Due May 2020 (thread 5)

[sao81]

Carrying on from thread 4!

@november90 I am so sorry 🙁 I don't know much about your relationship, but things can get harder with kids and pregnancy and so on, so I wonder if you both just need to slow down and work on your relationship a bit. He says you make him unhappy in some ways - that sounds like something that can be talked about and worked on. A therapist can help you talk through it together if you were open to it.
I am sorry if this wasn't helpful - I just felt like given how long you have been together, it's less likely that he just doesn't care about you and more likely that there are fixable problems.
Sending lots of hugs ❤️

@november90 feeling for you so much right now. Can you go to family/friends to get some TLC? Hopefully it can be worked on after a little bit of quiet time from each other but I really hate the thought of you sitting alone just now.

@november90 I'm so sorry to hear this 😥 is there any family you can stay with maybe? Has this just came out of the blue? He may change his mind as it seems so sudden. Id give him some space and speak in a few days to see what needs to be done to change things. I hope you have support in the mean time sending lots of love

Thank you everyone. I really would be open to taking a bit of space and working on things but last night he listed a million and one reasons why I make him miserable and was happy for me to tell my family including my dad so I know there's absolutely no way back. We have had niggles with each other, but nothing to ever suggest we were close to breaking up. He's very influenced by his family and now he's at their house. He told me last night they don't like me, and he came to pick our boy up today with his dad which I just think speaks volumes :(
We live at my parents as we were staying there whilst we paid our wedding off so everywhere I look are our memories. I feel so alone.
I prayed and hoped for this pregnancy and now I just feel so lost. I just cannot believe I'm writing this message. Having just got married and having a 3 year old and being pregnant I have totally drifted out of my social circle and don't have many friends (which I was happy about, I just wanted my family).

Oh my gosh @november90 I’m so sorry to read this. It’s hard to know what to say as I don’t know your relationship but I’m so sorry you’re Going through this, especially now! Have your parents been supportive? Hope you’re ok ❣️❣️

I’m so sorry @november90, what an awful shock for you. I hope you have a strong support network around you. Relationships are so hard sometimes 😞 I have no doubt your beautiful children will get you through this 💕 but I’m sorry you have to go through it x

@november90 i think my heart just dropped reading your post. i absolutely loath the selfishness in your husband. i've been having fights with mine ( i'm complaining that i'm not happy and asking him to leave/ separate and all sorts out of anger and frustration) BUT for him to actually pick up and go! THAT's just absolutely nasty ( although the fact is you live with your parents so it's not as SHIT) ... i would say a divorce is bloody hard and expensive so he might actually cool off after some time away.

but to be perfectly honest - you will feel crap whatever i say so huge hug and i PROMISE it will get better even if he really leaves for good x

I am so sorry @november90. I can’t imagine what you are going through.

If you are near London and wanted to talk please PM otherwise if we can help please say.

Thinking of you.

@november20 I'm with @facevalue on this - I am furious you are in this situation?!? I'm not just angry with your husband I'm angry with his family!! You are pregnant, with a young child, and just married - what on Earth is with all of their behaviour?! I'm sorry I'm speaking out of terms here and I'm sure there is probably lots more going on as to why he feels the way he does but WHERE IS THE SUPPORT FOR YOU?! It's all well and good having us ladies here who absolutely are by the way but you need physical, in person support. Please please look after yourself, seek support from anyone who can - I hope you have family and friends who have a bigger heart than he and his lot do - and please God don't blame yourself. Your tone sounds like you are accepting this but I'm really worried that you may be blaming yourself or listening to what he and his family are saying about you. Please don't. Pregnancy is hard enough without the added emotional strain you are under. Be kind to yourself.

