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Bullying

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Original poster

Group of 30 from DD's school lured her to the park to attack, mug, and humiliate her

507 replies

user1468352691 · 07/03/2017 00:54

I'm absolutely going out of my mind with worry and my daughter is hysterical and is refusing to come out of her room, and is refusing to go to school tomorrow. I want to phone the police but she is begging me not to, so I need advice from my fellow mums of teens.

So, a bit of backstory. My daughter is 14, and started a new school 6 months ago. She fitted in extremely well at first, and befriended some of the girls from the "popular" clique. She was out nearly every day after school and at the weekends, they'd go into town or each others houses. I was thrilled because in her previous school she had always been left out, we moved school so she could have a fresh start, and it worked, so I though at the time.

Around a month ago, DD went into school and suddenly this group blanked her. The "clique" consists of around 30 people in her year, and is a mix of boys and girls. DD had (and still doesn't know) what she did to trigger this. In the weeks that followed, only one girl from the clique was still "friends" with her, and she claimed she had also been blanked by the clique. This was a lie as we'd later find out. On Friday, DD got a text from the friend asking if she wanted to meet up at the park and get something to eat in town afterwards. DD thought her and this girl were best friends, so she agreed.

DD walked to the park, and she says the friend was waiting for her at the gates, and told her "I have something amazing to show you.", and led her to the other end of the park. What awaited her, were 30 kids from her year standing in the field. She says the majority of the "clique" were there. They ran up to her, took pictures of her, hit her, pulled her hair and took her phone. The ones that weren't attacking her stood and watched, while laughing and filming. After they'd left (the attack lasted at least half an hour my DD said) she ran home and told me what happened. She's been locked up in her room most of the weekend and I let her miss school Monday and today, that may have been the wrong move but I couldn't bear the thought of going through that again.

I know I need to send her back to school tomorrow and we are both sick to our stomachs at the thought, but we already had the LEA on our backs a few months ago when we went on holiday for a week during term time. I wish I could just keep her safe at home for the rest of the year. I don't know what to do :(

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 07/03/2017 20:25

What you need to understand is this. U don't have to have done something wrong. You don't need to be the weird kid, the kid with personality or learning difficutlies, the smelly kid, nothing. If there comes into that child's group a beeatch of the highest order who is an agitator extraordainare, the rest of the group (who have not been picked on for ostracising purposes), will be SO terrified of getting lumped in with the ostracised one, that they do nothing to help. It's not their fault really. They are tuned in to a life where you present a lot of yourself on social media, and they understandably don't want to be tarnished with the 'you're out' brush. Its social suicide

I am absolutely appalled by this. Anti-bullying education is just not working.

You know, my dds are sometimes embarrassed if I intervene in a situation if I think it necessary or want to be helpful. Even down to something simple like asking someone if they need directions if they look lost. I explain to them that it's so important we don't live in a 'walk on by society'. You hear stories about people being hurt or beaten up in the street and NO-ONE comes to their aid. Bloody disgusting.

I would be thoroughly ashamed if it was my child who didn't speak up when they KNOW something is wrong.

Original poster
user1468352691 · 07/03/2017 20:26

MakeItStopNeville If it had been the other way round and DD had been in the gang instead of the victim, I don't think I'd eve be able to look at her the same way again. I just hope the 60 or so parents of these kids feel the same way, or god help us all.

OP posts:
DavetheCat2001 · 07/03/2017 20:28

OP I'm so glad your DD is a bit calmer this evening, and I an imagine that knowing she doesn't have to go back to that school is of great comfort.

How are you doing too? Will your DH be home soon?

x

Mermaidinthesea · 07/03/2017 20:31

WHY HAVE YOU NOT RUNG THE POLICE!!!!

Floggingmolly · 07/03/2017 20:32

She has??

Sparklydress · 07/03/2017 20:33

I posted on here a few years ago about dd1 being bullied, the Times contacted me a ran a piece on it. They were incredibly sensitive about it and I felt better for doing something publicly.

I am so sorry for your dd, my blood boils at this behaviour, it affects the victim forever.

My dc are taught that if they do not speak up and stand by doing nothing, they are as bad as the bullies.

Summerof85 · 07/03/2017 20:34

user read your OP and just want to say I am absolutely appalled by what has happened to your daughter. I'm thinking back a long time ago when I was a teenager and would never have behaved that way and hope my own DC wouldn't either. I remember being told by a group of "friends " that they had "fallen out with me" at high school. I still remember being so upset, what happened to your daughter is a thousand times worse. In fact, one of the girls works at my DC school. Hope those little s**ts get what's coming to them by the police and your daughter is okay. Flowers to you both.

Original poster
user1468352691 · 07/03/2017 20:36

Mermaidinthesea If you looked on a couple of pages you'd see that I did phone the police. I admit I was mad not to do it straight away but they were called after I was advised to get them involved by my DH and people on here.

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 07/03/2017 20:37

My dc are taught that if they do not speak up and stand by doing nothing, they are as bad as the bullies

Totally agree. They are enablers, letting it happen. FFS why isn't more done in schools about this?? Angry

pictish · 07/03/2017 20:43

I'm another who is appalled. I am so sorry for your daughter.

ScarlettSahara · 07/03/2017 20:44

Apalled to read what happened to your DD OP and even worse the school's pathetic response and ineptitude.

