Due May 2020 (thread 5)

[sao81]

Carrying on from thread 4!

Just got back from work and I'm just wondering if anyone else is getting judged for everything they do? I was serving a customer and she turned to her friend and said "oh my god, is she preggers?" in a really judgemental tone. Yes? So what if I am? I have no idea what she meant and to be honest I was too taken aback to even ask, I don't know whether it's because I work in a pub or if it's because I look younger than I am or if she's just never seen a pregnant person before...

She then sat at her table and started loudly talking about her friends sex life so I really shouldn't be so peeved about it but this kind of thing keeps happening, kind of want to know it's not just me.

@helpasisterout hey. i recommend not buying much at all! if u are having a baby shower people will give you lots and also ppl tend to buy you 0-3 as gifts when they see you. i would avoid. don't stress - pack of 3 sleepsuits / onesies with one pack of 4 or 5 under vests. one cotton blanket. one pack of muslins is more than enough for the hospital. small flannels or cloths are so handy for wiping baby mouth when u feed and easy to wash. i swaddled my DD so i now purchased some swaddling long cotton stretchy clothes ( not from the UK) they are hand made by a lady abroad. if u bought a few of 0-3 i would recommend u return or change the size to 3-6 or 6-9 assuming still suitable for the weather at that age. you will get lots of gifts and hand me down too x attached is a MUST have cream- life saver i absolutely can't recommend it enough

@mrsf1204 aww thank you so much for thinking of me and your message.
Had a couple ok days but it all came crashing down yesterday.
I've decided to decorate my room and I've had a huge clear out over the weekend. In the process I found an old mobile of my mums and she wanted to see if it still worked so I plugged it in and started it up. Anyway we forgot that my husband briefly used the phone when his broke so when it turned on all these messages from messenger on Facebook popped up. Please don't judge me for snooping. I shouldn't have done it, but I can't help but think it happened for a reason. Anyway I saw a message from him to his friend who lives in Spain saying he wants to get out of the Uk more this year and is looking at April and the summer. He also told his sister that I'd text him on Tuesday (my heartfelt message) but he's just ignored me and then I saw that he's bought a second hand baby bath and jungle. He also talked about when he moved his things out and showed no upset. He brought his dad so "my mum wouldn't talk to him". I didn't know that I was harbouring so much false hope that he would see sense In the future and come home and talk but he's quite clearly moved on and doesn't give an actual s h I t. He hasn't once asked how I am or our son or the baby. He's just living the life of Riley over at his mums house on his PS4 and new guitar, planning holidays a matter of weeks before the baby comes and month or so after. Being so flippant about ignoring me. It's his birthday today and some pictures came up on Timehop and I just can't believe this is the same man. I miss him more then anything in the world. This has been the worst ever time of my life and now I have to accept it's all over for good :(
I've been paid today and it's sinking in how much I'm going to struggle financially! I have no idea how any of it works or what I'm entitled to it joe I get it. I'm applying for universal credit on Tuesday but apparently that ends whilst on mat leave so I'll have like £600 mat pay for 2 children and me :( I know he had to pay me some child maintenance but I can only ask for approx £300 a month which still leaves me in such a terrible position. I just feel like my futures been stolen. The happiness this pregnancy has been stolen. I'm working today so he will have our son for a couple of hours and he'll walk in all happy and get to be the novalty parent. He doesn't care at all and I wish I didn't :( we were literally the strongest couple out of anyone I know. Nobody saw this coming.

Thank you so much for offering to help and I would love any advice that can be given! I don't use Facebook anymore though and I'm not sure how to message privately on here as I just use the app!

@november90 I am so sorry to hear of everything you are going through. Nothing I can say will help but I can share a little of what happened to me during my last pregnancy. Whether it helps to know you are not alone and you will get through this I don't know. But I am sure you have family and real life friends as well as us who will support you.

