Comments from non Black women [Content warning added by MNHQ: mentions sexual offences in later post]

[hibye123]

I briefly read a thread posted on this board and even though I can't remember exactly what the post was about. I remember the OP had put a disclaimer in case the thread had appeared on the Active board and said that the post wasn't intended to offend anyone, rather it was posted in a safe space for Black women to support one another (or something along those lines!)

Sometimes when I look on a thread on this board I'll see comments from non Black women such as 'I hope it's okay if I chip in on here,' or 'I'm white and hope you don't mind if I comment' and so on.

I know this is the internet and no one can control who posts where but sometimes it makes me think what's the point in us having our own board when it's not entirely exclusive to us. There's loads of other boards that I might sometimes read through but wouldn't comment on because I simply can't relate. Such as the LGBT children/parents board or even the Scotsnet board just to give a few examples.

I was looking through previous threads and saw a similar thread had been made about a year ago regarding non Black women commenting on this board and saw this post quoted from a member of the Mumsnet team.
It read 'Just nipping in with a quick reminder ........

This board was set up as we're aware there will be sensitivities and common experiences that Black MNers will find easier to talk about in a dedicated space.

The board exists primarily for the use of black Mumsnetters. While others are of course welcome to use it, please be respectful and mindful that this is a 'safe space' for those posters. While some may be happy to answer questions on race, others may not and it's not their responsibility to educate on these issues.'

I really think it's great we have a Black MNetters board as different groupes of people really have different experiences within society, especially as we're considered to be apart of an ethnic minority. I also think the above comment from MNHQ was perfect! I just wondered what other Black women think when they see comments from non Black women on here

I also found this on the active threads.

What I am struggling with is that if the regular posters on here ask questions (many of which can also be googled) that doesn't fall into the same category as if a poster from the main boards does exactly the same thing. Nor are they answered or viewed with the same perspective.

I personally think that if it is not inclusive and open to all, to post as well as read, then it shouldn't appear in the active threads list and should be a hidden forum.

@CheltenhamLady

I also found this on the active threads.

What I am struggling with is that if the regular posters on here ask questions (many of which can also be googled) that doesn't fall into the same category as if a poster from the main boards does exactly the same thing. Nor are they answered or viewed with the same perspective.

I personally think that if it is not inclusive and open to all, to post as well as read, then it shouldn't appear in the active threads list and should be a hidden forum.

A lot of the Black people who ask questions on here are asking for the views of other Black people on particular topics @CheltenhamLady.

For example I might ask a question on BMN about people's experiences of travelling to China/Russia/Australia for holidays or to live permanently. The answer from a Black woman's perspective is likely going to be very very different to a white person.

A white person who has no contact with Black people may not even understand the question. A white person with a Black DP/DC/BF is just not going to be able to speak on this subject from a Black person/woman's perspective, or even understand why the question was asked in the first place, simply because they are not Black themselves. It's not even saying that all Black women have the same experience, just that it's helpful to hear from a number of women who are Black.

I really don't know why the existence of this board as a space for Black MNers is so difficult for people to understand.

Again active or not, this was from the OP.

I just wondered what other Black women think

Again for emphasis: OP has clearly indicated that she's wants to know what other Black women think. The views can differ but they're views from a specific group of people.

Yet we're fielding comments from some non-Black women and explaining and re-explaining the point, because pearls...pearls...pearls. Taking away from the actual point of the thread.

There are some threads on BMN where this hasn't been written (some aren't from Black mumsnetters either), anyone can post there and they are.

OP I agree that it's tedious when non black posters wade in on a BMN thread with their views or questions.

There are some allies who post with general info to inform other posters, a good example was given by a PP, when a non black poster provides info on scholarship programmes, that kind of thing. I don't know about others feel but I welcome that kind of information.

It's the constant derailing of threads with non black posters views or questions that I find infuriating and completely disrespectful of the board and black women who post.

I started a thread earlier in the year about reparations and it was completely taken over by non black posters giving various reasons why the ancestors of slaves shouldn't be compensated. The old "that was 100s years ago, how could any black person be feeling the impact of that in 2021 🙄".

It's put me off posting in BMN if I'm honest.

Also, this board can be hidden if Black women want it to be hidden, not because some non-Black women can't be arsed to read the OP or the full thread but dive in with their pearls of wisdom or because they think if they can't be included in every thread, we should be hidden somewhere.

@Starseeking

It’s not hard to understand. They’re being deliberately obtuse. Usually I find that this is always the intention.
Ask question
Receive coherent simple answer
Pick answer apart in antagonistic fashion
Carry on with origin viewpoint regardless

Took me a while to realise that real allies behave very differently. They aren’t labour intensive. This faux learning doesn’t wash with me anymore.

I think it's important to have a safe space. I also think it's important not to live in an echo chamber. I think it depends on the question asked. If it is about something that has some level of interface with non black women then surely there is some relevance from comments from non black women?

@PutTheSinkInTheWashingMachine

Doesn't hurt to read the OP first. If you're posting because you 'found this in Active' but can't be bothered to read the OP, that's on you, not because it's on Active.

To be fair, I also see this everywhere on mumsnet. People can't help but drop their pearls of wisdom.

