December 2010 - Time to stop feeling sick. Please

[RaceyLacey]

Stats thread

Sorry to hear about the bad backs and continuing MS. Hope everyone recovers soon, or gets the treatment to ease the pains.

mumatron I look much more bloated in the evening. Not sure I have a bump yet, just what seems like an extra layer of fat!

Dueling - lol, I'm with you on that!

Velvet - Good luck for your scan. I'm showing but it's my 4th hehe.

Lucy - I used to love the chinese flavour pot noodles but they don't taste the same anymore, not as nice. Have to say though, I don't usually eat rubbish food lol.

mumatron - I know what you mean. I have a private one booked for 12 weeks, it's a nuchal scan in London, 3 or 4 weeks still to go though. I get that too, I am showing but my evening it's a lot bigger. I think it's probably what you eat and drink during the day and although baby is still small, your womb is about the size of a grapefruit (apparently). All your organs will start moving up so that would explain that.

crazykat - good news on your ms stopping.

Morning all, can't stop sneezing this morning, think it's my hayfever but not sure what I can take. Ds2 is still ill and now dp has caught it, been up half the night being sick. Praying I don't catch it!!

I'm definitely showing already, and I am 11+2. And it's definitely bigger in the evening. They're not kidding about your second showing sooner than your first - with my first no one could believe I was pregnant until about 6 months (except for my ginormous boobs)! I am eating a lot of carbs though, and not exercising because I'm too knackered, so maybe I'm just getting fat

Having nuchal scan today - nervous.

Mmmmm pot noodles! You can't buy them here, and now I want some

JodieO - your poor ds and dp. Hope you don't catch it, sounds horrid.

Morning all, sorry some of you are feeling grim, it will pass I promise - not long now

Im 11 + 6 today, will be finally 12 weeks tomorrow!! can't bloody wait for my next proper scan.

TheChangeSpiral why havent you told your GP your PG yet, may I ask?

Well, i managed to get the report done last night before the deadline, all 7,000 words of it, and now revising for my exam on friday (grimtastic)

OWO - respect to you for writing reports and sitting exams while pregnant. Not sure I could handle something so dependent on my own motivation and self discipline at the moment, as I have none!

Am having some difficulties with a friend at work who has had three miscarriages while trying for her second DC. I am trying not to talk about my pregnancy too much and I like to think I'm approaching things with sensitivity and care...but she is now completely ignoring me. I can obviously understand that it might be painful to have a pregnant woman around...but equally I feel a bit annoyed/hurt that she's treating me this way. I really don't think I would make someone feel bad just because they were pregnant and I wanted to be - I would want them to enjoy their pregnancy. Am I being completely unreasonable?

Morning all

Not feeling sick this morning at all - hooray!
I even managed to make dinner last night. It's so nice to be able to cook again - I really missed it. Hugely wishing everyone will be feeling better soon too.

OWO I haven't told my GP yet because I haven't had one. DH and I got back from travelling in February and have been living with in-laws since, so I'm only registered as a temporary patient. We're trying to relocate to a new city and had hoped to have properly moved by now, so I didn't want to get in the system here only to have to do it all again. I've now registered with a GP in Bristol though (using a friend's address) and planning to book an appointment this week.

SlightlyTired You poor thing. You're not being unreasonable at all - I'd be really hurt too. I did have a similar situation with my cousin, who I'm very close to. She's been TTC her first for two years and was obviously and understandably very upset when it happened for us first time (admittedly probably because of all the amazing fertility advice she gave us before hand though!). Not long after I told her she got a bit stroppy with me, over something silly, which I found really hurtful. I suppose the thing we have to remember is that they aren't thinking logically about it but having an irrational and emotional reaction that they can't help. I can just imagine doing the same thing myself and hating myself for it at the same time. It will pass I'm sure - just give her some time and space. And have a good moan to us lot whenever you need to in the mean time.

Hi everyone, will reply to you all individually later but just wanted to reply to SlightlyTired as I was going to post something similar but wasn't sure if I would be being insensitive by doing so.

