God you lot must think we are some sort of, what's that family called on the telly? Never watched it, and I forget their names, kicking off at the slightest thing blah blah. We're not, we're normal. Well, we were.
There is stuff to sort out, money now, the house, maintinance, when he's going to have the boys etc. all seems a bit surreal at the moment, but it has to be sorted. And then the D.I.V.O.R.C.E. OMG, am going to be 'that' single divorced mum of three, living off benefits, at the grand old age of 26, what an accomplishment? I thought we were set for life, been telling myself for fuck knows how long we're set for life. How could I have been so stupid? It's all so clear now, yes I am angry, yes I'm hurt, yes I could quite easily go and curl up in a corner and not come out for months, but none of that matters, none of anything matters, except the boys.
How do I get them through it?
You'd think I'd know, my mum and dad split when I was 8, I don't even remember it, never ever remember my mum or dad sitting me down, explaining it, why it was happening, one day he was there, the next he wasn't. Can I keep it as simple as that? Is that actually simple?
I don't know what to do. Do I tell DS1 what's happening? Do I wait till we've got a house and we're moving? Do I wait till we are moving? Do I let him get settled telling him dad's following? Then break it to him once he's settled? Shitting fucking buggery. I am out of my depth here, don't know if I'm coming or going. One minute life is planned, the next, it's not.
God, I am so sorry, I know I am warbling, just need to get it out.