So 8 yrs ago, and 3 weeks before my due date I found out that my partner was cheating on me. Now I can't blame the woman at all as I called her up (imagine the hormones - 3 weeks before I was due, 2 weeks before Christmas..) and she had no clue I even existed. No clue that we were engaged. No clue about the baby....

Now I should have kicked him out then and there. But I panicked. All the thoughts go through your head ie how will I cope on my own, how will I cope financially, how will the children cope etc etc. So I did the wrong thing. I let him off the hook. And by the time my baby was a year old things were worse than ever.

Now I understand that your situation is very different but please do know that you will be ok. That you will cope. And that there is no point at all for you or the kids having someone that doesn't respect, love or care for you around.

You will be hurting for a while yet but I am sure you are a strong lady. And you will (I promise) get through this xxx

Also please do check the universal credit and maternity pay thing out. I've not claimed UC but I helped a friend fill the forms in and she received money while on maternity allowance xxx

Hi all,

I’ve been sick with a cheese infection these last days! No fun at all.

@november90 have you looked at entitled to calculator? Make sure you claim everything you are owed. Also remember newborns are relatively cheap if you breastfeed and there is a lot that can be picked up second hand.

I know it’s an awful situation but you are so much better with parents who will love and support you than a man who shows such disrespect to his pregnant wife.

You will get through this just one day at a time.

@november90 Thinking of you, just try to take each day as it comes.

@GinUnicorn I feel your pain! I'm on the second cold/chesty cough of the month and I'm royally fed up. I don't think I could eat anymore fruit and veg (to ward off the colds) but at this rate I'll consider anything haha!

@helpasisterout I wouldn't panic too much about having everything you need before the baby comes. The shops will still be open! My baby lived in sleepsuits for the first three or 4 months so just get a few of those and see how big baby is once born

@november90 it must be so hard for you. Things will get better

@GinUnicorn sorry you've not been feeling well, hope you feel better soon! Apologies, but "cheese infection" cracked me up

I got my whooping cough jab tmw. Never had it with my first. Bit apprehensive about having it.

Thank you so much everyone.
I am just so stressed because his actions at the moment just don't reflect who he is or his values. I've known him for 8 years, surely if it was all an act I would've seen this before!
I feel like I might reach out to him in a couple of weeks and arrange a sit down so I can talk through how he's made me and my family and our family feel and he can understand the serverity of his actions. I feel like until someone has that chat with him he will never see things straight.
He hasn't thanked me for his birthday present from our son :(

@helpasisterout I wouldn’t panic too much about buying lots of stuff. I went through my 3 year olds baby stuff a couple of days ago and have got so much stuff!! Even down to ridiculous things like tiny size baby gros (he was 8lb 11oz!) so not likely to need them this time either lol. All you really need is some vests and baby gros, as someone else said, people always tend to buy you the first size stuff so you end up with lots of that. I didn’t really use proper outfits until way after the newborn phase, I just love a baby in a white babygro 🥰 lots of muslin squares come in handy too.

I’ve had quite a stressful week. Had a car crash last week which wasn’t fun with being pregnant and a 3 year old in the car. Not my fault either which lessens the blow but was an unnecessary incident. So waiting for my car to even go in to be looked at which is another couple of weeks away. Got a bad feeling it will be written off which will leave us in a right financial state 😫 could do without it!! 20 more work shifts to go until mat leave 🙌🏻🙌🏻

@Emmacb82 oh bless you I hope you're ok! I was in a no fault car accident in October and my car was written off :( it's annoying because finically the have a good value on the car, but it was a decent car and to buy a second hand car for the value with the same spec was impossible so it was a credit card job for us! I hope you're ok and they sort out a hire car etc for you without any hassle! I had to have physio and have just accepted a personal injury settlement which has paid off the rest of my car.... but it's so stressful none the less!

@Rebecca612 they are awful aren’t they! I keep waking myself up coughing!

@AlmostAlwyn I just had to reread my post to understand ha ha! I’m not even craving cheese!

@Raindancer411 whooping cough jab really isn’t bad. Slightly stiff arm is all!

