Pregnancy after loss - Autumn babies 2021

[Pancakes7]

Hi All, I have only just got my BFP and it's still faint atm. I had an mmc in May 2018, I then gave birth to my son May 2019. I had another mmc July 2020 and have been ttc ever since. I just got my BFP yesterday, so very early days. I'm not ready to join both groups quite yet. I thought this could be a space for us all going through pregnancy after loss. As we all understand the nerves/anxiety that go with this. I hope it's useful.

A bit of back ground on me. I'm 33, married. I have a 20 month old son. I haven't returned to work yet since maternity. I returned for 2 weeks then was put on furlough. I will be going back part time, doing 3 days.

Girls I’m pigging out on Doritos and Dips (sour cream, guacamole, salsa, cheese dip) I can eat dips right? I’m so paranoid with what I can and can’t eat xxx

@Firevie Yes you can eat dips! The below link is really helpful.

www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/keeping-well/foods-to-avoid/

@Pancakes7 ahh thanks so much! Gosh so much stuff that’s allowed per the nhs link. I didn’t even know lol xx

@Firevie Yeah that's not that much you can't eat tbh.

Oh gosh what a night! I went into A&E last night as I had a sharp pain on one side and a tiny bit of spotting and I worried it was ectopic. My blood pressure was quite high which is really unlike me, I usually have very low blood pressure so they definitely thought it was ectopic.
Anyway, they scanned me and there was the little blob, with a heartbeat, measuring 6+1 (my dates say I was 5+6) and everything looks great. So I’m ahead on my dates and my hcg is 25000 which is really strong. That’s the first time that has ever happened, my previous miscarriages I’ve always measured behind so I’m feeling cautiously optimistic!

@Strawberry08 Wow that must have been scary but how lovely you got to see baby early! Measuring ahead too!! Brilliant news! I'm so glad all is going well. X

Oh gosh, how stressful for you @Strawbery08. I'm glad it was good news in the end and that you got to see your baby! I hope you are able to relax today.

How is everyone this morning? I can no longer button up my jeans I tried on an old pair I had from my pregnancy with DD and they are too small. So I've ordered another pair. Normally I'd feel like I was jinxing things by buying maternity clothes in the first trimester, but I'd rather be comfortable than worry about that.

@marplemead I have been using a hair band to extend the life of my school work trousers as I’m not fitting into maternity trousers yet but can’t fit my normal clothes 😱 this is my 3rd pregnancy (although the first 2 were mc) so I’m not sure if my body just was in the habit of what it needed to do - as sooooo many places say you probably won’t need maternity clothes until 2nd trimester blah blah. Made me feel not so great about myself lol! I also needed a bigger bra from around week 7/8!

I know there are a couple of teachers here - sorry to talk “shop” but my head wants me to think of some possible solutions to an SEN child in class that has prone to punching adults in the past (they have joined from another school and we had been on a slow transition up to Christmas as apparently had only done 2hrs a day in previous setting) They have a 1:1, and whilst I have never been hit - it was apparently quite common in the last setting so m head wants to put things in place just in case. Has anyone had experience of this risk assessment/pregnancy wise?

@Strawberry08 such a scary time but glad everything is ok for you!

@Bellabubble I wear oversized dresses to work, which are good at concealing the bump. I'm not sure for how much longer though.

With the risk assessment, I'm struggling to think of what measure you could put in place to protect yourself from unpredictable behaviour like hitting. Did your head suggest any possible solutions? It might be worth involving your union rep, as they will have had experience of supporting with this. It might be that you will need to be moved to a non-student facing role.

@Bellabubble my risk assessment for this said I would delegate the child in question to other staff members within the room when these instances occur. Which is one thing on paper but I'm sure we all now in the split second it happens it's not always that easy

@Strawberry08 that must have been so stressful but great news! 🙌

@Pancakes7 ah it's nice to be in such a similar situation! For me having a toddler around is a good distraction

Had a panic this morning as I had pretty strong cramps but it turned out I'd eaten something that upset my stomach 😅 the paranoia begins. Feeling almost hungover though so thinking nausea is on it's way.

Welcome @vitaminb33 😁 congratulations!

I got myself slightly panicked last night from cramping too. Was just sitting on the sofa and for hours I felt like a stretching sort of feeling in my lower stomach sort of area, which was fine. Then I felt like I had a few sharper poking vaginal area cramps that freaked me out. Ended up being too scared to get off the sofa for a few hours 🙈
Woke up in the middle of the night as I had been sleeping on my stomach and one of my boobs really hurt, so that made me feel a bit better that nothing should be wrong hopefully.
Have been feeling pretty good and positive since my scan on Tuesday, but think the nerves are sitting to get me again as I’m only 2 days off when baby stopped growing last time 😬

Glad everything is ok @Strawberry08, must've been a stressful time.

