Are you on the wagon?

[largeginandtonic]

New thread taking an age to load.

Hope this is ok?

Hi TINKS! Enjoy your films . 'Up' is brilliant - it's a slow starter but you'll be glad you watched it. All the parents in the cinema were sniffing away - you'll see what I mean when you watch it . LOve the name your friend has gievn her dd, but then Jasmine is my dd1
Well coraline cakes ready - black icing is NOT the easiest to work with! I swear it is messier than the pink etc, and is embedded in my nails..still, if they enjoy them. Awaiting guests at 4, though dh is taking dd2 out to Nandos as it's too scary for her. Think he's done quite well out of the deal really

up was brillant and dd1 didnt move atall she luved it too so cool

going to watch meatballs one tom with her then fame on my own on mon lunch

good luck with party and cakes

Hello all!

Just watching the rugby whilst O's tea of pasta is cooking. DH is at Twickenham

tink - I went to baby cinema when O was about 4mo to see Up and we both loved it

Diege - migraine sounds rotten. Enjoy Coraline party

Cant - glad course is going well. Not suprised you still get emotional when talking about DD2's early days. You managed brilliantly though and if you can pass on any of that you'll be an amazing counsellor

Gruff - hope you enjoyed your bath - always good to get a bit of me time pampering yourself

Kay - sorry things have got that bad with you and DH but as others have said, maybe this gives you the opportunity to think about what you want your marriage to be like and then what has to change to get to that point. Thinking of you (((hugs)))

Nat - hello!! Your post nagged me as I need to up my fluid intake... I've drunk some water today as a result which is an achievement for me. Keep nagging me... oh you weren't! (It worked though!)

Work - yesterday was ok in that we were ready in the morning on time, I managed to achieve a fair bit, people seemed pleased to have me back and I enjoyed fulfilling a role other than that of mum.
Not so good was that I started getting stressed at the end of the day as I just wanted to go and pick up O, no company mobile sorted for me yet and the company have deleted my email account due to "inactivity"!!
O has also been v clingy every since I picked him up from nursery yesterday. I couldn't get him to settle properly in his cot last night so ended up bringing him into bed which was the first time in about 8 weeks.

Today I was working this morning and got home about 2pm. Mum had been over minding him since 10am as DH had gone to the rugby and she said he'd been fine and quite happy but eversince I've been home he's been v grizzly and clingy. It's like he doesn't want to let his boobs me out of his sight. This may be a coincidence that it's happened as I've gone back to work but it hasn't made my feelings about leaving him any easier!

DH won't be back til late tonight so I'm hoping O will settle at bedtime and I can have a nice evening to myself!

Hi all,

sorry to have been MIA all week. We were visiting the folks and in-laws at the start of the week then DD has been a bit off colour for the last few days - nothing serious but she had a few explosive nappies and just wanted to feed, cuddle or sleep all day. She has been stuck to me like a limpet which is very unlike her, poor little sweetie, but she seems much better today.

Kay - sorry you and DH are going through a tough time . I really hope you can both work this out and hopefully you will be able to make some changes so that you are both happier.

Ses - I'm sat here watching the rugby too, DD seems to be enjoying it which is a good sign . I think you'll have to give give yourself and O time to adjust to you being back at work but I'm glad your first couple of days haven't been too bad.

Nat - fantastic news on the course , especially DH being so supportive. That's got to make it easier! When do you officially start?

Tink - might have to rent Up, I love kids films and now I can sort of use DD as an excuse to watch them .

Diege - yah for finishing the marking . Hope the migraine is going, it sounds like you get them really frequently. Is there nothing you can take to prevent them?

Cant - good shopping! I can't believe you got all that under budget. Glad the course is going well.

Hi everyone else , I've forgotten everything else but hope you are all well.

I found out yesterday that 1 of the NCT babies has been in hospital this week as he has been having fits . He's had a few tests but they don't know why yet. It's so awful, I feel really sorry for his parents but also felt a bit guilty that my first thought was "thank God it's not C" . Fingers crossed it's nothing serious and he is home soon.

