The PESH deli where we were so distracted we forgot to think of a new title

[FannyPriceless]

THE NOT-LIST

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, Bay Amaryllis born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24
CUNextTuesday, born June 29
Skihorse, boy, born 1 July

UPDIFFED
IggyPiggy, The one who loves BUMSEX, due July 20
Carrots, giving birth in a lavender field, damn it, due July 25 (boy)
Cosmosis, the one that likes a good ride, due August 22
backinthebox, she bought a racehorse, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September ??
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
silversky, the biggest farter, due 18 October (first baybee)
Honeymoo, 3 wees a night, due October 31 (boy)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November 14
ReginaMonologue, knows when all the sales are, due November 20 (boy)
maswera, jungle hottie - due November (???)
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25

An effect of this new report is that each and every one of you will be weighed at your next appointment, then some twat will say "oooh, did you know you're overweight dear, did you know, DID YOU KNOW YOU FAT CAAAH?" - you know, just in case the label sewn in to your trousers hadn't already indicated you knew you weren't 8 stone...

And the next effect will be that all the hand wringers on this site have another thing to say:

"You would never forgive yourself if anyfink happened to your ickle baaaaybbeeeeeeeee!!!!!" about, whenever you might be involved in a donut/tumtum interface scenario.

Or mavin gaye's Worst Song Ever cho... the one where he starts warbling 'save the baybeeeees'

There's a 'save the baybeeeeeeeeeeeees' song? Fucking hell.

Gin Don't worry about me, my love! I posted in AIBU because I (sekkritly) knew I was being a bit mad. Oh, and because I thought some people might be feeling the same way and would want to come and vent. Interesting that that hasn't really been the case... Anyway, when it all gets too much I shall just bugger off. Especially because I really ought to do some work today.

save the babies

Please note, I love Marvin. But this song gets a tad silly.

"You could never forgive yourself" - first night home (I think it was), I dropped a packet of babywipes on his head/face. Does the UK issue guidelines on the side of the packet to prevent morons like me doing this?

Actually cam the real song is about halfway thru that clip. Think it may have been speshly adapted for a save the children concert.

@ ski

Won't you just think of the children Ski?????

I know the song gin, it does descend into lunacy.

Are we new fredding soon?

gin I seem to remember you having done not dissimilar to Mani. Jailbait went mental and I had to say "they didn't hit him, they landed close to him".

drom All these stupid fucking guidelines do is upset normal women. The people who need to take on board this advice are woefully unaware that these institutions (NICE, WHO, etc.) even exist - what's the point? Your pregnant teenage mum is not going to slim down before getting under that pile of coats at a party, neither is she going to torture herself about the fags/booze/weed. My great aunt never could comprehend that a BIG salad had fewer calories than a (relatively) SMALL Mars bar. There are plenty of us around the -ESH residences who know we could use to lose a lb or two - and we are all more than already aware of it and I doubt very much there's one of us who hasn't at some point attempted to shift said poundage through proper channels and by cabbage soup.

I was horrified when I got on the scales post-hospital - I weighed the same as the last time I stepped on the scales (before baybee out obv.). cunty nagged me in the early days to step away from the scales - saying "what are you going to do? Starve yourself when pregnant?". I will get a handle on my pregnancy weight then minute I can put down these mini-Bakewells my uncle brought over...

for ski

No, I threw a nappy at his head . proper bad parenting. He was a bit older than bear (which makes it ok, yes?)

It wasn't a pooey nappy.

We've def had a few similar accidents though. I remember after mani fell out of his pram and landed on his head (absolutely fucking awful ) the doc told me 'babies are very bouncy!'

Love my gp.

Oh you lot have cheered me up no end this morning. Particularly as I am wearing my fat top and heard the NICE story on the way into work in my cab (obviously too fat to walk).

Bhhaaa haa haa at Jamie-big-tongue-Oliver gin.

Box you need to wear a digital watch so you don't get confused with the big and little hands.

And Ski I do love you for getting cross with the "oooh I think my microwave meal had wine in it have I killed my baybeeeeee?" cunts.

I drank TWO glasses of REALLY NICE red wine last night. Ooooooooooh.

Is it Friday yet?

By the way, totally coincidentally I weighed myself this morning. WTF did I do that for?

It seems I have put on 3/4s of the average 2 stone and I have a whole trimester to go still. Oops.

I have not been weighed since about October. I refuse to step near scales.

