Due April 2008 - new thread for October

[lemonaid]

Old thread here.

This time round was exactly the same and couldn't quite believe I wasn't making it up until I saw the little scamp leaping about!

I think the strange thing is the categorisation of 'high' risk - 1:250 is 0.4% chance which is surely not what you would call a high risk in any other circumstance? I was really upset when the doc spoke to me (DH missed the scan having been to the one the week before as he was 'working' from home - later admitted, practically in tears, that he'd been watching Twin Peaks on homechoice!!) and we had to think about it for a while before we got as comfortable as we are. Mum (a GP) still f-ing cries on the phone every time we talk about the baby - nice and supportive!

Happy birthday TMP, congrats on the house Elfsmummy and happy shopping... everyone?

Ooh, I've been having lots of awful headaches too, maybe I'm having a girl? Would quite like another girl, I feel like I know where I am with a girl. Also I ahve tons of cute and barely worn baby clothes for a girl.

Last time I was huge everywhere and this time it's just bump but I think that's more to do with my serious haribo and custard doughnut habit last time.

I'm a bit worried as I haven't felt any movement for a few days - I'm trying to tell myself the baby is just in a funny position and is still quite small after all but it seems like ages til my next scan.

ps TMP hope you're not at work! I was planning to stop at 36 weeks, then realised my last day would be my 30th... so needless to say will be stopping the day before!

and sorry to keep posting but on the sex issue, I was CONVINCED last time we were having a boy. Strangers would come up to me on the street and (based on bump shape, presumably) say 'you're having a boy'. My friend who had a girl four months earlier kept offering me clothes and I would say (smugly, because I really wanted a boy) 'oh, it's OK, we won't need them'. After a slightly traumatic birth I was just so delighted to have a healthy baby that I barely even noticed she was a girl. Needless to say I am completely besotted with my DD and this time round if I have a preference I think it's probably for another little girl.

This is going to be long - I'm sorry.

Secretly, deep down inside, although I would never ever admit it in real life, I really really want another girl.

I'm beating myself up about this. I though about starting a thread asking for experinces in the pregnancy section but I can't bring myself to as I keep thinking - You should just hope that its healthy! I can't believe that I read postings about miscarriages and TTC etc and I still feel like this.

I know that if it is a boy I will love it dearly just as I love my Godsons, nephews etc etc etc but at the moment I just can't see myself with a little boy.

I can't decide wether it would be a good idea to find out at our next scan (if possible) Part of me says that it will give me a few months to "get used to the idea" (that sounds awful) but if I'm being really hard on myslf I worry that I won't enjoy the rest of the pregnancy so much (I really am an awful person aren't I?)

I worry that if I don't find out in advance and I do have a boy, I'll be a little disapointed in the first few days after the birth (again not that I'd admit this in real life) and I worry about the effect that that will have on the initial bonding and more importantly breastfeeding (which was something I loved with DD)

I really hate myself for feeling like this and its something taht I really don't think I could discuss in real life as I know that I should just be hoping for a healthy pregnancy, smooth birth and a helathy happy baby.

I don't expect anyone else to admit to feeling like this but I just wonder what you would do with regard to finding out?

I'm sorry to bring down the happy tone on our lovely lovely thread!

BTW Absolutle the last thing that I meant to do by that last message is to insult anybody with boys! If I did then all I can do is appologise a hundred times over.
I just feel so very very sad that I feel like this. Its eating me up inside.
Why can't I just hope for a happy healthy pregnancy like normal people do?

Elfsmummy, don't beat yourself up about it! Like I say, my experience was hoping for a boy and believing 100% it was a boy and all of that completely disappearing the minute my daughter appeared.

I do know of a few people who have found out the sex for precisely this reason and who have all been pleased that's what they've done, because they've been able to cry/get upset/get used to the idea without feeling horrible and as if they're rejecting their new baby for being the 'wrong' sex. It's difficult to say what's best because mums are probably more likely to get upset when they don't have a beautiful baby to cheer them up, and therefore they might wrongly infer that they would have been that upset had they found out at the birth. If you're really visualising and hoping for a little girl, then you mustn't feel guilty if you feel upset finding out that you're not going to get that little girl you dreamed of (and it doesn't mean you won't be absolutely delighted by your little boy!)

If you're really worrying about it, I would find out at the scan, to be honest. You probably find you spend less time worrying about having a boy if you know you're having one than if you've only got the 50:50!

Elfsmummy... teehee - I feel exactly the same yet opposite...I'm secretly hoping for a boy! If we're both 'dissapointed' we should arrange a secret swap!

Don't feel bad over your wants and wishes... I don't think there's anything wrong with it and like you said, if its the other sex, you will love it just as much!

Hi Elfsmummy, my friend felt exactly the same as you, so much so that she found out at 20 weeks and it was a boy. She said that she was glad she found out as it did give her time to get used to the idea and of course when he was born she couldn't think why she'd ever wanted a girl! I'm going to find out because although I say I don't mind, I'd quite like a girl too (and already have bought gorgeous little pink shoes!)

Because all "normal" people worry about things and have secret hopes and fears. I'm pregnant for the frst time and a mite intimidated about a baby, let alone gender. However I have 3 DSD's, two half sisters, was a girl (duh!) and my mum is one of 3 girls. No-one around me has a clue about raising boys and i find myself hoping for a girl, as this may be "easier".
I don't feel evil or unfit to have this child - I know I'll love it whatever, but I am drawn towards wanting a girl.
Don't beat yourself up about it - theres enough to be dealing with being pregnant... and if your anything like me your decision making is probably haywire due to hormones!

Thank you all for being so lovely.

I really can't believe that I've let myself get into such a tizz about something that I have so little control over - I'm normally such a rational person!