The friend in question I haven't known for long, we actually met on a ttc forum. It turned out we lived a few minutes away from each other and so we became friends. She fell pg in 1st month of ttc, before she even had a proper period. I was on month no3 having not ovulated on month no2, and having taken years to fall with ds's. She knew all of this but still went on and on every time I saw her and in texts about how pregnant she was. Quite upsetting for me, but I was happy for her and didn't blank her or anything.

Then I got a bfp and about a week later she started feeling like there was something wrong, went for a private scan and baby was almost 3wks behind where it should have been. She had to wait another week for another scan before the mmc was confirmed and had to have a d&c. She hasn't spoken to me since except to tell me that she doesn't want to see me as she can't stand to be near pregnant people!

Part of me feels that well we'd only known each other a few months anyway, so not that much of a loss and I shouldn't be too upset, but to have lost a friendship just because I'm pregnant seems silly.

I feel exactly the way you do SlightlyTired. It must be hard, no doubt about that, but is it really necessary to make a friend feel bad? You can't just drop people like that, I feel like when she does finally decide to get back in touch (i.e. when she's pg again I think) why should I bother accepting her requests at seeing me again.

It's really difficult as well as I don't have any friends so it was really nice having met someone that I got on well with.

Anyway rant over, are we being unreasonable thinking that our friends should be happy for us and not making us feel bad for carrying a much wanted baby?

TheChangeSpiral - x-posts, good advice, it's difficult I suppose to put yourself in the other persons shoes.

hey girlies...

I put this on the other thread too so i'm sorry if i am reepeating myself.

I couldn't get through to my midwife so I called the labour ward and spoke to a lovely midwife who told me to see my gp and get refered to the epu but to try not to worry.
So my gp was equally great and i got an appointment with her within an hour and she sigend me off for 2 weeks and called epu while i was there and I have an appointment tomorrow morning.

The bleeding is still there although its light and a little more than spotting but its not bright bright red still a browny red.I am camped on the sofa and am wishing the hours away until tomorrow.

Hoopefully it wont be long till all this bad stuff has passed and we venture into the realms of blooming and looking amazing xxx

ChangeSpiral, I think you are right - I will give her time and space (she's not giving me an option at the moment!). And when she is talking to me again, I will try to remember not to mention feeling sick/tired etc (last time I unwittingly did that, I got a pretty sharp response).
RaceyLacey - that's super unfair given that you and your friend were in the same position and you managed to be a good friend to her. Personally I think a real friend is someone who manages to step outside their own situation for 5 minutes and be happy for you - or at least not actively make you feel guilty.
I just can't help thinking - wow, what if something happened to my pregnancy...does that mean she would feel good again?! Not a nice thought at all.

Fordypops, hang in there. I have had two bouts of bleeding so far and all has been OK. Roll on second trimester.

SlightlyTired

Aw you poor thing. Having been on the other side (I tried for 2 and a half years and had to have IVF) I can sympathise with your work mate, seeing other people getting pregnant when you are struggling yourself can be so heartbreaking. I can sympathise with you too though as I have a family member who has been trying for 8 years and it's quite difficult for me to be excited about my pregnancy when I see her, despite the length of time it's taken me to get pregnant, because I know that she has had a much harder struggle than I have and it must seem awfully unfair that IVF worked for me but not for her.

Infertility does funny things to you emotionally and sometimes people do just close up. Are you very good friends? If you are then I think talking about it is probably the best thing to do. It might be that if you aknowledge her hurt however irrational it might seem then she will open up a bit?

My very best friend got pregnant while I was trying and, although I was insanely jealous and found it hard at times (particularly when I miscarried halfway through her pregnancy), we always talked and when her baby was born I was so pleased and excited for her. Throughout all my infertility months I had a rational reaction and an emotional reaction to everything. Unfortunately sometimes my emotional side took over and I did feel very bitter and upset with people even though it wsn't their fault I was infertile or their fault that they weren't. It really is the hardest thing in the world for everyone I think.

