July 2009 Part III

[Mij]

Hope no-one minds me kicking this one off - 39 pages seemed a bit unmanageable!

Had 20 week scan today. Tiddler unco-operative to start with (although not as bad as DD was - took 3 goes to see everything) and it looks like most of the bits are in the right places. Decided right at the very last minute not to find out the sex. Realised that, if DD thinks she's going to have a sister, that nothing, not even photographic evidence, will change her mind anyway. So stuck with the 'don't ask don't tell' as per first time around and will just have to wait to sort out all the sodding clothes 'til we know what we've got.

Although... What do gonads look like on a scan?! Got a very good look at the hips from underneath, so to speak, and thought I saw two little bright spots, but that could be the sitting bones of course. Anyone tell me what the crown jewels look like on a scan?!

Welcome BrumOne - great scan news PatchyBob !
Well it finally happened. Had to make an emergency lunchtime trip home for a bump-band as I finally, irrevocably burst the zip on my favourite work trousers at about 10am this morning
Soooo glad I hadn't gone commando this morning!!

Welcome BrumOne - I might be joining the single mum club with you soon

JetLi sorry but lol a little at you bursting a zip, you'll have to get some lovely sexy lasticated over the bump trousers.

I'm soooo confused about what to do about my BF! Not sure if you'll remember but we split up at NY and then got back together about a month ago and he made all these promises and told me how he realised what an idiot he'd been etc. He does seem to have been making an effort and he keeps showing signs of change but things still just aren't right. I don't know whether I'm just expecting too much or whether I'm wanting him to be somebody he's not but I just get the impression that his heart isn't really in to it and he's not treating me as he should be. I sent him a text telling him that I don't know whether I can carry on with it but he didn't reply (possibly no credit). The thought of being a single mum doesn't really bother me, it did but I got my head around it the last time we split up. I don't know what I should do, not sure if I'd just cutting my nose off to spite my face by ending the relationship or whether it would be the best thing for me (and Baby). I feel like I can't really rely on him so at least if I was on my own I would know where I stand and not have these ups and downs every month or 2. In hindsight I think maybe we shouldn't have got me pregant but I don't want to think like that because I love my baby soooo much and don't want to sound like I'm regretting him. It also worries me that little boys need a good role model and they learn behaviour from their fathers but I really don't think that he's a very good role model the way he is at the mo and if he doesn't change I don't know if I even want my son to know him cos I don't want him to turn out like him. I really feel like maybe Baby would be best just to be brought up by me with his Granparents being closely involved, it's really not a good sign that I feel like that is it?

Sorry for the rant.

Hi hunny, I had a similar situatation and to be gonest I gave the guy once chance to change and that was it. It is such a big thing and surely your fella shouldn't have to change too much as am I right in thinking the two of you planned the baby? My opinion is that you get shot of him and make your own way and if he hyas any involvement with little one it is done purely for the sake of the baby and then you're not on tenderhooks waiting for him to change and having this uncertainty hanging over you. I think you need to get over him and think about yourself ( easier sad than do I know ) I just know you won't even be bothered about him when your little one arrives, it'll seem like no one else matters. Good luck though and I really do hope you find a way to work it all out. I found the prospect of being a single mum 10 times easier to face than the thought of struggling and the uncertainty I would of had if I had got back with HIM ( as I call him )

patchy I'm actually ok today and most of the pain has gone away so9 going to go into work tomorrow. I've only got 7 days left to work so thought I should make the effort as had SO much time off. It hurts if i move quickly but i can be sat down at work if I make myself not rush about too much. felt like a right idiot when I fell, it could of been so much worse though!

i don't know whats up with me at the moment I'm in a really chatty mood and on here all the time!

patchy glad all is well for you x

hey patchy I'm in the North-West so quite a way from you. People can add small amounts of info to their profiles if they chose so we can get an idea of where they are - just go to MyMumsnet at the top of the page.

hunny you could always wait and see - he may change and be wonderful when the baby arrives and they meet eachother. A new baby is hard work and doing it alone is tough. Best to keep your options open unless you're absolutely certain of things.