On the baby safety front: MIL would not let anyone, not even me, drink tea/coffee while holding/feeding Squeaker. I was BFing in her living room and when making for all the others, I was told I had to wait till I was done. Thankfully, I didn't desperately want a cup, but if I had, there might have been an argument. SFF is now wondering whether he might have been burned as a baby...

I am off to clean things. Thrilling life.

Moo as far as I can tell you are abnormal and a freak if you only put on 2 stone. I have put on 3st so far (5 weeks to go, 5 weeks to go, lala lala la!) and put on 4st last time. My midwife has not weighed me once during my pregnancy - she says I look a picture of health and monitoring things such as my blood pressure etc is going to tell her far more about where I am medically than whether I am putting on weight. I have a friend who had her son 9 years ago and she says she put on 5 stone - she is a teeny weeny bit of string of a woman now. I think it stands to reason when you are growing a whole extra person inside you, and adapting your body to provide that person's entire diet too, you're bound to put a little bit of weight on at some point!

Gin we had the occasional bouncing baby situation too. The most alarming was when she learned to sit up. She could push herself from lying on her front in the manner of a press-up, past doing the splits, to sitting upright in one go. Which is a fairly amazing movement if you are an adult but apparently just the way a strong and bendy little 10 month old body goes. I had just gone back to work and had taken OH and DD to work with me, and we were staying in a rather nice beach hotel which had marble floors. DD was on the bed and OH had just blown up the baby-float thingie we had as we were going swimming. DD did her gymnastic movement and it was like a comedy sketch - she pushed herself up, sat up and immediately toppled backwards off the bed. I had a heart attack, but it was OK because she landed on the inflatable. On another occasion I also tripped over with her in my arms. I tripped over the vacuum cleaner cable, which'll teach me to do housework! Babies do bounce. Doesn't mean we should throw them around, but don't beat yourself up over every tiny incident.

On a serious note I've been reminded of dislocated elbows. Apparently it is the most common reason for parents to have to take small children to A&E (me included. ) Basically, small children's elbows can dislocate really easily and the most likely reasons are yanking your child back by the arm to prevent them from throwing themselves under a passing lorry, or hauling your child back to it's feet by the hand after it has fallen over. In our case DD fell over something hidden in the snow and OH hung onto her hand. We were mortified but the A&E lady didn't put us down as child abusers or anything.

Cas my mum is similarly worried by cups of tea, although apparently my nana used to hold us while balancing scalding cups of coffee over our heads when we were little and it used to give her nightmares.

Moo was nothing to do with big hands and little hands. It was to do with my brain having a complete meltdown. But thanks for the thought

curly I've also spilled coffee over him. Thankfully NOT hot - but rather brilliantly in front of my two nurses. I have since learned to be much, much, MUCH more careful with coffee - lukewarm coffee is my future. Am thinking it would be sensible to invest in one of those travel coffee cup thingys.

Poor Bear. Won't somebody think of my baybee?

gin Thank you - some of those are absolutely astounding!

I like the superman suit tat will not actually 'enable wearer to fly' and the nuts that, errrrr, 'may contain nuts'.

In other news- not for a second wishing to moan as I am still reeling that I may actually be properly diffed this time etc etc but FUCK ME I am struggling with this early pg/work/small manic person thing. I am literally sobbing with exhaustion by the end of the day. I need a superman suit.

box of course we can't worry about every little thing...would be in a permanent state! Moo is 2 and a half and covered in bruises from being a crazy jumping bean....

tat that

Ski you start off with the travel cup thingies thinking that you must be very sad indeed to buy one, and end up wondering how you managed without one all these years. Cups of tea on the move in the car waa a revelation to me! Especially when I have to go to work at 4 am and count every single minute at that time of day.

Gin DD is 3 next week. I am 35 weeks. I have had days when I lost the will to live. It didn't help that I had to get a whole new job when I told work I was pregnant as I am not allowed to do my normal job, and my brain could not cope. But fortunately I have had a fab new boss who isn't fussed whether I actually go into work or not as long as I seem to be doing something - I've only got 5 more days at work, woo-hoo! I also can't do my hobby (horse riding) while pregnant, which is fairly miserable (and I sold my best horse too.) I have been told I shouldn't be wishing my pregnancy away, but that has mainly been by people who don't have another child to look after - it makes all the difference!

I cannot imagine having a small child and going through this. I can barely muster the energy to look after myself.

If we are having a new thrad please can we put my EDD in?

A girl in my NCT class went onto labour today - 4 weeks early. Spurred me on to do big online grocery shop last night, in semi panic buying way.

thread, sorry!