LOL At loisstella and her secret swap! Thankyou for bringing me back down to earth.

I think I've been more worried about posting and admitting my feelings out loud! I was lying in bed last night thinking about how to word it without offending anyone!

Must get a reality check.

Thank you

hi all not been on for a while, im going to midwife in an hour and am really scared in case she cant find the heartbeat as this being my second pg i now know more things, [eg things that go wrong ect],its just playing on my mind as i want this baby so much. so hoping all goes well im just over 15 weeks.

Congratulations smcg!

Welcome scampmum!

I got the Seaphine catalogue in the mail yesterday and want all of it... sadly can't really justify it (and deep down know it won't transform me into looking anything like their models, sigh).

Happy birthday, TMP!

Elfsmummy -- I found it hard to imagine myself with a boy before we found that DS was, and it took a couple of weeks for it to sink in. I think finding out in advance does give you more chance to get used to the idea if you aren't sure how you are going to feel about it. Actually, now I'd quite like another boy rather than the girl I kind of wanted first time around.

Good luck RDK.
Elfsmummy - I'm having a similar problem. DH and I both would prefer a boy, and we can't decide whether to find out or not. In the meantime (sounds a bit mad, I know) we are both only choosing girl's names, calling her she and thinking of her as a girl. So that we are completely used to the idea and won't be disappointed if it is a girl. If we can't get used to pretending to ourselves, we'll find out at 20-wk scan, and then get used to the idea of having another girl for real.
I'm also trying to think of all the good things about girls (don't need to buy new clothes, sisters are better than brothers etc!)
I've just read that through and it does sound completely bonkers. hey ho.

I already have a boy and a girl, so no preference for me reallyHowever I think a sister is something special for a girl to have, so I would love it to be a girl for my dd to have a sister, but I think it is a boy!

Elfsmummy, I felt much the same with my first pregnancy and was so relieved when I found out she was a girl - this time I'm not quite so bothered but still really want a girl and we are going to find out at the 20 wk scan if possible. I know I'll love this baby whatever gender, but if it is going to be a boy, especially as I know it's my last, I'd like to get used to the idea before the baby arrives. I really don't think feeling like this is that unusual, it's just a bit taboo to talk about it in rl.

Hi all,

Just catching up again. Happy Birth TMP. Demonaid, I burst out laughing after reading your comment about thinking you were hiding another baby in your arse, Too funny! the landlord finally signed thel ease for our new apartment so we are moving in early December. I'm glad it will be sorted out before X-mas.

A friend just recommended babylist to me. Has anyone else ever used it? It's £95 to sign on but could be useful for us first time Mum's in London who haven't a clue of what baby stuff to buy and would probably eventually save money by having some good advice and not buying unnecessary stuff. My friend told me it was well worth it.

Elfsmummy, I wouldn't feel bad about wanting another girl. You're just being honest. I once had a colleague who cried for 10 days after finding out her first was going to be a boy. Once he arrived she wouldn't shut up about how wonderful he was! I sort of agree with Scampmum, I think you'll worry about it less once you have a scan. If I was actually given the choice of a boy or girl I wouldn't be able to choose but I'l still very curious to find out anyway at the week 20 scan!

Molly, you could check out Which for reviews on baby stuff or just go into John Lewis. One of my friends has been great about telling me what I should and shouldn't buy. There was also a thread recently saying what was a good buy/waste of money, don't remember what it was called, I'll try to find it.

I have no bump at all yet and I am almost 17 weeks, is it just going to appear one day?!!

I have seen good reviews of babylist. If you have the money to spare, it could be worth doing.

My friend thought she had saved money all round because her choices were so informed and they weren't pushy at all. Like me she just wanted to buy the essentials before the baby was born and get the rest later. the also deliver to your home which is good if you don't have a car like me. I'll definietly check out reviews etc. also. Just thought I would share the info

so sorry can't read all the threads but just saw the one from Elfsmummy. Just wanted to say that I was convinced I was having a girl last time and could not imagine having a boy because I have no brothers and had not got a clue what to do with a boy. We could only think of girls names and I only looked at girls clothes. We tried to imagine having a boy but it did not work. Anyway you've guessed it out it popped at it was a BOY It took me about 2 weeks before I could stop calling him 'her' and 'she'. I did not have any problems bonding with him at all due to him being a boy and now really enjoy having a boy. This time I would quite like girl but am trying to convince myself I really don't mind.

Anyway you sound like a perfectly normal pregnant woman so don't worry.

On the topic of bumps I have a HUGE bump and have been asked if I am trying for a 10lb baby this time and if I am sure it is not twins. Last time I was very paranoid about my huge bump but this time I am proud! People do feel they have the right to comment and it always feels like a criticism so I just respond with 'aren't I lucky' which i say to any comments about size, shape, etc.

Hope everyone is feeling more 2nd trimesterish

Much like Loris, I was eldest of 3 girls- couldn't imagine a boy! then got.... 3boys LOL! Now I can't imagine a girl (nd how terrible are girls toys? - poo'ing barbie dogs, and dolls that come with syringes like mini heroin addicts)...

3rd boy was a bit of a surprise but we ahd scan and had so long to get sued to it- indeed, with all the worries about downs etc it was very much the least of our concerns! This time round rather fancy a matching set, how cool would the school photo's be?

53% chance
of a boy

47% chance
of a girl

I now have to give DP the pooter back as he's whining, so I'll catch up the rest tomorrow.
[hsmile]

Peachy, I'm the eldest of 3 girls too! Do you think that our families used up all their girl souls so we got the boys?

Actually I do have a brother too, very much younger than us girls though! Didn't forget about him but he only became relevant later!