@Bellabubble is there anyway the child can be in another class? Even if it means putting them a year above/below (then their 1:1 supporting the work you've set for them, so they're in the classroom for the social aspect rather than the whole class teaching? I know it's not ideal, but even if you had an agreement that you would never be in classroom without another adult present, all it takes is for that adult to nip to the photocopier or for you to be the closest to the child if they have an outburst. Short of either the child or you being removed from the classroom I'm not sure how else to manage it. Sorry that's not much help!

Thank you girls! So pleased.

@vitaminb33 I totally agree with the hangover feeling. That’s how I feel permanently!

@Bellabubble I don’t have any suggestions but definitely make sure a risk assessment is performed. You should never ever have to feel like you or your baby is at risk at work

Thank you @PumpkinEverything!

Wondering if anyone has any thoughts on telling people? I'm in a childcare bubble with my mum and see her nearly every day, for both of my previous pregnancies I told her immediately but my miscarriage affected her so badly I'm worried telling her would cause her terrible anxiety! On the other hand she might be upset I didn't tell her sooner. Feel a bit stuck 🤷‍♀️

@vitaminb33 that’s a tough one! For me, I told my mum, and two best friends as I needed the support should anything go wrong again. Last time I had to tell my mum on the phone that I was pregnant and lost the baby at the same time and it was awful, and I really didn’t want to have to go through that again! I won’t be telling anyone else until 12 weeks, and even then I don’t want the whole world to know, just a few people. Would it be easier for you to tell your mum now? I feel like seeing her everyday might make it so hard to keep a secret!

I've decided not to tell anyone until 12 weeks this time, seriously burned after mmc and I'd only told my husband, mum and closest friend about that. I haven't even told DH yet, I'm not remotely sick so can get away with it. If I was feeling sick and finding it difficult to parent/hide it I'd tell those close to me early on. I've decided if I do have another miscarriage I'll tell my mum and close friend then, I don't want to tell them good news now (again) and have to revoke that later. For me that added a whole other layer of terrible to the MMC, especially as we'd had a scan at 6+5 showing all was fine.

I think that’s fair enough @Garman and if that’s what works for you then that’s best. 😊 I only told one friend last time and then told mum and my other friend after it happened, but I felt like it was too much for me doing it that way, and it actually added to my anxiety keeping it a secret. When are you thinking of telling your husband?

It's definitely such a personal decision and depends on your personality and those around you, like @vitaminb33 said if anyone was a worrier I would be slow to tell them!

Right now I'll either tell him when/if I get nauseous but I usually have that by now anyway, I can't hide the misery of that and need more backup with parenting. If I don't get that symptom at all I'm kind of planning on waiting until an 8/9 week scan to tell him, be it okay or another miscarriage. I'm preferring going on as normal rather than being treated with kid gloves which I would be if I told those closest to me now.

@Garman You don't think your husband will be upset that you didn't tell him? I think it's good to talk to someone about it especially your husband as he can support you. Obviously up to you, everyone's different and do what feels right.

@vitaminb33 We told my in-laws, my Mum & 2 close friends but that's it. It's good to have the support. I'll be keeping it quiet though as long as I can.

We've told my in-laws, my dad, my head teacher (purely for the risk assessment!) and I've quietly told my Nov 15 group. They were wonderful to me when I lost my little boy, and several have reached out after going through pregnancy after loss themselves so it's been a big help.

We haven't told anyone this time around because of previous losses... I can't face constantly being asked if I'm okay if that makes sense. It has been relatively easy to hide being in lockdown. I will have to tell work before my scan though as the letter advises we will likely be there for over an hour and a half plus there will be travel to and from the hospital on top of that so will need to explain such a long time away from fee earning work. I'm plucking up the courage as I've just signed for a pay rise and more responsibilities and feel like I'll be leaving them with a headache to cover my workload 😬

@MrsTD88 I get that, it's awkward telling work isn't it. I've been on Mat leave and then furlough for a year. I'm still not back at work so I will have been off for 2 years when I go back. Then, all being all, I might need to tell them I'm pregnant again and I'll only go back for 5 months. I mean obviously I couldn't have predicted a pandemic. I would have been back at work a year and a half. So I figure it's not my fault. I'm sure your work will understand and be happy for you.

@Pancakes7 no I don't think he will be, he'll understand my reasons, I wouldn't do something if I thought it was deliberately going to upset him. We were never ones to talk about all aspects of ttc, or symptoms or when I was testing, it's just not in my personality to tell anyone every single thing happening with my body, and he knows I deal with things by processing them myself first. I don't quite see what I'd need support with right now, nothing is happening, just dull early weeks where he/others constantly be checking if I was okay like @MrTD88 says, that would drive me mad.