I am glad you involved the police. I would second getting urgent GP referral too. If necessary you can say your DD has been attacked & needs to be seen and I would press on with looking into new school.

I blame some of this mob rule stuff on the sort of reality programmes that are put out as entertainment with people who will be obnoxious being deliberately selected. They stay in because it is considered entertainment.
IMHO this sends the message that such behaviour is cool. Then add in the fact that people can hide behind keyboards on social media and say whatever comes into their minds without fearing the consequence or imagining that they need to consider the feeling of others. Sorry best get off my soapbox Blush
On the other hand bullies have been around a long time - think they often have their own issues but that is of little comfort.

This must be so hard to go through with your DH away but I hope you have other support. Flowers I hope you can take some comfort from the fact that your DD was able to come to you. Hope you can snuggle up with her this evening.

Purplehonesty · 07/03/2017 20:45

Sending hugs to you and your dd sbe was very brave to tell you everything.

I was in a similar situation at school. Moved school at 15, got in with the popular crowd, all good. Kissed a boy and later found out he had a girlfriend. It went mad I had death threats and people ripping my hair out, threats to kill my horse etc etc - couldn't go anywhere.

I didn't really tell my parents the whole extent, I just bottled it up. An older boy told the bullies I had contacted the police and if they wanted their name on the list carry on.
A police friend of his went round and had a 'chat' with the main bully.

It all fizzled out eventually as I went away to uni early.

I now live in the area as we moved back 20 years later with my work. It was quite satisfying being the local bank manager and having these people come crawling to me for bank charges or overdrafts. You bet they didn't get any refunds from me!

So anyway. I hope once it's over you daughter can come to realise that none of these people will be in her life when she is older. She may move away, have different friend groups, succeed far better than any of these morons. Because anyone who acts like this at 14 isn't going anywhere in life.

HappyFlappy · 07/03/2017 20:45

I did phone the police. I admit I was mad not to do it straight away

DOn't blame yourself User - you were in shock and unable to think clearly - you also didn't want to upset your daughter any further. We none of us know what we would do - we can say what we hope we would do, but if the time comes we may act totally differently/

xStefx · 07/03/2017 20:45

Op , I hope your daughter is ok, thinking of you both. Just like another pp has said, I have spoken to my daughter about what has happened to your dd to remind her also never to follow the crowd and be that awful to someone x

MollyHuaCha · 07/03/2017 20:46

FlowersBear My heart breaks for your lovely daughter. I am outraged at what happened. Please give her lots of hugs and help her to know that what happened was not her fault.

MrsMozart · 07/03/2017 20:47

No wise or useful words, just want to send a message of support to your daughter and you.

FuzzyFalafelz · 07/03/2017 20:48

You are doing all the right things!!

Disgusting vile teen mob who should be thoroughly ashamed of their attacks and abuse. What sort of awful parenting has created such nasty scum? And as for that 'let me show you something really amazing' girl, she led your daughter into this. She knew what she was doing and I hope she pays dearly for it. Thank goodness the police are involved.

Please don't deregister her just yet. Email the LEA and explain that they will need to find her alternative education (home tutoring?) as she cannot return. Explain the circumstances in detail and the police investigation. Your DD's mental health. While she is registered at the school, the LEA still has a responsibility to provide an education - not necessarily at school though! Deregister her and the LEA have no responsibility. Your DD's reasons for non attendance are valid and I'm sure any education attendance officer would understand. You won't be fined for this. It's exceptional circumstances.

pictish · 07/03/2017 20:48

I am in tears now. Just horrendous. I want to come over there and kick the shit out of the lot of them myself. Stupid thing to say I know. I'm not helping.

ScarlettSahara · 07/03/2017 20:51

Forgot to add please don't beat yourself up about not involving the police from the outset- I would imagine you were in shock as well as trying to respect your DD's wishes when she had been through such an ordeal.

FuzzyFalafelz · 07/03/2017 20:52

Deregister her next month if necessary

GabsAlot · 07/03/2017 20:54

evil little shits-i was bullied but not on this scale

even thirty years ago they did nothing to help me

i do hope theres justice for your dd and they all get criminal records

Blastandtroph · 07/03/2017 20:54

I'm glad to read DD is calmer. She's very lucky to have you as her Mum and this awful situation will only strengthen her relationship with you further. I really hope you're doing ok too.

Let's hope that after the police interviews today those who were involved (even as bystanders) are starting to understand the consequences of their actions, something which I think our social media age mitigates against at times.

ScarlettSahara · 07/03/2017 20:54

Cross-post with Happy !

blankmind · 07/03/2017 20:56

"My dc are taught that if they do not speak up and stand by doing nothing, they are as bad as the bullies

Totally agree. They are enablers, letting it happen. FFS why isn't more done in schools about this??"

It needs to come from home in the first instance, monitor your teens' online presence and see how they communicate, take notice if they are criticising another teen's looks or mannerisms.

Would this have happened if the teens involved had their internet usage monitored by their parents? They are 14. They don't need privacy, they need firm guidance.

AllllGooone · 07/03/2017 20:59

Obviously call the police- that's a no brainer.

I wouldn't be sending her to school either. I'd tell them why and withdraw her if necessary.

Reassure her she did nothing to cause this. They're a revolting bunch of little arseholes, hiding behind revolting group mentality. I wouldn't be held responsible for my actions if this happened to one of my children.