Gillyan yes we were trying to get pg for about a year but then typically I got pregnant on the month when he told me that he didnt want a baby anymore and when I decided that we should maybe go our seperate ways.
He is really good with kids, he has 2 sides to him, the good side will be a fantastic Dad, he's so good with kids and part of me really can't wait to see him holding our son. But the other part of him is a total w@nker and thinks I really can't be bothered with the hassle of it all.
I might just give him time to stew and let him think that I don't want or need him and that might make him buck his ideas up.
I've even started thinking about my ex lately, not thinking that I want him back because that will never happen but I'm comparing how different they are and how different our relationship is, I remember what it's like to be in a loving passionate relationship and I want that back. What I have with him doesn't even feel like a real relationship.

hunny your situation reminds me of one i was in with an ex years ago... there was no baby involved which did make things easier but i hung around waiting for him to change for a long time. it never happened. my advice to you is to leave him and not look back. the stress caused by waiting for them to change and then being disappointed when they don't is just not worth it - i remember it took its toll on me and i wasn't even pregnant so poor you! it takes a lot to break it off but in the long-term it is best thing for everyone esp baby. he should have made all necessary changes by now, and if he hasn't then he won't ever. if you have your parents nearby as well then that's brilliant as they will support you too i presume.
at the end of the day it's up to you but i think life is too short to wait around.
if in time he changes his mind and radically changes his ways then you can think about letting him back into your life but for now you can do without the hassle.

PS Has anyone got their Health n Pregnancy grant yet? I'm popping up to the GP tonight to get the form. Will also ask for a urine test to be done as they didn't do one at my 24 week antenatal check up. I have shared care so have alternate check-ups every 4 weeks with GP and midwife...

Thanks ladies for your very wise advise. It's difficult for me to talk to my friends about it cos I find that they don't really understand and the ''u just wanna f* him off'' advise that they give isn't the most intelligent.

It will be very difficult to totally call it a day cos I do still love him, it's a case of a head over heart issue. In the past it didn't matter if I made myself vulnerable to being hurt, but now I've got to think about my son and what is best for him. I really do think that our house will be happier and more stable if it's just me and baby. It wouldn't be fair on baby to have his parents fighting every couple of weeks and him seeing his mum upset. I'm a real believer in children being brought up in a bit of a bubble whilst their little and don't think they should see their parents crying etc.
I just don't know if I'm stronger enough to call it a day and to not take him back when he comes grovelling and wants us back.

eviebear I've got the form from my MW last week but I can't send it off till this week as you've got to be 25 weeks to apply for it.

eviebear at my last appointment with my MW she told me about the grant and then said we would get it sorted at my next appointment when I will be 26 weeks
My SIL told me about it when I was about 16 weeks, so I signed up for a reminder online (can't remember where though ) - I should get a text in the next fortnight to remind me to apply. You could try here

hi xxhunnyxx - sounds like you are having a right time of it. sorry to say this but if there are cracks in the relationship now they will turn into bloody big chasms when your little one arrives. i know its an obvious thing to say but a baby definately puts more stress on a relationship.love will fly out the window pretty quick if you feel taken for granted by him.

what is it that he does or doesnt do that you need him to change? or is it a case of just needing to grow up?

if you do end it, is he likely to want contact with the baby?

ps, i cant believe he didnt respond to your message! it a pretty important text to ignore!!

Evening all - it has been very chatty on here....

Mij thanks for your words of support re:bf. I know every support group in the area from my last 2 experiences, have all the helplines and even know of a couple of private lactation consultants (which I paid for with DS) to do home visits. Fingers x'd when the time comes by 3rd bf experience will be not as traumatic.

Gillyan OMG - hope you are ok?!?! You are the 2nd person I know who has had a fall during pg. Get some rest and hope you are not in too much pain.

Bump sizes - hmmm, I have always found that during pg people feel they can say to your face how big you are as if it won't come across as critical or sometimes even hurtful. Telling someone they are big (pg or not) is just rude. I remember once running into a colleague in M&S and she made a point of saying how big I was compared to her friend who was due in a few weeks (and I was a mere 20 weeks). Didn't help that I had a basket full of office snack goodies for my drawer.

Hunny sounds like you have a lot on your mind. My gf is a single mother and yes it is hard but it is a lot better than being with the father of her son. There is a lot of support out there and I am sure you will do what is best for you and baby.

