Aug 2021 - 2nd Trimester continues

[Alittlexmasmagic]

Hi everyone, another thread begins & things are getting real now 😄 x

@PurplePansy05 I'm 5'9" so I have a bit to play with, but BMI was 28 last time they weighed me and that was a stone ago! The dent sounds very odd!

Does anyone get a strange pain under their right rib?! It's really painful and mostly happens after eating

On the bump front I feel huge, already having people tap my bump when at work etc so it must be big. Not sure how much weight I've put on as my scales also packed in about 2 weeks ago🤣 I was just verging on 11 stone before they did though

Also on the ashes from previous losses I wish they talked you through what happens after before it actually happens as in a rush they asked me if I wanted to keep the "remains" and I said oh no but really wish we had. I just imagined they'd hand it to me in a clear plastic bag or something 🥺

Hi all. Sorry I don't post very often. I'm new to all this.

So sorry to hear how difficult it has been for some of you. Sending lots of hugs and positive vibes for everyone's current pregnancies.

I had my 20 week scan today and all went well. Phew. Managed to keep the gender a surprise but I will be having regular growth scans so not sure if we will be able to keep the surprise going!

This is my first pregnancy and I'm in my 40s so keep expecting the worst and so happy when the scans are reassuring.

I'm trying not to worry about my weight, just trying to eat well now, and will deal with weight loss once baby is here - I may be naive but I feel weight loss will be easier when not at work...however also aware newborns and babies are a full time job in themselves!!

I feel massive, I have a small bump that is filling my mat leggings but can still wear my usual dresses - But I fo for looser fit clothes anyway.

I am so sorry for your losses, I can only imagine.

@biscuitcat that sounds both difficult and lovely!

@lucyrp sorry they didn't explain, that's so bad. There was some mess up with the testing of ours but they were very clear about our options. There were so many forms to fill in. I was half expecting the ashes to come in a clear plastic bag tbh, I'm not sure why! The man was lovely, and clearly explained that in the box is a bag containing the ashes, and if we had any questions at all to give him a call. I'm sorry you didn't get the same experience.

@Srtdr so glad your scan went well today

@LyraShaeLilly I'm thinking exactly the same about the weight gain, I just didn't expect it to be so rapid (even with the medication I was on!) I'm not eating badly except the odd thing so I feel we just have to go with it and deal with it after!

@lucyrp, agree I found it really distressing, having had a MMC and then being presented with a form to sign about cremation on the day of hysteroscopy without any warning.

Re BMI I don’t think it would be accurate to recalculate in pregnancy, so suspect they just look at booking BMI as an indicator for other risk factors and what your ‘healthy’ pregnancy gain will be. Then monitor weight gain. @Daffodil21 snap on booking height/bmi! My weight seems to fluctuate within a 2kg window, which is presumably fluid! I lost 2kg in first trimester and have put 1.5-2kg back on in first 3 weeks of second.

Re bumps, I have a nice neat small bump below my navel most mornings, but then the bloat makes it look a lot bigger some days

@PurplePansy05 good memory! Two sisters, so I'm one of three 😊 (I think my secret aim is to have three daughters of my own to recreate it!)

@HopefulB I think you're right about BMI, I think what it is at your booking appointment is what they go with throughout

@Dia12 sorry I missed your post earlier! Huge congratulations, what a relief it must be to have a gorgeous healthy baby cooking away nicely 🥰

@lucyrp @HopefulB I didn't have any papers to sign, they just talked me through the options. However, they didn't go into presentation details so yes, there tends to be unnecessary confusion with that. They could definitely improve on that front (and many others).