RaceyLacey It SO hard to put yourself in the other's shoes, especially when you were so understanding when she was being insensitive. I don't think your friend is herself at the moment though. Being consumed by grief makes people do really weird things and your friend may well feel awful about the way she's treating you but not be able to help herself.

fordypops Everyone I know who has had a baby has been telling me bleeding is totally normal and not to worry (I've had two bleeds). Put your feet up and try not to fret. Good luck for your appointment tomorrow and will be thinking of you.

sorry fordypops - while I was writing my long post I missed yours. Hope things are ok at the check-up and good that you can keep your feet up.

Its amazing how common this situation is (of getting pg when your friends are struggling). I've just been through it myself, having made not one but four really difficult phonecalls to break the news to friends with their own fertility or mc problems.

I think all you can do is have patience - it must be so incredibly hard to show that you're happy for someone when inside you're probably screaming "why her not me". Ultimately, if you're sensitive about things, the ball is very much in your friend's court. If its too much for them, you have to let them go. Remember that however much it hurts for you, they have to deal their own inner anguish as well as the loss of their friend.

I'm trying to remember not to complain (except on MN and to DH) about feeling crappy as I know how lucky I am to be pg and how many women would gladly spend nine months not eating if it meant they got a baby at the end of it. I'm also going to try to remember their EDDs and let them know I'm thinking of them when that date happens.

FP Hope you're doing OK - thinking of you.

My rant for the day (the MS is better today, thank goodness - yesterday was bad) is the the MW service here doesn't even contact you to arrange booking in appts till week 10! Its hard trying to balance work as I know that the date I get for the appt will take priority over work, but as I'm only going to have 1 or max 2 weeks notice, I'm sure I'll end up messing people round at work as I have to cancel meetings that have been in the diary for months!

Oh yes, I'm enormous by the evening. Really uncomfortably bloated. Though went for a bike ride last night which helped.

On the drinking thing - I said to my doctor that I was going to give up except champagne, and her response was (tongue in cheek, I'm sure) "oh well, it doesn't really count as alcohol so that sounds very sensible".

My mum drank through pg and it def did no damage to my IQ (I'm very clever ) but as will all these things, its got to be up to the individual to do what they think is right for them. But I'm pleased to hear that I'm not the only MNer whose been wondering how necessary all these rules are.

And on the sushi thing - if you google sushi and pg, you'll find a good article on a rival site which explains that sushi sold in shops in the UK must be frozen for 24 hours at -20 degrees, which kills off all the nasties. It is therefore safe to eat during pg (whereas fresh sushi from a restuarant is not). So I caved in and had sushi for supper last week as its one of my favourite things (along with blue cheese, foie gras, rare steaks, fine burgundies... hmmmmm - I know what I want for Christmas!)

Hi all, just got back from my nuchal scan! It was great. Everything looks normal and fine, although she now has to send the measurements away for official analysis. She's an experienced OB so if she says it looks excellent, I'll take her word for it. It took ages to get the Bean in the right position - I had to cough and get up and roll around, and she was really pushing on my belly as well which made me feel a little queasy. But it meant we were looking at the baby for at least 5 minutes, saw it moving and wriggling around!

She also said that with everything looking so well, and me being in the twelfth week, no more reason to keep it secret, which is SUCH a relief.

Celebrated by eating a Macdonalds for lunch!

h4h congrats on your scan! go and tell everyone you know and relish that Maccy D's!

I wondered if anyone else here wakes up feeling not very pg and then by the evening feels extremely pg? I look normal in the mornings, but by the evening I look about 5 months pg with big belly, haggard face, totally useless with my poor DD (23mo)

H4H that sounds great, glad it went well!!