OP: Looking to hear from people who earn 100k and above. What's it like? What do you do?
Or OP: If you work as a nurse, what's it like?

Posts from MNetters: I don't earn anywhere near that amount or I'm not in that field but here's my well-needed comment about something you haven't asked for...blah blah blah.

Me: 😳 Thinking: That's not what the OP's about now, is it?

This is totally true! However some people are just idiots!

@flippertyop

I think it's important to have a safe space. I also think it's important not to live in an echo chamber. I think it depends on the question asked. If it is about something that has some level of interface with non black women then surely there is some relevance from comments from non black women?

Please see this extract: FROM THE OPENING POST, which was stated by MNHQ:

This board was set up as we're aware there will be sensitivities and common experiences that Black MNers will find easier to talk about in a dedicated space.

The board exists primarily for the use of black Mumsnetters. While others are of course welcome to use it, please be respectful and mindful that this is a 'safe space' for those posters.

I agree totally with the mumsnet post you quote. People should use it respectfully if they are commenting at all. I still think though it is sometimes useful to have different points of view??

Y’all need to stop arguing with these time wasters and space stealers.

Yes I'm 100% down for this @Sunshine08**

Check pm @hibye123

I still think though it is sometimes useful to have different points of view??

Of course, if that is what we want. But surely we can be the judge of that? We're not kids, y'know

I also think it's important not to live in an echo chamber.

You do sound a bit patronising..

Have you heard yourselves?

Why are you all chomping at the bit at the thought of not being allowed to give an opinion on something that does not concern you?

I asked this question earlier but it wasn't answered.

Why are you all so indignant? What's going on at play, here?

Is it the fact that you can't 'barge' in and dismiss real life experiences, from black women, like you can on the rest of mumsnet?

Is it that you think we need someone white to oversee what we are discussing?

Do you feel annoyed that we have been given this space, yet you haven't?

Is it that you think you know better?

Do you think that you are entitled to give your opinion, whether it is needed or not?

Do you feel left out?

I'm interested to know...seriously.

@flippertyop

I agree totally with the mumsnet post you quote. People should use it respectfully if they are commenting at all. I still think though it is sometimes useful to have different points of view??

Just because we're Black doesn't mean we're all going to agree on the same thing. Just because we're Black doesn't mean we are unable to share different points of views. We are not saying we want to talk to other Black women because we want people to always agree with our points. We want to speak to other Black women for many many different reasons including hear different views from BLACK WOMEN.

We do not need comments from non Black people for us to be like 'oh wow what an amazing comment, I never would have considered this if this non Black person wouldn't have commented.'

The way you guys are really trying to fight for reasons why your input may be needed is so strange. It's like you're purposely missing the point!

White people are the majority, Black people are the minority. One time I posted on AIBU and mentioned that I hadn't washed my hair for 3 weeks due to it being in braids. I was automatically called disgusting etc because everyone assumed I was a White woman who should be washing her hair every few days. Non Black women have soooo many other boards to comment on. Why are you fighting for the rights to comment on this board, the entitlement is actually crazy!

@PutTheSinkInTheWashingMachine

Yes I'm 100% down for this @Sunshine08**

Check pm @hibye123

Yes sorry I've seen it! Currently watching Venom and using the app but once home I'll go back to MN online and will respond to you both! X

Some delight in derailing for their own agenda. Others come here for genuine reasons but they are all tarred with the same brush. Maybe they don't want research to read but would rather read the personal experience of those of here. Nobody is here to educate anyone else but it is often an unintended consequence. That can

@JingsMahBucket

Y’all need to stop arguing with these time wasters and space stealers.

You aren't wrong. There are contributions on other threads from BMN supporters who have no problems in knowing how the board works. Space Invaders landing now.

(Lovely to see you JingsMahBucket)

Only be a good thing surely?

@TheBlackDarner

I know *@JingsMahBucket* It's like having your very own Blue Peter demonstration.

"Here's a whitesplainer we prepared earlier"

Thanks for the grounding though. You are right.
I'll go and have a cup of tea instead

Hahaha, reading over this thread again, I nearly spat out my tea over this comment

@JingsMahBucket

Y’all need to stop arguing with these time wasters and space stealers.

Absolutely, I'm going back to my previous posting policy on BMN, it's what keeps me sane in these parts.

I had (incorrectly) thought that some of the newbies were coming to engage thoughtfully, but it's like Groundhog Day from when BMN was first set up, though I must admit I did get sucked in. NO MORE!

africanmixedkid, I agree.

A poster put up a thread on here, regarding 'Black Feminism' and, again, that was overtaken by women, who were not the intended target', saying that they did not agree with it.

I wonder if these woman speak to other people like they are children, or whether they just try their luck on here.

There is still such a long way to go..

Well what do you know? Was randomly reading a thread on aibu and I noticed that one of the posters on here does know what it means to tell a man not to come on mumsnet and mansplain to women about themselves, and said so clearly. Today. Yet, it's such a foreign concept when Black women do it on a board created specifically for them. 🤔

PutTheSinkInTheWashingMachine

Yup, they are more than vocal when they feel that someone is treading on their toes. But that's entitlement for you, isn't it.