Congratulations @Srtdr, lovely news 💐 xx

@Daffodil21
I think you should be talked through it much more. As when I actually passed the baby I was in hysterics and basically rang the bell immediately and they were in and out and took it with them. I wish I hadn't rung the bell so quickly so we could have some time to look at them and as morbid as it sounds I wish I'd taken pictures. But at the time I didn't think about anything like that. I actually had a breakdown when we were driving home as I didn't want to leave them in the hospital on their own 🥺

@PurplePansy05 @HopefulB yes I really wish they had gone through presentation details as you say. Xx

@lucyrp that's totally understandable. I felt a bit better knowing they were back with us today, rather than being left at the crematorium 'alone' 🙈 I haven't ever had a mc in hosp, it's always happened at home for me, but when I asked them about testing for the 3rd they said I could bring it in then explained there would be loads of forms to fill in, and we would have to decide how we wanted the remains to be dealt with. So we were forewarned before we went. I know what you mean about taking pictures too, it sounds so weird but I wish I had! I remember saying 'goodbye' as I flushed the fucking toilet the first two times. What else can you do though! I've since heard you can ask a funeral home/crematorium to cremate for you, but I didn't know that at the time.

Sorry to have lowered the mood a little! I hope it's all positive for us all from here on in x

@Daffodil21 I must say, I know this is going to sound horrible, but after my first loss which was the worst physically and emotionally, it happened at home after medical management and I flushed the toilet too and cried. I then decided to bleach the whole bathroom few days later and blitzed and decluttered the whole house. I didn't want to remove the traces of my baby, of course not. But I think in hindsight I was so desperate to wipe off that sorrow and grief which ensued and that was my form of katharsis. I look back now and realise moving home has really helped me to shake it off because I've always associated my old house with this unspeakable sadness of what was meant to be. We had a dedicated baby room there which became my home office instead. I never talked about it, but this environment was actually very difficult for me and I am relieved this change brought some comfort.

I don't know why I'm talking about this now and yes, sorry to lower the mood too. I think this must be the scanxiety on my part now. Or perhaps just being philosophical about life now, I am finding this time makes me think deeper about different things. xx

@Daffodil21 I wear a ring which I think we bought on the day we went home. Its only a Pandora ring but it's a clear stone with pearl leaf shapes eithrt side but to me it looks like a little angel and I wear that mostly all the time however when I put on weight it got too small for my finger but am able to wear it again now. It helped me feel a little closer to them all the time. I didn't know anything really but its hot like you want to research these things is it 😔x

@lucyrp I wear a necklace with a forget me not in the pendant as a memory. Like you say it’s not really anything but I like to have something so close to me that reminds me of the little lives we lost.

Talking of bumps and weight, last week I went into work and some people who haven’t seen me since December were asking me how come my bump is so small when I’m almost halfway through. I didn’t know what to say and it made me feel a bit bad. I’m only short and was slim to start so I was thinking I’d be showing more, but I’m presuming that at some point an enormous bump will appear! I ended up messaging my midwife today because I got worried about my weight gain not being enough. It’s steadily going up but about 200g - 300g a week which I think is on the low side. She’s not replied to me yet but I guess so long as it’s going up that’s the right thing.

We went for a private scan on Saturday and got to see the little wriggler. Thankfully all is progressing ok on the inside and it was so lovely to be able to go to an appointment with my husband after all the solo appointments so far 😊

@PurplePansy05 makes total sense. We also moved house just after the second one. I was glad to see the back of the house because I always associated it with those losses too. When we moved into this house I actually remember thinking that I hoped I wouldn't flush another one down the loo, the day we moved in. There's a spot just at the top of the landing though where part of the last one came out (I was on my way to the shower as I thought it was all over), and every time I walk past it I think about it. I can't even bring myself to step in the same place now. I must sound a little insane 🙈 it really does change you as a person doesn't it. Working in that room sounds so so difficult ❤️

@lucyrp that's lovely ❤️ I don't have anything like that but I wish I had. Every time I see daffodils I think of it, and our whole 'journey'. Weirdly it's actually because I joined MN a year ago to seek advice following mc and then I joined a very supportive TTC thread. There were daffodils growing outside our window at the time and it made me feel kind of hopeful (hence the username), so now I have mixed feelings every time I see see daffodils (which is a lot lately!)