@november90 if you feel up to it I’d advise waiting a bit just to be sure contacting him is right for you. He’s treated you horribly

Oh @Emmacb82 sounds awful! Stress you really don’t need. Hope it’s sorted soon

@november90 thanks lovely. Yes I highly doubt I will get anything near to matching my car but will keep my fingers crossed for now that there’s a chance I will get it back. So sorry things are so hard for you, I can imagine why you want to have a conversation, especially with the speed of which he left and hasn’t had any contact since. Such a terrible situation and am thinking of you xx

@GinUnicorn thank you xx

Oh yes I won't be reaching out to him at all until I get contact from him. He hasn't even thanked me for his present off our son or the card I gave him :( I expect I'll get contact on Friday so he can arrange contact from next week. He was pushing to have our son over the weekend but I just don't see why he feels he should get 4 days with him and me less?! He's had him today 9-4, tomorrow afternoon and then Thursday before nursery. I don't know why I should have to suffer from every direction because of him!!! I love my weekends with my boy. 2 full days of just us and we just get so close to each other!

@november90 i am joining the other ladies in saying - he's not worth it and i promise you will look back and think OMG how did i even allow that D**k be in my life for that long.
the fact remains whatever we tell you - you will still not let go ( and why should you ) the time will come when his actions will make u feel so shit that u will reach the lowest ever point where there's no extra hurt is even possible then hopefully the penny will drop and your mummy hormones and survival hormones will kick in - there will literally be no other way but up!

you can arrange all the meeting to "talk sense" into him and u might even take him back and 2 and 3 breakups later the time will come when u will be ready! i've done this for 11 years in a previous relationship and i cringe to the comments and advice i was ignoring at the time from friends and relatives ( cos i always thought no way he's the love of life and a good guy - can't just be suddenly this monster) - sadly anyone can be the love of your life and when the time comes that they decide they want out regardless of logic u will literally have to let them go.

whatever his reason are and excuses you try to give him (that u r controlling and been bad to him) no excuses to dump your kids and responsibility - did he offer to take your son?! i'm sure not!

get legal advice ASAP please and file for formal separation or legal mediation xxxx i wish i can shake you to be believe me but u need to time for the shit to sink 😓😰 hugs and positive wishes your way

Morning all

I have my GD test this morning- not too worried as I know it's really just a precaution. Suffering like mad with my hips at the moment. My PGP is still bothering me but belt and Pilates do seem to help but now I'm having awful pain with my hips( mainly at night) 🙄 I expect it wont get any better till baby arrives but I just wanted to know if anyone knows whether if I lie on my back but sat up ( well propped up with pillows) this is ok? It's the most comfortable position I can get in that stops the sharp pain in my hips but then I still can't sleep in that position at the moment as I'm worrying about it being on my back! Probably overthinking it but no sleep definitely does that😂😂 hubby was lovely last night- I woke him up ( on purpose as I was in a mood because I couldn't sleep) he didn't even get in a mood but went and got me more pillows and a hot water bottle to try and ease it! ❤️ xxx

@May2311 I was suffering last night too, it's just horrible isn't it. I've been ill which has been rubbish as I've been more sick than usual, however it has meant bedrest and this has really helped with the pgp. I was back at work yesterday so I know that's why I was bad last night.

@sazzlerazzle No more leaking boobs since the incident the other day but I bought some washable and disposable breast pads so I am ready for next time!

I had a complete meltdown last night, I watched ’Emma willis delivering babies’ ive been trying to watch it since August but haven't been able to bring myself to press play. Mistake. I have phobias over anything medical and it set me off, now I'm totally freaking out over having a c section.

@sao81 I think you asked about support bands, when I saw the physio at the hospital the other day they said mine was good (serola) but also recommend pro medics ones. I've been signed back-up to hydro therapy and I was offered crutches.. I was reluctant to take them and said if collect next week. I'm just a bit nervous about everyone staring at me to be honest. I'm relying on Uber and only walking round the office and at home, I suppose if I had them it would mean I could go out.

