Due May 2009 - There's a bun in my oven and it's making me HOT! HOT! HOT!

[FiKelly]

Shiny new thread already!

hey all.hope you had a good weekend.
watching film 9 mos with Hugh Grant on tv - diabolical. just watching the end-ish where they're having babies. yawn.

coke - craving it slightly but more Dr Pepper. I've actually had to get a stock of Dr pepper in the cupboard.

read an article in today's paper re: hospitals 'cracking down on epidurals' but women trying to voice against the movement. I'm all for 'normal' births and would be lovely if i can do it without an epidural. but, having low pain threshold, an epidural is in my b/plan and i'm hoping it's available if I need it.

I also don't want to be condemned by MW's if I request one. my last labour, after begging for an epidural, MW said it was too close to birth so went into pool as alternative with gas/air. 3 hours later , think baby was stubborn and stuck, dd2 was born. MW said afterwards - 'aren't you glad you didn't have the epidural?' ummm, no. why was I meant to be happy skipping my choice of pain relief? I think they were happy I didn't have an epidural so didn't have to have monitoring, extra care. so, glad to have helped the MW/consultant team but didn't make me feel very happy in the end.

oh i'm going on about this but just feeling stronger about it as labour draws nearer. I really have to get that hypnotherapy CD. will do this week - think you're meant to start listening to the labour one at 32 weeks (?). who else is doing this?

reading the above again. i know '3 hours later' may not sound too bad (like 15 hours later), but MW had told me baby would likely arrive within the hour. similar thing happened to DD1s birth where india got 'stuck', so maybe it's the way I'm made?

LadyHelen Thanks for the tip, I'll have a look down there. I was looking for something around £4-500, cheaper and you get something wobbly and flimsy, but £1,000 is a bit OTT for a child's bedroom, even if it is nice. Calf cramp could also be calcium or sodium.

Hmm, bananacake, that's an idea, but I don't think it's going to do my, hmm, waistline any good! I've already gained 15kg, the average weight gain for a whole pregnancy and I'm only 30 weeks

I'm going to listen to that CD Momino. I tried earlier this week, but fell asleep so I'll do it again during the daytime when I reach 32 weeks.

Momino you'll find that you'll probably cope much better 2nd time around. Most people with epidurals I've met are 1st time mums, 2nd time mums seem to be able to cope better, I presume it's because the labours are shorter and easier. Personally I found my 2nd labour was the most empowering experience I ever had in my life, much much better than my 1st one. Somehow I felt more in tune with my body and seemed to feel what it was doing every step of the way. I wonder if I'll have that feeling again 3rd time around.

I'm washing a load of baby clothes now that I got as a goodbye present from my colleagues. Can't wait to iron and fold all those tiny things. Exciting!

Grrrr.

DS will not go to sleep.

He wants milk. He wants the light on. He wants the light off. He wants hugs. He wants kisses. He wants the moon. He wants a unicorn.

Grrr.

I need to some peace!

Looby the Lost Gardens of Heligan www.heligan.com/flash_intro.html in Cornwall are also really interesting and beautiful - good for garden lovers and still quite wild in places. It's not too far from Eden project I don't think. Went there last Easter and really enjoyed Cornwall (stayed near Newquay).

I'm starting to feel a bit panicky as we literally haven't bought a single thing yet for the baby. Got some stuff promised to me by friends and family though - useful stuff like car seat, baby bath, baby gym, moses basket, sterilizer, cot etc. But we have no storage space so don't want to hang on to anything yet. Maybe it is partly because our second bedroom is small and will really only fit a cot (with all our other stuff in it) so can't get nice things like chest of drawers and wardrobes for the baby, and turn the room into a proper nursery. We plan to sell on in a year or so, so just can't see the point... hopefully the baby won't mind!

I'm wondering why I havne't had the urge to shop and spend - normally it's something I really enjoying doing!