And please let us know roughly where in the county you are as I'm sure whoever you are near would do everything they can to offer you even more support. Sending you so much love, I'm honestly thinking of you xx

Aww girls thank you for the replies ❤️ I just still cannot believe it. I went to get my nails done after work and I only just made it back to my car in time before the biggest, loudest and longest cry came out of my mouth with me even thinking!!
We had a really big fall out on Thursday and I take responsibility thar I took it too far shouting at him... I don't know what came over came me, but at the same time I've been under a lot of pressure recently!!! And I think that has just made him so mad at me, he's gone to his mums and all our other relationship niggles have come up and he's just walked away. How could someone do that? We took vows! I think what's most hurtful is just how dismissive he is on working on this. He's such a kind and loving person and he is genially the other half of me.... but this person is just someone I don't know or like :( I feel devastated. And what's more, I feel so sad for our boys. I loved our family so much and our dreams came true with a second pregnancy! I feel like I am blaming myself because he just pointed out all the stuff I was doing wrong and a lot of them were right... but sometimes your actions reflect others. I'm just gutted. I only slept for 20 mins last night and when I woke up I dreamt everything was normal so it was just horrible :(

I don't have the best relationship with his fam. I always wanted to have a relationship but I'm quite shy and I don't think they ever warmed to me. His mum never texts or rings me asking about our son, not even when I was pregnant. His sister fell out with me around the time of our wedding and admitted to my husband she was deliberately trying to cause ups wet around that time to hurt me! In fact, none of his family have ever even baby say my little boy! How crazy is that! When my husband told his mum I was pregnant this time, I wasn't there but i saw her a couple days later and she didn't even say congrats :( I don't think my dh ever understood how difficult all of this was for me. him being around his family right now will guarantee that this will be over for good :(

No one is ever perfect @november90 and with pregnancy we have the best excuse in the world for being temperamental.

No matter what’s happened with you guys previously he owed you an honest open discussion before this point.

Hopefully a little space will do you both good but please don’t be beating yourself up here as you are human and allowed to get angry or overreact on occasions. You aren’t to blame here.

@november90 😑😭 oh babe ... i've had a breakup after 11 years relationship b4 i met my husband. i literally felt like i died and had to be born again ( not religious). i am still not the same person i was b4 that breakup. i'm tough and crying doesn't come easy when i fight with my husband despite the fact i cry at adverts and anything else sad. feeling unloved by your spouse's family causes a huge crack in your relationship for sure- sadly your hubby is unlikely to see your point against his family.

i would say don't sell your wedding ring yet - i honestly think when u r married and kids are involved - it's not as simple as he just walks out ( if u have the relationship u say u have).

the sceptical in me always thinks - why would a man leave his wife if he hasn't already found someone else! i'm not sure u can say this is it at this stage. just take the time away to rest and watch movies ( escapism ) xxx youtube have a few relationship breakdown pick me up videos please just try some to keep your sanity xxx

So sorry to hear the news @november90. I hope your parents are supportive and you can lean on them at the moment while you get your head together. You are strong though! You will get through this no matter what happens

Ok @november20 stop - you are blaming yourself darling and this is not your fault at all. Your mother in law sounds like an absolute cow! I can't understand it. However I can emphasise a little. We got married less than a year ago and my sister in law caused drama around and about it all and then when we told her we were pregnant told me off for how and when we told her. Some people are just all consumed in themselves and it sounds like him and his family are being like that.

I'm just worried about you having loved ones near by through and already challenging time. Are you ok for support? Please call a helpline if not.

In terms of what to do I would suggest giving it a day or so then asking him to talk this through. Reiterate that you are struggling and reiterate you are pregnant (duh) and the hormones are a lot to handle. But that it isn't fair to blame you or the hormones for his actions and that he needs to take responsibility for how he is being. If it really isn't fixable then he needs to be there for you throughout the rest of the pregnancy and beyond. He needs to make a plan with you. It's taken two people to agree to marry, two to make this baby.

Oh gosh I don’t even know what to say @november90 I don’t think I can add much to the sound advice and support already shown here but know that I’m thinking of you and please come here as much as you need to for support.