Welcome Brumone.

Hi all, welcome BrumOne! Oh Hunny it sounds like things still aren't good. It's hard to give advice I guess when we aren't faced with the exact same situation but if I was you I think I'd make a clean break before the baby arrives. As you said, you don't want your baby to be brought up in a tense environment where the parents are arguing all the time or where dad disappears when he can't be bothered with it all. It's a lot to think about but I think you need to decide one way or the other because your BF will just think that he can always come crawling back. You don't need all this added stress once the baby is here.

Bumpsizes LOL all I have had today is 'Oh you are looking huge!!!'. Sometimes I think it's what people just say when they see my bump and there's no harm in it, I quite like it anyway cos I love having a bump again

I just wanted to ask- when are you all stopping for mat leave? As in how many weeks PG will you be when you stop? I'm trying to work it out, I'm due 24th July so thinking I will work til end of June (36 weeks PG) if I can with my ML starting then. I will have loads of annual leave to take (8 weeks) but I think (?) I can carry this over to the end of my mat leave so I can get another 2 months leave after my ML ends in March Does that make any sense???

hunny I hope you managed to sort it all out, its a very stressful time for you and you have to think of what is best for you and your lovely baby.

I am really suffering today from what I think is SPD. Really bad pain when I walk around low down in my pelvic area and around the tops of my legs (hip area) Had the hip bit for a while especially in bed and moving my legs when lying down, but today it is the whole area and I feel like I am waddling! Any ideas?

Jetli That is soooo funny! Made me chuckle to myself. Sorry slapped wrist for not being supportive!!

Gillyan Glad you are ok. Do take it easy though.

xx

hunny good luck with whatever you decide

I got my text message today typically the day after my MW appointment.

Baby is kicking me really hard as I type right now!

patchybob Go and see an Osteopath if you can afford it. I ended up in a wheelchair last time with SPD and it started again at 6 weeks with this pregnancy but I saw an Osteo and have walked about 3 miles today and no pain. There are loads of threads with info on SPD on here really worth checking them out. for you though it is so painfull!
I couldn't really afford it but decided in the end I would rather spend my money on staying mobile than hiring a wheelchair.

North Wales here
(Hi over there Bonzo)

I'm in Glasgow Any other Scottish folks?

...and off to bed now, I'm knackered!

PS apple we moved house when I was about 30 weeks PG last time, best time to move I reckon cos you don't need to lift a finger LOL

Hey brumone , sorry to hear about your situation, just wanted to say that I live in Cardiff too and am due on 20th July (we're expecting a girl ) If you ever need any company/moral support once the LO is here then please get in touch.

Bumpsizes I am getting fed up of being told I don't look pregnant! I am 24 weeks and don't have an obvious bump - it's annoying 'cos people in general barge past you on stairways and through door because they don't realise you're pregnant! Bloke did that to me on Sunday on a narrow flight of metal stairs - said very loudly "Don't mind the pregnant woman, will you?" he did have the temerity to

Sorry, I just read that back and it came across as a total whinge! Having a crappy day already and feeling . Although I have a very supportive DH and life on the whole is good so feel when other people on here are dealing with major issues in their lives.

I'm in Shrewsbury

Starting Mat leave 1 week before due date but from easter going to use my leave to cut down from 32 to 21 hours each week hopefully.

Forgot to say, I am near Wigan.
I am not taking mat leave until the week the baby is due, but I do have 3 weeks leave to take before then, so I won't actually be in work after the 19th June. I have done it that way so my pay stays as high as possible for as long as possible (as my company don't have a maternity scheme and stat mat is something of a pay cut for me!).

I'm near Horsham in West Sussex.

Thanks for the advice QueenFee will see if I can arrange that. my midwife said ages ago when it first niggled that she could refer me to a physiotherapist. Would that help do you think? It isn't as sore today but then I haven't really tried to do much yet.

Have woken up exhausted today even though I slept quite well. Do any of you have that. One day you could take on the world (kind of!) and the next day you are knackered? That will teach me for trying to take on the world hey!

Have a good day everyone xx

I'm in Barnsley, South Yorkshire

I'm finishing 11wks before due date, 6wks leave and 5wks Mat leave