@May2311 and @mintbear that sounds awful, I’m sorry you’re both suffering so much 😣

I’ve officially had to stop wearing underwired bras. The pain in my ribs was getting too much coupled with baby who just loves wedging herself under there! Is anyone else getting this yet?

January is dragging... just feels like the longest month ever!! Can’t wait for feb. We have our babymoon coming up 🥰

@november90 Just to repeat what the other posters are saying and tell you my quite similar story.

I was with the father of my first son for 6 years. Was a whirlwind romance and we got pregnant very quickly but I should have heeded the warning signs as during my pregnancy he was awful. Constantly breaking up with me, saying he didn't want the baby, disappearing for days on end. In the end, it ruined my pregnancy. I stayed with him for 6 years but we were always on and off. He sounds exactly like your husband - seemed like he didn't care about me or his son, wouldn't converse, everything on his terms, constantly running back to his parents, esp mummy. When it finally ended, I missed him terribly and begged him to be my friend and a good father, which he never did. In the end, it took about a year of counselling for me to realise he was a narcissist and very emotionally and financially abusive. I look back now, ten years later, and realise, he actually only added stress to the early years of my and my sons life as it was constantly marred by arguments, Heartbreak and lies,but at the time, I felt I couldn't do it on my own, I needed him, I'd never even held a baby before, how could I do it without him. I KNOW now looking back, I could have done, as I have the most amazing mum and sister who helped me raise my son. It sounds like you have similar support and I hope that one day, what all this shit clears, you'll see yourself for what you are... A strong woman quote capable of bringing up 2 kids on your own. Much better that then to continue to be with him.

I'm not a single parent anymore, I was for about 3 years as my son now has no contact with his dad, but honestly, I look back now and I'm so proud of those days as a single parent. And you will be proud too of how you cope when all this clears. Keep your friends and family close, KEEP HIM AT A DISTANCE WHILST YOU HEAL (Mark my words, the way he's acting shows he won't give a toss if you and your family sit down and try to explain what he's put you through - Google narcissistic and see what you think), go and get some free legal advice (some places offer 30 min free) and so not budge on contact if you don't want to. I'd be quite wary of his parents as it sounds like they're enabling his behaviour. If my son had acted like your ex, there's no way I'd let him back in my house, so maybe rethink your contact with them.

Oh, and a final though, I actually discovered that financially, I was better off without him! So defo check out any benefits you're entitled to/what he should be paying regarding maintenance/House costs. I don't believe he can just up and leave without helping you with rent/mortgage costs if he's on the contract.

BTW, is anyone else feeling the baby Kick WAY low? I'm feeling her just above my public bone!

@Sunshine8888 what are you doing for your baby moon?

I've not felt the baby under my ribs yet, I can imagine this is very uncomfortable! He usually lyes across my tummy or feet down at the moment. Kicks can be very intense, I've been lucky that I've felt him for a long time.

@sunshine8888 - I agree jan is dragging!! Tbh I feel I'm being quite positive in that as long as baby is ok I can put up with it- I know it isn't forever 🙊( Hopefully!) oooo where are you going on baby moon? Xxx

@mintbear That's why I don't watch those programs 😂 I suffer with anxiety so it's my avoidance strategy.

I am just sat in the docs waiting to be called for my whooping cough jab

Just back from my glucose test. Had blood taken at 7am, 8am and 9am with a rather gross sugary drink after first test. Also now on antibiotics (again) as high white blood cells again in urine test. Have to go back next week for results on both.

Was feeling quite lightheaded after tests as had no food since yesterday, then a fair amount of blood given. Raided local bakery.

Have just had baby furniture also delivered (well just a cot and some drawers) so once they are up can start washing any clothes and actually putting away rather than living in a carrier bag.

January is definitely dragging!
Where are you off to on your baby moon @Sunshine8888??
We've got ours next week and can not wait! Due to a recent growth spurt nothing fits so will be glad to be in minimal/light clothing for a week...Although I am little anxious to be far away from home!