It's a very strange position to be in isn't it, it's nice to have people who understand, but I'm so very sorry that you do

for all of us

@Millymay13 aww how lovely 🥰

@Daffodil21yes actually I joined mumsnet last may time when we suffered a MMC and ended up joining a really supportive ttc thread which I'm still part of now as its a bit of a mixed bunch, bumps, IVF, ttc and some not even ttc anymore for personal reasons! Met some friends for life through there too 🥰 the response I got when I finally got my BFP was amazing they were all so happy for me. Aww I actually bought some daffodils in my food shop this evening but my cat has been sneezing since so going to have to keep her out of the kitchen 🥺

My little cat has this amazing habit of cwtching my bump every morning ❤ It's so cute, DH brings me my morning decaf to bed so I can enjoy at least 10 mins of beautiful purrs and bump headbutts with her! I swear my son will come out purring at this rate! xx

Thank you for all the lovely wishes...and I'm sorry to hear so many of you have suffered loss too. This thread is a lovely place of hope and positivity....I'm looking forward to the many happy endings we'll have here.

@PurplePansy05 thank you, your message really moved me and made me think of things differently. You're right in that, I too have made a conscious effort not repeat the same behaviour and my life is so vastly different to what I had growing up....and that gap can be filled.

I'll come to terms with it, in the meanwhile my heart is full of the fact this baby is healthy and the prospect of having a child is finally looking real! 💕

So sorry to hear of everyone's losses and struggles. I know it must be hard to embrace the present, but so important too to look to the future and feel hope about your babies. Sending love!

I am still not feeling very big, I have a bump for sure but it's only just becoming very noticeable. I'm 19 weeks today. Had a brief cervical scan yesterday and they let me hear the baby's heartbeat, which was lovely, but I think I accidentally saw some clues about the gender! I might find out at the 20 week scan on Friday and just keep it to myself as it's my husband who really wants to be surprised. Like @Srtdr I'm not sure I'll be able to keep it a secret from myself with all the extra growth and cervical scans, but I'm happy knowing for myself and not telling anyone - actually that feels rather special.

I also wanted to ask - is everyone in a position where they have a job return to (if they want one) and are able to get maternity leave? I mentioned before that I generally work on a series of short term contracts. I had one coming to an end in May and nothing lined up for after the baby, but just got a new 2 year job yesterday that will start on 1st June, and then allow me to take maternity leave and return after that. Even though I'm only going to get MA and not even SMP, I feel like I've one the lottery as I won't have to apply and interview for roles after maternity leave. I was terrified of telling them about the pregnancy when the offered job, but they were lovely and really accommodating. So relieved!

Congrats on the job @WolfMother326, it's great you've secured a job and with some understanding employers.
I actually put my details forward for a position in a new research facility back in December (didn't know I was pregnant). In feb I went through the interview and assessments and I've been waiting to hear back since. I'm likely to get the position but things have been delayed with opening of the building etc. I haven't declared at this point that I'm pregnant as I haven't been offered the role yet. The added complication is that this is a covid lab and not quite sure if there are any lower risk roles available!!!
I have no idea how they will take it when I do tell them and it's getting rather difficult to hide now too.

Thanks @Dia12 - interesting to hear you are in the same situation. This is also a research post on a project with a set timetable, so I wasn't sure how my need for maternity leave would be received. In the end it was totally fine. I hope you get an offer soon and are able to negotiate a role that is safe for you. I was pretty stressed about disclosing the pregnancy at the offer stage, relieved they didn't react poorly. I know the law is on my side, but not everyone cares about that!

@WolfMother326 in regards to jobs I've worked at the same place for 5 years now but until last September it was a 0 hour contract even though I worked at least 37 hour weeks. I managed to secure a 37 hour a week contract last September which turned out pretty good timing. With this I get 4.5 months of enhanced mat pay and then 4.5 months of SMP where as before hand it would just have been the SMP and no stability to return to. Congrats on the job!

@lucyrp wow, what great timing! so glad you were able to get some security and the enhanced maternity pay.

What are your thoughts on dying hair in pregnancy.

I have 2 big events that I am planning on dyeing my hair for, - just roots - my 30th and Sisters wedding - both events are after 28 weeks!!

NHS says "probably safe"

I've already succumbed and dyed my roots! I was always under the impression it was ok. 😳

@LyraShaeLilly I read it was safe? But the colour might not take as well as normal? I planned on getting mine done at the end of May if our hairdressers are actually open by then🙈