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Black Mumsnetters

This board exists primarily for the use of Black Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Comments from non Black women [Content warning added by MNHQ: mentions sexual offences in later post]

158 replies

hibye123 · 29/10/2021 10:58

I briefly read a thread posted on this board and even though I can't remember exactly what the post was about. I remember the OP had put a disclaimer in case the thread had appeared on the Active board and said that the post wasn't intended to offend anyone, rather it was posted in a safe space for Black women to support one another (or something along those lines!)

Sometimes when I look on a thread on this board I'll see comments from non Black women such as 'I hope it's okay if I chip in on here,' or 'I'm white and hope you don't mind if I comment' and so on.

I know this is the internet and no one can control who posts where but sometimes it makes me think what's the point in us having our own board when it's not entirely exclusive to us. There's loads of other boards that I might sometimes read through but wouldn't comment on because I simply can't relate. Such as the LGBT children/parents board or even the Scotsnet board just to give a few examples.

I was looking through previous threads and saw a similar thread had been made about a year ago regarding non Black women commenting on this board and saw this post quoted from a member of the Mumsnet team.
It read 'Just nipping in with a quick reminder ........

This board was set up as we're aware there will be sensitivities and common experiences that Black MNers will find easier to talk about in a dedicated space.

The board exists primarily for the use of black Mumsnetters. While others are of course welcome to use it, please be respectful and mindful that this is a 'safe space' for those posters. While some may be happy to answer questions on race, others may not and it's not their responsibility to educate on these issues.'

I really think it's great we have a Black MNetters board as different groupes of people really have different experiences within society, especially as we're considered to be apart of an ethnic minority. I also think the above comment from MNHQ was perfect! I just wondered what other Black women think when they see comments from non Black women on hereSmile

OP posts:
PutTheSinkInTheWashingMachine · 30/10/2021 13:18

I think you're missing the point.
You yourself are not Black. If I'm asking for other Black women's input/POV/experiences you won't have anything to contribute to the conversation simply because you're not Black. You may now look at things differently due to some things you may have experienced through your kids and may be more 'educated' than the average White women, but that doesn't mean you're on par with me or any other Black woman here.

Say it again for the people in the back! 📣

Starseeking · 30/10/2021 13:21

@GoodGrief100

How would black MN's feel about white women asking questions relating to a thread they know nothing or very little about, to educate themselves? I understand the reasonings for this post (I'm white and I don't post on the black mumsnet threads at all) but it would be good to gauge when it would be appropriate to ask questions and when not? Obviously there is a difference between asking a genuine question and posting to say your views aren't correct/they understand your POV because they have family or friends who are black. I guess it's quite intimidating for a white woman to post on this board and understanding expectations is a good place to start (and this thread has helped).

Because the Black women on BMN aren't here to do the work for you. To be used for our knowledge and resources, as has happened for millennia before. We are tired of this, and won't stand for it in a space created for us.

Coming to BMN to ask Black women questions THAT YOU CAN GOOGLE is lazy, entitled behaviour from my perspective.

In the early days of BMN we had soooo many threads from white women with mixed race DC asking how to look after their hair, one had a 9 or 12 year old (I forget which). Her DC was ashamed of her hair because her white DM hadn't bothered to help her, but here she was popping up on BMN to ask, then being offended that she wasn't overwhelmed with responses.

What that woman (and women like her) should be doing is educating themselves through their own research on how to care for their DC hair before that DC even reaches 2 years of life. This applies to a myriad of other topics too, the hair one was just the first example I could think of.

TheBlackDarner · 30/10/2021 13:28

@GoodGrief100 Why would you not ask the question in Chat? You'd get lots of different answers, and could decide for yourself.
The posters on here don't all agree with each other all the time ( which is a good thing) so you would not get one uniform reply even if you posted a question here. It's not like some kind of Black Oracle Smile

GoodGrief100 · 30/10/2021 13:36

You might want to read my other responses which explains a lot of my thinking.

GoodGrief100 · 30/10/2021 13:37

@GoodGrief100

You might want to read my other responses which explains a lot of my thinking.
@starseeking
GoodGrief100 · 30/10/2021 13:39

[quote TheBlackDarner]@GoodGrief100 Why would you not ask the question in Chat? You'd get lots of different answers, and could decide for yourself.
The posters on here don't all agree with each other all the time ( which is a good thing) so you would not get one uniform reply even if you posted a question here. It's not like some kind of Black Oracle Smile[/quote]
I'm not asking for a uniform response - I would never get that and it's completely unreasonable to think that would ever happen. A variety of views is what I would be seeking. As I said at the end of a previous post, I asked my question here, got my answer and I know how to move forward now.

Blackisblackisblack · 30/10/2021 13:46

A variety of views is what I would be seeking..

Seeking for what, though? Your own inquisitiveness? Study?

Sunshine08 · 30/10/2021 13:47

So, I have been away from mumsnet for a few years but logged in earlier this year/ last year I can’t quite remember. I was surprised when I came across black mumsnet. I asked the question then, why don’t we have a forum FUBU?

GoodGrief100 · 30/10/2021 13:52

@Blackisblackisblack

A variety of views is what I would be seeking..

Seeking for what, though? Your own inquisitiveness? Study?