Morning

Kay, we have a 'kitchen night' (am sure I've said this before) most Saturday nights, we just sit in the kitchen, no telly on, bit of music, so we have to talk, sometimes we'll spend all night talking about less serious things and just having a laugh together, sometimes we'll get into more serious things, and run the risk of sliding into arguments, but we make sure it's sorted and it's a bit of an air clearing exercise. It really help's us aswell because the kids are all long gone in bed, we get to blow off some steam, and we actually talk about any problems or anything before it get's to the point of being a big problem.

Ses, sounds a bit bitter sweet this going back to work lark. I am sure it will take a little time but in a month or two it will be fine. O sound's like he is reacting in the exact same way as I hear about a lot, it's just a case of getting through it. You hear about them going the other way and not seeming bothered about mum 'leaving them all day', and then the mum feels bad that the baby doesn't love them etc.! Good going on the water!

Diege, hope it's gone completely now. I don't know how you manage, when I used to get them I'd literally be knocked out for days refusing to leave my dark bedroom for anything (though didn't have much choice when it was at it's peak, if I moved, I'd be sick!), think I'd go a bit crazy if it were happening 3/4 times a month. How did the party go?

Rugby, glad DD is better today. Sorry to hear about the other baby though, the parent's must be so scared, DS2 fit's when he get's a high temp. I don't think I've ever been as scared as the first time he did it

Right, I have news Signed up to the course last night Also got a DVD of the course and a couple of the text books ordered. Feel a bit left high and dry though, had an email confirming the payments, but nothing about when I'll actually start, or how long it's likely to take to get the stuff or anything. Half of me is on cloud nine, the other half is on it's arse because I want to know - NOW!

Morning! Just a dull ache of a headache this morning. I have a feeling what I've had might be some sort of virus rather than migraine proper as I've also had very achey limbs and lots of nausea. Anyway, whatever it is hopefully gone! I too am taking your advice about water NAT and managed one cup of fizzy water yesterday . Looking at my fluid intake, I generally have a cup of tea first thing, a coffee at startbucks, then a decaff costa then when I get into work (yes, 2 coffee stops on way in, one in England, one wales )have a cup of water with lunch. Then it's nothing till I get home (glass of pepsi max and cup of decaf tea). Not sure if that's average and therefore ok, or really bad?
NAT, congrats on signing up to course! . My advice would be to get to know a named person (administrator type person best bet) who you can nag in a good natured way about things like start times etc. So e-mails would start..'Sorry to be a pain but...' That way they get to know you, they know you are a good student, and you get the info you need rerlatively painlessly. Do you have a named person as yet? Let me know how you get on as I'm programme leader for an online degree programme and I know what works and what doesn;t re: communication .
SES as Nat says, work is bitter sweet. It is around this age 9/10 months that babies get clingy. It 'proves' they've attached 'correctly' to their mothers according to people like John Bowlby (world's biggest tosser, but his attachment theory is pretty well-accepted)Doesn't mean you're doing O any harm - a normal reflex that you can work through by making sure he gets lots of love and affection from everyone around him, not just you. Wait till they cry when you pick them UP from nursery; that's tough ...
RUGBY, that is sad about your friend's LO. Hopefully something relatively harmless like febrile convulsions perhaps? Sorry for the poorlies at your end - how are the nights going?
Well Coraline party was a relative disaster, though salavaged in the end. DD1 only invited 3 people, one of which couldn't atttend as she was on a sleep-over Brownie thing. So that left 2. No. 1 very reliable usually. Rsvp'd to the invite etc etc. Party 4-6.30. No sign. Now 5.30 and dd1 distraught. My heart was breaking as she refused to come away from the window . Did some detective work and got the phone number from internet, rang and it seem they read '4-6.30' as meaning 'for 6.30', some sort of crazy text speak. I mean ffs is that usual that 4 - 6.30 means a 6.30 start? It was written in the place you put times for parties, but maybe it's just me? . The other guest a total no-show, not even a phone call . DD did really enjoy herself and the parents v.apologetic etc so all ended well . Should have invited far more guests, but dd adament no more than 4 of them in total as only four pairs of 3-d glasses..
I've ordered paper now for dds room (Designer's Guild Primrose Hill in Peony)and am deliberating about paint finished for woodwork (eggshell oil or eggshell acrylic??).
Hope everyone ok, and sorry for rant

Morning!