Looby the Lost Gardens of Heligan www.heligan.com/flash_intro.html in Cornwall are also really interesting and beautiful - good for garden lovers and still quite wild in places. It's not too far from Eden project I don't think. Went there last Easter and really enjoyed Cornwall (stayed near Newquay).

I'm starting to feel a bit panicky as we literally haven't bought a single thing yet for the baby. Got some stuff promised to me by friends and family though - useful stuff like car seat, baby bath, baby gym, moses basket, sterilizer, cot etc. But we have no storage space so don't want to hang on to anything yet. Maybe it is partly because our second bedroom is small and will really only fit a cot (with all our other stuff in it) so can't get nice things like chest of drawers and wardrobes for the baby, and turn the room into a proper nursery. We plan to sell on in a year or so, so just can't see the point... hopefully the baby won't mind!

I'm wondering why I havne't had the urge to shop and spend - normally it's something I really enjoy doing!

Whoops - double posted, sorry all!

Lazzer although it was lovely to go out and buy things, last time I didn't spend a great deal until the baby came. I'm glad I left it, because we were bought such a lot of clothes I only really needed to buy the basics as and when we needed them. It gave me a good reason to leave the house as well!

Belgian, actually, I think I coped worse with my 2nd birth (though labour slightly shorter) as I expected labour to easier - but wasnt.

for 1st birth I was induced and had an epidural when the drip went in and last stage of labour was lightening quick though still painful as epidural didn't fully 'take'. however, i had a great MW and team who helped which made the experience so wonderful in any case. wasn't true 2nd time around and the poor care may have influenced my experience and PND that followed.

i'm now prepared for labour no. 3 to be worse than both 1 and 2 as some lovely people have been telling me that 3rd time is a lot longer. sigh. i figure if I prepare for the worst, it can only be better ... (?).

anyway, just bought the hypnobirth CD off ebay shop so should get this week. it can't hurt, can it?

Lazzer, just get the basics. like Llareggub said as well, people give you so many things that you end up not using a lot of it. And, if you don't feel like going out shopping (i don't), i wouldn't make yourself go. you may feel differently in a few weeks.

good night all. I'll try to catch up properly tomorrow. hope everyone is resting including babes inside. bless.

with all the apprehension, i'm still excited to meet the little one and can't wait to 'meet' all yours and put names to beans, etc. it's so worth everything we go through. soon pregnancy/birth will be over, behind us and we'll have lovely babies to add to our growing families . big sigh of contentedness.

Lazzer,

I feel a bit bad, and maybe i will change my mind nearer the time, but we're not planning on having a nursery for the baby, so plan to have him in with us for the first few months (clothes etc in our wardrobes & drawers) and then decide where baby can go. We may move DD into her own room (she will be nearly 5), and then DS1 and DS2 can share when DS2 is a few months old and DS1 will be 2.

Yay! DS is asleep at last.

Lazzer I've got a room where I've dumped all our baby stuff, and this is what we've called the baby's room. The baby won't sleep in there for around 6 months though, he'll be in with us in his crib. I haven't bought much because DS was a PFB and we went overboard and he had loads of stuff, some of it barely used. This poor baby will have hardly anything new at all, bless him.

hi all, i think this is going to be along one so ill apologise now, and hope everyone doesnt mind coz its gonna be abit of a moany one too

ive been putting this off for the last few days, as dont think i wanna admit this is really the way im feeling. im feeling really really down at the mo think its been for about the last week or so. ive been crying loads just out of the blue, or over the smallest things that wouldnt normally bother me at all. i know this is quite normal in pregnancy because of hormones ect.. im just starting to worry about myself a little bit becuase it just seems all day everyday at the moment. i know the feeling down and crying is quite common and i probley wouldnt worry about it its just the way i am feeling and thinking while im having these down times thats worrying me. i dont really know how to explain it but ill try.

