your daughter. Hopefully the school is of more use tomorrow

OP if you do home school I would expect the LA to provide support and home tutors for subjects you do not feel sufficiently expert in.
Maybe look into some hobby clubs out of area for your DD so she can socialise safely -- it will take time for her to regain any degree of self confidence. You're a great mum.
Take care

I'm so, so sorry about what happened to your dd, OP. It's just horrendous, and the school's reaction is appalling. I am glad that she is feeling calmer now. It is good that she has a mum who is committed to keeping her safe.