Diege - does sound like a particularly horrid migraine or a virus. Take it easy.

Nat - v real now so even more exciting

Rugby - good to hear from you. How sad about your friend's baby. Hope it doesn't end up being too serious.

Another night of co-sleeping last night. O woke after an hour so I went up and he just kept rooting for boob so I fed him. He kept dozing off and then as soon as I moved him he woke up. After 2 hrs DH got home from the rugby and managed to settle him in about half an hour with cuddles whilst I grabbed something to eat. He slept in his cot for just over an hour and then woke up wanting boob again and again not letting me move him so I brought him into bed at 1.30am.

He was behaving like a newborn all night in that he wouldn't let me move an inch and wanted to suckle all night. I know it's just a comfort thing and not sure everyone would give in but I'd rather go with it at the moment.

I feel bad as it's as if me going back to work is making him worry about me leaving him. I spoke to my BF in York last night and she said pretty much the same as you guys. I'm sure it's a phase we have to work through and part of his development that he learns to have longer periods away from me and that I will always come back.

afternoon ladies

diege - sounds hetic yest

rugby - great excuse to rent up

watcing cloudy with a chance of meatballs with dd1 now
took dd1 to swimming lesson

dh taking dd1 to school friend party later

Hi SES! That sounds quite nice actually (the newborn type neediness and guzzling)! I think I would indulge him too, but don't let Gina hear me say that
Our shower has just given up so sitting here with stinky greasy hair...will have to do the old cup in the bath routine. Serves me right for leaving it a week between washes .
Oh and I've lost 4ibs this week on SW - v.pleased . An determined to keep it up, plus drinking more water!

x-posts TINK. Enjoy the film! I've just signed up to LoveFilm - seemed a good idea at the time, but a bit of a pain waiting for the films!

Thanks Diege. That's no good about the shower! I had a lovely warm shower this morning (sorry, that doesn't help does it?!) and then I did brunch for the 3 of us.
Now cleaning the bathroom (and MNing!)

Hello tink! I've not heard of that film. Hope you and DD1 enjoy!

Mmm shower-envy . I am very much a bath person, so of course really want a shower now!
Have been e-baying like mad this afternoon in the hope of raising much needed funds for decorating. Ds tolerating it, though not esp happy at the lack of attention!

Diege- our shower broke on friday- it wouldn't turn off!! In the end i had to rip the front off and use pliers to turn it off... dont hold out much hope of fixing it, both myself and DH have tried (despite me being better at DIY han him he still had a look)

T'internet was down today, but wanted to come on and say Hi while DH's just fixed it. he's off tomorrow too so probs wont get on really.

Right- think we're watching a film.. cya laters when i'll try and catch up a bit better.

Can I moan please?

We've had a row tonight and DH has gone for a walk. He says he is coming back but I'm not sure.

I now know exactly what this is stemming from. Last November I found out he had been testing another woman. I nearly ended it there and then. But I though as it was only texting that I would be able to get over it. Well I'm not sure I can. I mean what is so wrong with me that he has to text another woman saucy messages. I know I've put on weight but surely I'm not that bad.

I'm so scared.

He was texting not testing. Sorry.

KAYZ That's awful, and you have every right to feel thoroughly pissed off. What explanantion did dh give for his bahaviour? Did he try and justify it in some way (obvious nothing can justify that sort of behaviour IMO)or is he very repentent now? If it were me I think it would eat away, but then I am not a very forgiving person.
Is he back yet? I'm sure he will be. Don;t be scared, it will be horrible but this will clear the air and at least you will have an open and honest dicussion. Just shout if there's any way I can help, even as a sounding board. I'll be up for an hour or so yet xxx

He was gone for about half an hour. He said he thought we were going through a bad patch and wanted someone to talk to. But I thought we were really happy. Which we obviously weren't.