im really starting to hate being pregnant, i think coz im still suffering with the morning sickness and feel just terrible when i get up each morning especially if i havent had enough sleep which i never seem to have even if its 12 hrs (my sleep is very disturbed coz i get up for the loo lots and also ds hets in with us every night too)

i remember when i was pg with ds even though i was really poorly that time to, being excited about being a mummy and loving feeling the baby move and people talking to me about being pregnant i was proud. this time i cant stand it when people talk to me about it im really blunt and just give one word answers, and just think oh shut up. and when this lo moves i just think oh there it goes again and just want it to stop specially at night. i feel quite scraed about becoming a mum again and just think im not gonna be able to cope as i cant cope with my ds now, as soon as he even starts to get slightly demanding i just think i cant do this and have no patience at all with him i feel so sorry for him coz i love him to bits but just cant cope with him im always shouting at him and dread the times when were gonna be just the two of us incase i dont feel well enough to deal with him and and just find myself resenting him for making my life difficult and just being there (even though he's a lovely little boy and he's not even really being naughty he's just being a normal 3yr old) and i normally love being with him and cant get enough of being with him.

i also feel really resentful towards my dh and anyone he spends time with, he's been going out alot with his mates lately and normally i wouldnt mind coz id go with or id do something else and be happy with that but at the mo i just dont wanna socialise and feel really annoyed that he is and im not. i feel really sad that im the one having to go through all of this and he just carries on as normal, i dont feel special to be pregnant at all. i dont feel loved or important to him, he seems much happier when he's around his mates than with me and ds even though i know im rpob not fun to be around at the mo. i just feel i get no support from him and thats he's not interested in me or the pregnancy at all.

im also feeling really guilty towards my ds coz he doesnt even want this baby and i feel bad that he hasnt had a choice in it, i know hes gonna be really difficult when the lo arrives and i just dont think im gonna be able to cope with it, feel like a failure as a mother coz im resenting my own child and dreading having another one. i even find myself thinking why did i get pregnant and even wishing a wasnt and hating the fact its too late to do anything about it now. oh my god i cant believe im even feeling that way
please help me

i find thinking about tasks i have to get done like just simple housework things ironing ect and just feeling like its all to much for me, i cant think about what i need to do coz what if im not feeling well enough to do it. i have no energy at all and even though im lucky and dh home alot of days and lets me have lie ins i still get up feeling just as tired and sturggle to cope with the day. i can hardly even stay awake for a whole day.

i just feel so sad and dont know which way to turn, no-body understands me i feel so alone and why do i feel that way when i know im not alone i have a dh and gorgeous ds and lots of family around me and my mums great she helps me out loads i still feel like a cant cope with anything.

sorry its so long. i just wanted to know if this is normal to feel this way or if i should be worried that its more serious?

What i was trying to say Lazzer was I don't think the baby will mind what he/she has as long as they are fed, clean and have somewhere to sleep. Sounds like you have all the key things heading your way in the next month or so- all I've bought so far for LO is a few newborn clothes (as I "lent" mine to SIL who they gave them away to a charity shop after she'd done with them!) and I am borrowing a car seat, cot, baby gym etc. Other things i have just because I have them from DD/DS.

I also found the "nesting" instinct (and the shopping sprees) only happened once I was on maternity leave previously- its still quite early to go out to buy things.

That's good! Thanks everyone. I'm working up to 2 weeks before my due date so think I might go online shopping crazy when I'm at home during that time - but also my friends are all holding a baby shower for me in mid-April, so I might get some lovely pressies then, which is exciting!

So many people have asked me what we've bought / if we've decorated our spare room etc I was starting to feel a bit panicky. So thanks for reassurance, there's still quite a way to go

Matthewandbumpsmummy,

Just seen your post. Sorry you are feeling so down, sick and tired.

I do have similar feelings to you from time to time, but not all the time as i do have positive thoughts now and again (not many though!). I feel more positive now I don't feel so sick and tired, so that may be affecting how you feel?

When do you see your MW again? If its not for a while, is it worth seeing your GP to get their views on whether these are just part of the usual anxieties during pg or something more serious. Is it something you could talk to your DH about, so he knows how you feel and that you need more support from him?