I thought I'd just post as well on the situation where it's difficult when you are pregnant when friends have mc or having trouble getting pregnant. I was on the other side of that earlier this year when I had a mmc - was the same dates as my friend whose pregnancy is going fine - I have to admit I did avoid her for a while. But it wasn't just jealousy (although I was insanely jealous of all pregnany women!), it was because I didn't want to be anything other than happy for her good news while I was with her, I wanted to be supportive and I didn't know if I could.

We met up when she got to about 22 weeks, I confess I cried when I saw her bump, but we had a good chat and I found it so much easier to separate out the happiness I felt for her from the grief I felt for myself. So, if you find a friend ignoring you it might be partly to do with them stuggling with their own feelings (not your fault) and also might be because they don't know how to talk about it and don't want to bring you down.

Of course, now I'm on the other side, and am pregnant while my other friend has been struggling for a couple of years to conceive. She is much better than me though (!), she is really supportive to me. I wish it was her too, I hope soon it will be.

It's all so complicated!!

Oh, novicemama - I feel like that, fine in the mornings, clapped out in the evenings!! Will be glad to get a "consistent" bump, haha.

Ouch, mumatron. How did you fracture your coccyx?

I have decided to let the cat out of the bag at work today. I have my booking in appointment on Friday. And as I don't live near the hospital it will take me the better part of the day. That, and I'm sure my productivity has plumetted from my migraine misery. So, I have decided better to let him in on my secret than let him think I am just bloody lazy.

I have written the letter. I'm going to hand it over when we meet at 3:00. I wonder if he'll be more surprised than I was.... unlikely!

Is anyone having a private nuchal and an NHS nuchal?

Great news H4H. Enjoy those blissful feelings of relief!

Good luck Persnickety. I had to let the cat out of the bag at 8 weeks when they asked me to book myself on a long flight for a week of meetings...at the time I couldn't imagine anything worse. Luckily they were very good about it and said it was up to me whether I went or not and to see how I felt. Earlier than I wanted to tell them, but better than last time when boss came right out and said (again at 8 weeks) "are you pregnant?" I'd taken a day off because of MS. I just went bright red and denied it - then fessed up the next day. Not ideal.

h4h fantastic news about your scan. Maccy D's is well deserved!

fordypops good luck with your scan tomorrow. I'm another who has had bleeding (last pregnancy, none so far in this) and been ok. I had bright red spotting most days between 5-11 wks and a heavy bleed at 18wks but all was fine. Put your feet up and try to relax if you can.

SlightlyTired you're not being unreasonable at all. I'm just wondering if your friend is struggling to contain her emotions and is avoiding you so she doesn't come out with anything worse IYSWIM?

I've been in both positions - it took nearly a year to conceive DS and in the meantime a close friend & colleague got pregnant with number 2 before she'd even started TTC! I must say I was never anything but happy for her - I tended to get overwhelmed at completely random moments, seeing complete strangers in the street with big bumps or little babies. Now I'm the one who's pregnant by accident while my DB/SIL and step-sis/her DH have been trying for a while and had miscarriages. They will be difficult phone calls to make, but at least because I know what's happened I can phrase the news sensitively.

I booked my nuchal scan yesterday - 7 June - excited and nervous in equal measure!

H4h so pleased for you! ( about the scan not the Macdonalds, although - woo! MaccyDs!My nuchal fold scan is 3 June and I am so sick of waiting already.

fordypops good luck

I look fat and I want to look pregnant. If I don't hold my tummy in using my tummy muscles I look about 4-5 months! But I am still holding it in, which just makes me look waist-less and barrel-shaped.

Today I feel less tired and quite perky. Boobs less sore as well. Am refusing to allow myself to worry about fewer symptoms, and instead just trying to be pleased about it's a sunny day and I am almost 3 months pregnant, having longed for so, so many years for this. There is no point worrying, is there? This is what I am telling myself: 'enjoy the fact that you are pg, Miff, don't worry and wish this special time away. If there is bad news you will find out soon enough and if there's no bad news, what a shame to have frightened yourself and made yourself miserable and tense for no reason.'

I'm not even going to think about what I'd do if the baby has an abnormality because the chances are, they probably don't.