It would entirely depend on the subject. Like with my question here, the feedback is a resounding "no, this board is not the right place to ask questions" but another more complex question would no doubt kick up a variety of views - that's no bad thing as a PP alluded to. And yes it would be inquisitiveness and educational purposes (although not formal study) - we have been told constantly to educate ourselves, which is what I'm attempting to do.
PutTheSinkInTheWashingMachine · 30/10/2021 13:53

We can... we can start with free ones too. I tested one or two sometime ago and it's easy to start. However will take a lot of work and resources to maintain and secure. But I'm all for it too. Something where the "main boards" are also about Black experiences and people - in unity, arguments disagreements and all.

PutTheSinkInTheWashingMachine · 30/10/2021 13:53

@Sunshine08

MNHQ
MillieMumsnet · 30/10/2021 14:13

Hi all - just nipping in with a quick explainer...
For those posters who are new to this part of the talk forum, we’d like to point you in the direction of this thread which explains why we introduced it.
In a nutshell, it was decided that there are sensitivities and common experiences that Black MNers will find easier to talk about in a dedicated space.
The board exists primarily for the use of black Mumsnetters. While other posters are welcome to use it, please be respectful and mindful that this is a ‘safe space’ for those posters. While some may be happy to answer questions on race, others may not and it’s not their responsibility to educate on these issues.
With that in mind, please do be mindful of our Talk Guidelines when posting - and as always, if you see any posts that concern you, please report them directly to MNHQ.
Peace and love. Flowers

Sunshine08 · 30/10/2021 14:17

I think if there is enough support, we should have our own forum.
I appreciate not everyone will be on board and that’s perfectly fine but I’m happy to have the conversation with others who would want to work together to start one.

PutTheSinkInTheWashingMachine · 30/10/2021 14:17

Thanks *MillieMumsnet Flowers

Sunshine08 · 30/10/2021 14:18

@ PutTheSinkInTheWashingMachine

PutTheSinkInTheWashingMachine · 30/10/2021 14:18

Yes me too @Sunshine08

Sunshine08 · 30/10/2021 14:19

@MillieMumsnet

Hi all - just nipping in with a quick explainer... For those posters who are new to this part of the talk forum, we’d like to point you in the direction of this thread which explains why we introduced it. In a nutshell, it was decided that there are sensitivities and common experiences that Black MNers will find easier to talk about in a dedicated space. The board exists primarily for the use of black Mumsnetters. While other posters are welcome to use it, please be respectful and mindful that this is a ‘safe space’ for those posters. While some may be happy to answer questions on race, others may not and it’s not their responsibility to educate on these issues. With that in mind, please do be mindful of our Talk Guidelines when posting - and as always, if you see any posts that concern you, please report them directly to MNHQ. Peace and love. Flowers
Thank you
PutTheSinkInTheWashingMachine · 30/10/2021 14:22

Not to take away from mumsnet obviously (I still enjoy being here) but like Tyler Perry did, it's about building our own table too.

TheBlackDarner · 30/10/2021 14:23

@MillieMumsnet
Thanks so much Millie for the timely post Star
Would it be possible to have some kind of pinned heading to this effect at the top of the board?
If you could raise and discuss with the moderation team please?
It might go some way to reduce the need to keep explaining the same things over and over.

Sunshine08 · 30/10/2021 14:27

@PutTheSinkInTheWashingMachine

Not to take away from mumsnet obviously (I still enjoy being here) but like Tyler Perry did, it's about building our own table too.
No I agree and I honestly don’t think mumsnet would be offended that some of us would like a forum FUBU. Other groups of people have done it so it shouldn’t be an issue. Like you I enjoyed mumsnet and found it very useful over the years.
MNHQ
MillieMumsnet · 30/10/2021 14:28

Hi @TheBlackDarner,

We will certainly discuss this. Thank you for raising it with us.

Best wishes,
Millie

Blackisblackisblack · 30/10/2021 14:30

It would entirely depend on the subject

Well, I'm happy to answer any questions (where I can) as I think you are genuine and not just after a bit of drama Smile

Mantlemoose · 30/10/2021 14:42

I just click on active threads. I have no idea what board they're on unless like the OP of this post its obvious! I read the OP then the comments then do see all for the OP if its onto a few pages. As such if a thread is on active (like this one is) sorry but I might post even though I am white.

Hottbutterscotch · 30/10/2021 15:07

@THisbackwithavengeance

It is interesting that you think that white women with black children have nothing to offer or contribute.

As a white woman I have experienced racism indirectly through my black children and have experienced discrimination or prejudice myself because the common mantra is that white women who have black DCs are thick, low-class etc (think Vicky Pollard). Have experienced this loads of times and then the look of shock when they find out I'm a degree educated professional...

I haven't sought this thread out btw, it was on active convos and it's a free country so....

You sound like my mother. I’ve really suffered because of her. YOU are not black. Whatever you have had said to you regarding your black children still does not make you black. I am black, my children are half Asian & I know my loved experience will differ to theres. I would never feel I have anything to contribute on a forum for Asian women because I am not Asian. This urge really is exclusive to white women.
Hottbutterscotch · 30/10/2021 15:08

*theirs. I can’t go about my day without correcting this!