I'd echo what pulapula said, matthewandbumpsmummy.

I definitely have periods where I feel really down and apprehensive about the months ahead. Like you, I've no idea how I'll cope. However, I do have periods where I feel quite upbeat about it (naive maybe?!) and think it will be fine. I'm pretty sure it is normal to feel like you can't cope at times, but if you are feeling like it all the time then I would definitely recommend a chat with your GP, midwife or HV.

I saw a counsellor when DS was a newborn due to various things going on in my life, and one of the things I learned is that it is always good to talk! Sometimes I find just airing a problem helps, even if it doesn't seem like much of a problem to the listener. I also find places like this thread, or other parts of mumsnet are helpful, as there are always people who have experienced similar problems who can share their experiences.

We've all heard of post-natal depression, but there are people who suffer from ante-natal depression too. Having a baby is a massive, life-changing experience, and just because women do it all the time it doesn't make it less of a big deal.

Keep posting, you're not alone, and we are all here to help each other out.

Matthewandbumpsmummy I think you're very brave for sharing how you are feeling. Sorry you are feeling so low and blue. I have had odd panicky thoughts re how i'm going to cope now and again... and ds has not been too enamoured at the thought of a sister either (or brother for that matter) he wants a yellow ball when asked. He is slowly coming round and yesterday he even patted my bump and said 'hello' to baby up close to my tummy. We got the book 'what's inside your tummy mummy' that one of us here recommended... dandy? can't remember who... but it really seems to be helping and he absolutely loves the book.

As pulapula & llareggub say I think it would do no harm to chat to your DH or GP/MW... esp if you're feeling like this all the time... I always find getting everything off my chest helps.

Off to bed as DS got us up twice in the night last night and then for breakfast at 6.30am... need to get more sleep in case tonight/tomorrow am is the same.

Matthewandbumpsmummy. Sorry You're having such a rough time. Good advice from Dandylioness I think.

Momino I had exactly the same birth experiences as you. First went like a dream, second technically shorter but didn't go as well. I've been through the notes with my mw and think it was just different. Dh and I need to talk alot about what he might be able to do for me this time....I too am going for a refresher antenatal one-to-one this time, having assumed I knew it all after number one.

morning all. couldn't sleep so was up before DH for a quick shower before I missed the opportunity.

Jennster, almost glad (but not) to hear you had similar but hope yours goes smoothly this time. we have refresher in a couple of weeks and I hope it helps a bit. Also going to talk more with MW at next appointments.

Matthew&Bumpsmum, adding to others' advice, please try to do something/anything just for yourself: buy something (if little) just for you, try to put time aside just for you... plan something non-parent related. do something for yourself as often as possible. i'm glad you're venting on here as it does help. do seek support from GP/MW/HV/etc. I hope you can give yourself a break. it's not easy. xx

Morning all,

I've worked out I only have 20 more days in work (and that includes 2 days at a conference this week and a 2 day "awayday" at the end of March). Got loads of work to do though before I finish, including staff appraisals!

Morning!

matthewandbumpsmum - good advice from dandy, I'd like to reiterate, just keep talking. When we keep problems inside they get bigger and bigger, let them out and share them, this will help you to see them more objectively and in context.

Working from home again today, the decorator is here, busy busy in the nursery. So exciting.

Only 12 working days remaining (and sorry Pula, I did my last staff appraisal on Friday [smug]!) Just need to get them written up and that's another thing crossed off the to do list. Although working doesn't feel very much like working at the moment mainly due to the cotton wool state in my head. I feel like I'm just floating around making random decisions. Unfortunately they've only had one application for my maternity cover, so goodness knows what will happen to ensure the job gets done in my absence. It will be interesting trying to put it all back together in 12 months I suppose.

My mum insisted last night that I pack my hospital bag NOW. Better get everything washed and ready then, as am under strict motherly orders!