Girls I really appreciate all the replies. I know we don't know each other personally but we're all in this crazy journey and it's just nice to air my feelings. I have my parents and my son and I've confined in a few friends but DH was my best friend. The only person who could make me feel any better or safer is him :(
I'm just going to give him space. I'll get a text in a few days asking when he can have our son next week. In the meantime I just need to try and accept what it is right now and stop thinking about what could've been!

Sorry to be a Debbie downer on the thread! Just off for my whooping cough injection... can't wait for a dead arm all day 🤦🏼‍♀️

@november90 morning lovely. hopefully your arm will be fine. i had a slight ache the day after but that's it after the injection. are you eating ok?

we had awful D&v early hours of monday morning and for those 6 hours ( me, hubby and toddler) felt like death. my husband was flat on his back all day while i was running around cleaning and sorting laundry until just b4 midnight 😓 despite being ill myself but my mummy instinct kicked it. thankfully baby was still kicking or i would have freaked otherwise.

this morning it caught up with me and i feel like death 😓

how are you ladies and little growing babies?

someone spoke about a scan showing 2 vessels in the umbilical cord- how did your repeat scan go? sorry i don't remember the name, i definitely developed baby brain few weeks ago and it's a fact😰 this thread moves very fast

@november90 just been reading back through the posts, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this right now. I just cannot imagine how you feel and I'm at a bit of a loss for words. Thinking of you and there is a lot of support in this group of ladies.

My whooping cough injection was fine, it didn't hurt as much as the flu jab.

I'm on day 5 of being in bed, I went to the docs and it's not a chest infection (thankfully) but the mucus is causing me to gag and this is making me more sick than usual (so gross). I am keeping most fluids down so I've just got to ride it out.

Had to cancel two appointments at the hospital today as I wouldn't want to pass this onto another pregnant lady, it sucks!

@facevalue It is me with the 'single artery umbilical cord'. He said there is usually three blood vessels that go in the cord but only have two. I won't get my next scan for it until 28 weeks (am only 23 weeks at present as waiting on date)

@Raindancer411 thanks for replying. i'm 23+2 too - it sounds like they weren't too worried then which is great- as long as the baby is getting food and oxygen (growing) then u don't really need that cord for anything else after birth anyway so that's fantastic x hugs

@mintbear oh dear - i hope it clears up soon- are you sure it's not "silent" reflux that is causing this- when my asthma and sinuses were bothering me out of the blue i took omeprazole in the mornings and i found things got better. maybe worth trying?

@facevalue So far she is a pound which is good. I think the thing that's put the wind up me is they said it can be linked to kidney and heart issues but they looked fine so far on the scan (so fingers crossed)

@november90 I’m so sorry to hear your news. I thought I was having a bad day yesterday as I had a car crash and had to go to hospital to check baby was ok. Thankfully he is. Then I read your news and just felt so awful for you. It seems very bizarre of him just to walk out after all those years, with another baby on the way. Perhaps it does just need some space and time. Just keep looking after yourself and your beautiful children because they are the things that will get you through this. Lots of love x

Well the cancelled my injection this morning so I have to go again this afternoon!
My husband has been to our house and moved all his things out. I cannot believe it. I am just so shocked. I never thought after all the love he's shared he would do this to me. It's not like I can ignore him/deletes him out of my life as we have a child and I am pregnant! This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me!

@facevalue oh according to my employer baby brain isn't a real thing... it's an excuse we make up before we aren't focused on work and are distracted by the pregnancy therefore we think we are forgetful but actually to actually it's because we aren't focusing..... SORRY WHAT?!?! I totally have baby brain! I can't even remember what day it is and I'm usually so organised. I think it's another thing they are trying to separate from the pregnancy to help them performance manage me however now I feel like I'm literally a performing monkey who can't perform and there is absolutely NO understanding that it's because I'm pregnant.... it's because I'm unfocused...

@november20 what the?!? He's really adamant about this isn't he?! I just can't understand. I'm genuinely floored and just wish I could make it all better for you xxxxxx