I don't know if I'm coming or going.

Oh KAYZ It's really hard for me to know what to say, as while my gut instinct is to say he's using the old 'my wife doesn't understand me' cliche - ie. trying to excuse his behaviour, you know him better than anyone else and can judge for yourself whether this is a reasonable response.

I'm off to bed now, but will catch up tomorrow from work. Really hope you can both sleep on it and approach the situation with fresh minds tomorrow. Take care,will be thinking of you xxx

Oh, Kayz- i hope you're feeling better this morning- it can't have been nice having all that going on last night. Did you and DH manage to talk more last night? Or did you take some 'cooling off' time to both think it out?

me and DH haven't really had that many bad falling out, he did once start texting a girl who worked for him, his texts weren't flirty or suggestive- however, the girl was telling his staff she fancied him and she'd 'get him' so i wanted to open DH's eyes to what she was like. he didn't understand that i trusted him but not her- it nearly tore us apart- went on for a good few weeks. I was checking his texts, phone bills and his FB because i was so worried he'd not stopped thinking i was being neurotic... we got over it and i've been reassured DH isn't going to run off with another woman. But it was hard for me- even thought DH wasn't recipricating her flirting etc.

I can't imagine how it must feel for you knowing he was sending those sort of messages. It would eat away at me too, like diege, i'm not a very forgiving preson.

I'm sure you and DH will manage to talk it through better when you've both had time to think about it, and you'll make the best choices for yourselves. {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} (dont tell anyone, but i think you need one!!

Morning everyone,

Kay, hope you don't mind but I read your other threads, I don't think either were especially helpful, but I don't really know what would be helpful. I am going to leave a message on last night's thread to try and turn it round a bit, just not sure if it will work. I think you need more than people telling you he's doing that because of that, or he'll do this and that in the future, that's not fair.

The only advice I can give is like I said last week, you need to decide what you want, easier said than done, but it's all you can do, else you'll end up still in the same posistion in a years time. And it is what YOU want, not what DH want's you to do, and not what's best for the boys, if you stay in an unhappy marriage for them, it will do them no favours, if you decide enough is enough and end up separating, they will be happier in the long run than they they would be in a stressful environment for their whole childhoods.

If you don't mind me saying, I think if I were you, I'd ask DH to move out for one month, it will give you both space, physically and emotionally to really decide what you want, you'd get a sort of idea of what it would be like to be apart, you could maybe miss each other that much that the only thing that matter's is that you're together and any problems will be easier to sort because you'd be so determined to sort them out. Obviously that is all in my opinion, but I have no experience. If it helps at all, my sister had a similar sort of situation with her husband 5 or so years ago (was emails though, rather than texts), they are still together and stronger than they ever were.

Right I will try and leave a post on the other thread, don't want it to be confrontational though else it will just turn into a slagging match which is of no help to you.

Hope everyone else is OK? Good weekends? Thanks for advice re. course Diege, if they haven't emailed or something by lunch time I'm going to ring them, I can't wait much longer, had about 2 hours sleep last night was too excited

I was going to see if he can stay at his mums. It will probably cause more problems as she will turn everything round to being my fault. I'm really scared that she'll try to get the boys away from me.

She won't have a chance in hell, don't worry about any of that.

Is there no where else he could go at all?

morning ladies

kay - poor u i would be fuming if that is what dh had been up 2.
dont worry about mil you have to do what u feel is right

There is nowhere else he can go. I don't even think there will be room for the boys to stay with him when we decide what to do.

Morning Tink

Well, that'd be up to him to sort out surely?

Have you spoke to him about any of it this morning? I think if you're going to ask him to go you need to do it sooner rather than later, else this time next week you'll still be sat there with the same things going round and round.

Are you working today? You could do with some proper rest and time to work all of this out in your head. Any chance of going to a friends for a few hours, get out of the house, away from him and the boys, or even nip into town or something treat yourself to lunch/coffe/something?

Do you know what you want Kay?