Pregnancy after loss - Autumn babies 2021

[Pancakes7]

Hi All, I have only just got my BFP and it's still faint atm. I had an mmc in May 2018, I then gave birth to my son May 2019. I had another mmc July 2020 and have been ttc ever since. I just got my BFP yesterday, so very early days. I'm not ready to join both groups quite yet. I thought this could be a space for us all going through pregnancy after loss. As we all understand the nerves/anxiety that go with this. I hope it's useful.

A bit of back ground on me. I'm 33, married. I have a 20 month old son. I haven't returned to work yet since maternity. I returned for 2 weeks then was put on furlough. I will be going back part time, doing 3 days.

@Garman Ok sure like I said do what's right for you. I like talking over my fears or how I'm feeling. But that's what works for me.

@Pancakes7 you are absolutely right, no one could have predicted this past year. I'm sure your work will be happy for you too. 😊 I'm hoping they will be happy for me... a few of the Directors were aware of my losses last year and were very supportive. Hoping it doesn't come as too much of a surprise to them that I am pregnant again.

@MrsTD88 If they know about your losses than they'll be expecting it. First time round my managers knew about my loss. Then when I was pregnant with my son they were really supportive and happy for me. I'm sure your work will be there same. Because I've been on furlough this time round my work don't know about my mmc.

I think everyone is different @garman I didn’t tell my husband for a few days the first time until I seen a bit of line progression and I was shocked and anxious and needed to get my head round it too. I see your logic in not telling him as sometimes I think we deal with things better alone and don’t like to be bothered. Unfortunately it would never be an option for me to keep it entirely to myself as my husband is the only one who drives (I can, but have no car and haven’t driven in 5/6 years as I’m a nervous driver 🙈 need to try and pull myself together before a baby comes!). I need him to drive me to appointments and I don’t think I could lie to him about what they were for as he would easily guess 😂

I’m not planning on telling my work until 12 weeks, as I’m working from home so there’s no reason for me to tell. My whole team and manager knew about my MMC as I wanted them to know the truth so people wouldn’t ask me about children and it was easier for me to be honest.

@Pancakes7 I hope you're right. Is it the same employer you are with from when you had your son? If they were happy for you then I'm sure they will be again. Pregnancy is stressful enough without worrying about work isn't it. Keep trying to tell myself that.

@MrsTD88 Yes the same company. I was on Mat leave with my son then furlough so I've not really been back to work since having my son. I went back for 2 weeks then lockdown happened. I still don't know when I'll be asked to go back yet. But they have confirmed I still have a job. I'm reducing to part time as well. So I'm less essential than I used to be. I'll be changing roles. My boss is also leaving I found out recently, so I might need to tell the MD or the newly hired boss 🙈

@Pancakes7 sorry I just realised that you had already told me you had not gone back properly from mat leave because of furlough. My memory is not functioning well at the moment! That's good you still have a job that must be a relief. What sector are you in? Does it seem likely it will pick up again any time soon? Do you know how long before your current boss leaves?

@MrsTD88 I asked to go back part time because I want to spend time with my son. I'm going back doing 3 days a week. Also it saves us money on childcare. Due to me going part time I have got to find a new role as my previous job is too busy to do in just 3 days. I'm in purchasing & stock control. I think I will continue in this but for the smaller brands as previously I did the biggest brand.

@MrsTD88 My boss leaves mid April

@Pancakes7 that sounds very fast paced and interesting! It is very important finding the balance with childcare isn't it, it is so expensive! Since I've been working from home for almost a year I'm hoping when I go back after Mat leave I'll be allowed to split my full time hours between the office and working from home. Sorry I can't remember when your due date is, will you have had your 12 week scan by the time your current boss leaves?

Thanks for the replies everyone!

I agree with the fear of revoking good news @Garman and @MrsTD88, that was really hard with my mum last time. And it's such a delicate balance between support and not wanting people treating you differently.

Thanks @Pancakes7 @PumpkinEverything
@imisscoffee, I think you're all right support is so important, I've told one friend and I might wait a few days until my symptoms are worse and then tell my mum, it will be hard to hide from her for long.

