Comments from non Black women [Content warning added by MNHQ: mentions sexual offences in later post]

[hibye123]

I briefly read a thread posted on this board and even though I can't remember exactly what the post was about. I remember the OP had put a disclaimer in case the thread had appeared on the Active board and said that the post wasn't intended to offend anyone, rather it was posted in a safe space for Black women to support one another (or something along those lines!)

Sometimes when I look on a thread on this board I'll see comments from non Black women such as 'I hope it's okay if I chip in on here,' or 'I'm white and hope you don't mind if I comment' and so on.

I know this is the internet and no one can control who posts where but sometimes it makes me think what's the point in us having our own board when it's not entirely exclusive to us. There's loads of other boards that I might sometimes read through but wouldn't comment on because I simply can't relate. Such as the LGBT children/parents board or even the Scotsnet board just to give a few examples.

I was looking through previous threads and saw a similar thread had been made about a year ago regarding non Black women commenting on this board and saw this post quoted from a member of the Mumsnet team.
It read 'Just nipping in with a quick reminder ........

This board was set up as we're aware there will be sensitivities and common experiences that Black MNers will find easier to talk about in a dedicated space.

The board exists primarily for the use of black Mumsnetters. While others are of course welcome to use it, please be respectful and mindful that this is a 'safe space' for those posters. While some may be happy to answer questions on race, others may not and it's not their responsibility to educate on these issues.'

I really think it's great we have a Black MNetters board as different groupes of people really have different experiences within society, especially as we're considered to be apart of an ethnic minority. I also think the above comment from MNHQ was perfect! I just wondered what other Black women think when they see comments from non Black women on here

Journo circling for a docu. Thread just taken down for breaking talk guidelines. The entitlement continues!

Although perhaps just claiming to be doing a documentary. Who knows who the hell they really are? Could have been Jim sodding Davidson for all we know!

MNHQ advice is that such requests for MN " experiences" need clearing with them first and checking out, and then are posted in the Research section on MN.
Not just a plop on here.

@PutTheSinkInTheWashingMachine

I know there's no way to verify people's race and ethnicity online and I don't expect it to happen. But I actually prefer when White women state that they're White while posting on here. At least you know who you're talking to and can respond if you want.

It's different when some people post on this board meant for Black women and have others assume they're Black or part-Black because they've stated that they're BAME, POC, multicultural, mixed race, have mixed family, etc - but you realise they've mentioned every label but Black or part-Black. Then you realise there's no Black in that mix. I find it to be deliberate and deceptive.

If people are going to post as non-Black women on this board, then do so. I don't think they need to use blanket terms to hide the fact that they don't have Black people in their family, then have BMNetters unknowingly share Black experiences with them thinking they're talking to fellow Black women.

It's like men coming into women spaces and talking about women's issues without disclosing that they're men. It's utterly deceptive.

I definitely agree with this!

I also feel that if a non Black poster wants to post on this board for whatever reason, then they should really state in their original post that they aren't Black. When I click on a post on this board, I automatically assume the poster is Black and sometimes feel a bit deceived when/if I figure out they aren't actually Black/part Black at all

@EchoNan

Journo circling for a docu. Thread just taken down for breaking talk guidelines. The entitlement continues!

Ooo what's this you're talking about? @EchoNan

@hibye123 New poster claiming to be making a private documentary wanted to interview black mums with children of a certain age. Appears to have just signed up and plopped on here without clearing it with MNHQ. Expecting us all to chat away for free and without him/her being verified by MNHQ.
Mods deleted it. Apparently, from talking to the mods to clarify, the procedure is that such requests should be checked out, if legit, by MNHQ. Only then, do the requests get posted on the Research board by MNHQ. But whoever they were, they decided to come in by the back door, big red flag.

So just be careful all! Don't talk to strange people on the internet

I took a long break from BMN because the constant overexplaining and barging in from nB women was doing my head in. I was becoming so angry at the entitlement I experience daily seeping into one of my happy safe spaces, and I was giving those posts too much of my energy - explaining everything people were determined to misunderstand. And constantly reporting to MN with essay length responses as to why a comment was problematic.

But I'm back now and how I have missed this space. It is happy anf thriving. I havent read through all the posts since I've been away but it seems like there is dare I say "less barging in". I hope it stays that way.

As for me I will no lomger give those any of my oxygen. I am here for Black women, Black men, Black babies and everything Blackity Black Black. I love you all Black people with your varied beautiful cultures all across Africa, the Carribean, Latin America and the world over. So to answer your question OP, they bothered me so much they chased me off this board, but now I have decided I will give them zero energy so unless from useful allies those posts may as well be non-existent to me.

I get you entirely.

My experiences with WW on here creep into my interactions of them IRL. They give such bad show here, that IRL sometimes if a WW does something, I think 'that's what WW are like'.

And then I have to stop myself! WW on here give other WW such a bad rep, it's hard to not make the short cut to 'all WW are racist' - not as basic as this, but you see what I mean. (I am sure some posters are actually white men parading as WW, too)

When that starts happening, I take a break from the board too. Because that's not the person I want to be.

@hibye123
I see the 'problem' as actual white women assuming they know what's best for anyone at all black
And here's an example
At the chemist wanting a particular incontinence towel
Alongside me another lady buying for her wheelchair bound relative
White woman sees us talking to young male assistant listens in, then goes over to shelf and says this is what she wears chefs kiss
I look her squarely in the face and say I want a thin not bulky towel as does this lady's aunt who's seated constantly
She actually said then she knew what was best and I said "only if you pee like me do and I reckon you don't?"
"We're big girls both of us who have bought these products constantly so we know what we need/want; go away"
Turned to a heavily blushing boy and told him to go check for us
She stormed off but not before she actually kicked the bottom metallic shelf twice
Swear if she'd had a whip she'd have used it
White arrogance and privilege combined with interference and patronisation
The thing is most white women assume they've more brain and we're gratefully stupid
And if they've a black partner well they know about anything/everything black don't they?
The very fact they were reminded by mumsnet should tell you everything
I know sometimes you get the odd wise word
But they will state their piece concisely
And not leave barbed messages