@MrsTD88 I would say in my experience it's impossible to work while looking after a toddler lol. That's why I ended up on furlough at the start. A lot of people said why don't I just work some days from home and look after my son. But you can't get anything done with them around. They keep you so busy. Plus I want to be able to take him out and make the most of our time. But you'll find what works for you when it comes to it.

2 of the days my Mum is our childcare then 1 day in Nursery. He starts in April, hopefully he settles in ok.

I'm only 6 weeks on Monday, so I'm not sure if I'll have had my scan yet or not when he leaves. I think I might keep it quiet longer this time. Feels a bit awkward if I'm not working yet and say it.

@MrsTD88 Sorry I realise that might read wrong. A lot of people said work some days from home rather than go part time is what I meant to say.

@Pancakes7 It is difficult isn't it. When I started working from home in March last year (can't believe it's been almost a year!) my daughter was only 3. We've had a fair few fall outs but I've managed to get work done and very thankful nursery is now back again (I'm in Scotland). I don't think I could have done it full time if she were any smaller. We're very lucky that my family live really close by so they are a great help in normal circumstances. When I was in the office full time I split childcare half family and half childcare until she started nursery. I'm sure he will settle in just fine, my daughter loves it. She's going to Primary 1 this year... I can't believe how fast that has happened! You're right not to say anything if it makes you feel awkward. You're not obliged to say anything until 25 weeks (I think?)

@MrsTD88 I always think it's crazy that you can leave it till 25 weeks not much notice is it. Also how on earth would I hide it that long if I have to go into the office LOL. I'm thinking maybe 14 to 16 weeks? I'll see how I feel at the time if I get that far. It's all kind of hypothetical at the moment till I know everything is okay. It's good you've got family support I don't know what I'd do without my mum.

I'm 6 weeks today and omg the nausea & headaches are on. They started Saturday and still going strong. I had a nap at the weekend as my Mum was here but now on my own so no naps for me ☹️ anyone else feel it's all hit them?

@Pancakes7 yes absolutely, about three days ago it ramped up for me and I feel AWFUL!! Feel as though I’ve been hit by a train. I just feel horrendously hungover all the time.
Only 6 weeks until it gets better 😂

@Strawberry08 Yeah I feel awful. I think mine carried on a bit more than 12 weeks with my son but it also started at 3.5 weeks. I was actually sick that time. So I think this might be different. I'm still in limbo really whether this baby will be ok or not. Feel like I can't think too far ahead yet. Scan Friday next week 🤞🏻🌈

@Pancakes7 think you’ve got to assume everything is fine for now as the odds are in your favour. I know that’s much easier said than done but being positive now is the only way to get through the days. Every pregnancy is different. I was very ill in my miscarriages so it’s not necessarily a good indication of how it’s going.
I think you’re going to be just fine 😊
So is your scan a week this Friday?

@Strawberry08 Yeah I've been ill in all 3 pregnancies so but mmc's too. So yeah symptoms don't reassure me. I'm kind of trying to not think too much ahead just in case. As the odds haven't always been my friend. Yeah a week this Friday. I just want to get it over with really. I need to know either way 🤞🏻🌈

Still only feeling mildly hungover - took a clearblue weeks test today and it's consistent with my guess that I must have ovulated quite late in my cycle (like somewhere past cycle day 20) 🤷‍♀️

Yes that's so stressful @Pancakes7, the worry of waiting for the scan must be terrible. Every pregnancy is different, it is just taking it a day at a time.

I might look into booking one today, and I should probably tell my GP but it all feels a bit early.

@vitaminb33 So do you estimate you're 5-6 weeks? That most be hard with booking a scan etc as it all goes by lmp

@Pancakes7 no I'm pretty sure I'm 4-5 weeks, e.g. that I ovulated around day 20-22 and I'm on day 38 now.

It's always been this way with my cycles being bizarre, and does make it a pain trying to estimate. It's going to be extra frustrating this time as I won't have a clear idea if I'm measuring behind or not 🤷‍♀️ but I think because we only dtd very early in my cycle and very late (which is why I thought this cycle there was no chance of a BFP) it has to have been that I ovulated late. Wish I'd started using ovulation tests last cycle now 🤦‍♀️

@vitaminb33 Yeah that will be difficult to work out your dates. You'll probably need to have a scan and then another scan a couple of weeks later to see how it's progressing. Not ideal I know I think that's the only way they'll be able to do it.